A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello Everyone, I have a little dilemma here, and hope you can help me figure it out. I was at a street party with a friend in August 2011 and we bumped into a guy she knew, they got talking and she introduced us. The guy and I got along quite well, and after an hour or so, we had to leave and he gave me his business card and told me to give him a call. At first I decided not to call, as he seemed really full of himself - but after a few weeks and persuasion from another friend I sent him an email. He answered straight away, telling me he was away on business and that we should catch up when he gets back. I never heard from him again. About 6 weeks later I get an email from him asking me how I am, its been a while and to keep in touch. I replied back, and then we had about a 15 min email conversation back and forth, I thought this was ridiculous so in the next email I asked him if he wanted to get a beer and talk, or watch a movie, he responded with yes. So we met up a week later, watched a movie and afterwards had a few beers. During the evening we talked about relationships etc., and he asked me if I was dating anyone, I said no. He told me he was kinda seeing someone, but that its a little complicated. I asked him to explain, and he said he is in a long distance relationship, and that he is not into long distance relationships, but it happened because they met and started dating around the same time he was offered (and accepted) a job in Germany, and that he was not sure if the relationship was really going anywhere (she still lives in the UK and they sometimes meet up, when he is in the UK visiting his friends and family). I did'nt know what to think - why did he say yes to go for a drink if he already has a girlfriend. We talked about work and our careers and life in general and it was a nice relaxed evening. At the end of the evening he walked me to the taxi and we said goodnight. I thought to myself it was a nice evening and he seems like a nice guy, but he already has a girlfriend, and so for me it was a no-go. We had no further contact, and I did not see him again until 1 month later. I was at a friend's birthday party and he was there. He saw me and walked over to where I was sitting, said hello and we talked the whole evening, he also told that he did not like living in Germany and was hoping to move permanently back to the UK by April 2012. At the end of the evening he asked me if I wanted to share a taxi, but I declined as I had already been offered a lift by a friend. We didn't get to say goodnight to each other. A few days later I sent him an email asking him if he enjoyed the party, he said yes, and we talked about work, hobbies etc and then said goodbye. A month later I got a general email from him inviting me and other people to a disco night, I couldn't go as it was last minute, so I declined. He said next time he would give me enough notice. And that was it, I did not hear from him again.Then last week August 2012 he sends me an email out of the blue (it's been about 8 months or so since we last had any communication), again saying; how are you, its been a while, keep in touch. I sent him an email back saying hello and asking him if he was still living in Germany, and he says he is, but is also regularly visiting the UK. We made a few more pleasantries and then said our goodbyes with him saying to keep in touch. A few days later I mentioned it to my friend and she said she she thinks he is interested in me, and maybe he's single now, and I should send him a friendly email asking him if he wants to go for a drink. I toyed with the idea for a while, but decided to send the email, he answered immediately and said yes he wanted to meet me for a drink. We meet tomorrow. The thing is; I am the one who invited him out - ideally I would prefer if the idea had come from him, and he had asked me first, so what I am wondering is; am I looking at this all wrong? I'm hoping its a date. But - Will he see this as a date also or just 2 people meeting for drinks? From what I have written here can you tell whether he is interested in me as a friend or romantically? I get it that I should just go, meet him and enjoy the moment for what it is, but I can't help wondering if a guy will see this as the 'friendship' category, or romance. Thanks for your opinon/advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello everyone and thank you for your opinion and advice. I found it helpful, and good advice before the event.
We met as planned, and it was definitely a date! It was a very nice evening - he remembered conversations we had together last year, he was funny, charming, and also cheeky at times with some teasing.
He told me he and his ex split up 4 months ago, his ex ended it because of the long distance. He said it was upsetting, but it was the distance, too far away.
I asked him why he never asked me out on a date, and that the only time we did go out was the 2 times that I had suggested it. He said when we fîrst met he was attracted to me, but he saw the expression on my face and he got a distinct impression from me, that I did not like him/was not sure about him. He said when we met the second time I had the same expression on my face and so he did not push it (plus he was in a long distance relationship). He said he initiated each of the emails to me, because he thought I would never contact him again, and he says that counts.
So we were both interested, but we did not communicate it very well to one another.
We both enjoyed the evening and have decided to meet up again. He is still living and working in Germany and plans to move back to UK next year. So I will enjoy the time we spend together and let things pan out naturally, and what will be will be.
Thanks to everyone who responded and gave their advice/opinion.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (19 August 2012):
 Hi
First thing you need to do is find out if he's still seeing the other girl.
He does sound interested, he keeps coming back. But, he has told you he was seeing a girl,he was honest, so he may think you accept the situation..of him not being free AND him working in Germany. Not ideal for you really is it?
A date it is though,however you look at it.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 August 2012):
 He clearly isn't offering romance, in fact he's been quite stoic and flaky, so it appears he is more interested in a friendship rather than a relationship.
He works abroad, so he may just be one of those people who likes a few reliable folk on hand that he can socialize with to stop him feeling bored or alone.
It's also clear that the greater percentage of first contact has come from your end...both times you have met in a 'date' type arrangement, they were your idea and not his, you also have no idea that he is now single...and if he isn't, it seems he does not hold his girlfriend too highly (because he has downed the relationship to you)...
I think you have to see that as his overall behaviour towards women...casual, not really bothered and not really prepared to make any chase.
All that aside...ask yourself what you are getting out of seeing him?...Is your mind filling in the romantic gaps in hope of him suddenly turning into the love of your life?
It's been a long time that this 'friendship' has been going on, he knows enough about you to decide if he wants a relationship with you, so why has he not acted?
If you knew for sure 100% that he only wanted you as a time filler and NOT a romantic partner...would you still keep contact with him?...or would it become painful and frustrating.
When you meet him tomorrow ask him what his intentions are?...If he is flaky and gives confusing answers, I'd take that as a sure sign he is not serious about you and it might be time to quit...
On the other hand if you ask him straight out, it might be the opportunity he needs to make his move and ask you out properly.
Don't waste years of your life on people who do not see you as a serious prospect or a priority...it's been long enough, ask him if he's 'into you' romantically or not.
That way...you will know for sure.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (19 August 2012):
 Highly likely he wants you but has someone he don't want and he is getting to know you as in both friend and romance is a plan anyway of course so it is a date even if it's a beer date
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