A
female
age
26-29,
*lovmyteacher
writes:I'm in love with my 35 year old maths teacher... and, please don't tell me it's just a crush, because I've researched into what love feels like, and I asked my mum (not telling her about my teacher though) so I know for sure that I'm in love with him.Anyway, I've loved him for 3 years now, since I was year 7 (11yrs old), I'm now year 10 (14yrs old), when I was year 8 (13yrs old) one of my friends told him how I feel, after that, if I mentioned it to him, or if one of my friends mentioned it, he would tease me about it, and make fun of me, but he has never said it won't happen. When I asked him how he felt about me, he didn't give me an answer, he just smiled sweetly at me, then walked away, my friends said it's because he's shy and doesn't want to admit he likes me, but I'm not so sure, I'm not saying that I don't have my suspicions about his feelings, I'm just saying that my friends can't always be trusted with relationship advice.During maths lessons, me and my friend I sit next to, have caught him staring at me, but everytime we catch him, he looks away instantly. He always says hi to me when we see eachother around school, so, if he does like me, is it worth waiting 2 more years, so that I can be with him when I leave school at the end of year 11, by which time I will be 16yrs old?By the way, he is married, and he has 2 kids, his wife works at our school, and she was my english teacher last year, she knows I like him, but as far as she's concerned it's just a crush, I've met his kids too, but I don't know them that well. Also, I've heard rumors that they don't get on, and before you ask who I've heard it from, people in her form, and they don't know I fancy him, so they wouldn't say it to make me think stuff, or anything like that.But I just want to know if it's worth waiting 2 years? Because he knows how I feel, and from the way he acts, he might like me too, but I don't want to wait 2 years, then get my heart broken, should I ask him again, and see if he gives me an answer this time? And if he says no, what do you recommend I do to get over him, and if he says yes, then well, should I wait 2 years?But please, don't tell me straight off to give up, I want proper advice on a relationship here...(by the way, I wouldn't even think of a relationship now, so don't start saying it won't happen now, because that's not what I want)Thanks x
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female
reader, ilovmyteacher +, writes (13 January 2015):
ilovmyteacher is verified as being by the original poster of the question I was just going through my emails and deleting old ones when I came across this!
Update to all of you (if any of you still use this site!):
I am now 18 and I got over this teacher a long time ago, what was I thinking?!
I'm now in a relationship with a guy a couple of years older than me who I met through a friend, we've been together for almost 2 years and I'm happier than I've ever been :)
As for the teacher, I haven't seen him since I finished college last June other than him driving past me once or twice as I still live in the same town where he works. I got over him just after I started college in 2012, then in Feb 2013 I met my current boyfriend.
As stupid as it may sound, part of me is glad I "loved" my maths teacher all through high school, because it stopped me from getting a boyfriend during school (not that any of them were my type...), and it led to me being with my boyfriend now.
So it's all worked out well for me, I hope you guys are all okay and I'm so sorry for being so stupid all those years ago when I wrote this!
A
female
reader, ilovmyteacher +, writes (22 May 2013):
ilovmyteacher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh my god. I just logged into my account after two years and read through all this, and I have to say, I can't believe I was so stupid! Hahaha!I may as well provide all of you with an update whilst I'm here, I'm 17 now and in year 12 at college. The teacher in question does teach me for maths this year (a nightmare, I know), but my feelings of "love" for him are long gone! I also have a boyfriend, who I love very much. I met him through a friend's boyfriend and we've been together for three months :)As for his wife, I never see her anymore, she still teaches at my school/college but we're just never in the same place at the same time, which I can't complain about really, because to be quite honest, she just damn annoys me. Nothing to do with my past feelings for her husband, it's just her in general, her immaturity and hyper-activeness just do my head in, for someone who is (estimated) nearly 40, she still seems to have a lot of growing up to do... But enough about her.The long and short of it is that I'm happy now with my boyfriend, my maths teacher knows this and the way he treats me hasn't changed. I guess he was just being nice after all.As much as I hate to admit when I'm wrong, this is the one time where I can say that you guys are all right! It was a crush. I got over it and now I'm happy with someone a million times better.A little about my boyfriend; He's 19 and although he lives 55 miles away we're making it work as best we can, for example this weekend I'm staying over at his for 3 nights and his family are taking me out with them, they want to treat me as part of their family and involve me in what they do :)To put it simply, thanks to all of you for your answers, and for making me realise that I was being an idiot! It took me another year or so after this question was posted, but I did it, and damn I felt proud the first time I said out loud "I don't like him anymore".
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female
reader, ilovmyteacher +, writes (20 July 2012):
ilovmyteacher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate on the situation (as TimmD requested)
You'll all be pleased to know that I hardly even talk to my maths teacher now! I've finished school, and haven't seen him since the end of June. I didn't even have him for maths in the last year of school because the head of department wasn't allowing him to teach gcse because he had an accident with his arm last year and had to have a lot of time off for hospital appointments etc.
But the sad news for you guys is, yes, I do still like him, not love, but like. I guess I never really did love him. I guess I just like him for his personality and looks.
I'll still see him occasionally for the next two years as the college I'm going to is associated with the high school, he may even be my teacher again, but I don't think he will as he doesn't normally teach A level.
I guess it'll end up with me going to see him when I leave college and telling him how stupid I was all through high school, and he'll just laugh and agree with me!
I never talk to his wife anymore... I had her for English in year 9, but stopped talking to her at the end of that year, although I'm supposed to have her for A level next year... But I can live with that.
So anyway, I guess I owe you all an apology for not listening to you in the first place. So yeah, sorry!
For now, I'm concentrating on my friends! And on that note, there should be an anonymous question about my friend moving away, if you spot it, could you please answer it? I don't have a link as it hasn't been published yet, but help would be appreciated! x
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Imagine a 5 year old coming up to you and telling you how much he was in love with you. Does that sound ridiculous to you? Would you take the 5 year old seriously?
He's 35 you are 14 that's a 21 year ago gap. You are closer in age to the 5 year old.
Do you really think a 35 year old man who is married with 2 children really wants some 14 year old girl asking him if he loves her? How would you feel if this 5 year old asked you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010): You know your only 14,it's understandable that you've gotten things confused,I remember some of the things I convinced my self at your age,trust me time fixes things,you just need to consider how your actions are going to affect people.You feel how you feel,it's not like we wake up and say..I'm gonna think like this today,your obviously starting to realise that your connection to this teacher is something you've made up in your head,and maybe soon you'll come to realise that there is nothing to wait for.OhGetReal is just being abusive and insensitive to the situation.You have to remember that behind this dream of yours theres a family.You don't want to hurt those kids,imagine how you would feel if one of your freinds tried to pursue your dad.Teenagers go through this whole hero-worship thing,and quite often its with teachers and eventually they get to the point when it doesnt feel real or magical anymore,and its just some past obsession.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): At 13 I fell in love, and it has lasted 31 years and counting. So I wouldnt even think of telling you that you are too young to feel love. However, I didnt ruin anyones life, I didnt go out determined to prove how mature I was, and feeling like the world owed me what I wanted no matter who it hurt.
You are a child. You are capable of feeling very real love. However mature caring people do not always act on how they feel to get their own way. Thats part of growing up and being mature. You put other people and their feelings before your own. And you realize that in real life we dont always get what we want. There are consequences to every action. You are looking at a very small picture of what you want. When you really mature enough to look at the big picture and act accordingly, then you wont have to tell us that you are mature. We will know it.
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female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Here is another example of your lack of maturity. When someone calls you out on your wrong thinking, immaturity, lack of moral code, lack of empathy for others, lack of acountability and responsibility for your actions, you consider that bullying.
What you don't realize is that you are the biggest bully of all because you want to go forth and go after what you want in a man who is old enough to be your father, who is your teacher and an Authority figure to you, who has given you NO indication that he is going to cross boundaries with you and Love you in a romantic way and he has his own family, wife, children and a real life.
You are a bully because you want to disrespect the reality of his life and disegard the rules of society, disregard what is right and do wrong.
That my DEAR is the DEFINITION OF A BULLY. A coward with low self esteem who infringes on the rights of others to gain power and control over another. Good luck with that.
I am the best friend you have here on this site because I am not going to tell you it's OK that you don't have empathy and are narcissistic because of your age, because this is not typical of teenagers your age, you are severely lacking in all of that and very narcissistic to the point of being a danger to yourself and others.
I really do want you to wake up and get a reality check here and trying to save you $100 on therapy because that is where you need to be instead of talking to strangers on the internet how you can Poseess your teacher and whether or not waiting 2 years to do so will produce results.
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female
reader, ilovmyteacher +, writes (27 August 2010):
ilovmyteacher is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni researched it, because everyone always says the same thing. they say that teenagers don't know what love is, that's the only reason i researched it
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female
reader, thatkid +, writes (27 August 2010):
I'm not going to comment on how I feel on this, because I feel that others have pretty much expressed it as well as they can, but I will say this...
Love is not something that can be researched or even verified. It is something that is felt deep inside that no one can answer to except yourself. What is love to you is not necessarily love to me, and vise versa. If you have to research whether or not you are in love, maybe you really aren't.
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female
reader, ilovmyteacher +, writes (27 August 2010):
ilovmyteacher is verified as being by the original poster of the question'timmd' thanks, and i will let you know, and as i said in the question, i dont want anything to happen now, i just want to know his feelings, atleast you're nicer than 'ohgetreal' because you don't feel the need to BULLY me by calling me a spoilt brat etc. so, 'ohgetreal' you gotta realise, just because you don't sgree with the things im thinking, going through, saying etc. doesn't mean you have to BULLY me into listening to you.But the rest of you, thank you for not BULLYING me, unlike 'ohgetreal'.And I will listen and respect all your advice, apart from, needless to say, 'ohgetreal' because i won't be accepting the advice of a BULLY!!! oh and, by the way, as for you (ohgetreal) saying you don't think you're hurting my feelings, you are, calling me a spoilt brat, hurts my feelings.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): dear ilovmyteacher, Think about how this will affect both yours and his lives. It may not be a good effect for either. Also, how might your friends feel about this "thing" you have for your teacher? And how do you think they'd feel if you ended up marrying him, or ruining his life? Do you think they'd help you get over the loss, if you found out that he didn't like you in the way you like him, or if you ruined his life, or would they think that you were stupid? (I'm not trying to be offensive in any way by saying that). I don't think you should wait for him. You will end up regretting the chance to have had a normal school life, and could even do lower than you could achieve in your exams, because of him. You should try and forget about him, try and spend more time with your mates, and maybe try to find a boyfriend that is around your age, and who you know will like you back.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Her infatuation is going to override any logic Tisha. The same went for me when I was her age, and I'm sure it did for you as well. How did we get over it? The hard reality eventually hit us, just as it will hit her.
To the young girl posting, none of us wish you unhappiness. We know what you feel for him is real to you. I do hope you find happiness one day. If you feel waiting 2 years is the best way to accomplish that, then fine. Do so. But to show your maturity, I highly recommending not acting on your feelings sooner. If you wait until after you are out of school to approach him, he will not get in trouble. Though, another mature thing to do is to CONSIDER the fact that he just may be being polite. Consider the fact that he decides to stay with his wife and children. Just incase.
Please keep us updated on this situation. Even if it's a year or two years from now, I'd really like to know what happens.
Good luck.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Your feelings are your feelings and none of us are going to tell you you're not experiencing them. But we will tell you that you don't act on all your feelings, and in this case, acting on them could destroy a man's career, his livelihood and would be very upsetting to his family.
Your response was that of a typical teen, and highlights your youth and the gap between a mature adult and someone who is still growing up. That's a function of time and your age, that will change as you get older.
Again, I find teens lack empathy and often cannot see how their actions might hurt or injure others. Let me ask you my question again, to see if you can manage to do this:
Let's say there's a girl your age (or two years older, 16) who has fallen in love with your dad, and wants him to divorce your mom and make love to her. How would that feel? Write that experience from your dad's perspective. Prove yourself to have that much maturity, to be able to look at it from another point of view.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 August 2010):
 "well he's not, I'm in love with him, and none of you can tell me any different."
There you go, show that maturity. I can tell you that to a guy who's slightly younger than the one you're after, this kind of attitude is a GIANT turn off. Yup, you know what's best. This is the attiitude of a petulent child, not an adult. You'll look like a whiny, spoiled brat if you maintain this attitude.
But hey, what would I know? I'm just some jerk who doesn't understand anything.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): He probably doesn't feel the need to say that nothing's going to happen because he is relying on your rational side to realise that based on the facts in question (in no particular order):
1) you're his pupil
2) you're a teenager
3) he's married
4) he's got children
5) he doesn't find you attractive
6) This is just another one of those teenage crushes which he's probably had to deal with many times before.
I imagine other teachers have realised and probably make fun out of it in the staff room, especially if, as you say, his wife knows you have a crush on him.
Can you give us any examples of what he does to make you think he likes you?
Use
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (27 August 2010):
Great, you are getting along fine with your father, and you KNOW what I am trying to tell you being clairvoyant and all.
Here's what I think.
You are a spoiled brat who thinks she can somehow control men with her eyes and her looks, possibly with sex if you're having sex or giving oral.
Your head is full of fluff and not much else.
You've never stepped foot in a church in your life, or if you did, those pesky Golden Rules and Morals were just not for you.
And far be it from me to tell you that you do not Love this man, He doesn't Love you, and that your crush is now turned into obsession. I think you are really fighting mental health.
I'm tired of drama queens like you who think adults don't know what they are talking about and you in all your wisdom know exactly what is going on. You don't, your really quite pathetic just refusing to see that you are a little girl playing at being all grown up.
I don't think I am hurting your feelings, I think you are quite narcissistic and don't care at all about other people's feelings, thoughts or boundaries.
Let's hope you grow out of it and gain some empathy for others, some moral code, and some respect for marriage and what that represents to a family. I fear that if you don't stop this you are on a pretty sad path to an unhappy life. Perhaps some counseling with a therapist would set you straight.
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female
reader, ilovmyteacher +, writes (27 August 2010):
ilovmyteacher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks 'eyeswideopen' at least you realise its not that easy to take their advice and 'fall out of love' with him
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Just go with my answer and keep ignoring all these other aunts/uncles who are actually trying to help you. I told you what you wanted to hear.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): Look, you need to realise that you are just coming across as out of touch with reality and immature.Let's just look at the situation. First of all, he won't be the slightest bit interested in you. I mean, apart from the obvious issues with losing his job and his family, what on earth do you think you could offer him and why would he want to get together with you? I would imagine you don't have a job, a car, etc etc. Why would he give up a marriage to a woman with a good job who bore him two children to be with a sixteen year old? But all that aside:Ok you tell us you're in love, fine. But he is married with kids. And sometimes, as an adult, you have to realise that you can't just have whoever or whatever you want. Sometimes you have to take the mature way out and take the most sensible and least damaging path. In this case, you need to realise that this love isn't going anywhere and leave him alone. If, on the other hand, you ask him again, you will come across as precisely the teenage schoolgirl who is talked about in Tisha's answer. And I'm not sure how you think that could be attractive to anyone.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 August 2010):
I do wish that teenage girls would drop the whole 'drama queen' attitude. We may not be able to tell you different that you're 'in love', but we can continue to tell you that this teacher really isn't interested, really won't leave his wife for you, and that you really will screw his life and children's lives up as well. I really am against that fact that you're just happy to go and speak to him without any regard for his two children. Not a nice thing to do, and really shows you up.
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female
reader, ilovmyteacher +, writes (27 August 2010):
ilovmyteacher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionanswers to your questions 'ohgetreal' my parents are fine, i get on with my dad perfectly well, and akthough he may annoy me now and again, its nothing, every teen gets annoyed with their parents once in a while.and I know what you're saying here, you're trying to tell me he's more like a father figure, well he's not, I'm in love with him, and none of you can tell me any different.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): PLEASE don't ask him again.Not only will it put him in a very awkward position but it will also make you look silly and desperate. I would bet 100% that he doesn't feel anything toward you other than the fact that you are one of his pupils, but one of those annoying ones who become a bit of a loose canon because they develop a crush on him. You have nothing to gain by asking him again except for a whole lot of trouble. Please read the answers given here. I think everyone is say the same thing, ie. leave him alone and move on. Don't make trouble. Despite what people have written here you are still holding on to this idea that there is a possibility he might like you. There isn't! From what you've written there seems to be no basis at all that he is going to reciprocate you feelings. You just seem to be ignoring all this good advice because you seem to know better than everyone else.....just think of his wife and family and his career. And try and make the grown up choice.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (26 August 2010):
Excellent post Tisha.
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (26 August 2010):
Please tell us what your relationship with your father is like? Does he live with you? Are your parents divorced? Do you have a step father? If so, how does he treat you? How old were you when your father left, if he left?
If you could just answer these basic questions, I think it would help us gain some insight...thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): Awesome post Tisha! Poster, when i was in high school, there was a coach and a student who had an affair. He was single, but they got caught, and it ruined his career.
When my sister was in high school, there was a cheerleader and a coach who had an affair. He was young and single...she got pregnant...her folks had influence...they married and are still together. This is the only case i know where they actually married...
The truth here is he was SINGLE to begin with! For every time this actually works there are many, many, many more stories of teacher who lost their jobs.
I could tell you of the teacher who was arrested during school hours in front of her 7th grade classroom for innappropriate conduct with a student. Who told on them...no one ever knew. The bottom line is Ms. Bobbette whom everyone loved...went to jail.
Or Mr. Fowler...who was arrested in front of his 5th grade class...
How do I know all of these stories? They happened in school while my 2 oldest were in grade school. Small country school, and yet peoples lives were ruined.
Dont ask him again...please just stay away from him. If you love him at all, do not take a chance on destroying his life. mal
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 August 2010):
I'd leave it in the realm of 'what if'--something to think about and not act on. The reason being that what you expect of him, he's not going to reciprocate. Or to put it another way, you're going to be disappointed by whatever he feels, because it won't match the fantasy you've built in your head.
My advice to you is to live your life, get on with things and practice that empathy thing. For example, try writing this question from his wife's point of view.
I don't know your family situation, if you have your dad living with you or not, but let's take this a step further. Let's say there's a girl your age (or two years older, 16) who has fallen in love with your dad, and wants him to divorce your mom and make love to her. How would that feel?
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 August 2010):
In my opinion, waiting is only worth it if you BOTH feel the same way about eachother. Since it is very unlikely he feels this way for you, I wouldn't recommend it. Unrequited love just leads to pain. I know from experience. Long term crushes suck.
As a side note, you wouldn't have to report him. If someone else did, that would be enough. All your friends know about your crush. If word that he even touched you gets back to anyone in an authority position it could mean the end of his career.
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female
reader, ilovmyteacher +, writes (26 August 2010):
ilovmyteacher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers, but I just want to point out Tisha's answer... you really made me think about the whole situation more, thanks, it won't stop me loving him, but it's made me realise, I can't keep hoping for it, but I am going to ask him again, and if he says no, I will deal with it, look for someone else, because I'm still curious about his feelings, I mean, yes, he's in love with his wife, but marriage doesn't stop people from just slightly fancying other people does it? So he might have some feelings, even if they are very, very, very, very small feelings. But honestly, thanks for providing me with that, it's made me see it from his point of view, I wish I could get in his mind for real though, so I know what he really thinks when I stare at him during his lessons.
But lets just say, if he did like me (I know its unlikely, but lets say he did) then what would you recommend I do? I wouldn't report him, because I love him, but would it actually be worth waiting till I leave school, even if I only got to hug him, or kiss him? Is it worth the wait for someone I truly love and care about?
But again, thanks for all of your answers :) x
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female
reader, kglo +, writes (26 August 2010):
Im sorry but you need to consider the fact that he is 35! you are at two different stages in life! even if you did get together it more than likely would end in tears!
Also hes married...think about his children...would you really want to take there dad away from them..? Its not worth being a home-wrecker.
My opinion...dont ask him again.
Hes in a awkward position, have you ever considered that hes just being friendly? if he tells you hes not interested all it takes is for you to report him. He has too much to lose so obviously hes gonna be mr nice guy and smile at you.
Im really not meaning to be rude in any way. Its just reality. sorry.
Enjoy your life while your still young!
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 August 2010):
Just because it happened to someone else, doesn't mean it will happen to you.
Awesome post Tisha!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 August 2010):
It's not a crush. Sure it's worth waiting two years. Sure you should ask him again how he feels about you. And for sure you shouldn't give up. How's that? It's just what you wanted to hear right? I love making 14 year olds happy.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 August 2010):
Dear Cupid,
I am a 35 year old maths teacher and every year, I seem to have a student or two fall in love with me. It is getting to be a problem for my career, as I love teaching but these days, one whiff of improper conduct and that could be the end of a career. I'm married and have children, for heaven's sake, can't they see I've made my love choice and am committed to a woman already? I have a life outside the classroom!
This year, I'm getting the moony eyes and giggling girl thing from a student I've known for a couple of years. She has edged around trying to figure out how I feel about her, and I am doing my best to avoid the entire issue, because if I do have to deal with this directly, I have to report the situation to the head, I'll be investigated, she'll be counseled, the parents will be hauled in, my wife will be watched, the entire thing will be a disaster! Both me and my wife work at the same school, we like being close together because we are in love. I would hate to have both of us lose our jobs and seniority because of a silly schoolgirl crush.
How do I tell her that I am in love with my wife and that there is no hope of my falling in love with this girl? She is a charming little thing and has her whole future ahead of her. Right now, for her, life has that very small horizon: school, home, shops. Her teenage dreams can't even begin to understand how life changes once you finish school and go out into the big, wide wonderful world. There is so much to look forward to: university, new friends, travel, more learning, exploring the full potential of a young and vibrant person.
I do wish her well, I really do. I think she is making some long term plans in her head, in that way that teenagers do, doing magical thinking, where love conquers all and silly little obstacles like a wife and children and a disinclination for girls half one's age don't matter. Cinderella and those types of fairy tales exist for a reason, but I wish they wouldn't have that smudgy, nonsense ending: "and they lived happily ever after."
Marriage is a commitment to another person, a true partnership in the fullest sense of the word. A good one will have more ups than downs, but they all have rough patches. I have so much in common with my wife, years of history, a shared love of so many things. We created some beautiful children and have done our best to raise them right. I have nothing in common with these teens, I appreciate them and enjoy their company, but share my life with one? Not a chance.
For a start, teens lack empathy and imagination. They are so self-focusued and self-centered that it borders on narcissism. They are selfish as a rule and have trouble seeing how their actions and words impact others. Just think of all those bullying texts that create such havoc in young lives. They make stupid choices that wind up with them being injured or even killed. I know that they grow out of it, eventually. But while they are in the thick of their teen years, they really can't see past their noses.
So back to this schoolgirl. How do I get her to see that she's wasting her precious youth on a fairy tale? That she's developing into a problem for me? I've tried being nice and trying to ignore it. I would hate to have to take the next steps and get administration involved. It's so messy and unnecessary. Please, dear lord, help her to grow up and grow out of it. They all do, eventually. This one just needs a little more help in seeing it.
Thank you for reading my side of the story.
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female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (26 August 2010):
 It would be worth for you to wait for him, if he was waiting for you. But he is still married. So he is with another woman with whom he has 2 children so he's not waiting for you.
Don't you want to experience life? Hypothetically, let's imagine he gets a divorce and waits until you turn 16, Do you think that he will be willing to experience at 37 the same things you want to experience at 16? That means that straight out of high school without enjoying the young adulthood fun and wonderful feelings that come with youth, you will be thrown into a full adult life with responsibilities, children, and problems that arise from a 37 year old divorcing his wife and leaving his children for a 16 year old.
THis is something very difficult to handle, and I can't imagine that you will want that.
It's wonderful to experience each stage of life as it comes, without having to skip anything. Other wise you will grow up full of regret and anger for him preventing you from experiencing what the rest of your friends are enjoying.
Relationships with such a huge age difference are workable when people are much older and the age does not play a big role. Mentally they are on the same level. At your age, there is no way you have experience or mental ability to be on this man's level. And even if you are mentally more mature than your peers, you will still miss out on a big chunk of your life.
I don't suggest you give up such experiences. It's wonderful to be young. Don't skip that stage.
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reader, TimmD +, writes (26 August 2010):
I know it's difficult for you to understand, but you have to believe us when we say we've all been in your position. Every one of us has been in love with a teacher or someone in a similar position. It's part of being a teenager.
Unfortunately, like you, we didn't want to hear otherwise. We were SO sure that we were meant to be with our teacher. But, we all eventually moved on and formed crushes on guys/girls our own age. It's natural. Eventually you will realize the same thing. But unfortunately, you won't believe us no matter what we tell you. Right now you are only looking for people to support you, which we cannot. A teacher/student relationship is unethical. There have been cases on the news where teachers have had relationships with students, but they never end up happily. Right now you are just looking for ways to rationalize your emotions and hormones.
The only thing that will change your mind is time. Although, I must say... I'm in my early 30's and there is no way I'd consider having a relationship with a 14 year old girl. Normal, mature men do not feel that way. I'm sorry.
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reader, dirtball +, writes (26 August 2010):
Is it worth waiting?
No. It will never happen. He is married and while he may be flattered by your infatuation with him, I'm sure he values his job, and would never risk losing it over an affair with a student.
Should you ask him again?
No. You should do your best to get over him. He sees you as a child. You will not be a romantic attraction to him. You would not only be putting him in a very awkward spot, you could cost him his job if word gets around that you've had such a conversation with him and he didn't report it. Schools usually have very strict rules about this kind of thing.
What do I recommend you do to get over him?
I recommend you look for boys your age to date. Do things with kids your age. Avoid him in the halls. Do not take classes where he is the teacher. Cut your contact. A crush can turn into love, but you need to realize that this is what is known as unrequited love. That means your love is one sided. He may care about you on an academic level, but that is where it ends.
Listen, I know you don't want to hear (or read) what I've put here. But think about him. If you love someone, you want them to be happy, don't you? He is happy with his wife and children. Do you really want to be responsible for breaking up a family? Do you want to put his kids through the hardship of a divorce? If you try to pursue a relationship with this man, even down the road, that is what you'll be doing. You'll be attempting to be his mistress. I sincerely suggest that you look for someone who is single on which to focus your affections. Preferably someone who isn't old enough to be your father. When an age difference this big is involved, he likely sees you as a parent would. You do not hold any romantic connection for him.
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reader, ilovmyteacher +, writes (26 August 2010):
ilovmyteacher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou say all this, but this is the honest truth... I know a teacher... at my school, who married a previous student... how do I know? My grandma told me, she used to work on reception at my school so she went to the wedding etc. He also had 2 kids, yet he divorced his wife, for an ex-student, so there's proof at my own school that it can happen
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 August 2010):
Married? Two kids? Not a chance. And teachers can't be with students or previous students until the age of 18.
You're asking us not to tell you to walk away, that you want proper advice.
Yet, you are willing to go to a married man and destroy his marriage. You are saying that we should agree with it.
You say they don't get on? He's still married to her.
I'm sorry, but there is no advice I can give other than walk away. You're out to destroy a marriage, ruin 2 innocent children's lives and possibly wreck his teaching career. That's not something I can tell you to do. And even if it was, you seem to be reading far too much into his actions.
You have to walk away, because if you don't you'll ruin your life. Worse, you'll ruin his.
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