A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really need all the advice I can get regarding my relationship. First off I'm lesbian, and my girlfriend and I have been together a little over two years. I love her and am in love with her. My love language is being there emotionally, physically, sexually, and financially. I express myself through gifts. A little over 6 months ago my girlfriend lost her mom to a stroke. I was shocked, hurt, and felt empathy bc I too lost my mom. My girlfriend emotionally checked out from me, no worries bc I trust her. I told her I'm here if she needed me, in any helpful way. She calls me up prior to the funeral saying she needs some money and anything would help. So I asked is $80 okay, n wired her the money (we are in a long distance relationship, separated by 1h15min). She invites me to the funeral n somewhere needed more money, cool with me had two jobs at the time. Oh, she needed more money cause her refrigeration had gone out while preparing for her moms funeral and all her food had spoiled. She said over $300 in groceries are gone, she lives alone. Anyway that night I get off 8ish pm n make the drive to her to give her over $300. 120 in cash, and about $240 on my debit I let her temporarily borrow. ***IMPORTANT BACKGROUND*** My girlfriend always bragged about how much savings in bank she has.My girlfriend hate getting financial help from others.My girlfriend always say I have money but I would rather spend someone else's money on whatever I need.My girlfriend is in the process of moving to another home to rent, a cheaper one. I offered previously several times to help her, especially financially as now I have 3 incomes and make 2 times my bills. She declined my offers and actually got quite offended really pushing me away. I internally knew she would need my help. Fast forward to today.She told me today, she had to come up with over $700 in 10 days for new place she's moving. She kept hinting like she was indirectly asking me. I said don't u have the money in the bank why not just use that towards it. I said it would be different if u didn't have the money, but since u do u should spend your own money on ur expenses. She got pissed with me saying that's why I don't like doing anything for ppl n that's why I save. She then began to tell me she will ask her dad, I said good luck with that, she got even more mad saying I'm being negative. But my thing is why use someone else's money when u got the money yourself. Now if she had said, I just don't have this amount of money or I'll be such and such short then I would have easily given her the money. So now she's upset with me n think I'm not there for her. She isn't honest with me about her needs, she keep too many financial secrets and have too much pride. All this financial resource I supply her with but yet she still don't want to celebrate holidays together or exchange anniversary gifts, says she doesn't believe in that. I chalked all that up to her love language. She expresses her love to me in bed, and its awesome...but I'd like more. But she don't speak any other love language. I'm semi content. Regarding her expenses, what should I do?
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anniversary, cheap, her ex, lesbian, long distance, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): Her expenses should be hers, other than that I agree with everyone before me: she's using you. Love shouldn't be about being bought stuff/given money for whatever all the bloody time.
A
female
reader, lover06 +, writes (31 August 2012):
I read your story and what i came up with is that , this woman is making you pay for the love she returns which is not what you would like. Yes i understand you want to shower your lover with gifts and all, i would do the same but i will not let her use me. You two not living together and you'll be paying. Woman i dont care how much you make and that you can afford to give. Your so called girlfriend is using you and after reading your story seems like she is not in love with you. Before you say anything i am a lesbian myself . come on wake up . sorry if i sound mean not the intention but you have to open your eyes and see she is not who you think she is.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 August 2012):
 you are "the first national bank of my girlfriend will give me anything" to her.
if you cut out the funds as she says she has savings (and I'm betting she has no cash anywhere) what happens... if she gets mean, or nasty or your not happy....
i did not like taking money from my fiance when we were still living apart... he insisted...
but if you don't live as life partners then her bills should be her bills...
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (31 August 2012):
 Her actions have nothing to do with her love language. She's a selfish 'taker'.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (31 August 2012):
 'My girlfriend always say I have money but I would rather spend someone else's money on whatever I need'
Enough said I think!!!
You are completely love blind and she is playing you like a slot machine...
Everything else she has said is just blowing smoke up your arse to get what she wants.
You love her enough for her to bleed you dry???? well go right ahead and more fool you!!!!
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