A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:All my life I have suffered from Body Dysmorphic Disorder but i really want to change it now but i dont know how. Its a lot better than it used to be. I'm 22 now and still incredibly shy and quiet around new people and always worrying what they think but it used to be so bad that when i was about 14 i wouldnt even wear my hair in a ponytail because i thought everyone at school would laugh at me for bothering to make any effort to look pretty and once in school i was in the toilet and these girls came in, i was too embarrassed to walk out of the cubicle and let them see me that i literally stayed in that cubicle for about 30 mins waiting for them to leave so i could go to class.and i actually wet myself in school once because i was too ashamed to stand up and walk to the front of the class with everyone looking at me to go to the toilet.So thats my basic background but like i said its a lot better now but i do still suffer from BDD. Anyway i decided enough is enough and i wanted to force myself to get out into the world and get on with my life and stop living in a shell. I really wanted to work in Greece next summer but i'm not sure because although i hear it is quite easy to get bar work out there if you go early enough, i also am told by people who have worked there that they only employ good looking people so i really want to do it but i dont want to quit my job, go out there and be told i'm too ugly to stay! I dont know what to do, i have seen pictures of the people who work out there and they are all gorgeous.im not even sure what im asking here. i think it might be does anyone know how i could make myself more attractive? or even how i could find out how ugly i actually am without asking friends/family who will obviously say im not.thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): i have suffered with BDD for years, since i was about 12 or 13, ive only just found out that there is actually a name for what i do and think. i hate my body. i hate my nose, i hate my face shape, not one bit of my body matches, it all seems out of propotion to the rest of it. im constantly thinking how fat i am and how much weight i need to lose off my thighs and tummy. I have a lovely boyfriend who really struggles to be with me, im always throwing his love back in his face, purely because im not worthy of it, when he says 'i love u' i reply with 'no you dont'. its got to the point where i cant even go out to the pub or cinema with him because im scared he will look at other girls that r prettier than me. im always comparing myself to other girls and its horrible, i feel like a monster next to most girls. ive ruined every relationship ive had because of this. im only 21 and i have to deal with this everyday, if someone trys to reassure me and tell me im pretty, i think there patronising me! i can spend hours just staring into a mirror and forever hating what i see, i suppose i need to just learn to live with it, its gonna be hard but i will try.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): BDD is indeed correlated with depression,social phobia,eating disorders etc.I have it for 18 yrs since adolescence ,never had relationship,finished college or decent job due to its effects.Im glad you have reached a stage where you have chosen to change thoughts and challenge your beliefs about appearance.When ive met fellow BDDers at group therapy or seen photos I can never tell what their problem is,but I do notice extremely shy behaviour and awkwardness from long term avoidance and defective beliefs.Other people often comment to others about my own weird and apparently cold personality and very few comment or joke about my defective appearance(some do).It must be that behaviour and treatment of people is more important to others than real or perceived bad looks.As for your query about how to make yourself more physically attractive, forget it, this is about reducing the importance of body image in your self image as a whole.About knowing what you really look like you . can ask a friend you trust but its still an opinion not fact.Would you believe them ,I dont.Bottom line is get a psychologist with CBT accreditation,log on to BDD central and read Dr.Clairbournes posts in the treatment section.Keep looking after your non appearance related health and good luck in your efforts.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 What is body dysmorphic disorder? I have never heard of it.
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A
female
reader, ladysuzanna  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 you could right want you wanted to say and express yourself so not thinging all these stupid things and give your self a chance you are stronger maybe that a average person is look at singer that are blind people that don't hear but still dance i think you are wonderful person it not about the outside but what is inside and you be surprise how a lot of people make friends and admire people have have problems and like them let the tiger out of the tank i think you can go quite far believe in you good luck
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (19 October 2007):
What is body dysmorphic disorder? I have never heard of it.
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A
male
reader, Dextro69 +, writes (19 October 2007):
 But the sound of it you have put you feet firmly on the road to recovery.
Most people of think they are ugly just arnt,
go to a decent make up counter Clinque, Benefit, Clarins or Lancome are best for the younger person (i work in a deptment store thats how i know) they can give you a make over (you will need to book this) and give you tips to highlight your best features. in fact Clinque and Clarins often do gift weeks when you buy 2 items and get a gift bag free (v good value and good as a starter kit) also try a new hair cut on the same day get this done befor you get any make up as the make will compliment the hair not the other way.
if you have the spare cash get a couple of new outfits spend the day with your friends hair makeup cloths then out to a club.
you will be ammased how much a full make over can do for you and your confidence
As for working in Greece why dont you book a hoilday for the start of season try and get a job out there if you get one great phone work and quit if you dont never mind at least you havent quit your job back home, as well as the greek islands you may want to try the cannaries i had a great time in both areas.
Try an 18-30s or 20s hoilday (been on 8 or 9 of them) they are great fun and not as bad as the press make out esp at the start of season. also they are nice and cheep and you get to know the bars on the pub crawls, most of the reps will also help you find the best places to look for work.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 October 2007):
 What makes you feel as if you are different? Do you have depression or bi-polar as well. BDD is more frequent in people with those disorders.
As you know BDD gives you a mentally distorted view of how you look. I would recommend working on your inside. People really aren't your friends because of outside appearance. They like you for your personality, the qualities you share with them.
All though people with BDD generally have nothing wrong with their appearance, it's still a worry. I'd really work hard on developing what you have control over, who you are as a person, your character, integrity, self esteem. As you become stronger inside, the affects from the BDD will seem a bit less important.
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