A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay here is a seriously family problem i need help with let me give some background first. *scroll down for the questions*I'm 16, I have 6 older sisters, 5 of them have mental problems, only me and one other sister dont.As we're not allowed name on here I will give them numbers.1-61 being the oldest6 being the youngestSister 3 is the mentally stable one.My mum lives at home and my dad works nights.When I was four years old up until I was 6 years old I was abused (sexually, physically and emotionally) by sister 4, AFTER my mum disowned her for other reasons I told her what happened, she promised she wouldn't let sister 4 come near me again.In between this time due to other problems mum was falling out with my sisters. eventually disowning three of themNumber 1, 3 and 4.During all this time I had to raise myself. I learned how to cook and clean myself from the age of five because mum was too busy looking after or arguing with the others.When I was 11 sister 6 was groomed by a paedophile. It was my Best Friends dad.Be then moved and she broke her promise. She let sister number 4 back into my life.Now me and my mum I must say have never gotten along. Last March she threw me out and I had to live with my dad (they are Separated)Now dads house is screwed up and i cleared it up a bit whilst he worked.And then once all the hard work was done mum wanted to move in.I had the option on my opinion and I said no - and she didn't like it.Now recently she has disowned me as I now have no respect for her. But I love my dad ALOTand shes using him as piggy in the middle and its unfair adn when i try to solve things I get told not to as im the 16 year old ect.(I told her what she was like...and my dad (without her knowing) agreed...now even though i told the truth i was on a no winner as she said 'I am not being physco analysed by a 16 year old'My dad says I have mentally surpassed my mother in age. which is evident.But recently I also went away for a while and it made me realise how nice the world can be. And now im trying to find sister number 3 and talk to her (i haven't heard from her in 4 years)My dad also said that mums moving back in and if needs be, then I mov out...but with me being so young..unless I have a stead y job *which atm i dont but im trying* and money or income...i need to be declared homeless to get that and he refuses to declare me as homelessSo the main questions are.1 - Do you think it is possible there is a way to stop my mother treating my dad so wrongly - any suggestiongs on what to say. 2 - Is there a way of making someone else my guardian to declare me homeless?3 - Any advice on finding people....not using directory inquiries (tried and failed) or friends reunited. Any response/opinions/suggestions are welcome.Please answer me soon x
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best friend, lives at home, mental problems, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Swty
All you can do is speak to your dad and tell him what you see, he may not necessarily see things the way you do. You the child he is the adult, he is supposed to be looking after you and not the other way around. You should be doing things girls your age do. Live life for yourself and no one else.Good Luck
Regards
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (18 October 2007):
 Have a talk with your dad about WHY he allows her to manipulate him. Do this without her.
Here's an idea, you mentioned the mental problems? You said your mother has them. Since your father and mother are married, her having mental difficulties may make her a non culpable person, which mean can't make good decisions. If this is true and you have a higher mental ability than her, that would make your dad have the decision making power and can give you power of attorney, or a form of guardianship over you mother, which makes you the guardian over you mother.
Just an idea.
What you need to do is be firm. Teach your dad to be firm. I'm not talking about either of you compromising yourself to be meen. Firm doesn't mean being meen. It means. "Mom, I'm sure you would agree, that behavior was inappropriate." or "being married is a partnership, that behavior disrespects it, you will respect me and that's not going to happen again in my presence.
My favorite is when people get out of line or begin lying. I just stop them in the middle of what their saying, tell them "nope, didn't happen or unacceptable, please rewind and try again."
I hope this helps you a bit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey all.
As regards from replying thankyou so much.
social workers are a no go area. They came into my life, registered my mum as an emotional abuser and then as My older sister turned 16 they gave up with me. I'd had ALOT of social workers. Normally after a month or two they give up on their case.
As for my dad I'm not sure about letting him do it himself. I can't sit by and watch him be manipulated - any tips on what to say to him?
Thanks for the help and keep the advice coming x
and btw LadySuzanna - I am from England
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A
female
reader, sexi +, writes (18 October 2007):
Hi
For such a young girl you have been through alot. I commend you on your strength tyo cope and your courage. You should try seeing a counsellor or a social worker. They would probably help you and make things at home better for you. If you speak to a social worker, they would come to your home and would see what the situation is like. If your home has an unpleasant enviroment then they would probably put you in a foster home.With regards to your dad, he is an adult. He would have to deal with the way your mum is treating him. It is not up to you. You shouldnt be worrying about things like this at your age, sweetie.Hope this has helped you.
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
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A
female
reader, ladysuzanna  +, writes (18 October 2007):
 yes the world is a beautiful place but you are strong and have a good head on your shoulders and your mother maybe hates you for that i think you father would care not to let her back into you life the best thing is try to find some good friend some relations that understand how you feel or even a social worker may be that can find some kind of arrangements to help you until you are old enough to get help yourselves maybe a priest i don't know what to say but they strong is there no agency like hotline you can call trying some of the things i suggested and good luck and keep in touch see what the other people tell you on line they make have better idea becomes i live in canada so rule are not always the same i you live in united states if i right take care and get back to me
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 October 2007):
I feel real sorry for the life you have had to live. Talk about challenge after challenge. First, why does your mom use the words psycho analyze? Most people who use that phrase, link the observations of another to mental being. To me, that stating, "I know something is mentally wrong, but I don't want to hear someone else tell me."
I believe your country has laws that require proper treatment and raising of children. Using the law would be one way to get you out of their home and have someone else assume guardianship of you.
Finding people, most pay investigator sites at least allow you to use the name, and from their gives you a beginning direction for your search. I've used sites such as people-finders.com.
Now as far as your mom treating your dad badly. It's important for your dad to realize that he allows people to treat him the way he chooses to. If she treats him poorly and he doesn't want to be treated badly, he needs to let her know he will not be treated in that manner.
If she talks to you, saying bad things about him, just imply you don't want to hear it. If she has something to say it needs to be taken up with him and not with you.
At some point, please see a counselor for your own healing. Living through what you have must come with some attached difficulties. Remember as you grow up, you need to start living for yourself. Your parents are adults, all though you'll worry about others, don't let it consume your life. It's time to start thinking who you want to grow up and become. Just because you were in a bad situation growing up, doesn't mean you can't be successful yourself.
Take care.
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