A
female
age
36-40,
*nn84
writes:Hello Guys,One of my friend gave my number to his cousin and sent to each other our pic and we liked each other and exchanged the numbers.. since one month we texted to each other and sometimes called.. he asked me to hand out twice but unfortunately i was so busy with my studying and said him no.. then big time came and we finally met with each other at his cousin's bday party and really liked each other.. at first i was shy but then more open and didint hesitate to talk and when we left the house, he texted me he cant wait to see me.. since bday party, he called me eveyrday once and texted me barely cause i know he is busy and im busy as well..then he asked me to hang out again.. even though i had exams i told him yes and went to drink coffee last sat. but eveyrthing went bad.. i got dressed like 3 hours and my mind was another place thinking of my upcoming finals but on the other hand i wanted to spend more timehere is the mistakes i made:i didint talk so much cause i was both nervous and thinking of my finalsthen when i was talking to him, i diidnt look at his eyes all the time sometimes looked at the tv in a restaurant but didint do it on purposely then after 1.5 hour he took me to home but i wanted to spend more time so i told him to go bars but he didint want to and told me spend the time in car and i said no cause i didint want to spend my time in the car in the 1st datethen he dropped me to homeit was so bad and he texted to me saying gnite and texted to him i wish i could spend more time..he told me we can make that better i said him sorry then we ended up textingnext day he didint even text meand texted him i was sorry about the date and told like him and wanted to hang out again but he didint answer my question only said he was suprised since i was more open at bday party then told him sometimes it happenssince that day, im the one who texted to him.. but neither text nor call me
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (17 December 2010):
 Exactly, dirtball. "I will let you know" means: He will let you know. Texting him again before he texts you will only make things worse so you are just going to have to be patient. But here's the deal - if he never texts you it means he is not interested. It doesn't mean he forgot or is undecided. If he wants to go out with you again he will make sure you know.
Now all you can do is wait.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (17 December 2010):
 I'll repeat myself again. Guys are straight forward. His text literally means that he'll let you know.
He is now weighing if he wants to give it another go. He will let you know when he is ready. If you don't hear from him for about a week you can write him off completely.
Remember, everyone is really busy around this time of the year.
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A
female
reader, ann84 +, writes (17 December 2010):
ann84 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ TIM, he texted me saying " thanks, i will let u know"
U told me he doesnt want to hang out if he really wanted he would have said it directly
So does his last text mean he doesnt want to meet if yes, why he said let me know instead of no?
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (17 December 2010):
At this point you can't text him anymore. You have left it in his hands and if he wants to see you again he will let you know. Otherwise, if you keep texting him you are going to seem desperate and stalker-like which won't help you.
The simple fact of the matter is if he really wanted to see you he would give you a straight answer. He has not, which means you should probably just let it go and move on. Use this as a learning experience.
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A
female
reader, ann84 +, writes (17 December 2010):
ann84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok guys i texted to him one more time saying that
"I hope you enjoy your party. Is there a different time that we could get together to try a second date?"
it has been for 3 hours but no text from him
i tr
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (16 December 2010):
Are you really the age you posted as?
I answered you in the PM you sent me, but here it is again.
If you like him, text him that you are wondering if there is a better date to try a second date. Plain and simple.
He doesn't need to apologize for having plans. Sure, it's a nice gesture, but not necessary. You shot him down, now you need to do some chasing if you are interested.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): It sounds like he is trying to blow you off. So let it be. You should never put all your eggs in one basket anyway.
You are giving him way too much information to try to redeem yourself and I think you are going about it all wrong. I mean you guys only met once at a party and had coffee another time and already you are texting him that you like him and to give you another chance...just stop!! That is way too much information! You only met a couple times!! Giving too much information is definitely going to scare him off! Guys like girls who are a bit more mysterious. Where it takes a little bit of figuring out on their part. They like to do the chasing. So just stop this.
I know you feel like you screwed up but stop blaming yourself so much for this and stop putting so much importance on this kid. I mean yeah you were nervous and aloof and sending mixed signals, it happens! Oh well. If that's not good enough for him then so be it.
Really just stop contacting him, stop feeling bad and just learn from what happened and move on. This guy was only in your life for a tiny tiny fraction of it. It isn't the end of the world. You really should not feel like you need to put this much effort and this much thought into this guy you barely know! If he can't see past it and doesn't want to put his effort into it then let it be. You can do better. Learn from it and move. But please stop feeling bad! Obviously he wasn't that interested to begin with. So do yourself a favor and don't worry about it anymore.
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A
female
reader, ann84 +, writes (16 December 2010):
ann84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok dirtball ur right.. he has plans the same day that i offered and what can i do? but he didnt even tell me sorry or next time....
i didint text him back so u think should i text him back?
the 2nd one is u made a comment about what i said
but if he didint like me that much, why did he text me after we date the same night when i told him: i wish i could spend more time and he asnwered me we can make that better... then whats that mean? and what will i do?"
That meant he wanted to spend more time with you. He didn't like the way it was left either. Then you turned him down.
yeah he didint like the way it was left but i didnt turn him down cause these texting was happening after date and told him sorry and wanted to go out again and told him nervous so it doesnt mean i turned him down...
im confused cause he is the one telling me when i told him like that we can make that better:) then i texted to him and he knows i was nervous too
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (16 December 2010):
"why he doesnt give me one more chance i dont even understand... what do you think?"
Actually, he sounded open. Just because he already had plans for the day you suggested doesn't make him not interested. You are reading way to far into his comment. Remember: GUYS ARE STRAIGHT FORWARD! He didn't "kinda" do anything. He told you that date wouldn't work. Your follow up should be, "Is there a day that would work better for you?"
"but if he didint like me that much, why did he text me after we date the same night when i told him: i wish i could spend more time and he asnwered me we can make that better... then whats that mean? and what will i do?"
That meant he wanted to spend more time with you. He didn't like the way it was left either. Then you turned him down. MIXED SIGNALS. How is it you aren't getting this?
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A
female
reader, ann84 +, writes (16 December 2010):
ann84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk guys, i really appreciate your comments.. and i was so upset also sent him after the day we dated and telling him: sorry the date didint go well i was nervous and i like you.. i would like to hang out again.would u like that? but he just answered me yeah i know my cousin told me the same but i was suprised since you were more open at bday party and i answered him sometimes it happens and he only said awwww
then i tried again 2 days later and texted him how he is doing he told me busy and asked me how im doing and told him oh ok good luck w your work
and again 2 days later which is today i wanted one more time and texted to him asked him since my finals are done, u wanna hang out on saturday?
and he texted me like 3 hours later told me: hey, i have a meeting and big xmas party i wasnt be on the island(the place where we are both living)
and i didint text him back... he didint even tell me sorry
ok i made a mistake and he knew it and i said sorry ok and he knows im more open but just when we are alone, i couldnt talk... he shouldnt judge me just because of that and he knows im sorry
why he doesnt give me one more chance i dont even understand... what do you think? after his text and kinda refused me, i feel sooooo bad....i guess he didint like me that much.. but if he didint like me that much, why did he text me after we date the same night when i told him: i wish i could spend more time and he asnwered me we can make that better... then whats that mean? and what will i do?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): Yeah like Dirtball says you were sending mixed signals and that often sends guys flying.
But don't worry, you live and learn. Maybe just send one more follow up text when you are done with finals. Just say that you are sorry for the mixed signals (its perfectly ok to acknowledge where you went wrong), you were in finals, now there over and are open to seeing him again sometime if he would like. And that's that. Leave it at that. If he reply's then great. If not, then he is just not the guy for you.
You need to understand that he probably liked you and himself was nervous and perhaps felt rejected and confused, maybe even thought you didn't like him that much, who knows? But the truth is that if he really liked you he would try to give it another go. So if he is calling it quits then there is no sense worrying too much about it. Everything's going to be ok. And next time, go on a date when you are ready to (not in the middle of finals or when you are having a bad day). Just try to be more confident and don't send mixed signals. Be straightforward in what you say and your body language. As you see you have more to lose playing games than just being straigthforward. And that's that. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 December 2010):
 Think of it this way. Dating is like interviewing for a job, in this case, the job title is "girlfriend." First impressions are very important. What did this guy learn about you? He learned you don't make eye contact, you are antsy in his presence and distracted by other things. You appeared bored at the coffee shop and instead suggested going to bars. So what does he think you are? A bored, fidgety drinker with low-self esteem and no time for him.
No wonder you didn't get the second interview.
I'm not sure this one can be salvaged, actually. Lay off the texting for now. Tell your cousin you feel awful about how you behaved on the date and give the explanation. Then you can only wait. And as dirtball said, this was a life lesson for you.
You certainly won't make the same mistake on the next date, now, will you?
Good luck in the wilds of dating.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (16 December 2010):
What you don't say is just as important as what you do say on a date. Especially a first one. Body language is VERY important. It sounds like he sensed that you're mind was elsewhere and, like dirtball said, mixed messages are a big turnoff.
At this point your only salvation is another date. Someway, somehow you need to get another date with him. Not a "meetup" with some friends or something like that, but a true date with just the two of you. Then you can be honest with him. Tell him the same thing you are telling us... that you were nervous about the date in addition to being stressed from school. Then just spend the rest of the night being honest with him. Make lots of eye contact. Don't focus on anything else but him. And above all else, be honest.
How to get another date? Without messaging him or calling him too much and sounding like a stalker, I'd just either text or say to him once: "Hey, I really screwed up our date the other night and I'd really like a second chance." If it works, great, but if not then you need to just let it go and move on.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (16 December 2010):
Life lesson time. If you aren't prepared to focus on your date, then don't go on the date.
Really, that wasn't the turn off though. What would have been the turn off for me was when you told me to go somewhere else, and then later said you wished we could spend more time together. This makes you look like a psycho. Don't say something you don't want, because when he then offered, you turned him down. That's a manipulative game and most men won't be back when they see shit like that.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Guys hate mixed messages. We're straight forward and we like it if you are too.
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