A
male
age
41-50,
*by1
writes:Lesson learned!!! After being told tonight, i will not get back with you, so just leave me alone. If a woman can throw away 7 years and 2 sons, a nice home, her 3 step daughters just because of some email and text flirting then im at a loose end with life.I will never get involved in a relationship with a woman as long as i live. I'm 35 in a few weeks and have lost it all, all i ever loved and wanted. women can jog on from now on. im not willing to put myself in a position so i get hurt and spend my life crying and feeling miserable like i currently am.Is this the right attitude? Has anybody else been burned and decided to stay away forever from the opposite sex?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 December 2010):
 Another term for it is 'couples' counseling. I have friends who weren't married who needed it.
So you never got around to getting married, after she had the baby? And then another one? Hm. Perhaps she wasn't as committed to you as would have been desirable in a couple with two children. So the wedding was all planned and then after she got pregnant, she never pursued getting married again?
I think in terms of the children's welfare, it would be prudent for you to make sure you are taking steps to show your parental concern and fitness is up to the mark. Go see the couples counselor without her, make sure it's all documented and that you are doing what needs to be done to ensure the children's well-being. Start to think logically about what needs to be done, rather than emotionally. It may take a little time for your anger to cool down but I think you sound rash and hotheaded right now and could use some proper guidance from a professional so you don't do something that will come back and bite you later.
A
male
reader, tby1 +, writes (15 December 2010):
tby1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question we wasnt married, she had planned our wedding, every detail, but she got pregnant and said she didnt want to look fat on her wedding day. ive asked her to come counselling but she has refused that and says she can sort out her own problems
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 December 2010):
I'm not sure she thinks she's ruining her life, or the kids. I think she probably thinks shes doing what she needs to do to protect herself and them.
I guess you don't have a marriage counselor? If you want to try to make this thing workable, I think it's time you went and got one. At the very least, it'll show you're trying to understand.
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A
male
reader, tby1 +, writes (15 December 2010):
tby1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfao Tisha-1
i have taken responsibility for my actions, i dont see thou why she feels the need to destroy my life, her life, our 7 kids lives and our family and friends over some text messages.
so no i wont get involved in a relationship ever again, thanks to this horrible selfish woman ive got to remain single forever in the hope she will ask me back also aswell as never trusting or wanting to be hurt again
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 December 2010):
Sounds like a plan then. If not a good one. Own your problems, take responsibility, remember you contributed to the relationship's demise. You've just had a life lesson. You don't appear to have done the homework. Other women didn't put you where you are now. You are where you are because of actions you took before she ended it. Wait, another woman did contribute, the text friend, but other women in the world? Not so much. Your anger is misplaced, sadly it seems you don't get that just yet.
What does the marriage counselor say?
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A
male
reader, tby1 +, writes (15 December 2010):
tby1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questiononly thing ive learned thru all of this is im never gonna be loyal and faithfull to any woman again and when a woman says to me that she truly loves me and wants to be with me forever ill just laugh cos its total bollox. for the love of my life to treat me like this and as she has just messaged me 'i just dont want ya simple as that' then im never getting hurt again, i will just screw around until i die
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 December 2010):
I think I've read one of your other posts. Aren't you the one who's exes have now joined forces and the most recent ex dumped you because you were sexting and emailing someone else? Then you promised her you'd never do it again?
Then you did it again?
Maybe she didn't want to go through the same process again, maybe she just doesn't trust you enough. Maybe her love for you wasn't enough to overcome the mistrust and anger?
If you want to stay away from dating anyone ever ever again, that's fine, it's your choice. It's just such an oddly teenager-ish response. A lack of ownership for your transgressions and a very dramatic renunciation of dating.
The attitude may be understandable for a fresh break up. Give it some time and see if you come to terms with an ugly truth: actions have consequences. Maybe she should have given you a THIRD chance, but maybe she'd just decided that there wasn't enough worthy of saving? The risks outweighed the benefits?
Well, if you do absorb the lesson, maybe the third time will work out better for you, if you do overcome the current aversion to women.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (15 December 2010):
 No, I don't agree with that attitude. You seem to think you're the victim in this situation, but flirting with other women through text and email isn't exactly innocent. In fact, it's considered emotional cheating.
It's not some trivial thing, it's a betrayal of trust because you're showing a side of yourself only your wife should see. How would she know it didn't go any further?
Although you shouldn't swear off dating, you shouldn't think of yourself as blameless either. Everything we do has an impact on the people closest to us.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): been dangerously close to the idea...try thinking about why though
not all guys are jackasses and not all girls are sweet and the same not all girls are jackasses and not all guys are sweet
were all just human ...getting burned happens to both genders and isnt going to determine who to love
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): I would love to know why you text flirted. I am in a similar situation and I realize that I am in a serious position and at risk of losing everything. I don't think I am really happy so I am curious if you are...maybe it's for the best
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 December 2010):
 I liken this to the prayer to the porcelain god the morning after getting wasted. "Please god, just get me through this and I'll never drink again." Then what happens? Yup.
It's actually fairly common to swear off something that has hurt you, be it relationships, a particular food, a job. Some things you can do without, but some things just have too much appeal.
I think you need to do whatever it takes for you to feel good. Take your time. Just don't be so sure about "never." Never is a really long time and you could miss out on something great.
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