A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I find myself in love with someone who is married.he and I have known each other for 15 years and I felt something the first time I met him, but I was engaged.When I got separated he had just gotten married....and so on...timing is awful.I was never sure if he had feelings for me or not but recently it seems that he does....he is in a bad marriage.....he has kissed me a couple of times but we do not go further.I truly love him and I want him to be happy...with me or not.....I don't know if I should strongly let him know that I do indeed love him or if I should keep that to myself as long as he is married....we flirt but that's all. I am kinda in a relationship but not serious.The guy I'm with really loves me but I can't tell him I do believe I am in love with somebody else....I am honestly posting this because I feel so lost....if anyone feels that they have something that might help me I would love to hear it.....
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (11 August 2012):
 He's married so you should leave him alone. If he was truly miserable he would get out. Then you might give it a try. Otherwise once you stop entertaining the idea of hookin up with him you'll be able to focus on the relationship you're sort of in. Turns out it might be best for you anyhow.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2012): Thanks...it is a bit more complicated but that is way too long of a story....the reasons you state are exactly why I have never told him anything...I actually encourage him to go to counseling....I do want him to be happy....I am not going after a married man...and the guy I'm with knows that my feelings for him are not the same as his.....at least not anymore....I am a lot more honest than it appears....the guy who is married wants me to tell him how I feel but I resist telling him....because I don't want to cause problems....I cannot avoid either of them because we all work together in the same industry...enough said...I appreciate the responses....he doesn't tell me he's in a bad marriage...we all see it....we are all very close friends and coworkers...you can see they have serious problems.....and he and I have been friends long before they got married.....when I was married...when he was married before and got divorced and now that he is married again and I'm divorced...so you see we are very close on many levels....not trying to defend a position and the kisses were wrong...all two of them...alcohol was in play and I didn't mean for it to happen....we haven't let it happen since..it's been at least two years....
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A
female
reader, WhatGspot +, writes (11 August 2012):
Honestly, if a guy will kiss you even though he is married then he will do the same to you. At the end of the day if he's that unhappy and has feelings for you then he would break it off with his wife, but you can't trust someone to be faithful to you when he would be like that.
As far as your boyfriend goes, if you have feelings for someone else stronger than you feel for your boyfriend it would probably be kinder for both of you to break it off.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 August 2012):
 Aunty Bim Bim...spot on nailed it!!
I think you should be aware that this married guy may not actually want to be in a relationship with you. He may say he's in a bad marriage but that may just be a lie to keep you on the hook.
I think sometimes in life, despite the love we feel, if something just isn't working, we should cut our losses and quit. Some people spend their entire lives pining away for something or someone they cannot have, lost love, regrets, frustrations, confusion, uncertainty...in a nut shell these this mean 'NOT MEANT TO BE'
I agree that you should let your current BF go, you don't love him and he needs to know that. It's a sad situation but I think the married guy likes having you on a string. If he truly wanted to be with you, hell and high water would not stop him.
You need to learn the difference between actual love and titillation.
Confusing behaviour from men = 'I am not serious about you'
It should be set in stone.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 August 2012):
 Is the man you are currently with nice enough to deserve a loving relationship with a woman who loves him? If the answer is yes, you need to leave and give him the chance of being loved, its only fair.
If that then leaves you free to pursue another woman's husband you need to think very carefully about that before you act. There are no guarantees the love of your life loves you enough to negate any feelings of honour or ethics he may feel towards his marriage and his wife.
Quite frankly you are playing with fire.
If you are not happy where you are, then leave, you owe that to the man you are with, regardless of the feelings of the other man, and you can say 'we only kissed it didn't go any further' as much as you want, it doesn't change the fact he is a cheater and playing away from home.
I bet if he thought his wife was going to find out about your little flirty kisses he would drop you like a hot potato.
Not happy leave, but leave other women's husbands alone.
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