A
female
age
51-59,
*oggains
writes:I have been living with a man for a year and a half. He is 49 and I am 38. I have one child, 17, and have never been married. He was married once before and has three children, 20, 18 and 17. I moved out at an early age and have been responsible all of my life, living independently with my son. When I met this man I felt he was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We moved in together (into his house) in July 2006 and he proposed to marry me on September 2006. I wanted to move my son with me however my son was having difficulty respecting me and making poor choices at that time. I decided to have him live with his father at that point and he continues to live there. We were planning a May 2008 wedding and after a falling out a few months ago we postponed it to May 2009. Recently he told me that he could not marry me at all. He stated that it was not me, however, he did not want to marry anyone ever. He told me that this has been on his mind for some months and that he had a hard time telling me for fear that I would leave the relationship. This is hard for me to accept. With this recent news, I feel that I need to move out on my own and regain my independence. He feels that I would be making a big mistake. He feels that I would be strapped financially and that our relationship would not be able to be as strong due to mistrust. At this time he is only charging me 300.00 a month to live there and buys all of my food and even cooks for me. In exchange, I am responsible for cleaning up the house after him, his children and his new puppy. I was able to accept cleaning up after all of them when I knew that we would be getting married, however now I feel like his slave. Do I move out and risk us not continuing our relationship??
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engaged, moved in, moved out, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, loggains +, writes (19 October 2007):
loggains is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you thank you... as i sit here tonight not knowing what to do, you all made my choice easier... :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): Peoriaman, he proposed to her, then backed out saying her never wants to marry her. That sounds like it is his fault. And not every man thinks of marriage as a "trapping" I think what he did was very cold. And if she wants marriage, as she has the right to want, she is 38 & has never been married before, I think she should settle for no less.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): Wow, I wouldn't expect an engaged man in love to charge his fiancee $300.00 a month in rent, and have her clean up after him, his kids and his dog. Sounds to me like you're just there for his convenience. Sounds like he asked you to marry him so you'd think the relationship had a future and you'd stay, postponing it to keep you around even longer without him having to take the plunge. I am really sorry but I think he's been using you & you've been taking the bait all along. Don't listen to his claims that you can't make it alone, you've been doing it all your life, right? he's only saying that to manipulate you into thinking you can't do it alone. That alone would anger me. In my opinion, he is using you for sex, rent money, and as a maid service. Get out while you have a little dignity left.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (18 October 2007):
Move out and move on if marriage you seek.
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A
male
reader, Dextro69  +, writes (18 October 2007):
 if he still wants to be with you, you should not let it be a problem many people who have been through divoice dont want to marry again.
i have a family friend who married had a child and got divoiced she said then she would never wed again she has been with her current parntner for over 30 years but still not wed her three children from him all have his name, and she still uses her maiden name and married name for some things she also uses his name for most things that arent of a leagal matter.
just because he wont wed it doesnt mean he loves you any less. his last marriage can not have been good overwise he would still be in it, so if his divoice was messy as well he may want to stay clear or another wedding.
if you still love the guy stay but you need to talk to him and find out his real reasons remember this could take a while as us guys dont like to open up that much.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 October 2007):
 It's all up to you. Some people are afraid of marriage, especially if they did it before and it wasn't much fun to get divorced. If it was real messy the closer your marriage date would get the more afraid he would get because of what happened to his last one.
I'd talk to him about his reasons, and then make your decision on what you want to do.
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