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writes: Have a crush on your teacher? Can't help but think about them all the way through class? Does s/he seem to give you more attention than the other students? Seem like s/he might like you too?Well this article is for you.Firstly there is nothing at all wrong with having a crush on your teacher. In fact it's very common and completely normal. You're not weird, strange and no there's nothing wrong with you, and there is nothing wrong with feeling that way.Secondly and most importantly, no, they do NOT feel the same way you do. Nothing they do, say nor how they act towards you is a sign they're interested in you because they're not. Not only are they not interested in starting a relationship, fooling around with you or anything like that but they legally can't, not only legally but morally and ethically it is very wrong for them to do so. Should anything like that happen then they would be fired, have their teaching license revoked and in some countries be jailed and put on the sex offenders register for life. Yes it is that serious.Should you tell them how you feel? Most of the time no, but if it is effecting your grades or concentration in class then you must tell your parents. If you tell your teacher you must be aware that s/he will report that. It will be put on record and both the principal of the school and your parents will be notified of this. Most countries require this by law, even countries that don't it is school policy, in schools that don't have such a policy the teacher will do this anyway as a safeguard to his/her job.Ask a trusted adult have they ever had a crush like that, most will say yes and most will tell you it goes away pretty quickly and isn't all that bad once you've moved on from their class. It might feel like it is at the moment but as long as you don't do anything about it, it will go away. This has to be the way it goes because nothing is going to happen.To make this easier for you here's a list of do's and don'ts.DO speak to a trusted adult if you're having a hard coping with this.DO understand that nothing CAN happen.DO understand that nothing WILL happen.DO understand that they DON'T feel the same.DO understand that you're not the first nor the last student that has felt this way about them.DO listen to your head.DON'T listen to your heart.DON'T flirt with them.DON'T actively pursue them.DON'T think for a second it's okay for you to have a relationship with them.DON'T think for a second you are special to them or that they have any interest in you. You are just another student, it's their job to make you feel like they care about you but they don't. They only care about giving you a good education and preparing you for the world. Not falling in love with you. Any sign or signal or looks you get from them means nothing. As teachers they're trained to make you feel special, to make you feel like you can do and be anything. They pay attention to you because that's their job, if they give you extra attention it's because they can see you struggling with something.Most of all it's important that you understand that teachers that do get with their pupils are scum. They are not accepted in society and they're the last person you should even consider being with. Seriously, teachers that do that kind of thing are as low as paedophiles and are treated the same way by society, and rightly so. No matter how nice person seems to be, if they do this kind of thing they're scum, end of story and love has nothing to do with it.To sum up, there is nothing wrong with having a crush but there is something wrong with acting on it, by doing so you jeopardize someones career and if something were to happen then all you've gotten is a man/woman that is a horrible person preying on the young and vulnerable. You see? Nothing good can happen from pursuing a crush on you teacher so just don't do it. It will pass and it's not as big a deal as you think it is. Most of us have had one and most of us have done nothing about it and it went away. The ones that have tried it on with their teachers have all had it work out very badly for them, ALL of them.Finally if you really loved someone, would you really be that selfish as to be willing to risk their career and ruining their life for that love? Well you shouldn't be. It will pass and you'll look back and laugh at it in the future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): I had a teacher in high school. The hot young football coach who was going pro til and injury sidelined him and he taught shop, home maintenance and drafting. He was my teacher for 3 years. Cause I liked him so much I took drafting twice and home maintenance. I would have tsken any class he offered. In those three years I was the only girl he taught. He used to put his arm around me whenever he came to my desk. He made up a cute nickname for me and called me it all the time in front of the class. We talked for hours and hours. He was my first period teacher and I came early to sit and talk to hom about life. We gave each other presents on birthdays gifts at Christmas and I used to bring him cookies and brownies. I grew up without any men in my life and I guess his attention made me happy. If he had ever made a move I was his. He could have had me and im sure he knew it. I'm sure I'll never forget him and I hope he never forgets me. I'm glad nothing happened though. It would have ruined everyone's life.
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reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Herdmorality-I think you make a distinction worth making. Of course there is a difference between a child and adult student. However while we're all agreed the child/teacher relationship is disgusting I have to say I think the adult/teacher one is too! Which I believe is what you're asking?
If you're in a position of trust-for anyone be it carer, teacher, whatever, engaging in a relationship is a violation of that trust. Counsellors get laid off for running off with their clients, because they have a duty of care and to get involved goes against it. It's exactly the same for teachers. They are in a position of authority and trust and to use this to form a romantic relationship is to take advantage. No matter what the respective ages are. I did some work with the homeless and alot of the people are by far my senior, yet the minute I think there's an attachment outside what is appropriate report it, because they are vulnerable adults and it would be exploitative, unproffessional and wildly inappropriate. I can see that there's an argument that 18 plus students aren't vulnerable, but in the confines of that particular relationship, I'd argue that they are. One person has the authority, which means the other person is to some extent vulnerable or at least "in their hands" and to blur those boundaries is taking advantage.
That's my opinion anyway.
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reader, Herdmorality +, writes (7 February 2011):
Anon reader reply: :) I agree with you that I obviously can't know what it's like to be male!! That would be bonkers!:P When I said I've seen both sides I meant I've seen it from the point of veiw of an adoring student and a concerned observer! But I stand by what I say about teachers only losing their job if they participate. And if I were to go by the standard that people seem to have of the adults being sensible and 'KNOWING WHAT'S RIGHT' then they should be held almost completely accountable surely!?Also, I didn't say that love conquers all!! At any point! "To let one teacher ride off into the sunset with a 13 year old is to grant ALL teachers the option to ride off into the sunset"I agree with this completely, it should NEVER be allowed in Secondary Schools. The only point I made was about 18+ students and whether or not that still counted as manipulation. I was manipulated by a much older man when I was 15/16 (after the teacher thing) and you genuinely don't realise at the time that you are being PLAYED, and I would never condone that behaviour, I don't need to have a child to see that that is terrble. HOWEVER I don't think a 16- pupil can be held responsible for persuing a teacher (I mean the worst they'll do in an average case is write a note or an email or something silly. Obviously extreme cases have had worse and that is different) and that teacher should know the boundaries, maybe I'm wrong (obviously I'm not a teacher but it's what I'm striving towards!) but it's drummed into you about boundaries, you're not even allowed to offer a same-sex student a hug of consolation if they cry! If a 15 year old student teases you or flirts with you, you report it, immediately, it's drummed into you!I'm interested in how much my opinion has changed listening to different arguments though. This is a debate after all, I'm quite willing to be proved wrong about things!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): Herdmorality... whilst I understand your point of view and appreciate your notion of over-generalizing with the use of "we" which I agree that I'm guilty off, please realize that the teacher-student relationship is really not a line that should be blurred... whatsoever.
To let one teacher ride off into the sunset with a 13 year old is to grant ALL teachers the option to ride off into the sunset on any self-rationalization that comes to mind... If you had a daughter, would you really let her run off with a teacher (aged 8-40 years older than her??). Would you accept either of them saying "But he/she is my soul-mate!!" as a reason?? Dunno bout you, but that's when the defensive father in me would kick in...
"The issue I have with this.. issue, is that people have become really really cranky with young people about it and they have become closed minded. 'They can lose theirs jobs so don't be selfish'.. well, they can only lose their job if they participate in some sort of inappropriate behaviour and if they do they have nobody to blame but themselves."
Seriously??? What a load of crap!! You say that nobody can say that you haven't seen both sides of this issue... So please explain to me how you have seen both sides of this issue...? You seriously think that if a person caves into temptation that it is their fault entirely?? So you're saying that you've never been influenced by an idea? by politicians? by advertising? by social influences? by friends or family?
You think that crippling self-consciousness and body image is completely created by teenage girls or do you think that maybe... just maybe that magazines, television and social pressures are having a massive effect on their behavior, attitudes and motivations...? If somebody tells a teenage girl that she's fat and that teenage girl gets starts crying- is that really "entirely" the girls fault??
Also, have you been either a male or a teacher??? Please enlighten me as to how you understand what it is like to be either... I guess several years of higher education study can be "absorbed" by random people instantly these days with no training whatsoever...
I have no issue with young adults (18+) dating professors... provided that they are not being taught by their lover, simply because it WILL affect the grade that the student gets... However I do have an issue with teachers OR students who self-rationalize their intimate relationship by saying that they're "soul-mates" and that therefore this justifies their unsurprising gravitation towards a sexual relationship.
Disagree? Think I'm over-generalizing? Well I don't blame you whatsoever to be honest, I know how passionate teenage love can be... but I also know how passionate I am that my daughter's emotions not be taken advantage of by an older man, teacher or otherwise...
(P.S. Thanks for the lively comments and don't take my comments personally... I just love a good lively debate is all... gotta keep questioning your beliefs lest they become out-dated or stale.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): I think this is a terrific article, and this is coming from someone who is a senior in high school and currently in a state of crushing on a former teacher. This made me realize even more that there is absolutely no future between the two of us, and there never was. But the delusion us teenagers get is so overpowering it's hard not to think realistically. In my case, I had this teacher when I was in middle school. I disliked him then because of how strict and unhappy he was. I became reacquainted with him in my second year of high school as he coaches one of the sports teams at my school. I reveled in the fact how charming and interesting he was as a person, and that he was not that strict persona I had painted him as. Well, for two years since we have become to know each other pretty well. I enjoy his company, and I'm sure he enjoys mine too; we tease each other and laugh constantly. You cannot blame me for feeling comfortable around him.However, I didn't start having any feelings until I started "reading" into the small gestures and compliments he would give me. And once at a sports banquet, I went to greet him with my friend who is also a player on his team, and he did not acknowledge my friend's presence at all. Instead, he only stared and focused on me. It wasn't until I kept fidgeting and looking up at my friend that it was as if my teacher just realized my friend was there. This continued many times at other occasions. People would say hello to him, but since I was there as well, he would only say hello to me (even though I didn't say hi) and ask how I am; he ignored the others. There were cases where I would be playfully flirting with one of my guy friends as I visited the team (I was manager of the team before any feelings evolved), and he would call out my friend to run 5 laps with no explanation (there was a game and he was benched). Then he looked at me smirking, teasing. So to tease back, I'd grab another friend and hug him. The coach/teacher retaliated by calling me over. He busied me with work and gave me a stern gaze, and I read it as don't mess with me lol. I've come to realize that none of this matters in the end, because he is 20+ years older than me and it is rather unethical. The feeling or idea to have an older guy have "feelings" for you is exhilarating at first, but then we come to realize in the end it isn't what it seemed or it never was anything we thought. I doubt this man felt anything for me as I did back, but now I can breathe an easy sigh of relief that reality hit me. It's a dream many of us have, but it's best in the end when you finally move on.
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reader, Herdmorality +, writes (31 January 2011):
GAH this is going to be huge, I can feel it!
Okay, having skimmed though most of the replies on this and read a few of them in detail, I'm going to attempt to give some sort of coherent account of my opinion. But first there are a few things I wanted to say to a couple of the other Aunts NOT in some form of attack, there really is no need, but just enquiry.
maverick494- I don't understand the direct correlation between 'maturity' and time spent alive :S Obviously there's a general relationship between the two but mature young people can exist, to say they can't is bonkers. I know some pretty immature 40 year olds, for a start :P
This goes out to a few aunts, pleease stop using 'we' in an ALL ADULTS UNITE way, it's extremely bizarre!
I find it funny on threads about teachers crushes etc because there's ALWAYS one teacher who talks about teacherhood and confirms how wrong it is, which is all very well and good, but you don't need to be a teacher to see that it's wrong and it's no more valuable coming from a teacher.
Right, on with the opinion
There should be an overwhelming common consensus that a 25+ man involved with a 15 year old is wrong, there can't possibly be any debate about that surely? I can remember being 14/15 and being in love with my teacher, I went completely off the rails and started failing everything because all I could do was think about him (now that is dangerous) right up to and after he left, and then when he left I completely lost the plot and ended up leaving the school. So nobody can say I haven't seen both sides of this! Now that I'm older I can at least say I was young and very confused indeed (thank god I can get away with saying that otherwise what other excuse would I have!?)
When I look back I am shocked at how ready I thought I was to be having sex with an older man or sex at all!! I was so convinced it was what I wanted and that I was ready. Me and my friends were constantly jokingly referring to having sex with people and I realise now we had NO IDEA what we were talking about! I remember thinking I was an adult then even though I was 15 (and don't get me wrong, I wasn't stupid, or immature, or anything like that) but now that I am an adult I can see how much of a child I really was.
So regardless of teacherhood or whatever: Adults and young people should not be getting involved sexually, ever. This has nothing to do with love incidentally because if you love somebody you'll wait until it is legal to become sexually involved with them.
So now onto teachers. If you stick hundreds of raging hormones (this is not meant to be patronising, everybody in the world has hormones so I mean in general) in one place you're going to get a lot of things, fights, friends, love and yes, sex. And obviously due to our primal instinct to mate ETC we look for the most impressive person who has good genes and all that. Teachers are obviously more impressive to students than their peers. That's obvious. They're smart, often authoritative and in control, trained in being accessible and approachable to people, a lot of the time they're funny. They're meant to be likeable!! Otherwise people won't listen to them! (Obviously a lot of students are still impressed by the class idiots and thank god otherwise this problem would be so much bigger!!) There is no solution to this problem, it will happen until the end of time.
The issue I have with this.. issue, is that people have become really really cranky with young people about it and they have become closed minded. 'They can lose theirs jobs so don't be selfish'.. well, they can only lose their job if they participate in some sort of inappropriate behaviour and if they do they have nobody to blame but themselves.
At college level you have 18 and 19 year old students and they are included in the almighty 'WE', adults! So what if an adult student (I'm not talking about Mature Students, that's a different thing altogether) and a teacher really hit it off? They have loads in common are extremely happy in each other’s company and if they'd met under different circumstances, if they'd met anywhere else they'd want to make a relationship out of it. Is that some sort of seedy manipulation!? Of course it's not it's just two consenting adults who happened to get on extremely well together and may be attracted to one another.
So what's the problem here? Is it age? Is it manipulation? People have to know where they stand because right now people seem to be hazy. At what point does it stop being an abuse of power? When the student is an adult? When the teacher doesn't teach them anymore? When the student has left? Because if you believe it's an abuse of power for a teacher and an 18+ student to be involved then you need to STOP referring to 'we, adults, we make the laws' because it's not applicable there. Is this a teacher/student war or an adult/child war?
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reader, tomanypeoplehavethenameiwanthere +, writes (20 January 2011):
 yes, i am in this situation. this article made sort of realise it is veerry bad and that i possibly fell in love with the fantasy about having a daring crush.
though i was reading one of the answers and it seems that i was also in a similar situation, my art teacher was very creepy and he delibratley got girls skirts wet with paint for ovious reasons, he would delibratley drop pots of paint as well to look under he table!! argh!! pedo about! he said to us he was going away to morroco,, but it was announced in the local paper he was in prison.
my friend also liked a teacher. she got hold f his number and called him. the teacher, her and me got into very serious trouble.
if you really cant deal without them, just steal the occasional glance at them and be done with it. thats what i do and it is enough to keep me happy for a day
maessage me
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reader, dirtball  +, writes (16 December 2010):
 act-casual, I personally have no problems with a teacher student friendship. I've actually known quite a few teachers who mentor in this fashion and there was absolutely no doubts that the relationship was professionally casual. As long as that's all both parties are interested in, it's fine. I found it to be quite common in college, as I had a few professors who I was friends with outside of the classroom. Of course, none of those were people I had crushes on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): suprisingly i agree with all this and yes im a teenager :P oops im going to annoy people by saying this i am mature for my age but i have nowhere near the maturity of an adult i cant i havent had the experiences adults have i used to think i was mature when i was younger now im 15 nearly 16 i regret so much some of the stupid things i did when i was younger. i was a very young 11 year old very anive and a member of staff at my primary school took advantage of that and abused me but manipulated me so much saying it wasnt and noone would believe me thats why the laws there if it was legal to marry girls of 9 i wouldnt have had a leg to stand on it was only this year i finally got the confidence to tell my teacher. im not saying that teachers cant be attracted to teenager they teach they can theyre human but if they acted on those feelings it would be disgusting ( oh and yes i ahve liked a teacher before but i was clever enough to realise he didnt like me and was devoted to his wife and family and im still close to the teacher )
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reader, act-casual  +, writes (13 December 2010):
Just wondering what everyone on here thinks about students being friends with teachers?
Obviously not the "lets hang out together this weekend" type of friends of course.
I mean friends as in you can tell them your news, talk to them about stuff that's going on in your life etc. and they can return that.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 December 2010):
 I've said it once and I'll say it again, Girls suffering from a school girl crush go temporarily insane and deaf. There is absolutely no reasoning with them, they are incapable of reason in their condition. This is a great article and thread but it will fall on deaf ears I'm afraid.
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reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (12 December 2010):
 To all teenagers crushing on teachers...
Do whatever you want.
Think whatever you want.
If you've read this article then you're aware of the possible consequences of getting involved with a teacher.
Make your own decision... You are the one who has to live with your own choices, be they the bringer of good or bad consequences.
Please understand that we're just trying to help.
We understand that you probably won't listen to advice because generally we ourselves didn't listen to the advice of others at that age either. I still don't listen to advice from my parents or grandparents, even though they're just trying to stop me making mistakes that they themselves made and regret. Well, partly I don't listen because they bore me, just as I am boring you... ;)
Sometimes we all just have to make mistakes for ourselves to fully understand why we were given certain advice to begin with and how much pain could have been avoided had we heeded that advice earlier...
It's a vicious cycle. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna break the cycle and not tirelessly try to impart some advice on those whom I think I can help avoid needless heart-ache. Even if my advice is ignored or even flawed, at least I can sleep sound at night knowing that I tried and my intentions were noble.
Hold onto that idealistic innocence for as long as you can! Don't try to grow up too quickly, you'll never get the chance to be young again, but you've got an entire lifetime to grow-up...
Best of luck to you all!
Oh, and don't do drugs ;)
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reader, Higherx  +, writes (12 December 2010):
As you say lostinaworldofidiocy2, we are in the 21st century, yes ... But in the 21st century a teacher making a move on a student is ILLEGAL ! So let's stick to the current law for now, if it changes, sure, do what you want, but for now, that's the way it is.
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reader, Abella +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Very good article Cerberus. All that you say has to be said. And is totally true. And i liked reply by JmtMj too.
Kids need protection from predatory adults. Even if they are too young to recognise a predatory adult. There was a teacher i recall when i was 13. He was new at the school. His first teaching job. He was very confident and assured, but sort of creepy. He would sidle up from behind you in class, lean down over female students, his face was sometimes too close to your ear, and make it look as if he was just looking at your work. And touch your back or leave his hand on your back or your shoulder, while he 'looked??' at your work. Pretty soon girls were talking to their parents and parents were complaining to the school. In the end we found out later there were 27 separate parent complaints made against him. He is said to have defended himself on the basis that the complaints were malicious and everyone was against him. He left the school, but then a year later word filtered through that he was charged with exposing himself and commiting a lewd act in the presence of a child in another state. The girls all talked about that we escaped lightly from this creep, who was not suitable to teach kids and lost that right anyway, after he was convicted.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNice, a history lecture from a 16 year old to a person studying to be a history teacher. I like it.
You want to know why girls were married at that age back then because they were property. Yes women were property of men to be bartered and sold. You want to know why there are still countries where people marry at that age, because yes there are still countries that consider women the property of men. They didn't marry because those girls were mature enough to love, they were sold because those girls had fresh young pure vaginas that could be used by the man who bought them or made a deal to have them, or were allowed marry them to obtain greater social status.
You see back then it wasn't about the girls feelings, a 13 year old back then didn't want to marry some fat disgusting oaf. They were duty bound to they had no choice. Those girls didn't want to marry some overweight, disgusting old man with boils and warts. They had no choice.
But your grandparents and parents decided women should have a choice and that they must be women to make that choice. So they decided not to allow children be sold into domestic slavery anymore, which is essentially what it was.
That's what you want to go back to is it? So you like the concept of being the property of a man yes? Then fair enough, I understand you now, it's not about love for you, you just want to go back to the days where women "knew their place" as the servants and child bearers of men. You want be sexual fodder for old men. Fair enough then, move to afghanistan or go join one of the many religious cults in your country.
It's a 21st century concept the same as you being allowed to disagree with me is, If we were back in the times you talk about then I could whip you for having such a cheek or get your 50 year old bald husband with brown teeth give you a beating for not knowing your place. In fact you wouldn't even have a chance to discuss this kind of thing with me because you'd be too busy washing clothes, or cooking dinner or taking care of any number of other domestic duties.
You see we decided you didn't have to live that way in the west, we decided women could have equal opportunity in everything and we decided to protect our children from exploitation, like they had been since the advent of the human race and only up until recently in the West still were, although some are still sold into prostitution in Western countries and it's estimated there are minimum 5 million child slaves in the world.
You see we adults know easily influenced girls your age are. Teachers know that especially because they're trained to do that.
But you don't care, you want to prove the world wrong, you want to go back to a time where you probably wouldn't even be in school and would get beaten for having your own opinion. Well fair enough then, you're going to have a long hard life of abuse and maltreatment from guys. Seriously, you're the kind of girl that will get with abusers and players just to prove a point and you're going to get very hurt.
I wish you luck lostinawo I've known girls like you that are now women and they're ruined, they expected the world to fall in line how they believed it should but that's not the way it works, everything is a struggle for them and they get used and thrown away constantly. They never listen to anyone, just go against everything because they just can't accept that things aren't the way they think it should be. Hopefully you'll snap out of it before then, and realize there's just some things you have to accept.
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (12 December 2010):
@lostinaworldofidiocy2: Not trying to gang up against you, but something you said caught my eye:
"The funny thing is that if this were an earlier era, it would not be weird. Girls as young as 13 could be married off to their teachers and a lot of the times they preferred young wives. In south america they are trying to change the age for marriage in one of the countries to 9."
Are you saying that the above is desirable? Look on the news. 12 year olds marrying 50 year olds are dying because their young bodies can't handle the pregnancy yet. 9 year olds are children. Look around: would you want one of those kids to have sex with someone who could be their dad or even grandfather? Is that the kind of world you want to live in, where pedophilia is allowed and even common?
"What I put in is my opinion so how it can be wrong is beyond me."
Sure, opinions are opinions. But for example, if I say that I think murdering innocent children is okay, then how can it be right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): LOL oh wow, so because some other countries are trying to make it legal for guys to marry CHILDREN that means that most teachers want to get with their students.
All i'm saying is, most honorable men, teacher or not, will not persue a CHILD which is what you and these other girls are. They may find them attractive but that is it.
When i said 9/10 i didn't mean that literally, i'm just saying that most teachers do not go after their students.
I'm sure you'll have a bitchy little come back seeing as you know everything but you're gonna have to face the fact that your teacher doesn't want you.
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (12 December 2010):
Good stuff guys.
I know this may seem like beating a dead horse, but because I see the "I'm mature for my age" thing thrown around as often as I zap TV channels during a boring evening, I am going to say it again:
There is no such thing as being "mature for your age." Sure, you can be a stupid 15 year old or a sensible 15 year old but fact remains that you have only been on this planet for 15 years. That means that no matter how smart or sensible you are, you will never close the gap with that cute teacher who probably has 10 years or more on you. You simply can't borrow extra life experience from somewhere.
"But people say I'm mature for my age! Honest!" Well, that's great hun, but when people say that, they say it to be nice, not because they mean it. It fits right into that same box where "I'm 50 but people say I look 30!" statements go. Both statements are utter crap and only delusional people who need an ego boost actually believe it when it is said.
Also, I think that if you're a teen and a teacher, despite being fully aware that the law prohibits it, tries something with you, you have to be the "mature" one and say NO even if you actually want to. Really, you don't want to open that can of worms.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): lostinaworldofidiocy2, you really need to wake up. You aren't all that and sometimes *shock horror* you are wrong and other people are right.
Nobody is disputing the fact that older guys can be attracted to younger girls, even us "idiots" on here know that. The question is, would the teacher have feelings for the pupil and want to get with them. 9/10 NO! Yes it does happen, but not as often as you wish it would.
They could think you are a pretty girl but that is it. Sorry to burst your bubble darling. Sucks to be you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlostinaworldofidiocy2
Nice attempt at condescension but I will not enter a flame war with you but I shall respond nonetheless.
Please direct me to the part where I say that teachers can't be attracted to students, please do, seeing as that was the entire concept on which you base your rebuttal. Oh that's right! I didn't say anything at all about attraction did I? Whoops! Silly you!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpersonal_attraction
Let me form my own rebuttal to your comment than shall I?
I think I will base my argument on the actual content of your post rather pluck something from mid air as you did. You see when you want to argue a point that refutes the opinion of someone else it is usually best, nay required, that you actually pay attention to the other person's point of view.
You know? Actually have something to say about topics and ideas that were discussed in the original article, not just pull something irrelevant out of your ass to form a straw man argument.
FYI: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straw_man
Lets discuss the relevancy of your 3 points as regards to the original article.
Point 1: Attraction, moot point.
Point 2: Attraction, Oh look another moot point.
Point 3: Is that?...yes it is, another moot point based on attraction a concept that was not once mentioned nor alluded to in the original article :S Oh no!
Of course a teacher can be attracted to their student, they're only human, you're not intelligent nor better than me for stating the obvious, youngling. People can be attracted to others of pretty much any age. Of course a teacher is going to be attracted to some of their students, that's a fact of life that they can't help.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia
I started dating my girlfriend when she was 19, I was 28. You don't need to tell me about age gap relationships nor do you need to inform me with some "mamacita" crap about some old guy having a bit of fun flirting with you, that there are guys that like to date younger women. (Don't flatter yourself he's only having some fun)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships
The difference is, child, that it's ILLEGAL for a teacher to get with a student, it's ILLEGAL to have sex with a girl/boy below the age of consent, so no matter whether there's an attraction or not doesn't mean that you can do it.
Girls reach biological fertility, meaning they're biologically ready to bear children at ages 11-12 sometimes a little older, sometimes younger. But psychologically, emotionally, mentally and legally they're not mature enough to consent to sexual activity until much later. We also have decided in our society that a teacher that has a unique position of authority and the unique position of being in close contact for long periods of time with impressionable teenagers cannot use that position to have any kind of sexual contact with a student, nor even imply any kind of sexual contact. Because as this article demonstrates perfectly no matter how many adults try to tell you teenagers what the real deal is, you always come back with this rebellious, "we're mature enough to love too" every single time. (I'm talking about the teens that fight so vehemently to validate teacher/student relationships) but never once do you ever try and tackle what we're telling you at all, you always deflect, you side swipe. Not once do I hear you talk about illegality nor biological function nor do I hear you talk about manipulation techniques thought to teachers such as the ones my teacher training is teaching me. Grouping and categorizing teenagers into types and learning techniques to control and teach them. All useful tools for molding young minds to be educated or using them for sex by convincing them they're special.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolescent_psychology
I can tell your type from just one post.
lostinaworldofidiocy2 pay more attention in school and you may no longer feel so lost and actually be able to pay attention to what people say and construct a coherent argument based on relevant topics within a discussion.
Have a nice day :D
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reader, Higherx +, writes (11 December 2010):
I also agree with Moon-River when she said
"...I don't believe that whole "i'm mature for my age thing" makes a massive difference"
It doesn't. And just because you're mature for YOUR age, doesn't mean your teacher will see you as mature, or mentally nearer to their age.
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reader, Higherx +, writes (11 December 2010):
I've been reading through this, and quite a lot of people's responses. I agree with Cerberus to be honest, which is I suppose a wee bit ironic in my situation. But I do. And I obviously agree with the article. Teachers train for like 3 years, more even, to be educated in how which ever age group they teach's mind works. So for teenagers, they obviously learn how their mind works.
I do not have any feelings for my teacher. But people say he has for me, most of it is lame rumours from one of my so called "friends", but reading tennisstar88's response, I've been thinking.
" ...or telling you that you're pretty then I would label that flirting which is highly inappropriate non-teacher like behavior"
I read that and thought "Oh f***" (excuse me for my language). I've got along with this teacher for quite a long time, for most of the 2 years he's taught at my school (the first two months we despised each other, and all of a sudden he started talking to me and being really nice, which I never got why). I'm not actually from Bulgaria btw, it's just to hide my idenity. But I always thought it was because I'm a foreigner to the country where I live, and I do sometimes get attention from teachers yes, out of admiration I suppose, that's what my form tutor said anyway, and because all the teachers say I'm a very open, mature, friendly, funny person. But this teacher has been saying that I'm charming and beautiful (he said it once in his first year at my school, I walked off, and he shouted "Did you understand what I meant?" and I just went "Oh yes!" and walked very quickly. A second time in the school year when I had my braces taken off, and the third time just a few days ago actually...)
The first time he said that to me, I felt like reporting him. I was scared. But when I saw that he didn't confront me about walking off, or try and get it on with me, I thought "It's okay, he won't bother."
I talk to him quite a lot, as I get along with him, but despite my friend (who is creating rumours and saying stuff like "Oh you should go out with him!") saying that I'm flirting with him, I'm just being myself, like I am with everyone else. And I'm not letting anything through, no flirting, just being normal (well as normal as I can be anyway haha)
The thing is, part of him wants to know if he does have feelings for me or not. I'd rather know. And then at least it's out (I wouldn't tell anyone unless he actually did make a proper move on me, like you see in the posts on here where teachers have sex with their pupils IN THE CLASSROOMS, I mean, how sick is that?) and we can both move on. Us both ? I wouldn't have this slight wobble (mostly out of nervousness and anxiety) whenever he says anything a bit too nice to me, and him, well, obviously if he has feelings for me.
I've been talking to my best friend (who's at a different school) who has met this teacher before at open days about this. She said she wouldn't be suprised if he did have feelings for me. But I'm not the kind of teenage girl who would just fling themself at the teacher.
And in case Cerberus sees this, I saw what she wrote for the girl constantly pointing out she was mature. I'm not constantly pointing things out to try and deny anything, or to ignore/cover up the fact that I'm not 16 yet (I am in a month though hehe) and it's not legal etc etc. I just think that it was important I pointed this out because otherwise people will say "Stop going after him and flinging yourself at him".
This is really long, and not many of you will read this, but I hope that maybe in reading everyone's experiences and points of view, this could be very helpful to someone. Reading all this just made me realize, oh, I'm screwed, no wonder my "friend" says he fancies me and is spreading rumours. Okay, I'm not okay with what she's doing, but I can kinda understand...
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): @maverick494 what i mean is i think they need help to realise how a forty odd year old teacher sees a sixteen year old girl. It's delusional to think that a man that age who wants to have a progressive relationship (by that i mean normal relationship, hope that makes sense) with someone who is 16 isn't slight off balance in their mind!
I don't believe that whole "i'm mature for my age thing" makes a massive difference, even if you are more mature in one aspect it cannot be in every area of your life, and ESPECIALLY not relationships or love. I know that anyone in the situation i was last year will not agree until they reflect upon how they felt a year or so later as i did. i do believe that you can genuinely love a teacher and it is horrible.
i think one lesson girls who like older men NEED to know is that you may like an older guy because your attracted to maturity (not because you are mature necessarily) but they only way that attraction is returned is if that guy is immature.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"as long as they are legal its fine" It's not fine because it's never legal. Never. So your point goes out the window. Nobody said teenagers aren't capable of love, we said it's ILLEGAL for a teacher to abuse their power.
How easy is it to convince a 9 year old to do something? Very easy right? because you're 16 and you know what it's like to be 9, you know what a 9 year old wants, what they want to hear, what they like to believe. So you as a mature 16 year old can convince a 9 year old to go rob a mars bar for you if you like because you know how easy it is to manipulate them. Well an adult teacher can do the same to you, because they too were 16, they know your fears wants and desires too. They're trained in learning how your brain works and they're trained to manipulate you in a good way to ensure you get good grades. Any teacher who would use those skills and that power entrusted to them to use a pupil for sex is horrible person, because they know it's illegal and this is wrong. They also know that teenagers version of romance comes from harry potter and the twilight movies and they believe in "the one" or that "love conquers all" well we adults know different.
That's why we made it illegal.
If he does feel the same then he's a scumbag, how many adult relationships have you had? Huh? How many? I assume none, well he's an adult why do you think he'd want a relationship with a student, a relationship that will cost him his career and send him to jail, put him on the sex offenders register. For what? For a girl that might change her mind in 6 months? You say you're mature, we'll if you really were then you wouldn't have to say you were, you wouldn't have to prove it to anyone and you wouldn't for on second think it's okay to date a teacher because you know what love is? Love is the desire to put that other person first, if you really loved this guy then you never consider ruining his career or sending him to jail because when you love someone you do whatever it takes to protect them even if it means you can never have them.
But you're right and every adult in the world is wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo my knowledge Q took a break and posts as anonymous now without an account. I'm not sure though.
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 December 2010):
Good article. Though I have to say that I wish teachers were always as professional as you make them out to be.
For example, my now ex teacher (who quit his job a month ago) is trying to get me to sleep with him. He previously sent other girls who used to be his student e-mails and one ended up having sex with him after he got her pretty drunk. Now she has to get a pregnancy test because she can't remember if they used protection or not. As you can imagine, I never sent him an e-mail back.
But anyway, I gather this dude is the exception, not the rule. And there's ofcourse the difference that I'm an adult and not a 15 y/o girl.
@Moon River:
What do you mean when you say that girls who go through this "need proper help"? And what kind of help? This makes it seem like you insinuate they need to see a shrink or psychologist.
Oh, I also wonder where Q went! I actually sent the mods a message but they never answered. Does anyone know what happened to him?
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 December 2010):
Good article. Though I have to say that I wish teachers were always as professional as you make them out to be.
For example, my now ex teacher (who quit his job a month ago) is trying to get me to sleep with him. He previously sent other girls who used to be his student e-mails and one ended up having sex with him after he got her pretty drunk. Now she has to get a pregnancy test because she can't remember if they used protection or not. As you can imagine, I never sent him an e-mail back.
But anyway, I gather this dude is the exception, not the rule. And there's ofcourse the difference that I'm an adult and not a 15 y/o girl.
@Moon River:
What do you mean when you say that girls who go through this "need proper help"? And what kind of help? This makes it seem like you insinuate they need to see a shrink or psychologist.
Oh, I also wonder where Q went! I actually sent the mods a message but they never answered. Does anyone know what happened to him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): have you guys ever asked yourself " what if he is really the one!" i have so many times about a certain teacher im in love with .. yeah so what im 16 and people tell me i dont know what love is .. well im telling those people now .. you`ve all gone through this at some stage .. i hate it when people say ah get over it .. i dont care i think he is the one! .. im a mature 16 year old unlike my fellow classmates .. i dont go out trying to kiss randomers i dont know! .. i have respect for myself ..but anyways back to the point .. i think its hurtful and down right mean when people say us students are infactuated! we are bloody in love! .. if you cant stop thinking about him/her .. anything people say about love that person comes to mind its LOVE! Love can come in diff ages .. as long as they are legal its fine ..i just want people to stop with the hurtful things " oh he doesnt like you get over it!" How the hell do you know he doesnt feel the same way?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaha anonymous reader. That's as true as God sending those priests to abuse those kids.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): This is a stupidly hard journey to go through as a teenage girl. Working out that an adult sees you as a child is something I'm sure people work out anyway but it's hurtful when you feel as if you love that person.I don't know why but I have been one of the unfortunate kids who seems to have continuously had a crush on one teacher or another. Gutted haha.This year that's finally over, I don't fancy any of my teachers!!! I can safely say that it's horrible to be in that situation and in hindsight that "unrequited love" just made me really really sad and dysfunctional.I think girls who go through this like I did really should get proper help, I have had feeling for a teacher I never had for my first love! It's a horrible situation to be in and I think these girls really need sympathy and proper help.Good job DC exists. Thats how I found this site 3 years ago. I have had a fair few user names since then. What happened to that Q guy???
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reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (8 December 2010):
 A LOT of teenagers get the misconception that staring is flirting. Let me correct you, no it's not. Just because you think your teacher is eyeballing you, that doesn't mean they want to date you. They could be looking out the window that you're sitting by, staring at that atrocious bedhead you failed to brush this morning, or staring off into space due to thought.
Now, if the teacher is touching you in any way, complimenting that short skirt you have on, or telling you that you're pretty then I would label that flirting which is highly inappropriate non-teacher like behavior. Like Dirtball said, that teacher needs to be reported to the principal, guidance counselor, or another teacher immediately.
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reader, dirtball +, writes (8 December 2010):
Hey anon, we're not saying teachers never flirt. We're saying that much of that behavior that's interpreted as flirting is actually just the teacher taking that mentorship role and having their actions interpreted by a crushing teen as flirting. Often, things that they never intended as such is twisted in the minds of people who want there to be more meaning there.
Some teachers do flirt. I've seen it too. Those are bad teachers. They should not be flirting with students. They should be reported and repremanded before they step over that line.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): i know everyone on this site says teachers never flirt i personally think youre wrong some teachers in my school flirt and no ive not misinterpretted (Sorry if the spellings wrong) theres no way it wasnt flirting but having said this i agree with the fact its illegal i know personally i think if i had a relationship with a teacher after a while id realise hes abused his posistion of authourity im not saying dont be close to a teacher theres one teacher im close to and hes like a mentor figure to me almost like a older brother/dad he inspired me so much and i know once i turn 18 we'll get back in contact but as friends and nothing more i know im not mature enough to handle a 'proper' relationship and im a mature 15 year old but if a random 30 year old guy started flirting with you having sex with you you would thinking that he was a paedophile? wait till your 18 and i bet your mindset will have changed so much over the next few years. all you aunts and uncles who say teachers never flirt are so wrong i know in my school at least a lot of the male teachers flirt but its harmless and they never ever touch one of us at all its all verbal anyway rant over sorry if its long
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reader, dirtball +, writes (6 December 2010):
Judging love has absolutely nothing to do with this. I know I'm preaching to someone who won't listen, but this all boils down to legality and morality. It's the same reason why there was an investigation into Pres. Clinton when Monica gave him a BJ. The question was weather he used his position of authority to coerce a girl into a sexual situation. They were both conscenting adults, but if he would have been found guilty of that he would have lost his job too.
A teacher is no different. They are an authority figure. As such, any relationship outside of the teacher/student relationship is out of bounds and improper.
It's not wrong to crush on someone. It's not wrong to even feel you have love for them. It is wrong to act on those feelings in certain circumstances. This is one of those circumstances.
Name calling proves a lack of maturity. Argue your points on the merit of your argument. That's a point that will serve you well if you choose to listen to it.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 December 2010):
Please look up the meaning of hypocrisy before you use the word, it shows your lack of education and experience. As far as I know there hasn't been an aunt/uncle on here saying you shouldn't have anything to do with a teacher romantically, while that same aunt/uncle was wildly banging a student.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"You "Aunts" on here a bunch of hypocrits! How are you supposed to judge love?! What is "love" then!? Why is it that because we are young we dont know what love is!?"
Newsflash: We were all your age once, we know what your version of love is because we felt it too, we've lived through your age with the same desires, needs and the same interpretation of love. We're not judging love, and we're not judging your love. Your love is as real as anyone else and your entitled to it, your love matters just as much as anyone elses it's not better nor worse.
The very fact that you think that's what we're saying means you're nowhere near mature enough to have an adult relationship with an adult that can't LEGALLY be with you. You're rebelling against the idea that you're somehow not allowed to have him. That's not the way it is, you can have him if you like, you are allowed to have him, but he CANNOT have you. He's not allowed in any way to use you like that because it is using. We're telling you that your teacher doesn't have the same version of love as you, what he feels for you is not love. He's not in love with you, he's horny, preying on a young girl, if he acts on his desires.
Why would it be made illegal then? Because we hate teenagers or something? Because we want to stop teenagers experiencing love? Why do 99% of adults think it's completely wrong to do, so much so we imprison teachers that do? Why do you think 100% of parents wouldn't want their child being taught by a teacher that has sex with his pupils? Are all of those adults wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): You "Aunts" on here a bunch of hypocrits! How are you supposed to judge love?! What is "love" then!? Why is it that because we are young we dont know what love is!?
Yes I am in love with my teacher and I know that if he acted on it,it is wrong but Im going to wait for him so we can be together if that is what he wants too!
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reader, dirtball +, writes (6 December 2010):
If you have a teacher in High School, make a vow to not tell them until after you finish COLLEGE! If you still have your crush by then, go for it. Nobody can rightfully call you a kid under their influence anymore.
I don't get what's so hard to understand about this. It's the same as a boss coming onto a subordinate. Sure it may be legal in the eyes of the law, but it's abuse of a position of authority and is banned in most workplaces. Teacher/student relationships are no different. They are not right and illegal in many places for good reason.
foreverlove, good luck. Do you think your love will survive his jail term? That's where he belongs weather you agree or not.
Great article Cerberus!
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reader, Jmtmj +, writes (6 December 2010):
Don't be so quick to invite teenagers on your band wagon when it could be heading off a cliff...
You haven't been caught... yet. Maybe you should wait until you've had a successful, public and responsible relationship with this teacher as an ex student before encouraging others to try to take that path. You're yet to see the consequences of your relationship on both of your lives.
I hope your teacher is willing to lose his job even if you do date as an ex-student. Schools don't muck about with this stuff and they are more than within their right to fire him. You think once other student's parents find out that he's dating a just recently ex-student that they won't kick up a fuss about him teaching their own children? They won't trust him, the school won't defend him, they'll roll him over in a heartbeat.
Even if it does work out for you, (and don't get me wrong, I do oddly enough- maybe because you sound somewhat responsible and can probably control yourself until you're 18), but please remember that you'd be a very rare success story. That is IF it works out for you when this secret gets out...
I've been a teacher, I've seen the other side of the fence and to condone ex-teacher/student relationships... that's just plain irresponsible and likely to give a lot of false hope to a lot of infatuated teens.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Why is it that half of the Aunts on this say either we are making it up or its not happening!?"
Because we know better, we're adults aware of exactly what that teacher is doing.
There is a reason it's illegal, we haven't made this kind of thing illegal just for fun. We haven't made it illegal because we don't like love or that we want to keep people apart. We made it illegal because school kids are not in a position to make that decision themselves, they're not old enough nor experienced in life enough to know what that teacher is doing, which is abusing his power as a teacher to use his students for sex. They're not old enough nor mature enough to know what is happening or how this will work out. Because with that power she/he can easily persuade the student that "it's real love" "that they can be together in the future" "that love conquers all". Most of the aunts here know that is a crock of shit.
You might believe all the stuff your teacher says, we know he's lying and the fact he was willing to abuse his power and the trust your parents placed in him to take advantage of you is proof that he's a liar. It's not that you didn't choose to be with him or that you shouldn't be able to make your own choices,it's that he's an adult with authority and a duty entrusted to him to protect his students, not use this authority to seduce them.
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reader, foreverlove +, writes (6 December 2010):
Don't agree with this one bit. You can't help falling for a teacher and when you get too involved both parties have a lot to carry round with them. And trust me I know what im talking about and so does the teacher im with. Yes it hurts somedays and to know that if it slipped out there would be a bit problem. But tbh I care about him and he does about me!
No this is not in my head this is really happening to me. If a sutdent does fall for a teacher and let him or her walk away what if they really were the one for them? As long as your happy and it is a responsiable relationship then I think it should happen then when the student leave it can just grow and grow.
Why is it that half of the Aunts on this say either we are making it up or its not happening!? This is happening and I don't plan to stop untill in out of the school and we can be with each other after!
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