A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dated a younger woman, I am in my early 30s and she is in her early 20s. When I first saw her I was completely blown away by her and came to love her and her daughter. We were together for 5 years. Recently I found out she was cheating and I had to leave her. However, whilst together I spent a LOT of money on her and her home, gave her money etc. I mean I bought her all the furniture, down payment on a car, phone, took her away etc and now Im in a shed load of debt and I am so angry about it. I don't know what to do. all the debt is in my name, we were never married so I am lumped with it. Are all women like this? I mean what the hell.
View related questions:
debt, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): Can you get into her house? Get a removalist to take ALL the furniture and everything else you bought her. You can sell it and get back some money that is YOURS. Sorry, but she is a big time USER, pretty face, good in bed and she saw dollar signs when she met you. Most of these young mums are like this. Was she working? I bet, NO! I am female and I detest insecure , selfish, lazy women who suck everything from a guy because they look good! Did you pay for her fake nails too?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): yea brother lots of them are so be careful when you pick one.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (27 August 2010):
 It's not women, it's people. Many people are greedy dishonest, and *very* good at hiding it. It's a hard lesson, and I hope you're not in an unsalvageable financial position, but you'll be better prepared in the future.
On the plus side, not being married means that the debt is all you owe. It'd be much worse if there was alimony or child support, or if you had to give her your house or car. You got lucky, relatively speaking.
Be very careful with future girlfriends, but don't be put off entirely. There are honest women out there - as well as women who can pay their own way.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (27 August 2010):
 I understand that you are bitter from the broken relationship. Unfortunately the debts are in your name and any court would view your purchases as gifts to her, unless you have some documentation to show that you gave her stuff as a loan. I am sorry to say the only thing to come out of this would be a life lesson for you. Not all women are going to take, take, take but you just picked one who was out for what she could get. I believe most decent long-term relationships involve financial contributions from each person. Otherwise there can be a tendency to resent the person who isn't contributing. I think you need to be careful about spending in dating relationships - there are cheap ways of showing affection. If the person receiving these multiple expensive gifts is not objecting or encouraging it then it should be a big red flag about their personality and intentions. If anything you should feel thankful that you don't have any joint financial dealings with this woman. If you had joint credit cards, mortgages or personal loans then she could be getting you into hideous further debts and ruining your credit rating without there even being a relationship. That would be a nightmare. If you are now struggling with your debt, see a citizens advice bureau advisor as they are brilliant at dealing with the financial firms on your behalf.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 August 2010):
 No, actually my ex fiance put me in debt...he was using my credit cards, also said he would pay them off since he was using them and made twice as much as I did.."don't worry about it". he said. When we broke up in 08, So when I called about them 3 cards already went to collections, he hadn't paid on them since 06..I found a stack of statements hidden in his truck, he was intercepting the mail! Should've known better, so I'm a few thousand set back..
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 August 2010):
 No, not all women are like this, but you've just learned a very expensive lesson. One thing you can do is take your bills, and look at the things you bought that are in her possession. Things like the phone and furniture. Then you can sue her in small claims court for the costs. Things like getaways are out of the question, but physical "stuff" can be argued over. You bought them for you both as a couple, you have the right to things you bought after the breakup.
Was she always asking you to buy her these things? Did you buy them out of the goodness of your heart? Did you consider them gifts, and you just have buyer's remorse now because you've broken up? These are the things you have to consider before you take anything to court.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 August 2010):
No, not all. Not many in fact. But, sadly, some are. This one was. But I don't believe for a moment that all women are like this thankfully.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): Firstly it was your choice to do the things you did for her.I have been in the same position with my ex-husband. Constantly bailing him out because he couldn't manage himself or his finances. I spent probably about £40,000 on one thing and another for him and his family.Do I feel any animosity towards him or the money? No, because it was my choice.I am now in the process of divorcing him and am also paying for the divorce.Do I regret the money - no.Have I learned from the whole experience - absolutely yes.I suggest you forget about it and move on and don't blame other people for the decisions which you make (unless of course you made them whilst a gun was held to your head).
...............................
|
