A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure what to do. I have been invited for a night out in a group for my friend's birthday, and i am also going to my brother's wedding soon, but i feel embarrassed because i dont have a job and i know that people usually ask what you do for a living. I know i could lie about what i do, but in a way, it's not a good idea as they might be able to tell that i am lying, and i shouldnt have to pretend to be something i'm not anyway. There are a couple of girls i know who are going out for my friend's birthday, who seem a bit stuck up, and my brother is very sucessful, he's actually my half brother, and so is his fiance and their friends, and other members of my family, so i will feel really awkward. i have tried really ahrd to find a job, but it's hard because of the recession, and i also suffer from anxiety and depression. I feel really nervous about going to my brother's wedding, but i'm not sure if i'm going out for my friend's birthday yet. what should i do ?.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): Thank you for your advice, Dorothy Dix. I am not looking for Media jobs, voluntary, internships and paid jobs, in different areas. I'll keep you posted.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (24 August 2010):
Hello again. Perhaps you could start some hobbies and doing things that you enjoy. As you say that you are unsure which way to begin, this is probably a good starting point.
If there is no urgent financial need for you to be working right now, doing some interesting activities in the meantime, might actually lead into employment, you just never know. All of this might eventuate into a field of work which uses all of your talents combined.
When you seek out work try the internet job sites, in the industry area of "Media".
Another possibility is if you could gain some voluntary experience in these areas, which might develop into part-time or full-time work eventually.
Nothing ventured nothing gained. The only limit is your own imagination.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): Thanks very much for your replies. yes i have had jobs in Retail and i have worked in some offices, but to be honest, i disliked them so much that i couldn't continue working there. I also have a qualification in performing Arts, but i didn't follow it through as a career as i know it can be difficult to get a job in acting, although i am interested in working in a theatre, cinema or concert venue, either selling tickets, being an usher, working backstage, e.t.c. I havea big interest in music and films.I'm just not sure how to apply for those kinds of jobs. I can't always call into the venues as there aren't any in my home town, they are quite a distance away, so it's not like i can go in and ask for vacancies very often.I studied that 8 years ago though, and i have had anxiety and depression, from the bullying i had at school and college, and it's got worse over the years because of me being home so much as i'm unemployed. I am also interested in studying Beauty Therapy, but i worry about the coursework being difficult. There may be other options for jobs and courses too though. I have even applied for laundry and cleaning jobs, and some of them say there is no experience required, so i might have a chance of getting those jobs. Even if i got one of those jobs though, i woudl feel like some people might look down their noses at me, or think i am too intelligent to be doing that kind of work, whereas i don't look down on anyone or anything. I guess i am just nervous because of the kinds of jobs the people at the wedding and the people at the party will have. I have had rejections from some jobs because i haven't had previous experience, or some eployers haven't written back at all. I have applied for all kinds of jobs, waitressing, room attendant, typist, bar staff, e.t.c. I also used to have a job as a Support Worker, but i quit because i had heard that some clients could get violent, which scared me, and they had more severe disabilities than what i thought they would have. I just knew i wouldnt be able to handle it ,but i was frustrated with myself in a way, as it had been a long process to get the job, and i felt like i had achieved something when they told me i had got the job, and i felt like a failure when i quit. I guess i need to find something that i am happy and comfortable with, so that i will stick at it, but i also want to apply for,or study, anything, as i hate being at home so much. I even wanted to work in a club that my uncle used to be in charge of, but unfortunately,he isn't in charge now, and wasnt when i went for the job, and the person who was in charge said the person they employed needed to have previous experience, which i didnt have. I'm sure my uncle would have given me a chance though if he had still owned it. He gave my mum a job in there years ago. He said he would have been willing to train me if it had been up to him.I've also thought of doing glass collecting in a pub or club, maybe even that club, or working on the comittee selling raffle tickets or bingo tickets or something. I guess i also need something which might help improve my confidence too. If you also have some suggestions on what kind of work or courses i could do, i'd love to hear about them. I also agree that i shouldnt lie about not having a job. After all, it's not really my fault that i'm unemployed.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (23 August 2010):
Hi there. There's nothing to be ashamed of in not having a job at the moment.
Have you had a job in the past? If so, whatever it was, simply say to people that at the moment you are in between jobs. And tell them the type of work you did in the last job.
If you have been studying a course of some kind, say that, and what it is you have been studying.
If you have not had a job in the past, tell them and say what you have been doing with your time - e.g. travel, volunteer work, hobbies, interests etc.
The main thing is that you don't lie or make up some story, because most people know instinctively when someone is not telling the truth. And to lie will alienate people from you much more than being totally honest.
Just relax and be yourself. Also, have faith in yourself.
I'm guessing that you have a fear of being judged. In any case, if you don't like the fact that you are unemployed, maybe it is that you don't really know what interests you in the work force. Perhaps getting some more education in the meantime, which will make you more employable and it will be easier to find work, and with much more for you to choose from.
Some kind of training might be necessary, if you are at the moment unskilled.
Keep that in mind. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (23 August 2010):
 Are you a student? If so then you can say that's your job till you graduate. People these days definitely understand the recession is hitting everyone hard so if they ask just say your um-employed at the moment, then discuss how the economy hit you, how your still looking. Actually, you never know with all the people there you could find someone with connections that can help you get a job, or know someone who is hiring. So in this case to be honest, and network at that party!!!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (23 August 2010):
 I wouldn't lie. The easiest answer is what you used to do for a living. However, if you'll be out with people who know you and your situation, they may congratulate you for finding something if they overhear your lie, thereby destroying the illusion you were trying to create.
Before I was employed at my current job, I used to say I was self employed. But I actually had been for a while so I could talk about what I had done even though I wasn't doing it anymore.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 August 2010):
I don't have a job either at the moment. It's a drag. But it's important that you're honest so you don't get caught lying, or you'll look even worse. Just say that you've been the victim of the recession and that you're currently searching for work. You'll be fine.
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