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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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We spent time together, he seemed keen but since I have heard nothing from him....why?
Q. I met a French guy online (we are both 32) and met him in London which went well. He is not a frequent texter and by the time I met him again 4 weeks later I probably had 4 messages from him. So he doesnt like texting and that I accept. The 2nd ...
A. 15 September 2012: As annoying as it is, it's fair to say that he seems to have forgotten about you already and unless he's been abducted by aliens, there is little preventing him from contacting you to say 'I also enjoyed the date etc etc!!'
There isn't really m... (read in full...)
Is it a bad idea to get involved with an alcoholic?
Q. Is it possible or even advisable to have a relationship with a guy who has a serious drinking problem? I care for him deeply and he says he loves me.... but he is occasionally abusive and I have always stood up for myself but I just feel that I am ...
A. 15 September 2012: I was in love with an alcoholic once.
It took me about an hour to completely fall for his charms and 19 years to escape the nightmare our relationship became as a direct result of his subtle selfish slippery slide into drink.
Yes you can h... (read in full...)
My coworker and I had an affair but now he doesn't seem interested anymore. What's the problem?
Q. Hello All on this forum. I have a problem i really need help with. I think i have been foolish. A month or so ago i had sexual intercourse with a man from my office of work place. Sure he chased me and flirted with me and text me more than my husba...
A. 14 September 2012: I agree with the other aunts...he was just after extra marital sex...
He used all his charm and sweet talk to get what he wanted and now he's had it, he's ignoring you so you will take the hint and back off.
He might come around again for... (read in full...)
Boyfriend chose he's ex girlfriend's friendship over me. I'm so hurt and disappointed
Q. My partner of 18 mths (whom had discussed marriage with me ) and I broke up a few weeks ago due to his level of contact with his ex , by his own admittance, his best and only friend aside from me .They have been totally committed to each other for ...
A. 14 September 2012: Fantastic answers from KC and honey xxx
I agree, you have been the unwitting participant in a relationship that is far from over. I totally agree with the co dependant thing too...she does not want anyone else to have him and knows which bell to ... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for love without a better job?
Q. Despite being a decent and honest man I've been single for my entire life. I've really struggled in life with depression and a lack of confidence and direction and knowing what I want out of life. I've only ever had menial jobs, or have been out of ...
A. 9 September 2012: Thankyou for the comment :-)... (read in full...)
Two days after I posted our pictures on Facebook he deleted his account
Q. my boyfriend and i started our relationship july17 of 2011. I was working as a nurse in a hospital in Sudan and he was a student of aeronautic engineer in a university in the same place he was still in his 4th year and now he is on his final year. ...
A. 8 September 2012: Probably doesn't want his family to see him and you together in pictures. His culture is different to yours,maybe he thinks the pictures will upset relations with his family.
He is very young, probably panicked slightly.Posting pictures kinda ma... (read in full...)
At what point should I give up on the possibility of marriage and walk away?
Q. I have a question. I have been with my boyfriend for 2years now. It has been the best two years of my life. When we found eachother he had a huge alcohol problem. I asked him to get help. He had been a alcoholic for about 30 years and had never ...
A. 8 September 2012: I get your drift but for me the AA thing would come first because without that, he may revert back. A year isn't long and although marriage is real important to you, it might be added pressure that will set him back.
He loves you, you live tog... (read in full...)
I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!! For instance - I saw him last week - all was ok, then I did not hear from him so called hi...
A. 8 September 2012: To be honest I was in a similar situation a few years ago when I guy I dated for a few years split with me. It hit me really hard and he's really the only guy I have ever obsessed over. I'd go a few days and then crack and call him. Once I called ... (read in full...)
How else could we have a baby considering that I am HIV positive? My Bf is HIV negative..
Q. my b/f want us to have a baby,and my problem is i m HIV positive and he is negative and we are so much inlove so please help us the is alternative to have a baby without infecting him please help me I am confused...
A. 8 September 2012: The only way to get pregnant without passing the infection would be to use artificial insemination.
It's much easier if he is negative and you are positive because he can just provide sperm that can be remotely inserted around your cervix. ... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for love without a better job?
Q. Despite being a decent and honest man I've been single for my entire life. I've really struggled in life with depression and a lack of confidence and direction and knowing what I want out of life. I've only ever had menial jobs, or have been out of ...
A. 8 September 2012: PS: it made me laugh when you assumed this girl you dated was a workaholic!!! REALITY CHECK!!! it's called surviving in a crappy economy, almost all working folk ARE having to work much harder JUST to keep the bills paid and food on the table!!! You ... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for love without a better job?
Q. Despite being a decent and honest man I've been single for my entire life. I've really struggled in life with depression and a lack of confidence and direction and knowing what I want out of life. I've only ever had menial jobs, or have been out of ...
A. 8 September 2012: I agree 100% with Ciar and I thought it was an excellent answer!!!
Women will avoid you because you are not offering what most women essentially need...a supportive partner who will share the load and responsibilities. You do not have any real lif... (read in full...)
Ladies only: would you decline to have sex with a man with erectile dysfunction resulting from surgery?
Q. This one is for the Ladies here ONLY!I am asking this for a friend of mines. Thanks Ladies,Say if you was to go out with a guy you met and things became hot and heavy between the 2 of you,then the 2 of you end up at a place that you have picked ...
A. 8 September 2012: If it was someone I was in a long and loving relationship with...I'd cope. If it was someone I'd just met then to be honest I probably wouldn't take things further if they were pushy about me accepting their condition and wern't offering other ... (read in full...)
I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!! For instance - I saw him last week - all was ok, then I did not hear from him so called hi...
A. 8 September 2012: Try not to think about what he will be doing in his future...only think about your future and what you plan to do, where you plan to go, who you plan to meet.
I sense your anger and upset and right now it seems impossible to get over him...bu... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of 4 years won't stop going on dating sites. Is it worth trying to sort this out?
Q. Hi, I am new on here and would really like some advice on what to do. I have been with my boyfriend 4 years. He wont stop going on dating sites. I have caught him doing it and seen it with my own eyes 3 times, I have also got to the point where I ...
A. 7 September 2012: Having your boyfriend chatting up other women on a dating site is the same as having him chat up women in a bar/pub/shop/anywhere!!!
It;s abnormal behaviour online the same as it's abnormal behaviour offline...I fail to see why people don't ge... (read in full...)
What's going on with my FWB?
Q. Hi everyone I am in a really confusing situation at the moment I have been fwb with a man for over 2 year now I liked him in the beginning but the way he treated me my feelings for him went now I have been away abroad for two weeks and I came back ...
A. 7 September 2012: Yes I agree...need more info x... (read in full...)
I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!! For instance - I saw him last week - all was ok, then I did not hear from him so called hi...
A. 7 September 2012: Two years and he is ignoring you?...huge disrespect.
Its a shame he didn't have the balls to end it with you like a gentleman. By treating you badly, it absolves him of blame when you finally fold...what a weazle!!!
Keep your chin up xxx... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is lying about who he is out with and where he is going, what is going on?
Q. My boyfriend has been misleading about where he is and who he is with such as what golf course he is at and what tee times he has and who he is with and says that he is at his friends house but I find out later that he is at a bar , what's up with ...
A. 7 September 2012: What's up with that?
Well it could be that he just wants a little more privacy and doesn't want you knowing his every move...or it could be that he is seeing someone behind your back.
How long have you been together? Do you live together an... (read in full...)
I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!! For instance - I saw him last week - all was ok, then I did not hear from him so called hi...
A. 7 September 2012: How long did you date this guy?... (read in full...)
His wife only wants him back because she knows he was happy with me
Q. Please help i'm in a muddle! when i started my new job last year i met a lovely bloke in 1 of my calls. we always got on well and chatted. he told me he was married with children and i always asked after them its was strictly professional but i ad...
A. 7 September 2012: Darling I know you are feeling hurt and rightly so, but don't let the selfishness of one man spoil your future with others.
Telling yourself you won't trust again and beating yourself up will just prolong the pain.
I love the saying: The quic... (read in full...)
His wife only wants him back because she knows he was happy with me
Q. Please help i'm in a muddle! when i started my new job last year i met a lovely bloke in 1 of my calls. we always got on well and chatted. he told me he was married with children and i always asked after them its was strictly professional but i ad...
A. 7 September 2012: A similar situation has happened to one of my friends sons.
He met another woman and decided to leave his wife and two kids (12 and 14). His wife was devestated of course but accepted the separation.
He moved in with the other lady and was ther... (read in full...)
Guy I've started dating said he'd hidden his on-line dating profile but I've found out that he hasn't.
Q. I’m 50 and been on Match for almost a year. I met quite a few guys, most of them were just a first and last time date and a couple of them lasted a few dates, but nothing serious. In mid-July I met this guy online. He is 52; he is a widow (his wife ...
A. 6 September 2012: How was he and what did he say in that phone conversation?
As annoying as it is, it looks like he's backtracked a little after you mentioned about the long term thing.
It's a real fine line of knowing what to say and do for the best when you st... (read in full...)
I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!! For instance - I saw him last week - all was ok, then I did not hear from him so called hi...
A. 6 September 2012: You can put a dead line on it as long as you carry out the threat if the deadline passes.
If you say to yourself 'We are over if he don't call in 3 days' you must be prepared to end it after 3 days or there is no point setting a deadline TBH.
... (read in full...)
I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!! For instance - I saw him last week - all was ok, then I did not hear from him so called hi...
A. 6 September 2012: Exactly!!
You have told him what you want and need in clear plain english...
Now it's firmly up to him to pick up the ball.
Us girls can be all twitchy and impatient can't we...always thinking we have to push and push but nows the time t... (read in full...)
Should I get the gastric bypass surgery done?
Q. I'm 16 almost 17, I have always been overweight and at this time in my life I think I'm ready to move forward and start working to lose my weight. I'm in the 300s and I'd really love to lose this. I know people are going to say your young and w...
A. 6 September 2012: It is true that many people who have gastric bypass/band surgery do put back the weight and sometimes more.
The reason usually is because they have not dealt with the emotional issues that underlie the reason that they eat so much. People think ga... (read in full...)
I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. I unfortunatley set up a pattern where I do the majority of the calling to my BF and am now trying to undo it and it not working!! For instance - I saw him last week - all was ok, then I did not hear from him so called hi...
A. 5 September 2012: Hard to say 100% if he has found someone else but the fact that he doesn't call you or do his fair share of first contact suggests he is maybe winding down the relationship.
Men tend to avoid ending a relationship even if they want it to end...so... (read in full...)
I am worried about him financially. Am I wrong??
Q. Hi aunts and uncles :) I will try to make this short. My bf moved in with my two children and I about three months ago. He has helped us out with rent,cable, electric AND food. Hasn't missed a week of payments. A few weeks ago he called me a...
A. 4 September 2012: I would let him handle it TBH. He is paying you rent etc and as long as that continues I would trust enough for him to be able to handle his finances.
At least give him a chance to sort it out on his own time and his own terms.
Interfering a... (read in full...)
When its good its really really good but when its bad..its extreme. I need to let go!
Q. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now on and off (longest break was a month). Am going through a difficult, heart wrenching time right now because I know it's the end but I find it hard to let go. Firstly, when we met, he was not my type ...
A. 4 September 2012: You will only leave (for good) when your love for yourself becomes greater than your love for him.
Right now you are trapped, physically, emotionally, mentally and socially. He has total control and I am absolutely sure that he will NEVER let you ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him that the one night stand meant nothing?
Q. I'm after a little bit of advice. I really have messed up and don't know how or if I can fix this. I really like this guy, but I thought he had made it clear that he wasn't interested in me. His best mate started flirting with me and I stupidly...
A. 4 September 2012: I agree with RCN, you can't fix this.
The only way it is salvageable is if he changes his mind and the only person who can change his mind or his view is him.
Even if he did give you another go, I doubt it would last beyond the first argument b... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and I'm pregnant by my 15 year old B/f who talked me into sex. What do I do now?
Q. Hey!:) Ok, I have a huge problem and really need some help! I'm 14 years old, and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 months. He is 15, and in the year above me at school. At the beginning of the relationship, everything was absoutol...
A. 4 September 2012: You need to tell your parents or whoever is your guardian.
Firstly because you are pregnant and will need a plan of care to guide you as the best thing to do and secondly to protect you.
This boy is in big trouble because you are both under 1... (read in full...)
I think my best friend slept with my FWB
Q. I think my best friend slept with my friends with benifits. She brings him up alot. How do I find out ? I slept with him two daya ago thimgs were good...
A. 4 September 2012: This demonstates exactly why the whole FWB set up is NEVER going to work for females.
When you have sex with a man you release certain hormones that bond you to that person and you will inadvertantly start to develop feelings of attachme... (read in full...)
I'm a male teacher. How do I handle an aggressive 13 year old female student?
Q. I am a male secondary school teacher (I'm 26). One of my female students keeps staring at me and flicking her hair and calling me over to her desk. She's 13. I try not to look at her inappropriately. She always flirts and makes me feel awkward. What ...
A. 4 September 2012: I agree with the other aunts. Tell your superior and ask for guidance. Keep a record of any incidents and do not react to anything she does in a jokey of familiar way.
If she does anything aggressive or suggestive, you need to tell her, in front... (read in full...)
Boyfriend on an unexpected break what can I do?
Q. I have posted several times over the past 3 years during my relationship. The last post was regarding an engagement timeline. We did end up setting up a timeline with the goal of living together by the end of July and engagement around the end of ...
A. 4 September 2012: Exactly right!!! You Don't know if he will come back at all so instead of pining and worrying, you need to get on with your own life and try to make your own happiness.
We can waste many years wishing and hoping for one thing, forcing ourselve... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend blew off my birthday. His birthday is in a few days. Should I blow it off or at least send him a card?
Q. My LDR boyfriend of 1.5 yrs allegedly forgot my birthday (*actually, I think he remembered 2 days before but decided to be cheap and blow it off). When I didn't speak to him for 2 days, he still didn't try to make it up to me, so I asked him to ...
A. 3 September 2012: Nice boyfriend?
What exactly are you getting out of this relationship??...apart from a lot of dissapointments, cheapskate treatment and confusing behaviour???
Talking on the phone DOES NOT constitute commitment or love.
I wouldn't send him a... (read in full...)
Boyfriend on an unexpected break what can I do?
Q. I have posted several times over the past 3 years during my relationship. The last post was regarding an engagement timeline. We did end up setting up a timeline with the goal of living together by the end of July and engagement around the end of ...
A. 2 September 2012: Poor you, must be very upsetting and frustrating.
I truly believe you have tried everything possible to move him out of the rut he is in...you can do no more.
Forgive me for saying so and this is a mere observation based of all you have written... (read in full...)
One odd date has left things strange between us. Should I say something?
Q. Hi there some advice needed pls. I was seeing a guy for few months talking, dating etc, we did get really close and things were going well. We met at a country house wkd away with mutual friends and we got a lot closer after. He took me out and ...
A. 2 September 2012: By the sound of it, things were going well until you decided to freak out. Men are fragile and easily unnerved. They don't really take too well to that kind of thing so he is probably thinking now that you arn't the one for him.
Seems like he ... (read in full...)
Husband won't work and we are about to lose our house!
Q. I am needing some advice and am not sure what to do about my marriage. My husband refuses to look for work or get a job. First off, he is not depressed at all. He has seen the doctor for an evaluation and he is not depressed. He was lai...
A. 2 September 2012: I think if that was happening to me, my survival instinct would kick in and I'd revert back to self preservation very quickly.
You have already lost the house, so any financial resources you have left, you need to use to find a roof for yourself... (read in full...)
Why am I hanging on to a bad relationship?
Q. Hi all. Your thoughts please. Why on earth am I hanging on to my waste of space bf? The good bits,- he.s good looking,and good in bed. The bad bits- he.s unreliable,manipulative, decitful, selfish, mean and moody. I.ve hung on in there for almost t...
A. 2 September 2012: I know it's really difficult but, like any addiction, eventually you will hit the hard wall of 'ENOUGH IS ENOUGH'
Not only do you have to cut all contact FOREVER, you also need to put measures in place to prevent him thinking he can walk back int... (read in full...)
Why am I hanging on to a bad relationship?
Q. Hi all. Your thoughts please. Why on earth am I hanging on to my waste of space bf? The good bits,- he.s good looking,and good in bed. The bad bits- he.s unreliable,manipulative, decitful, selfish, mean and moody. I.ve hung on in there for almost t...
A. 1 September 2012: Imagine writing the same post in 10 or 15 years time...when you are 10 or 15 years older and still putting up with the crap...
What will change in 10 or 15 years?...nothing, you will just be older and would have wasted 10 or 15 more years of your ... (read in full...)
This older married woman is giving me mixed signals. Do I persist or finish the relationship?
Q. hi, well i made friends with this woman who is older then me. we got really close. She is married but they dont get on at all i never get a straight answer from her. One day she is ok, saying 'I love you' then next she just doesn't seem to ...
A. 1 September 2012: What are your expectations of the future of this relationship.
Is it a long term prospect?
Is it just a temporary bit of company?
Are you prepared to support her through divorce?
Are you prepared to deal with the backlash if her husband finds... (read in full...)
My online affair is becoming too real
Q. I am a married man who has been having an online romance with a married woman I have never met for over a year now. This is problem enough, I suppose. However, what makes it worse is that the relationship is becoming more and more real. My lover ta...
A. 1 September 2012: Oh Dear!!! what a muddle. This lady (whom ever she is) has developed strong feelings, so much so she's prepared to quit her marriage, it's only fair and right that you tell her you are NOT prepared to leave your marriage as well.
Sure it,s goi... (read in full...)
I feel like he has chewed up my heart and has thrown it into the trash!
Q. Hello all. I have a good guy friend. He has a girlfriend. But this has not stopped him from flirting with me and leading me on. He has treated me like a girlfriend. I continued to hold on because I thought, probably foolishly, that one day he ...
A. 31 August 2012: Are you having sex with this guy? or is it just a 'friendship'?... (read in full...)
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