A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hey. I am SO confused right now. I met Jay on a work training course, he is 13yrs younger than me. We hit it off, all was good until he walked me to my car, we spent over an hour kissing. He followed it up with a text straight away saying 'wow that was amazing'. I asked if he had regrets he said 'no way'. I text him an asked him if he wanted to go out again as I genuinely thought we were cool. Things got strange and even though he said he'd love to go out it always seemed he was busy, or ill or there was another issue. I left it and then recently he text me to see how I was. I asked him to meet up, he accepted and again when he walked me to my car he waited until I was getting in to stand and kiss me for over 2 hours. Now after the first time I was hesitant so waited until the morn to say thanks for a great night and he replied 'thank you :) x' ... Then that was it... I've since asked if he fancies going out again and he said he would. Now I've tried to narrow down a date he's being all weird again.. I have told him there is no pressure at all of he doesn't fancy it but he says yes. Confusing as now I feel he's going to play with my emotions again! What do you think is happening here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSounds interesting :)
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (25 August 2012):
 OP: Do you think we should go to dinner some night? THAT could be our FIRST date....... XO
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGenius that is!!!! I see!!! Very clever!!!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 August 2012):
In the "four-date" scheme, a guy acts like a GENTLEMAN through the first THREE dates..... and doesn't pressure the lady for s*x.
We (guys) KNOW that you girls EXPECT US to press for you to put out by the third date.... and so, if three dates pass, and we haven't sought to get you to bed, then you (girls) start to think, "Geessh, what's the MATTER with me, that this guy doesn't want me to put out?"
Consequently, on the fourth date, you are DESPERATE... and will do ANYTHING to get to put out for us, to PROVE that you are a good s*xual conquest for us...
It requires patience on our (guys') part... but IT WORKS, EVERY TIME!!!!
Hope this helps...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAhhh just googled it, jeez I don't just want to nail the guy, I just like him and wish he would just say that it's going nowhere if it isn't just so that we can move on!!! He's emailed me this evening to say that he'd like to meet me next week again but I've said I may be busy (Im away working) so we shall see what happens!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo? What's that?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 August 2012):
In your follow-up, you write: "He's not your run of the mill grope, shag and run or he surely would have pushed me to have sex with him - and he hasn't."
Have you ever heard of the "four date scheme"?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question??? To be honest he really doesn't look his age and I actually thought he was in his mid 30's. - all of our training group did!!! He's a really sensitive bloke actually which is why I like him and quite shy. He's not your run of the mill grope, shag and run or he surely would have pushed me to have sex with him - and he hasn't. I'm not the sort of woman that would usually be attracted to younger men - I'm no cougar btw!!! Will just see how it plays out
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012): What are you doing anyway with a guy so much younger than you. All he wants is sex, it's obvious.if you want the same, its fine, hVe your fun, but obviously you want something different,
Ike dating.
He is not going to date you. All he wants is no strong attached relationship,like friends with benefits, free and easy sex without spending any money.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know guys - you are all right .... He's apparently going to text me to say what day he's free to meet and I shall chase no more. The last time around he text and asked if I were free but I just ignored him as I didn't want to get hurt again and then he text me to say that his grandfather died and he apologised for being a moron but did I want to go out again and when but I didn't get back to him.... This time I won't all into the desperation trap and will let him contact me if he wants. The worst thing is that I've given him a way out yet he still insists he want to see me. Deep breath, no contact then, just a shame we work at the same company!
Thanks to you all for your replies, the advice is brilliant!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 August 2012):
 he likes you but not as much as he needs to pursue you for a real relationship.
he's seeing you as fun and games.
and most younger men (especially in their 20s) are of the impression that older women are hot and sexually available with no strings attached because we are desperate...
stop texting and asking to meet him... stop feeding his ego.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 August 2012):
It "sounds" to me like you're chasing him... and he's enjoying the pursuit (especially knowing that he can let you catch him any time!).....
Since his feedback is luke-warm, at best....Why would you bother?
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 August 2012):
 He is just a typical younger guy (based on your age he is 23-27) who is playing games and enjoys a bit of fun with you but doesnt want it to go further.
A lot of guys play games, especially those aged 35 and under. And he is playing a game with you - he clearly is attracted to you otherwise he wouldnt spend so long kissing you, but he doesnt want this to go anywhere hence why he is messing you around. He will go on a date with you when it suits him, when he's got nothing else to do. He has fun on the date but he knows he is never going to take this further than dating/sex hence why he never asks you out on a date (you always ask him) and never gives you any indications of how he feels about you.
Dont waste your time with him and move on - as soon as you are the one asking him out, not the other way round, then you know this isnt going anywhere. If the guy is doing the chasing then he is interested in you. If you are doing the chasing then he really isnt that into you and only will see you when it suits him.
You are never going to be more than a bit of fun for this guy so best to cut your ties now and move on, before he manages to get you into bed and then drops you, when you will feel even worse.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 August 2012):
 Sounds like he doesn't mind spending the odd date with you (when it suits him) but he isn't interested in taking things further.
If he was more interested then he'd be actively chasing you instead of you chasing him (which you are doing). Ok so he text you once to say 'how are you', it was probably to see if you were still on the hook.
People tend to give confusing signals when they are playing with you or don't know what they want.
You have 2 choices:
Continue to chase him and allow yourself to get emotionally tortured by his flaky/hot cold/ non commital behaviour.
or
Ignore ignore ignore...if he persists, be honest and tell him you want more or it's goodbye.
Don't let people mess you around, it's no good for you, chips at your self esteem and opens you up to abuse.
He may start to get a little more serious when he sees you running in the opposite direction.
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