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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Going through rough times right now and my husband will not talk to me!
Q. I just don't know what to do : (. My husband and I have been married for about 4yrs. We are going through some rough times right now between us both losing our jobs,being evicted,both cars being repoed and the death of 3 famliy members with in the ...
A. 5 August 2012: I know it's hard but let him have his space. It's a very male thing to go 'into a cave' when troubles descend. It's like a catepillar going into a cocoon...and while he is in there he's going to be trying to work through a solution.
You have had... (read in full...)
Boyfriend makes it out like I'm the bitch from hell but he's the difficult one!
Q. I can't stop arguing with my boyfriend. Last week we started having sex doggy style but it hurt me as he's quite big. Because I was moving away from him he got really angry forced me off him and pushed me down onto the bed. I felt really humiliated ...
A. 5 August 2012: I know and understand it's hard being on your own...I have done it!! Raised two kids and work full time...it's lonely at times but when you weigh up all the crap you take from unsuitable men...being single and going it alone is a dream.
It's ... (read in full...)
Was he just after sex? Should I call or wait for him?
Q. Hi. I met a Brazilian guy last wed .we met online and I knew before we met we would have a great time and great chemistry .well I was right .we had a great time chatting about all sorts of things .I am aware that Brazilian men are very forward but ...
A. 5 August 2012: It's fair to say he was just after sex.
People use the internet to meet unsuspecting people for this purpose all the time.
He asked you back to his on the first meet, you said no, he checked you got home ok and then cut contact. He is p... (read in full...)
Boyfriend makes it out like I'm the bitch from hell but he's the difficult one!
Q. I can't stop arguing with my boyfriend. Last week we started having sex doggy style but it hurt me as he's quite big. Because I was moving away from him he got really angry forced me off him and pushed me down onto the bed. I felt really humiliated ...
A. 5 August 2012: Ok so you have
a) an ex father of your children that you are fighting with
b) a drunken ex who grabs you in bars and doesn't pay attention to your current relationship.
c) a current boyfriend who is agressive when sex doesn't go his way, ... (read in full...)
Why a year later am I the chosen one? We broke up. But since then we have had sex.
Q. I'm in love with my ex after I broke up with him for cheating. we have not been together in a year. we had sex he didn't call or text after that and he has a big ego, so he won't say how it was or say he misses me I didn't text or call him eit...
A. 5 August 2012: You arn't the chosen one...you are just a booty call...ALL his actions say so.
Live under the illusion that it is more if you wish but it is a booty call all the same.... (read in full...)
Is he only after me for one thing?
Q. Hello agony aunts, I would really love someone's outside opinion on this situation, as I don't want to read or interpret things the wrong way unnecessarily and get my feelings hurt again... I met a guy at work and we flirted for a month or tw...
A. 4 August 2012: He has spelled it out for you that he DOES NOT want a relationship.
He said he "finds it very difficult to build up a relationship as such as we live so far apart"
he "doesn't feel there is anything strong going on"
'When he dropped me o... (read in full...)
I feel guilty about going on holiday with my female friend!
Q. hi, i have been with my partner for five years we have just come back from vacation abroad (greece) i wanted to go on holiday in 5 weeks time to spain with my best girlfriend also. The thing is he's not happy about it and he says I'm being selfis...
A. 4 August 2012: Go...have a brilliant time. If he shows off then give him the red card :-)
If you don't go...he will have scored a major victory in controlling you and that will open the door for him to control everything you do.
Teach him a very important l... (read in full...)
Should I listen to the little voice inside telling me something is not quite right?
Q. Something happened last night and I'm not quite sure what to think of it. I'm hoping you guys can give me your opinion. My boyfriend was supposed to come here last night at 7-8pm and not having heard from him at 7, I text him to get his ETA. He ...
A. 4 August 2012: I agree with Ciar and Blonde...no wonder he isn't telling you the truth, seems you'd bust his balls whatever he did...guy can't really win.
He should be allowed to go out with his friends if he wants.
Be a little more trusting...works... (read in full...)
How do I talk to him about becoming exclusive with out scaring him off ? And not seem pushy?
Q. I was seeing a guy I've known for some time last year just after my marriage break up. We discussed becoming exclusive and he said it was too soon after my break up and it wouldn't work. Over the last month we have been seeing each other again,(n...
A. 4 August 2012: No it doesn't sound like he is more serious about having a relationship with you...maybe more serious about having sex with you!!
There is a saying that goes:
'Never make someone a priority if they only see you as an option'
This guy sees y... (read in full...)
I love her but our attitudes to our children differ. She resents the time I spend with my sons. Can we make this relationship work?
Q. I have this dilemma. I think I know the answer, I think I know what's right. But, damn. I really need some some brutal honesty. I have been dating this 45 year old woman for over 18 months. She has 3 boys, I have 2 boys. Started as long distance...
A. 4 August 2012: If you love her then maybe you just have to suck up her bad behaviour, since there seems to be so much nit picking going on and quite frankly, it's impossible for any of the lovely aunts here on DC to find a solution to each indiscretion.
When ... (read in full...)
I booked to see him 5 months in advance, and now he tells me he will be working most of the time!
Q. what would you do if after planning to meet up/ visit your boyfriend hoping that he will make the time to be with you for the two weeks off that u took from work, he tells you he will be working and that he has got the long weekend to be with ...
A. 3 August 2012: I wouldn't go because it would be a wasted trip if I could not spend the majority of the time with him.... (read in full...)
I love her but our attitudes to our children differ. She resents the time I spend with my sons. Can we make this relationship work?
Q. I have this dilemma. I think I know the answer, I think I know what's right. But, damn. I really need some some brutal honesty. I have been dating this 45 year old woman for over 18 months. She has 3 boys, I have 2 boys. Started as long distance...
A. 2 August 2012: You are only human and obviously keen to explore any avenue to find a solution to your problem...but it's a huge problem, it's ingrained and immoveable because it involves making someone else change...
We all know it is not possible to make som... (read in full...)
I love her but our attitudes to our children differ. She resents the time I spend with my sons. Can we make this relationship work?
Q. I have this dilemma. I think I know the answer, I think I know what's right. But, damn. I really need some some brutal honesty. I have been dating this 45 year old woman for over 18 months. She has 3 boys, I have 2 boys. Started as long distance...
A. 2 August 2012: 'She literally is toxic when it comes to something that suggest she is not the center of your universe'
Not good my friend...not good.
I am firmly in the 'kids come first camp'...maybe you should find someone who is in this camp too...your ... (read in full...)
What do I do from here? After our separation?
Q. My wife started talking to an old boy friend they wound up together and we wound up seperated. I was going through radiation treatments and real sick. We r back together but it is still hurting our relationship... would like to hear comments about ...
A. 2 August 2012: It's still hurting because:
She still wants to be with him?
You cannot forgive her?
Can you give more info?... (read in full...)
Does my boyfriend and neighbour fancy each other?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 10 years and have 2 daughters together, he recently befriended our next door neighbour due to a shared interest in motorbikes, therefore he started spending a lot of time in our back garden with our ...
A. 31 July 2012: I agree, he fancies her. If he won't take responsibility for how that damages your relationship then he won't be surprised when you decide to kick him out.
It isn't your responsibility to save things because you haven't done anything wrong bu... (read in full...)
How did you pick you wedding bands?
Q. Hi! This is a very shallow question but here it is. So, I'm getting married soon. Fiancé and I are going to pick up wedding bands this weekend. We both agreed we like them platinum, but I think I'd rather have it gold, you know, real yellow gold ...
A. 31 July 2012: ''gold screams "married!"
Lol...too funny!!!!... (read in full...)
I know the truth, still he tries to blame our son!
Q. My husband of many years has been on the internet chat with numerous girls, but one in particular for years.....I just found out this information of late. My problem is he will not admit to it....he blames it on our son...and calls me sick in the ...
A. 31 July 2012: You face him with proof and he still denies it and calls you crazy...not a lot of respect going on there it seems.
He obviously enjoys what he is doing and if you can't stop him, there probably isn't anyone else who can.
The fact he has been... (read in full...)
My guy has never cheated on me but I give him the 3rd degree after he goes out!
Q. I have been with my man for almost a year now, we get along pretty well and love each other very much. the one problem that has occured repeatedly is me not trusting him when he is out. i have no basis for this except my past seems to be constantly ...
A. 30 July 2012: I agree, it's the fastest way to kill a relationship.
Just stop! and if you can't, then at least seek outside help to get you through your issues and absolutely do not focus them toward him.
Hope you get things sorted xx... (read in full...)
Do men just get a thrill from the chase?
Q. Ok so i been dating a guy now for about a month, i rarely see him due to his job in the army. We started as friends with benefits, then he told me he liked me too much. I then started liking him too. He told me that it wouldn't be worth starting a ...
A. 30 July 2012: He already got what he wanted from you (sex and comfort)without having to enter into a relationship, he's about to leave for a long time and I can tell you he won't be thinking much about you...why should he when he's already had the cream?
I agr... (read in full...)
I love her but how can I trust her? I've caught her doing things twice!
Q. What do I do? My girlfriend was acting suspiciously. I knew something wasn't right. Anyway I caught her on a dating website chatting to guys! We didn't fight about it. We talked and she told me how sorry she was. She told me she was going to clo...
A. 30 July 2012: What will you do when she does it again?...and again after that...and another time after that?
How much more of the trust does she have to destroy to make you throw in the towel?
If you are going to put up with this behaviour forever because ... (read in full...)
Has anyone else survived being a rebound?
Q. My heart has been completely wrecked by my ex. We were friends for over one year before we got together. He was married for most of that time and then discovered that his wife had been having an affair. I was there for him, as a friend, when this ...
A. 29 July 2012: It's always a dangerous time to enter into any sort of relationship with anyone whilst they are going through a life changing event or trauma.
It's fine to be a friend and offer some support but it's so easy to imagine that support can be exchange... (read in full...)
I get depressed going out and seeing children that I'll never have so now I don't want to go out!
Q. I am late thirties. Whenever I go to a mall or wherever and see couples and families with children out together I get this tight sensation in my chest and I feel rock bottom sad that it didn't happen for me, as I never married or had children. I ...
A. 29 July 2012: You arn't too old to have a child, you have at least 5 or 6 years to fulfill your dream, I just think you are with the wrong guy. Even if you had a child on your own, it's perfectly do-able and millions of women cope well.
The dream is definite... (read in full...)
I told my lover's wife about us but it is as if she doesn't care!
Q. I am so hurt right now, I decided to tell my married lover's wife about our affair, because I knew that would be the only way to stop it. I am 35 yrs old and he is a 43 yr old man. It started out as a friendship with casual dinners, and no sex. ...
A. 28 July 2012: I know you believe you love this man but it's probably because you never had a relationship with anyone better.
He is obviously a supreme manipulator and can more or less do exactly what he likes, lying, cheating, hitting woman (what a peach!!)... (read in full...)
We are friends but I have no idea what he thinks/feels about me
Q. Hi I am a mature single woman who has developed a crush on a guy very recently going through divorce he's around the same age as myself. I have known him about 5 months and noticed he's always looking my way my friend told me the other day he was ...
A. 27 July 2012: I can understand how you feel, but go easy because this guy has said he doesn't see you as girlfriend material so it would be a simple slip to become a 'friend with benefits' and as we all know here on DC, that can leave a gal feeling used and ... (read in full...)
We broke up, got back together, and then he lied about a plane ticket!
Q. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. The relationship had been great, but during one blow up fight we ended things. We were broken up for a month, but after talking things out we got back together. That was 3 weeks ago. Things have ...
A. 27 July 2012: See that's the thing...unless you subject him to a lie detector test or pin him down and pummel him, he isn't going to tell you the truth...and if he is telling the truth, would you believe him anyway?
He owes you a better explaination as to why h... (read in full...)
We broke up, got back together, and then he lied about a plane ticket!
Q. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. The relationship had been great, but during one blow up fight we ended things. We were broken up for a month, but after talking things out we got back together. That was 3 weeks ago. Things have ...
A. 27 July 2012: There are so many issues here, so it's easy to see why you are so upset and confused.
I would forget about the girl on facebook (who likes all his stuff) since he has never met her. I am assuming he has his relationship status set to 'in a relati... (read in full...)
I can't afford to pay every time we go out. What's the best way to let her know?
Q. Hi. So I asked someone out and we had dinner and I payed, which I was happy to do. I've asked her out again for a coffee and she said yes. The thing is I just can't afford to pay for her every time we go out. I don't know if she'll be expecting me ...
A. 26 July 2012: I don't think you will know if she is prepared to split the bill until you have taken her out 3 or 4 times.
Most women let a man pay the first couple of times because they might offend him by suggesting to share the bill, but usually by the thir... (read in full...)
She loves me more than I care for her...can this work out?
Q. Okay short and simple but really need your views on this. I met this girl and we started dating. Things were going well until she met my sister who did not like her very much and from there it pretty much went downhill. This girl loves me t...
A. 23 July 2012: Seems you are a shallow person that is only interested in perfection...good luck with that one!!
You should let her go because you arn't right for her...she isn't perfect and she knows it, therefore she's going to get along much better in the worl... (read in full...)
I think she is manipulating me!
Q. I've been married for 4 years. My wife and I have an 18-month old daughter. We had our ups and downs when we were engaged, but we worked it out. Lately, I feel like she's being emotionally manipulative, and purposely trying to confuse me. ...
A. 23 July 2012: I agree with Jannie, Your wife thinks you are being selfish because you are going to the music festival on your own whereas you got defensive when she wanted to go to the mountains alone.
I don't know how much you do as a Father and if you do y... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to wait 6 years to have children but I'm all ready at 27
Q. So my husband and i had a huge argument about having children. He's 23 and I'm 27. We had spoken about it before we got married and i had stated quite clearly that (at 26) I didn't want to wait more than four years as i think having children late ...
A. 22 July 2012: Not a losing battle...just lack of communication and understanding and a very very selfish man who absolutely will not address your worries and concerns.
I think he is making you choose.... (read in full...)
Is this normal for all men or is my bf an ass?
Q. I was having a fight with my bf about him flirting( especially online) with wayyyy too many girls. He said, "they don't matter because you came first". I told him that I don't care if I came first...............I WANT TO BE THE ONLY ONE! He asks me ...
A. 20 July 2012: Well you could spend years trying to work him out and mistrusting him but really it's what Ciar and Jinxx have said...it's very disrespectful and he's doing it because he isn't boyfriend material...get rid of him because you will never be number one ... (read in full...)
I left my husband and now my boyfriend is not interested in me anymore.
Q. I left my husband because I fell in love with another man. I no longer loved my husband. The other man led me to believe he loved me, too and would be there for me when I left my husband. It turns out that he is not. Now I am all alone without ei...
A. 18 July 2012: You have already faced up to the fact that you have gotten into a mess. Did you make a wrong decision about leaving your husband...no you didn't!. You knew the marriage was over, you just went the wrong way about ending it and ran to another man ... (read in full...)
Husband insists on going clubbing without wife - why
Q. So here's my problem in a nutshell I believe my husband is having a midlife crisis and I don't see a way back from this - so any advice will be appreciated. We are both in our forties and some months ago he started going out with his friends on ...
A. 17 July 2012: I agree with the other aunts, He is lining up to cheat and blaming it on a mid life crisis...
Way over the line in my opinion...time to make your own plans to escape... it's not worth saving.... (read in full...)
I accused my wife of lying about being on a porn site and now she is filing divorce papers
Q. Someone please give me advice! I have recently got back with my wife after a seperation. we live seperate and have for the past two years. We decided not to sign divorce papers because we both agreed we still loved each other and our reasons for ...
A. 17 July 2012: Nobody can change your paranoid behaviour but you, so maybe you need to give yourself a good talking to and force yourself to actively change.
Even if that was your wife, she may have been completely unaware and if you were that serious about ge... (read in full...)
Should I listen to my dad or should I just marry this awesome guy and relax?
Q. Hi! I'm getting married next month. My beloved fiancé has just found out that he's gonna have to move abroad for the next 7 months and I'm devastated. I've talked about this to my dad (who never supported this marriage in the first place)and he said ...
A. 17 July 2012: Marry him and relax...your dad will come around I am sure.
Maybe your dad is afraid he won't get to see you as much as he does now if you move abroad so you might have to make a few adjustments so you keep contact with your dad, other than tha... (read in full...)
Its all a bit of a mess really and I don't know what to do
Q. I've been with my current girlfriend now, for, we both reckon, at least 2 years now. We never really both recall the exact date our relationship began, but it doesn't overly matter to us. At first, it was nice. I like how we started out (wit...
A. 17 July 2012: She isn't calling you?, I'd say she's pretty much gone!
If you want to talk to her one more time to see if it can be saved then you probably need to make contact and arrange to meet up...if she makes excuses then you need to ask her if you and ... (read in full...)
I'd love to see him more often but don't know if he likes me enough to have a proper relationship but is scared.
Q. I've really liked this guy for about 18 months now. I don't see him that often, just a few times a year, when he comes to visit family next door. We've slept together twice; first time over a year ago when we were drunk, and the second time a few ...
A. 16 July 2012: You don't think he's the kind of guy to treat you as a fuck buddy???...He IS treating you as a fuck buddy already!!!
He has spelled it out for you:
He isn't looking for a relationship
He's had sex with you but hopes you don't think he's lea... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 16 July 2012: So does this mean you are now in a relationship and happy?... (read in full...)
I am confused by my male friend
Q. Hello everyone, I am so grateful for this wonderful site and would really value your advice on a new contact I have made. I will outline my question and then maybe you well meaning folk out there can tell me if I need to be worried or not. I'm a ...
A. 14 July 2012: I think he's married, it's the only thing that explains his behaviour...married and unable to commit to you.... (read in full...)
I've been lied to again but don't know how to confront her...
Q. I've just found out from my girlfriend's brother in-law that she deceived me again. To cut a long story short, she's lied to me a few times on about where she's been and other different things. I met up with my girlfriends brother in-law to ta...
A. 13 July 2012: I think the only thing you can do is just ask her what is going on. Be truthful and say you know she did not stay with her sister and unless something is going on there is no reason for her not to tell you where she was.
It's really hard to face ... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to wait 6 years to have children but I'm all ready at 27
Q. So my husband and i had a huge argument about having children. He's 23 and I'm 27. We had spoken about it before we got married and i had stated quite clearly that (at 26) I didn't want to wait more than four years as i think having children late ...
A. 13 July 2012: This is one of those lose lose situations where one person changes the rules and the other either accepts that to their own detriment or if you baulk against it you are accused of being pressurizing!!!
If he changed the plans once, what to say h... (read in full...)
I am confused by my male friend
Q. Hello everyone, I am so grateful for this wonderful site and would really value your advice on a new contact I have made. I will outline my question and then maybe you well meaning folk out there can tell me if I need to be worried or not. I'm a ...
A. 12 July 2012: He professes undying love for you but hasn't told you where he lives or given you his number?? That is very dodgy indeed.
You seem like a lovely romantic kind understanding woman who is won over by beautiful words and as a writer you will be famil... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 10 July 2012: I think I'd be inclined to ask him outright,
'Are we in a relationship or not?'
He can worry all he likes, give you hugs and puppy dog eyes and all the smoke he can blow from his arse but it's still not telling you if you are with him or you ... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 8 July 2012: You are doing well and doing the best thing. He's hardly rushing back to confess his undying love is he...probably just checking to see if you are still on the hook to give him a boost.
Show him, through your absence that those days are well and... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 25 June 2012: Good girl, just focus on yourself and stop wondering what he's doing or how he will react...act like he never existed and enjoy your time away.
x... (read in full...)
Its all a bit of a mess really and I don't know what to do
Q. I've been with my current girlfriend now, for, we both reckon, at least 2 years now. We never really both recall the exact date our relationship began, but it doesn't overly matter to us. At first, it was nice. I like how we started out (wit...
A. 25 June 2012: Thanks x Mines a bacardi and coke Lol x
Let me know how it goes x... (read in full...)
Its all a bit of a mess really and I don't know what to do
Q. I've been with my current girlfriend now, for, we both reckon, at least 2 years now. We never really both recall the exact date our relationship began, but it doesn't overly matter to us. At first, it was nice. I like how we started out (wit...
A. 24 June 2012: ''Who knows, perhaps my unluckiness in love means I'll sort of settle for anything at least reasonable to keep me happy''
My friend you are not unlucky in love...just unlucky with her because she is making things difficult.
When you look at ... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 24 June 2012: Addicted...hmmm maybe addicted to the hope that he will be your boyfriend again.
You got to let go my dear, chasing him will push him further away and make you look vulnerable and annoying.
How would you feel if you went to his tomorrow, he beg... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 23 June 2012: Maybe he is offering friendship because he thinks it will be better for you both rather than making a clean break.
It can be hell to get over someone you still love especially when you know their feelings have changed so you have to make a choice... (read in full...)
Its all a bit of a mess really and I don't know what to do
Q. I've been with my current girlfriend now, for, we both reckon, at least 2 years now. We never really both recall the exact date our relationship began, but it doesn't overly matter to us. At first, it was nice. I like how we started out (wit...
A. 23 June 2012: I had to read this a couple of times to make some sense of it.
The jist I got is that you are both twentysomethings in a relationship that he family would not approve of.
You sleep together but don't have sex and you can't kiss or show affectio... (read in full...)
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