A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend on and off for the past year and a bit. I have known him for a total of 9 years. We have been in and out of touch over our friendship. About 2-3 years ago we become closer and I hooked up with a good friend of his while we were at a club. we saw each other once in a while but talked for a year. when that finished my friend and i became closer and closer he started to have feelings for me and i didnt know i suspected it but i thought it can't be true because of how uncomfortable the situation was. I guess when his friend ended it with me I just didnt feel good about myself and feel good enough..so i started lying about all sorts of things my friend and i got togther and his friends started telling him that im a liar he ignored it and eventually when he approached me baout it i just let him o and pushed him away 3 months later we hung out again and i realized that i have real feelings for him and he just let me be with my lies and just a month ago now he approached me and called me out on the lies and kind of broke up with me. I cried and explained and admitted my lies for the first time although i knew that he already knew the truth about everything. he kind of forgave me and we are togther now but he says he doesnt trust me which if kind of fair but if he never trusts me how will it work out and i feel that he never believes a word out of my mouth. the other things is that im a virgin he said if i sleep with him, hes trust me, i told him that was selfish, and hes a jerk for saying that am i wrong to say that? what do i do
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male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Let's see...If you trust someone close, you may fall in love with them...If you love someone you trust, you may marry them, and if you marry someone you trust, and love, then sex is...let's see...umm, good.
So...where is the love part here? The marry part?
Tell him you will have sex with him if you were married...See how fast he stops talking to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): dont do it. he is a complete knob for saying that sleeping with someone does not create trust. and to me losing your virginity you should do it with the right person and at the right time he will be taking away your innocence im sure most people regret losing it to the wrong person so be the strong person that many girls wish they was and dont lose it to the wrong person please.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): No you are right, he is a jerk for saying that. Sleeping with someone doesn't magically make everything okay, he's an asshole.
My suspicion is that he wants to take your virginity before he leaves you, he doesn't trust you and now he's made it clear that all he wants is to sleep with you. He wants sex so when he walks away from this relationship he can at least say he got something off you.
This guy is an ass. All he's thinking about is himself.
You know what you should do, tell him he's going to have to wait a long time before you even consider sleeping with him. Put simply by saying what he did, I don't really think you can trust his intentions. You broke up for a while and now you're back together, he might only be back because he's pissed he didn't at least take your virginity last time.
After what he said, he's now the one who has to regain your trust. Something tells me his heart isn't in this only his penis.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Great answer TimmD, I agree whole heartedly.
Don't have sex with him to prove he can trust you. That's not how it works. You should be working to prove your trust to eachother. You have to prove to him you're done lying, and he has to prove to you he's worthy of your virginity. I get a bad feeling about this one. Don't rush anything.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (26 August 2010):
 It all sounds very complicated. You say you lied to him, and you or he broke up; then you got together with a friend of his, and when that ended you ex eventually got back in touch with you.
Now your ex is telling you that if you'll sleep with him then he'll trust you.
I don't see how that will change his trusting you or not and I don't blame you for resenting him taking such a position.
I think you need to step back from being in relationship with him at this point and just either end it permanently, or cool it until you've had a chance to see what happens....
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (26 August 2010):
 You are not wrong, he is a jerk. Sex doesn't create trust, sex is supposed to happen AFTER two people trust each other. Don't let him force you into losing your virginity. You two have serious trust issues to work out, but it has nothing to do with sex.
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A
male
reader, Pantherfan +, writes (26 August 2010):
Trust can't be gained by sex. PERIOD. If he doesn't trust you now, having sex with him won't change that, but you are quite likely to find out that it was all he wanted in the first place. Call it off now, you may feel for him, but by what he's saying there I'd say you've been lied to just as much, and this guy isn't who you think he is.
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A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Please don't sleep with someone just because they need proof to trust you. This is silly.
If he cares for you he needs forgive you for the past and try start a future fresh. Don't lie, it ruins things for you and for others.
If he doesn't trust you, sleeping with him will not change anything and you will feel bad for losing your virginity that way.
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