A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my best friend since kindergarten just told me that she is a lesbian.we have been friends all our lives and i dont know what to dohomosexuality is a big big sin and i know that she will go to hell for it. i told her this and she said that god loves everyone including gays. i got very angry and said that she should reread the bible if she thought god would let her into heaven for being a sinner. i tried to take her to see my priest but she got angry at me as well. so now we are not talking. a part of me doesnt want to talk to her because i dont want to be around someone who commits such a sin. my priest and i have been talking and he says it is my christian duty to try and save her. she says that she IS a christian but i know she has been blinded by the devil.how do i make her see that the choices she is making will end up with her eternal damnation? I have sent her bible verses in emails and she has blocked me from msn. i love her as a friend she is like a sister to me and i want to save her. how do i save her when she refuses my help???
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female
reader, Mushgirl  +, writes (21 October 2007):
 Your God wants you to be happy, mate. If he doesn't... well then he can't be good, and he's not worth listening to. If he does, then only you know what's gonna make you happy, and I expect you wanna be her friend. And seriously, you won't save her in any way by telling her she'll go to hell. That'll just push her away and you'll just mess up a good friendship for no reason. Support her. I always thought the bible said that 'no man shall lie with another man' or something. For one thing, she's not necessarily actually practising homosexual acts (poor sexually frustrated creature she'll be for the rest of her life), and for another, she's not a man! It doesn't say say anything about 'no woman shall lie with a woman'. Maybe your God's alright with lesbians!
You believe that there is life after death, right? Well trust me on this. If she doesn't think she'll go to Hell for being a lesbian, you won't change her views. So she'll go there anyway (according to your beliefs). So help her make this life a good, fulfilled enjoyable one before she moves on to the next.
I know I've probably made it clear here that I'm not religious, but please take what I've said into account all the same.
Atheism is so much easier...
A
female
reader, Hannah5066  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Wow where to begin. I’m a catholic (but I’ve been brought up as a VERY VERY liberal catholic…) and bisexual so I understand where you are coming from.
However god loves, he DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE. Being gay is not learnt it is something that we are born with. Therefore I don’t think you need to ‘save her’ YOU NEED TO ACCEPT HER FOR WHO SHE IS.
Yes the bible is important but it can be misconstrued. I find it hard to understand your view that she has been blinded by the devil. Because God created her, he gave her life and made her who she is today, so by not accepting her you are effectively discriminating and refusing to accept one of gods creations.
I’m sorry if this is not what you want to her and maybe I’m the wrong person to be offering you advice, but I think you need to learn to stop trying to change her and accept her.
Hannah
X
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 October 2007):
 I love God, and I personally agree with your friend. I really don't believe that my God is a hateful God, who would discrimnate against anyone - man, woman, black, white, purple, green, loud, quiet, beautiful, ugly, straight, gay. I believe that God loves your friend and is proud of her for accepting who she is and loving herself.
I hope that you hope that your friend finds happiness in the world and for herself. If being happy means finding a woman who she loves and who loves her back, you should try to support her no matter what your beliefs.
I do understand that your heart is in the right place and that you want to help your friend. Please remember that it is not your responsibility to judge. Leave that to God. your job is to be as loving, respectful and accepting as you can to ALL people. Jesus loved everyone, no matter who they were... you should too.
Your friend is still the exact same person she was before. Now she is being honest with herself, and I hope you will not make her feel bad about who she is or how she feels. Please try to love her, even though you don't agree with her lifestyle.
My friend is a vegetarian. Drives me bananas, but I still love her to death.
Simply love, sweetness... no strings attached.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, JaffaZ +, writes (18 October 2007):
 Don't let your religion get in the way of your friendship. There's nothing wrong with homosexuality. People can't stop themselves from being gay; it's just a natural thing. Anything that's natural can't be a sin because it can't be helped. Personally I've never read the bible, but I've heard that it's full of contradictory messages. Rather than finding things against homosexuality, try to find passages that are more accepting. Your friend needs you to be supportive, not criticising and extremely religious! I think you should apologise to her.
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A
female
reader, lisa21 +, writes (18 October 2007):
she deserves a better friend than you, so you are saying you have never sinned?
GET OVER YOURSELF. maybe you should be asking forgiveness for being such a poor friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): 1) Imagine this: you wake up tomorrow & the whole world was upside down (i.e. if it was a "sin" to be heterosexual). Could you make yourself a homosexual? I couldn't. No matter what the 'damnation' or 'sin', I could not make myself change my orientation. Try it yourself and see how far you get --- TRY and be attracted to another woman. Bet you can't. And neither can your friend change who she is attracted to.
2) The bible is not a book of damnation with God pulling lightning bolts out of his arse, ready to strike anyone that sins - if that were the case, we'd all be burnt crisps.
The bible is like a mobile phone company issuing a manufacturer's manual for its product --- it made the product, and it knows how best to use it. It tells you "don't stick your mobile phone in water" because they know water isn't good for phones. It's the same with God and the bible --- God made us and knows us best [Psalm 139]) and he's given us instructions so as to best preserve ourselves --- he's not saying that by sinning we're condemned forever to hell. God is like the most loving of parents -- he tells us "this is what I want you to do" because he knows what is best for our enduring happiness - don't have sex before marriage - why? Not because he wants to take away our fun & will eternally damn us if we do, but because he knows how hurt we can get from it - STDs, unwanted pregnancies, rejection. He intends sex for a marriage because he knows we're going to be subject to less harm that way - supported & loved - and that's how we will be happiest. This is what God is -- the most loving of parents that wants what will make us happy.
Ok, homosexuality might be a "sin", but God still loves her and HE is not sitting in judgment, ready to strike. If you believe God made her (& all of us) and you believe God is perfect & doesn't make mistakes, how can you say that her orientation is evil? God made her who she is. He's looking at her, wanting happiness for her. He might not agree with her choices, the way many parents don't like their children's choices, but he loves her.
I think you need to back off your friend and get in touch with God a little more - and let him speak to you so you can become what he wants for you -- loving, non-judgmental, and a friend. Jesus didn't sit & lecture & preach to Mary Magdalene (the prostitute). He was just there for her, as steady as ever. You leave God to work on your friend IF that is his will to do so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): God do love sinners us all but hates the sin itself. Dear I'm a protestant and also know homosexuality leads people to hell but you are not your friend's saviour. Reread your Bible and you'll understand that Jesus is her saviour. It's the Holy Spirit who convinces the world of sin not humans. You have to do what's possible; God does what's impossible.
John 16:7-9 (New International Version)
7But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. 8When he comes, he will convict the world of guilt[a] in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment: 9in regard to sin, because men do not believe in me;
Interestingly I spent my summer vacations with my gay uncle and his partner (Don't think it was very easy for me to accept the invitation) and the last night I spent there, just the last minutes before I went to bed I changed the channel and this preacher was talking and saying that if we knew somebody who was gay we couldn't try to change them. God will do it for us in HIS TIME not ours. The only thing we could do for them is Pray, pray and pray for them so God will deliver them form their evil ways. But we'll never gain anything form rejecting them.
We are sinners also. We sin every day. Imagine how we'd feel if God rejected us each time we sin.
You should call your friend and apologize.
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A
female
reader, ladysuzanna  +, writes (18 October 2007):
 answer she is how she is and you can not tell her to like men instead of woman the world has changed a lot there is more and more people like that you can not help the way she thinks you have to except her like that or never talk to her again you think of yourself getting to heaven and you friend maybe one day will see that she only thought she was like that no the priest should talk to her not you and you know there are also priest like that so stop worring about saving her god bless
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 October 2007):
 So it's your duty to save her? I'd be finding another church. It's not your duty. Can you tell what you're "duty" has done to your relationship with her. You are shoving the bible down her throat, that's wrong. What can you do for her? Prayer is a good start. Pray for her, and that she makes choices that lead her in the path God wants her to be in. Shoving biblical text on her is going to draw her further and further away, because of the resentment of being forced.
Dumping your relationship with her is wrong too. Just because she made a choice you didn't approve of. Does it not say in the bible to remove the wood from your eye before trying to remove the wood from someone else's. We are not to judge, He is the only one who has that right.
You're judging her in areas you're not to be judging. Saying it's your job to save her is like saying you can walk on water. If you really believe she is off her path, all I recommend is you pray and ask God to intervene to place her back on the right path he has for her. Don't try to take it into your own hands. You'll end up losing this relationship for good.
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