A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi, i'm in a relationship with a guy, who most of the time, is very affectionate and loving, but whenever we argue, he becomes quite aggressive, i.e. pulling my hair, choking me, kicking slapping etc. Despite this, I love him so much, that I cannot seem to take in what's really happening, or that I don't see it as major problem, for example, i've not received any broken bones or anything bad like that, so I don't worry too much about it and I have lived with abuse since the age of 8, so its like the norm. My friends are so frustrated with me for not leaving him and I don't know why I don't either? Please can someone give me a wake up call or cyber slap, I feel like the one who needs help!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): I really hope you wake up before it's too late.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanku all so much for the replies, I thought words would help, but I just can't visualise being without him?! I will definitely take care though. I really appreciate your advice, and I will read your comments every day until it sinks in. Thanx again all x
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): http://www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010008§ionTitle=If+you+or+a+friend+need+help
This site should help you. You can email or call them. Please, please get out before he ends up killing you.
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A
female
reader, Teardrop33 +, writes (13 December 2010):
Please please please get out of this relationship!!!!! I have been in the same situ as you from a young age also and know what it is like..I have managed to split from my ex husband as I was getting tired of life because of him so please make yourself first choice x
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Take Dirtballs advice and walk away from this relationship before he gets out of hand and serously hurts you. Pulling your hair and kicking you is bad enough, but choking you is absoltely dangerous and could be fatal. You are worth so much more than this, you need to take action now and leave this guy while you still can.
x
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Normally I'm first in line to issue those cyber slaps, but that's not what you need. You've suffered abuse your whole life, that's why it comforts you. It's known. You actually probably have very little to no experience in a non-abusive, "normal," relationship.
The thing is, abuse escilates. It never gets better or goes away. All you can do is get yourself out of the relationship. There are resources out there for you. I'm not familiar with the ones in Great Britain, so hopefully one of our British aunts can pipe in with resources available to you there.
I'm simply going to ask you to get out before he kills you. Choking you isn't minor, it could end your life. Your life isn't worthless. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Only you have the power to leave. There are people who will help you, but you need to make that initial step. Please take that step.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): i am totlaly their with you and can tell you that its time to find another...it starts off as little things like that but in time he will become worse i know it dosent seem like a big deal and he prob says hed never hurt youy but he obviously cant control his anger...when me and my EX were together he at first would do the same thing hed hit my legs and arm pull my hair or choke me sometime squeeze my so hard i bruise but he would never hit me in my face so i though it was okay ....but i was wrong..one day after two years of being together we got intoa huge fight he chocked me so heard me made me pass out and he couldnt wake me up he ahd to call an ambulance they said if he would have done it any harder he could have killed me! so i suggest you leave now please!!!! you dont want to be strangled to death do you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): Because you saw abuse as a child, somehow it is in the normal range of behaviour for you. Believe me, it isn't. Any form of physical violence within a relationship is no good. Hair pulling etc may seem mild to you but actually it is not acceptable from someone who should love you. He has a problem and because of your past experiences you are prepared to accept it. Your friends are right. It is hard for you to see it, but why live your life in a manner dictated by your past. Real love should not and does not contain violence of any kind. Expect more out of life, not what's dished out to you.
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female
reader, daydreamer247 +, writes (13 December 2010):
PLEASE LEAVE! Being with an abusive man only gets worse. Things do not change, e.g. he's not just going to stop hitting you. You should need to have any broken bones to realize this. Also, since you were abused as a child this is so much more reason to leave. You don't deserve to be abused. When you were younger it may have been difficult to find a way to stop the abuse, but now that your an adult you can leave. JUST LEAVE!
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 this is a criminal act when he slaps or kicks or punches you and is punishable by a few years in prison. dont wait for the next time. got to the police now and tell them what he has been doing and get him locked away where he belongs.no wonder your friends are frustrated, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO NEEDS HELP!.one day he will go too far and do some serious damage or even kill you, and no i'm not joking.try talking to someone from a womens refuge as your first step, or talk to your doctor.DO IT NOW!!!!!!!
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