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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
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I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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Does my guy friend like me romantically, sexually, or is he just joking around?
Q. A guy friend of mine often calls me 'ugly', 'fat', 'idiot','stupid' in a joking way but I'm really skinny and not bad-looking...He always mocks me. Every time he sees me, he just winds me up! Once when I was cooking in our friend's house, he threw ...
A. 4 January 2011: Thanks for the follow up. I think he just thinks all of this stuff is funny. He seems to like playing around with that topic. He's not a player, because he doesn't have game...
It's his loss, and while you may like him, you don't need his... (read in full...)
She wants a chill date... how can I take things slowly?
Q. Me and this girl have been friends for the past 5 years we play a couple sports together and have always been close. In our freshman year of high school she came out as a bisexual. Last year I came out as a lesbian. We are currently juniors ...
A. 25 December 2010: Glad to hear it! Thanks for the follow up and merry Christmas. ... (read in full...)
Does my guy friend like me romantically, sexually, or is he just joking around?
Q. A guy friend of mine often calls me 'ugly', 'fat', 'idiot','stupid' in a joking way but I'm really skinny and not bad-looking...He always mocks me. Every time he sees me, he just winds me up! Once when I was cooking in our friend's house, he threw ...
A. 19 December 2010: "so you think that he's interested in hooking up with me that night?If it is true,then he's pathetic.Do you mean that all he wants is just sex after we had a 9-hour skype conversation(normal conversation)?!"
Of course he's interested in hooking ... (read in full...)
How judgmental are guys on the first date?
Q. Hello Guys, One of my friend gave my number to his cousin and sent to each other our pic and we liked each other and exchanged the numbers.. since one month we texted to each other and sometimes called.. he asked me to hand out twice but unfort...
A. 17 December 2010: I'll repeat myself again. Guys are straight forward. His text literally means that he'll let you know.
He is now weighing if he wants to give it another go. He will let you know when he is ready. If you don't hear from him for about a week you... (read in full...)
How judgmental are guys on the first date?
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A. 16 December 2010: Are you really the age you posted as?
I answered you in the PM you sent me, but here it is again.
If you like him, text him that you are wondering if there is a better date to try a second date. Plain and simple.
He doesn't need to ap... (read in full...)
How judgmental are guys on the first date?
Q. Hello Guys, One of my friend gave my number to his cousin and sent to each other our pic and we liked each other and exchanged the numbers.. since one month we texted to each other and sometimes called.. he asked me to hand out twice but unfort...
A. 16 December 2010: "why he doesnt give me one more chance i dont even understand... what do you think?"
Actually, he sounded open. Just because he already had plans for the day you suggested doesn't make him not interested. You are reading way to far into his comm... (read in full...)
He won't stop cheating and he won't leave either!
Q. I'm so exhausted, my marriage has been terrible for years but I am trapped in it. I cannot leave due to our 3 children (if I left we'd be homed in another town, I cannot uproot my children like that) and financial circumstances, whereas he could ve...
A. 16 December 2010: Lots of questions OP.
Go talk to a lawyer. I bet you could get the house in the divorce. Then he would have to leave and if he didn't you could take legal recourse.
I do know an autistic boy. I've known him all 16 years of his life. I kno... (read in full...)
I don't want to watch my friend get hurt by this obvious player!
Q. hello i was just wondering what everyones opinion on this guy would be.Its a man that my friend is somewhat talking to and we cant seem to figure him out. ill call him J. So for starters she is in a relationship and has been for the past three y...
A. 16 December 2010: Leaving her man? I thought you were saying he's her ex and they have a problematic relationship.
As a friend you can tell her what you think, but it's her life to live and she has to live it, hurt and all. Give her a warning, but support ... (read in full...)
How judgmental are guys on the first date?
Q. Hello Guys, One of my friend gave my number to his cousin and sent to each other our pic and we liked each other and exchanged the numbers.. since one month we texted to each other and sometimes called.. he asked me to hand out twice but unfort...
A. 16 December 2010: Life lesson time. If you aren't prepared to focus on your date, then don't go on the date.
Really, that wasn't the turn off though. What would have been the turn off for me was when you told me to go somewhere else, and then later said you wish... (read in full...)
He won't stop cheating and he won't leave either!
Q. I'm so exhausted, my marriage has been terrible for years but I am trapped in it. I cannot leave due to our 3 children (if I left we'd be homed in another town, I cannot uproot my children like that) and financial circumstances, whereas he could ve...
A. 16 December 2010: "Really I'd feel so guilty if I took them away from their schools. One son is autistic and life is stressful enough for him, to take him away from the support he currently gets and his dad at the same time. I couldn't live with that. They would hate ... (read in full...)
Is it normal not to feel anything while being fingered?
Q. is it normal to not really feel anything whilst being fingered? and how could i change that? any help would be great :)...
A. 16 December 2010: What's being done? Is the fingering paying any attention to your clit? If not, then it's being done wrong.... (read in full...)
I want to leave my boyfriend for my best friend!
Q. Well...i have been carrying this burden for too long, so here goes. I was in a relationship for 9 months when i cheated on my boyfriend. Why? Because i was in an emotionally abusive relationship....because i was weak to walk away. I kisse...
A. 16 December 2010: Leave your boyfriend. That relationship is a sham anyway and you're not happy. See where things go with this friend. Take it slowly. He realizes you're messed up right now, and if he cares like he claims, he'll be ok with waiting for you to be ... (read in full...)
He won't stop cheating and he won't leave either!
Q. I'm so exhausted, my marriage has been terrible for years but I am trapped in it. I cannot leave due to our 3 children (if I left we'd be homed in another town, I cannot uproot my children like that) and financial circumstances, whereas he could ve...
A. 16 December 2010: You are making excuses. I just read paragraphs of them. You can leave. Don't blame your kids. He does it because you let him. File for a divorce. My sympathy is only extended to those who help themselves. You're not doing that. Divorce him, ... (read in full...)
Inappropriate PDA involving my husband and his cousin!
Q. i saw my 32 yr old husband allow his 20 yr old female cousin to sit on his lap and recently she came up to him and fixed his hair in the front plus remove lint out of his hair....plus whenever i talk to her she is only asking where he is....am i ...
A. 16 December 2010: In the scheme of things, it's not all that inappropriate depending on the family and their level of affection. Some families are very affectionate, and something like this is completely non-sexual. Other families would think something like this is ... (read in full...)
Why do guys do this...
Q. this is not a relationship related question...actually they are several questions. 1. why do guys find butts so attractive? 2. why do guys grow their nails long...that's just gross 3. why do guys seem incapable of thinking about anything but sex? ...
A. 16 December 2010: These questions will likely get answers all over the board because everyone is different. I'll give you my take though.
1. I love a nice booty! Why? I don't really know. I just know it turns me on. It's not the only thing that turns me on th... (read in full...)
Long distance question......
Q. Is it proper for two lovers to live far away from each other?...
A. 16 December 2010: How far? Define lovers. You can't be lovers if you're never together. To be lovers requires physical intimacy which is impossible over long distances.... (read in full...)
How long before you should have sex?
Q. I have been with my boy friend for a few years and we havent had sex yet? How long would be a good time to be with someone before you have sex with them? ...
A. 16 December 2010: Wow, 3 years and no sex huh? Well, you can be sure he's not a player! Have you been waiting for any particular reason? I think you should do it when it feels right. That can be different for everyone so there is no hard and fast rule.... (read in full...)
Can sex or my penis size ruin my relationship?
Q. Hello everyone, I just started to go out with my girlfriend, and she seems like the greatest girl in the world except for one huge problem. At times she can be very sweet and caring and there are other times where she can be very judgmental. She ...
A. 16 December 2010: Your penis size had nothing to do with you being a useless lay, although those were very unkind words to hear after your first time.
Don't worry about your size. It will be plenty for the vast majority of women. Ask for guidance in how to pleas... (read in full...)
He's in an open relationship, does this mean he can date me too?
Q. there is this boy i realy like and i told him but he said he has a girlfriend but now on facebook his relationship status says in an open relationship does that mean he could stay with his girlfriend and go out with me?...
A. 16 December 2010: Yup. True open relationships mean you can both date other people. Be careful with this though. Can you handle sharing him? If you can't, then you should avoid him.... (read in full...)
Is this weird? Are we doing it wrong?
Q. I really don't like being fingered. I don't like doing it to myself and I do not like my bf doing it to me either. Is this weird? Are we both doing it wrong? It's just a shame because it turns my bf on more than anything :/...
A. 16 December 2010: Everybody likes different things. There's nothing wrong if you don't like it, that may mean it's just not your thing. It's possible you're doing it wrong. I've found that gentle stimulation of the clit is best, with possibly some insertion once ... (read in full...)
Crushes on teachers
Q. Have a crush on your teacher? Can't help but think about them all the way through class? Does s/he seem to give you more attention than the other students? Seem like s/he might like you too? Well this article is for you. Firstly there is nothi...
A. 16 December 2010: act-casual, I personally have no problems with a teacher student friendship. I've actually known quite a few teachers who mentor in this fashion and there was absolutely no doubts that the relationship was professionally casual. As long as that's ... (read in full...)
Does my guy friend like me romantically, sexually, or is he just joking around?
Q. A guy friend of mine often calls me 'ugly', 'fat', 'idiot','stupid' in a joking way but I'm really skinny and not bad-looking...He always mocks me. Every time he sees me, he just winds me up! Once when I was cooking in our friend's house, he threw ...
A. 16 December 2010: Hi again OP,
Ok, I think you said something important in your last follow up.
"He sometimes acts like a baby,but he sometimes acts like a MAN,especially when it comes to some serious matters..."
What this tells me is that he doesn't consider... (read in full...)
Has anybody else been burned and decided to stay away forever from the opposite sex?
Q. Lesson learned!!! After being told tonight, i will not get back with you, so just leave me alone. If a woman can throw away 7 years and 2 sons, a nice home, her 3 step daughters just because of some email and text flirting then im at a loose end ...
A. 14 December 2010: I liken this to the prayer to the porcelain god the morning after getting wasted. "Please god, just get me through this and I'll never drink again." Then what happens? Yup.
It's actually fairly common to swear off something that has hurt you... (read in full...)
Me and my friend have fallen in love...
Q. Hi all, I am in need of some serious help/advice. I am a 23 year old male and my friend is a 19 year old female and we have fallen truly, deeply in love with each other. The only problem is that she has a boyfriend of 4 years and thay are engaged. ...
A. 14 December 2010: There's nothing you can do until she leaves her BF. Don't facilitate her cheating. If you want to have a proper relationship, it's not started with an affair.... (read in full...)
13 and never been kissed...
Q. Hi I need help! I am a 13 year old boy and i've never kissed a girl, i have crushes sure but i don't want to ask them out because if they decide to kiss me or something i dunno what to do or how to kiss.. i know it's sad right plz don't laugh at me. ...
A. 14 December 2010: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sorry, but any time someone tells me not to laugh at them it's the first thing I have to do.
Really man, you've got plenty of time. Kissing is one of those things that doesn't take very long to figure out. My best advice i... (read in full...)
Does it really matter that he's shorter than me???
Q. There's this boy i really like and he asked me out today i said that i would think about it and call him tonight, i really want to go out with him but he's shorter than me and i know everyone says that the boy has to be taller than the girl but does ...
A. 14 December 2010: It only matters if it matters to you. I think you could miss out on something great if you get all hightist (is that a word? bah, doesn't matter) on him. Some people may comment, but to hell with them, it's your life. If you like him, then go for ... (read in full...)
She wants a chill date... how can I take things slowly?
Q. Me and this girl have been friends for the past 5 years we play a couple sports together and have always been close. In our freshman year of high school she came out as a bisexual. Last year I came out as a lesbian. We are currently juniors ...
A. 14 December 2010: Recommend she bring some pajamas, then you two can get all cozy and snuggle up watching a movie. No confessions of undying love, just snuggle up under a blanket and cuddle. It will be great. Pick out a couple of movies you like and have them ... (read in full...)
Men, would you date a girl with a tattoo?
Q. Not a relationship question and i'm quite sure its probably been asked before but was just wondering what guys think of girls with tattoos, not the big sleeves and manish tattoos just dainty ones and ones that have meaning to the individual? Would ...
A. 14 December 2010: I like a girl with tattoos. They can be really hot. I prefer ones that can be covered, but don't really care that much either. ... (read in full...)
Could this breakup be the space she needed?
Q. Please help. My girlfriend all of the sudden started to miss her ex which led to some distant behavior. I started asking what's wrong and she just got irritated but I could tell something was up. So she calls me tells me she misses him because they ...
A. 14 December 2010: Why dwell on it? She doesn't want to be with you. The thing that set her off was likely just the final straw. This had been building underneath for some time.
Only she knows her reasons, you just need to accept them and move on. The more you... (read in full...)
Is he a player or does he mean it?
Q. In the past I have always gone for guys I knew it would not work with, or guys I knew who were really just in it for sex. It worked for me at the time cause I was not ready for a realtionship. Now I am wanting to get into a Relationship, and have ...
A. 14 December 2010: No, if he had good game you two would have had sex. His actions aren't that of a typical player. His actions speak to legitimate interest. Remember, with men it's their actions to watch more than what they say.
http:... (read in full...)
I still have strong feelings for him and will be working with him again!
Q. What should I do to put my feelings to rest? This is a story of one of those long drawn out confusing crushes where nobody makes a move... Around 2 years ago I met this fairly average nice friendly guy, that through a set of coincidences I ...
A. 14 December 2010: Oh boy, do I know your dilemma. Only too well.
He wasn't leading you on. He was interested. When he figured out that you weren't he tried to move on. He was hiding the fact that he had someone from you because he was still interested in you. ... (read in full...)
Is he cheating or do I fail to turn him on?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for two years now and we have a four month old.When we first met our sex life was ok.After my baby was born,we have only had sex on two occasions,he doesnt spend time with us,he is always working.On two other ...
A. 14 December 2010: I honestly believe it's likely stress. When would he have time to have an affair? He's probably trying to provide for his family the best he can and it's wearing him out.
See how this goes. Arrange for someone to take your baby for the night. ... (read in full...)
She won't shave or trim!
Q. I have had multiple conversations with my wife regarding the shaving of her vag, but she will not so much as keep it trim. I've actually shaved her a few times, but I feel like it's just part of a woman's grooming process to keep it trim if that's ...
A. 14 December 2010: Really, it's her preference. In any relationship, you should take your partner's input into consideration. That's the biggest problem I see here. Have you tried different approaches other than withholding sex? Have you explained how much it ... (read in full...)
Does my guy friend like me romantically, sexually, or is he just joking around?
Q. A guy friend of mine often calls me 'ugly', 'fat', 'idiot','stupid' in a joking way but I'm really skinny and not bad-looking...He always mocks me. Every time he sees me, he just winds me up! Once when I was cooking in our friend's house, he threw ...
A. 14 December 2010: Haha, he'll always be single too if he keeps acting like this!
Honestly, you may like him, but his childish ways will get old really fast. You're likely much better off without him in your life. How could you have a serious conversation with him... (read in full...)
Does my cousin like me? I need to know for sure!
Q. Hello to all. i have posted a question here. it was to know whether my cousin is interested in me. i have got 2 answers which tell me 50 % he likes you and 50 % he likes you but like a cousin. so i have still some doubt which i want your advice...
A. 14 December 2010: I don't see anything here other than a loving family connection. I don't think he likes you in the way you're thinking. It's possible, but I would doubt it.
It is best if you don't pursue this. ... (read in full...)
Could this breakup be the space she needed?
Q. Please help. My girlfriend all of the sudden started to miss her ex which led to some distant behavior. I started asking what's wrong and she just got irritated but I could tell something was up. So she calls me tells me she misses him because they ...
A. 14 December 2010: Nope, she just wanted to make sure you don't forget her stuff. This is over. Sorry.... (read in full...)
I'm thinking about leaving my husband if he doesn't stop looking at porn
Q. I have been married for 5 years now and my husband and I are both young only in our 20's and have 3 little girls I found his porn 6months into our marriage and we have had problems every since he says he's gonna quit and never does and now just gets ...
A. 13 December 2010: That's up to you to decide. If you don't want it in your life then that's your decision. I wish you luck finding a guy who doesn't watch porn though. There aren't many out there, some are just better at hiding it than others.
Have you ever tri... (read in full...)
When you cheat does it mean you really don't love your partner anymore?
Q. hi i just have a very simple question, i have been with my bf for 4 years now but i have recentley cheated on him for the first time ever and i am very confused about my feelings but i just wanted to know: when you cheat, does it really mean that ...
A. 13 December 2010: Not entirely, but it's a huge sign you don't respect him or the relationship, so the relationship should be over. I will always love my ex gf's for various reasons, but I don't want to be in a relationship with any of them.
Break it off with you... (read in full...)
I want to kiss my female friend
Q. I am 16 and my best friend is also, we are both girls and i love her to death as a friend, but sometimes it feels like more. me and my best friend always text flirtatiously and we even talk that way. well today we were hanging out and laying in my ...
A. 13 December 2010: Just do it. She wanted it too. If ever body language was telling you something that was the time. ... (read in full...)
I've been in a relationship with him for 7 years but don't feel the same way as he feels about me
Q. I have been in a relation ship for 7 years and do not love this person as he does me. I feel terrible about this, and do not wish to hurt him, and so I continue on seeing him. How can I extricate myself from this situation, but make up for the wrong ...
A. 13 December 2010: There is nothing you can do to give him the time back he's lost with you. All you can do is be honest with him about what you're feeling and end it. Sometimes the truth hurts, but honesty is always the route you should take.... (read in full...)
Help! I think I'm falling out of love with my husband!
Q. I have been married for 3 years. After 5 years of dating I became pregnant with our first child. We got married while I was pregnant and had another child shortly thereafter. We now have 2 kids under 5. Before we had children we both liked to...
A. 13 December 2010: He won't stop unless he wants to. He doesn't want to so he'll just hide it better and better. Honestly, quitting pot is easy. I did it after college with no problems. Cold turkey. That's because pot is biochemically much different than other ... (read in full...)
Is my fiancee cheating with his co-worker?
Q. Well,I just got engaged and my fiancee has been acting strange. I usually pick him up from work and everyday all he talks about is his female co-worker. He apparently talks to her about everything, even the problems in our relationship. Apparently, ...
A. 13 December 2010: He likes her. I can't say if he's cheating but I'm quite confident that he's more interested in her than you right now. This could be infatuation and pass, or it could be something more.... (read in full...)
I'm not sure why I can't leave him!
Q. hi, i'm in a relationship with a guy, who most of the time, is very affectionate and loving, but whenever we argue, he becomes quite aggressive, i.e. pulling my hair, choking me, kicking slapping etc. Despite this, I love him so much, that I cannot ...
A. 13 December 2010: Normally I'm first in line to issue those cyber slaps, but that's not what you need. You've suffered abuse your whole life, that's why it comforts you. It's known. You actually probably have very little to no experience in a non-abusive, ... (read in full...)
Is this a case of wanting what I can't have?
Q. Recently a very close guy friend of mine got a girlfriend, in the past we have been very close and occasionally i'd think we could be more than friends. He told me he liked me on a few occassions and was always confused as to 'what we were' ...
A. 13 December 2010: He doesn't talk about her because he has feelings for you. Feelings he's probably tried getting over and thus the reason for the girlfriend. He's failed getting over you though, so he doesn't talk about her to you because he still sees you in a ... (read in full...)
Part of me wants to stay, but part of me really wants to go over... what should I do?
Q. Hi, I don't have a DearCupid account, I'm using it on behalf of a friend. I'm 19 years old, and I'm female. I live in a part of Australia that is a bit remote from the rest. I've been dating my boyfriend for a couple of years. We've broken up ...
A. 13 December 2010: I think you should leave the make up/break up relationship you're in and try it with the new guy. You're currently in a dead end relationship. The cycle you're in won't get better. I vote to change it up and try something new.... (read in full...)
Does my guy friend like me romantically, sexually, or is he just joking around?
Q. A guy friend of mine often calls me 'ugly', 'fat', 'idiot','stupid' in a joking way but I'm really skinny and not bad-looking...He always mocks me. Every time he sees me, he just winds me up! Once when I was cooking in our friend's house, he threw ...
A. 13 December 2010: Thanks for the follow ups. He's missed out. He hasn't responded to you so it's time to move on. He doesn't deserve you anyway. He doesn't seem llke he takes anything seriously and then when there are serious consequences he gets scared. His ... (read in full...)
Love drunk?
Q. [ Mod Note: 2 questions combined by poster.] my bf said that he has a tipsy feeling..... not like in drunk tipsy just a feeling. im not sure what he means ....im confused.. and he keeps sayig whats happening to us.... im gettin worried about it.......
A. 13 December 2010: He can't explain it because it's a new feeling. Don't worry about it, and he shouldn't either. ... (read in full...)
He hasn't made another move.
Q. I bumped into this old classmate of mine about two months ago. He started calling me and we started going out on a regular basis. After a while, we started calling each other every day and going out almost always together. After about a month of ...
A. 13 December 2010: Then why not say "lets try dating" instead of lets be friends. That's a major mixed signal. On one hand you're having sex, on the other you're talking about just being friends. If his problem there was the morality, then you just made the moral ... (read in full...)
Could this breakup be the space she needed?
Q. Please help. My girlfriend all of the sudden started to miss her ex which led to some distant behavior. I started asking what's wrong and she just got irritated but I could tell something was up. So she calls me tells me she misses him because they ...
A. 10 December 2010: If the lines of communication open back up, then you can address the issues at hand, but if she's not willing to talk, it's definitely not worth pushing the issue. This kind of behavior usually indicates deeper issues than the ones that triggered ... (read in full...)
Love drunk?
Q. [ Mod Note: 2 questions combined by poster.] my bf said that he has a tipsy feeling..... not like in drunk tipsy just a feeling. im not sure what he means ....im confused.. and he keeps sayig whats happening to us.... im gettin worried about it.......
A. 10 December 2010: Perhaps the feeling your BF has is the same one you describe. It means you are really enjoying the kiss. ... (read in full...)
Could this breakup be the space she needed?
Q. Please help. My girlfriend all of the sudden started to miss her ex which led to some distant behavior. I started asking what's wrong and she just got irritated but I could tell something was up. So she calls me tells me she misses him because they ...
A. 10 December 2010: Let her go, you don't need a drama queen in your life. She still has feelings for her ex. That means you were likely a rebound. I'm sorry it wound up like this but I doubt anybody will live up to her standards right now. Give her shit back to ... (read in full...)
Crushes on teachers
Q. Have a crush on your teacher? Can't help but think about them all the way through class? Does s/he seem to give you more attention than the other students? Seem like s/he might like you too? Well this article is for you. Firstly there is nothi...
A. 8 December 2010: Hey anon, we're not saying teachers never flirt. We're saying that much of that behavior that's interpreted as flirting is actually just the teacher taking that mentorship role and having their actions interpreted by a crushing teen as flirting. ... (read in full...)
Crushes on teachers
Q. Have a crush on your teacher? Can't help but think about them all the way through class? Does s/he seem to give you more attention than the other students? Seem like s/he might like you too? Well this article is for you. Firstly there is nothi...
A. 6 December 2010: Judging love has absolutely nothing to do with this. I know I'm preaching to someone who won't listen, but this all boils down to legality and morality. It's the same reason why there was an investigation into Pres. Clinton when Monica gave him a ... (read in full...)
Does my guy friend like me romantically, sexually, or is he just joking around?
Q. A guy friend of mine often calls me 'ugly', 'fat', 'idiot','stupid' in a joking way but I'm really skinny and not bad-looking...He always mocks me. Every time he sees me, he just winds me up! Once when I was cooking in our friend's house, he threw ...
A. 6 December 2010: I can't rule out either. He may just want sex, but he may be using the "sexually" thing to play off the joke, or break the discomfort of the actual question. I think you need to stop looking to other's analysis of the situation and take matters in ... (read in full...)
Crushes on teachers
Q. Have a crush on your teacher? Can't help but think about them all the way through class? Does s/he seem to give you more attention than the other students? Seem like s/he might like you too? Well this article is for you. Firstly there is nothi...
A. 6 December 2010: If you have a teacher in High School, make a vow to not tell them until after you finish COLLEGE! If you still have your crush by then, go for it. Nobody can rightfully call you a kid under their influence anymore.
I don't get what's so hard to ... (read in full...)
Does my guy friend like me romantically, sexually, or is he just joking around?
Q. A guy friend of mine often calls me 'ugly', 'fat', 'idiot','stupid' in a joking way but I'm really skinny and not bad-looking...He always mocks me. Every time he sees me, he just winds me up! Once when I was cooking in our friend's house, he threw ...
A. 3 December 2010: He's afraid to ask you out. That's why he's asked you multiple times if you liked him. If you told him yes in a serious way, he would likely ask you out or confess his feelings. He doesn't want to put himself out there, and uses the teasing to ... (read in full...)
Does my guy friend like me romantically, sexually, or is he just joking around?
Q. A guy friend of mine often calls me 'ugly', 'fat', 'idiot','stupid' in a joking way but I'm really skinny and not bad-looking...He always mocks me. Every time he sees me, he just winds me up! Once when I was cooking in our friend's house, he threw ...
A. 2 December 2010: Wow, lots of examples here. Sounds like you've got a thing for him.
That behavior is how boys in grade school show they like a girl. Maybe he hasn't matured since then. Some guys get a kick out of winding girls up. It sounds like he does. I... (read in full...)
He hasn't made another move.
Q. I bumped into this old classmate of mine about two months ago. He started calling me and we started going out on a regular basis. After a while, we started calling each other every day and going out almost always together. After about a month of ...
A. 22 November 2010: After rushing to sex like you did, he may be trying to prove he's into you for more than just sex. A lot of guys fear that girls will think we're just after them for sex because there are a lot of players out there. To a genuine guy, this would be ... (read in full...)
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