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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I feel like he has chewed up my heart and has thrown it into the trash!
Q. Hello all. I have a good guy friend. He has a girlfriend. But this has not stopped him from flirting with me and leading me on. He has treated me like a girlfriend. I continued to hold on because I thought, probably foolishly, that one day he ...
A. 31 August 2012: Are you having sex with this guy? or is it just a 'friendship'?... (read in full...)
Regarding her expenses, what should I do?
Q. I really need all the advice I can get regarding my relationship. First off I'm lesbian, and my girlfriend and I have been together a little over two years. I love her and am in love with her. My love language is being there emotionally, physically, ...
A. 31 August 2012: 'My girlfriend always say I have money but I would rather spend someone else's money on whatever I need'
Enough said I think!!!
You are completely love blind and she is playing you like a slot machine...
Everything else she has said is jus... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's cheating ex is coming over to stay with her and I'm not cool with it!
Q. Please help?! I met this girl a few months ago on a dating website. Anyway I totally fell for her. I'm in love with her. She totally blew me away. However there has been a few situations. Please let me explain. I have on 3 separate occasions c...
A. 31 August 2012: Are you over reacting??..in my opinion...no you are not.
This girl has you dangling on a string and she absolutely knows that you like her so much that she can treat you as badly as she wants, because you won't ever quit on her.
The way she i... (read in full...)
Is this shaping up as another failed relationship? Or does he just need some space to be sure about us?
Q. Hi there I have been seeing a guy for a couple of months, we have been on some amazing dates. We did sleep together, but was not straight away and that was all good too. As soon as things started to get even better he has withdrawn and not aske...
A. 24 August 2012: Unless he has told you he needs space, it's hard to know exactly what is going on and after all, you are not a mind reader.
If you just had a casual thing but didn't put a lable on it, then maybe he has decided to call it a day and been a bit of a... (read in full...)
Why do I always meet "Mr. Wrong"?
Q. Dear aunts and unles. I wake up everything morning with a knot in my stomach over a guy and it's silly as I know we were nothing to begin with. I guess I'm so sad as yet again I can't keep a man. is it me???! P.s I'm not here for judgement I'm ...
A. 24 August 2012: Crikey us girls!!!...we don't half put ourselves through it don't we???
Been there myself darling, always managed to attract the guy with 'issues' because something in me told me I could help them/save them/give them the love they needed..... (read in full...)
How can an ex lover and ex Boyfriend successfully become a friend? Or am I wasting my time caring about him?
Q. I have a Ex-boyfriend who I still have feelings for AND miss. When I first started him he was very generous AND kind as he still is. I was scared to get too close to him because we were very different with out race, religion, AND race. From p...
A. 24 August 2012: This whole situation you are in has 'emotional trainwreck' all over it...you are experiencing the rather unpleasant side effects already and there is just one thing that is allowing you to continue...
Your inability to LET GO.
From what you... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend is a professional liar and cheat. How do I tell both new ladies about each other, without leading back to me?
Q. I am an ex of boyfriend who is professional liar and cheater... I left him after 18 months, but then I was shocked to accidently find secret accounts, dating site membership. Membership to secret email...(he left his IPAD open accidently in bathroom...
A. 24 August 2012: You could go ahead and tell them but I doubt they will take much notice. Women tend to get love blindness when they meet someone new and will probably just assume (with his help) that you are the Psycho jealous ex. I'd let them discover his hidden ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is putting his dog before our relationship!
Q. This situation is very complicated. Myself and my partner have been together and split up again several times in the past. Each time we split up we have got back together and this time I am totally ready to put 100% into making our relationship work ...
A. 24 August 2012: I completely understand your fear of dogs and I do think it's a bit ridiculous for your boyfriend to say you cannot touch or go near him in front of the dog...if the dog is so sensitive/agressive then your boyfriend needs to realise that it's very ... (read in full...)
He thought I was seeing someone else, because I was happy.
Q. Hi everyone , I am in a long distance relationship .we see each other often ,but money is tight .I saw him over the weekend ,and he thought i was seeing someone else and the reason was because i was happy . I was shocked when he told me and i said i...
A. 20 August 2012: If he doesn't trust you over such an insignificant think then it's probably fair to say that he's going to always be hard work where trust is concerned.
He may have had previous experiences with other people that have damamged his ability to trust... (read in full...)
Kiss and run! What's up with this younger guy?
Q. Hey. I am SO confused right now. I met Jay on a work training course, he is 13yrs younger than me. We hit it off, all was good until he walked me to my car, we spent over an hour kissing. He followed it up with a text straight away saying 'wow that ...
A. 20 August 2012: Sounds like he doesn't mind spending the odd date with you (when it suits him) but he isn't interested in taking things further.
If he was more interested then he'd be actively chasing you instead of you chasing him (which you are doing). Ok so he... (read in full...)
How do I get my ex to leave me alone?
Q. I split up with my boyfriend a year and a half ago and he left me with 2 kids and the mortgage to pay. He married after 8 months and has a baby on the way which depresses me no end. Because I struggled financially my home is being repossessed and ...
A. 19 August 2012: I agree...
Cut all contact and if he comes to your house phone the police and apply for a restraining order.
You are very vulnerable at the moment, try to avoid getting into another relationship until you have gotten the situation with y... (read in full...)
Met a girl, we got naked, though no condom. Then I stopped the sex. But could I have caught a STD or made her pregnant?
Q. Hi there, I hope someone can help me. A couple of weeks ago I met this girl in a bar and we were both really drunk. We ended up going back to her flat and started ripping each others clothes off. We got naked, although I think I left my underwea...
A. 19 August 2012: If you didn't put your penis inside her or you still had your shorts on, it's highly unlikely that she could be pregnant, however not all STI's require penetration to be passed around, something like herpes or genital warts can be passed just by ... (read in full...)
How can I tell if this is a real date - Is he interested in dating me? Or just a friendship?
Q. Hello Everyone, I have a little dilemma here, and hope you can help me figure it out. I was at a street party with a friend in August 2011 and we bumped into a guy she knew, they got talking and she introduced us. The guy and I got along quit...
A. 19 August 2012: He clearly isn't offering romance, in fact he's been quite stoic and flaky, so it appears he is more interested in a friendship rather than a relationship.
He works abroad, so he may just be one of those people who likes a few reliable folk on ... (read in full...)
Five dates and no chemistry? Are my dating expectations unrealistic? Any thoughts on what to do?
Q. I need help.I am a 50year old divorced women. I went through a horrible time with my divorce that took years of my life away from me. I have tried to put one foot in front of the other in the dating world. I did not have success with online dati...
A. 19 August 2012: It's good news if you get lots of male attention, because it optimizes your chance of running into someone special whom you might make a relationship with or even a good friendship.
When I say invisible, what I mean is that women our age usually ... (read in full...)
Why did I sleep with my best friend's husband? I know I betrayed my friend. How do I fix this?
Q. My best friend, her husband and I have been friends since the 10th grade. My friend and I both got married 2 years after we left high school. I got divorced and they remained married. Throughout the 16 yrs that they've been married they both have...
A. 19 August 2012: Drunk or not...yes you betrayed her. He clearly took advantage, for whatever reason and whichever way you look at it, there probably will never be a recovery from this.
You can either avoid them from now on but leave her confused as to why you ... (read in full...)
Five dates and no chemistry? Are my dating expectations unrealistic? Any thoughts on what to do?
Q. I need help.I am a 50year old divorced women. I went through a horrible time with my divorce that took years of my life away from me. I have tried to put one foot in front of the other in the dating world. I did not have success with online dati...
A. 19 August 2012: I think, after a certain age women become invisible so it becomes so much harder to impress and even harder to find the right partner.
If you have been through an unpleasant marriage and divorce it's a natural thing to raise the bar a little a... (read in full...)
Is there a different way of handling this situation or should we just go our separate ways?
Q. I've been with my bf for 2yrs now. We have a lil girl thats 9 months, We have a great relationship good communication great sex everything is good! A few months ago he asked me how many partners have I had I told him 10 including him. It was too ...
A. 17 August 2012: I think any person who judges another on their past relationships and sexual conquests after the fact is completely deluded and ridiculous to be honest.
If they know they behave like a total jerk on hearing such information they should either c... (read in full...)
She doesn't want to be FWB because she says she'll want to get back with me. Does this mean she has feelings for me?
Q. My gf and I were dating for 5 years, in secret, because she didnt want anyone to know. She ended it in January because she said it wasnt working. We still in contact and yesterday we had a long chat about sex and becoming friends with benefits. S...
A. 17 August 2012: Yes she has feelings for you. If you want to get back with her you better offer more than just casual sex because that (especially for an ex) is a real slap in the face.
There must be another reason why she doesn't want people to know she dated yo... (read in full...)
My Wedding soon, and I'm on track to lose some weight. Can you help motivate me more, with some happy weight loss stories?
Q. Hi! I will be married in 8 weeks and want to lose some weight (5-6 kilos) I've already talked to a doctor and a nutritionist: they say I can do it and gave me a diet which I'm following. But, man, it's so hard! Can you please tell me some happy we...
A. 17 August 2012: If you stick to a 1400 calorie diet, a 2lb per week loss is achievable with 30 minutes exercise 5 times a week (that is something that raises your pulse rate and makes you slightly out of breath, speed walking, swimming, jogging etc)
Try to avoid... (read in full...)
Texting etiquette? If I know her name do I use it in the text or just say hi? why does she never initate a text?
Q. Hello i want to send a good morning text message to a woman who already knows me . Should i include her first name in the message ? . Also it's always me who initiates the text messages, but when i do send a text message , i get a r...
A. 17 August 2012: I don't think it's wrong to use someones name in a text if you know them and if she texts you back then it's likely she is happy about you texting her although not enough info to assume she wants a close friendship.... (read in full...)
He has gone all weird. Is he distancing himself from me? Do I keep dating him or ditch him?
Q. Everything was great with this guy I was dating... Until it wasn't. I'm going to skip all the "it was so awesome" examples here- it was. For two months everything was going extremely well when I started dating and getting to know this guy that I'd...
A. 17 August 2012: I agree, he's acting weird and flaky and even if you went along with it and tried to stay in his life, you'd probably end up getting pushed out completely.
Take yourself out of the equation for a while. You don't have to make any grand statemen... (read in full...)
I love him but he just wants to be friends.
Q. I have recently met a guy and we get on really well. We have spent a few weeks together on holiday and I love him. He tells me he loves me too but "not in that way" even though we have kissed and cuddled. He says I will always be his best friend ...
A. 16 August 2012:
'I am struggling to decide and its breaking my heart..'
Get used to this if you decide to stay 'friends' with him...seriously, how much of a friend is he when he flaunts other women in front of your face knowing how much it hurts you?
The ... (read in full...)
Can you help me understand this?
Q. My ex-husband and I split up he reached the mid-life crisis and went to town, I mean the whole nine yards ....went on dating sites, new car, new clothes, abandoned his family after 21 years of marriage....he has never been the same again, needless ...
A. 15 August 2012: It's true you are in grief and that is understandable. Nobody is disputing the love you have for him and it is really painful to have that love destroyed.
I expect you have talked to him to try to convince him to come back and be a family again an... (read in full...)
I don't want my relationship to end, but I don't see any way to fix it. Please help!
Q. Hello. Sorry this is going to be long but i have nobody to talk to and feeling really down. I have posted here before with my relationship problems and it's helped me a lot. I have been with my partner 4 years, living together for 3. I moved to...
A. 15 August 2012: You need to contact citizens advice about what stuff you wish to take with you.
There is no 'common law wife' rule in england anymore and unless you made an itemized list of what you contributed to the household, you are on unsteady ground w... (read in full...)
Can you help me understand this?
Q. My ex-husband and I split up he reached the mid-life crisis and went to town, I mean the whole nine yards ....went on dating sites, new car, new clothes, abandoned his family after 21 years of marriage....he has never been the same again, needless ...
A. 15 August 2012: What happened to him?...the internet happened to him. Maybe he was bored with the marriage but instead of turning to you and trying to work things out, he turned to the internet and decided to start playing games.
The internet has give millions... (read in full...)
But should I feel guilty about him paying me alimony still? When he seems to owe money everywhere? We are still married.
Q. hi agony aunt, i wrote on this site about my 48 year old husband leaving me for a 24 year old. I want to thank all of you for the advice that you gave me. it helped, although i have my good days and bad days. im still in that i wish he would wa...
A. 13 August 2012: I am so happy that you are making a steady recovery, you have done so well to get through the past 6 months of what must have been unbearable pain.
I can understand you feeling 'guilty' for recieving alimony payments but it is a misplaced emotion.... (read in full...)
I don't understand his lack of communication.
Q. My husband and I have been separated for three years and are currently going through a divorce. We have no children, and just before my divorce began, I met a man about 20 years older than me who asked me out. I wasn’t looking for anyone, but we hit ...
A. 12 August 2012: I agree with Denise and Aunty Bim Bim, I think he's done a u-turn because you are almost divorced and he probably thinks the next step is commitment from him.
You may hear from him in the future but unless he comes back with the real deal and I me... (read in full...)
Ladies: Is it right that I be treated like I have the plague for being a socially inept, shy and awkward 42 year old virgin?
Q. Hi, I am a socially awkward, socially shy, 42-year-old virgin and am wondering how ladies across the spectrum would view such a situation? I can learn but should I be treated like I have the plague? ...
A. 11 August 2012: There are loads of things you can do to be more confident around women. There are self help books, you tube vids, all manner of stuff to give you an idea.
There are all kinds of women in the world and some who might be socially akward like you... (read in full...)
My timing has always been off. I think my married friend has feelings for me. How can I best handle this situation?
Q. I find myself in love with someone who is married. he and I have known each other for 15 years and I felt something the first time I met him, but I was engaged. When I got separated he had just gotten married....and so on...timing is awful. I wa...
A. 11 August 2012: Aunty Bim Bim...spot on nailed it!!
I think you should be aware that this married guy may not actually want to be in a relationship with you. He may say he's in a bad marriage but that may just be a lie to keep you on the hook.
I think somet... (read in full...)
Facebook messages have him convinced I'm cheating
Q. My boyfriend got into my facebook account and saw messages off other guys. I didn't reply to them but I also didn't tell them to go away or delete the people off my friends list. A few weeks after tha he asked to c my phone but my inbox and outbox ...
A. 9 August 2012: If you want to save your relationship, keep FB for strictly close family and friends and block everything from casual passing people and chancers.
You may be ignoring the messages, but if they couldn't message you in the first place...... (read in full...)
Why do I always get treated so badly?
Q. Please help me. I dont know how to be with a boy...When ever i have a boyfriend, the boy always cheats me and leave me. I just dont understand why. When i have a boyfriend i stick to one boy only...i dont go flirting with other guys but still boys ...
A. 9 August 2012: Perhaps you appear vulnerable or needy when you meet someone. Things like
'playing the victim'
sleeping with guys too soon,
doing too much for them too soon,
accepting bad behaviour just so you do not have to be single
Being a dra... (read in full...)
Is he having a mid-life crisis? Is this not love?
Q. Because What would a man his age want with a woman like this? Ok well my Ex and I we are split up for about 5 months . We still tells me about his life , and for the past 3 months he is constantly talking about his friend he met for the first time ...
A. 8 August 2012: Sould you tell him to stay away?...No because it's really none of your business because he's your ex and he can do as he wishes.
If you cannot stand to see your ex date other women, it's probably a good idea to stop socializing with him :-)... (read in full...)
Difficulty in meeting other single people either for dating or friendship
Q. I have plenty of friends but they are all in one aspect of my life, the theatre. So, see each other a lot when rehearsing but much less when we are not. Mostly because they are all coupled and mostly with kids (because of our ages - we're all in ...
A. 8 August 2012: Try older women who's kids have grown up and left home...plenty of those about :-)... (read in full...)
How could he just abandon someone he has been through everything with? What was he thinking!
Q. Ok here it goes and please no rude comments really looking for a solution not to be bullied. I have known my ex for 11 years. He was my best friend and the guy I always ran to for help. We did date a few years ago but went are seperate ways bu...
A. 7 August 2012: Is he totally off drugs?
It's really common for men to move on quickly after a relationship ends, most are looking for a replacement just a few days after parting. If they hook up with a particularly nasty, posessive woman they will pretty m... (read in full...)
I found the perfect wedding dress, but it is white!
Q. Hello! I am getting married next spring. Excitment! The other day I went window shopping and I've seen the prettiest little (and very cheap) dress ever. But... it's white! I'm in my early 30s and I'm not a virgin anymore and all the people at my we...
A. 7 August 2012: I don't think anyone really cares what colour the bride wears anymore...red white or skyblue pink...
It's just one day, you'll still be married at the end of it so wear whatever you like :-)... (read in full...)
I'm obsessed with the married man I had an affair with, and he told me that he wishes I were dead! How could he say such hateful things to me?
Q. I had an affair with a married man, he broke it off and it was not pretty. I told his wife...to make a long story short...I would send him cards every once in a while..I think I'm obsessed with him. We ride motorcycles and he is a member of a MC ...
A. 6 August 2012: Please don't take any of these answers as an attack on you...it is the situation that is not nice and you are caught up in it.
The right thing to do just happens to be the very opposite of what your heart is telling you to do...and it's very har... (read in full...)
Friend or potential boyfriend, What should I do?
Q. My friend's obsession now seems to like me and I don't know what to do. Here's the story: A girl I've been very close to for two years has been pining after this guy. She tells me everything she likes about him and wishes she could date him. ...
A. 6 August 2012: Depends how good of a friend she is and if you'd miss her from your life.
As much as we do not want to break the 'girl code', strange things happen in life and things don't always go the way we planned.
Things might not work out with him if ... (read in full...)
Why has he never made the time? And should I unfriend him on Facebook as well?
Q. Hello, Dated someone on two separate occasions. Have kept in touch for around 2 years. He went through a messy divorce (no children). Is now divorced (recently). He's been saying for the last 6 months that we will meet up and that he wants to, but ...
A. 6 August 2012: He has just gotten divorced, believe me he will be playing the field for quite some time and won't be looking for anything serious for quite sometime (unless someone absolutely irrisistable comes along)
His behaviour towards you clearly suggests... (read in full...)
I'm obsessed with the married man I had an affair with, and he told me that he wishes I were dead! How could he say such hateful things to me?
Q. I had an affair with a married man, he broke it off and it was not pretty. I told his wife...to make a long story short...I would send him cards every once in a while..I think I'm obsessed with him. We ride motorcycles and he is a member of a MC ...
A. 5 August 2012: I agree with the other aunts...You need to just STOP and stay well away from him...stop hanging out where he is and NO MORE CARDS!!
Acting psycho is NOT attractive and your business with him is DONE.
Move on and let him be.... (read in full...)
Any tips to help me accept that I may never find love?
Q. How do I accept that I'm not meant to have love? I'm 30 years old and I've been in a couple of relationships, but none of them went anywhere. I've accepted that I'm not pretty, and that I can't plat "the game". Not being down on myself, but fact...
A. 5 August 2012: 'If you think a man is going to solve all of your problems and make you feel on-top-of-the-world for the rest of your life...think again.'
:-) :-) :-) spot on advice from Bong girl xxx
OP you could get a collection of cats, chase the neighb... (read in full...)
Going through rough times right now and my husband will not talk to me!
Q. I just don't know what to do : (. My husband and I have been married for about 4yrs. We are going through some rough times right now between us both losing our jobs,being evicted,both cars being repoed and the death of 3 famliy members with in the ...
A. 5 August 2012: I know it's hard but let him have his space. It's a very male thing to go 'into a cave' when troubles descend. It's like a catepillar going into a cocoon...and while he is in there he's going to be trying to work through a solution.
You have had... (read in full...)
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