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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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My husband wants me to wait 6 years to have children but I'm all ready at 27
Q. So my husband and i had a huge argument about having children. He's 23 and I'm 27. We had spoken about it before we got married and i had stated quite clearly that (at 26) I didn't want to wait more than four years as i think having children late ...
A. 22 July 2012: Not a losing battle...just lack of communication and understanding and a very very selfish man who absolutely will not address your worries and concerns.
I think he is making you choose.... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 16 July 2012: So does this mean you are now in a relationship and happy?... (read in full...)
I am confused by my male friend
Q. Hello everyone, I am so grateful for this wonderful site and would really value your advice on a new contact I have made. I will outline my question and then maybe you well meaning folk out there can tell me if I need to be worried or not. I'm a ...
A. 14 July 2012: I think he's married, it's the only thing that explains his behaviour...married and unable to commit to you.... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to wait 6 years to have children but I'm all ready at 27
Q. So my husband and i had a huge argument about having children. He's 23 and I'm 27. We had spoken about it before we got married and i had stated quite clearly that (at 26) I didn't want to wait more than four years as i think having children late ...
A. 13 July 2012: This is one of those lose lose situations where one person changes the rules and the other either accepts that to their own detriment or if you baulk against it you are accused of being pressurizing!!!
If he changed the plans once, what to say h... (read in full...)
After five years of being together, I don't love him anymore, and he can't let go. What should I do?
Q. I've been with this man 16 years older than me after I ended my marriage of 20 years. Five years on, I found him too old for me and he is not a caring person I've always wanted in my life. We live in separate home and he has been helpful around my ...
A. 12 July 2012: If you want him to get over you so you can both get on with your lives, it's best not to keep contact with him whilst things are still so emotional.
I know it seems cruel but by staying you will be a constant reminder of what he has lost and he w... (read in full...)
How can I get over my jealousy?
Q. I am in a relationship with a man I love. We live together but I am so jealous. I get jealous when he talks to other girls or even watches television. He loves the show "So you think you can dance" and I hate it. I get sick to my stomach every ...
A. 12 July 2012: Have you considered self help books? There are loads on amazon for very reasonable prices especially if you buy secondhand.
Reading self help books can help you understand how to cope with jealousy and what may be fuelling it.... (read in full...)
My husband of 20 years left me for a sugar girl who is 24 years his junior. Any advice?
Q. my husband of 20 years left me for a girl that is 24 years younger than him. im new to the site but could use all the help i can get. im getting better each day. i still love him very much, and unfortunatly and am still in hopes that this ...
A. 12 July 2012: Excuse me for saying it but 'What a B**tard!!!' for treating you that way...it's really evil what he has done.
She also sounds like a nasty immature piece of work, telling you she was going to 'get what she wanted'...seems they suit eachothe... (read in full...)
I am confused by my male friend
Q. Hello everyone, I am so grateful for this wonderful site and would really value your advice on a new contact I have made. I will outline my question and then maybe you well meaning folk out there can tell me if I need to be worried or not. I'm a ...
A. 12 July 2012: He professes undying love for you but hasn't told you where he lives or given you his number?? That is very dodgy indeed.
You seem like a lovely romantic kind understanding woman who is won over by beautiful words and as a writer you will be famil... (read in full...)
Any ideas, anyone, for how to get any confidence in myself at all?
Q. Hi I need a bit of reassurance if possible please, about whether people think there is hope for me in the future both in terms of developing a new relationship and getting a decent career/any advice at all on what to do. It has taken me nearly ...
A. 12 July 2012: Yes i have experienced several of the things that you have but I am 4 years older than you.
I was married for a long time and divorced quite a few years ago. I love my job but it isn't particularly well paid. I have my own home and my kids hav... (read in full...)
How can I get over my jealousy?
Q. I am in a relationship with a man I love. We live together but I am so jealous. I get jealous when he talks to other girls or even watches television. He loves the show "So you think you can dance" and I hate it. I get sick to my stomach every ...
A. 12 July 2012: You don't need a psychotherapist to tell you that your jealousies probably stem from your past...being cheated on or abused in some way leaves a mark that takes a long time to heal.
It's such a shame because you are obviously in a good relation... (read in full...)
Is this marriage over or is this a phase?
Q. Hi, I am a bit confused as to where this is going and need some advise please. Your advise in the past has been really very helpful. I have been married abt 13 years and in the time my husband was always antisocial and controlling though in a very ...
A. 12 July 2012: It's a good thing that he is moving out because you clearly have not been happy for a long time.
It's a bit much him saying you are rejecting 'true love' because he doesn't exactly fit the bill of someone who truly loves you, his behaviou... (read in full...)
My boss stopped flirting and started masturbating!
Q. I have a problem with my boss. He is nearly 60 good looking, and very friendly. I got divorced 2 years ago and he was incredibly supportive allowing me time off when I needed it etc... In fact I always found him a brilliant and very caring man. He ...
A. 12 July 2012: Here is a bit of a revelation:
Men, who ever they are, wherever they are are ALL really really really crap at trying to work out weird mixed signals from women, who, quite frankly are the absolute supreme champions of confusion. Women notoriou... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and angry at me
Q. I just found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. We're both just over the 40 mark, it was a major shock to me as I never, ever thought I would have children and because of our ages the odds were so slim. She already has 3 kids which can sometimes ...
A. 12 July 2012: I work in this field and I see a lot of women both younger and older who show this kind of anger and it usually boils down to confusion and miscommunication.
Some women see getting pregnant as a test for their partner. They watch his reaction... (read in full...)
Why won't she look me in the eye?
Q. What is under the surface? There is a girl that crossed my path a few months ago. She randomly got my number and started texting me. After awhile I found out she has a girl friend. We've never crossed any lines. No flirting which is odd for...
A. 11 July 2012: Maybe in the gay world it's ok to flirt with people when you know they are in a relationship with someone else (actually I know this isn't ok as both my daughters are bi sexual)
Why do you want to know what her motives are if you have no intentio... (read in full...)
I have fallen for my colleague who is married.
Q. please help me..I have fallen for my colleague who is married.He is also very much in love with me and dont want to harm my prestige.But we both know that it cannot be fruitful as we are both married and that is why we dont want to proceed ...
A. 11 July 2012: The only way anyone can help you is to tell you to STOP being involved with this man.
Feelings are very hard to get rid of but all the while you are around this man your feelings for him will never be able to die.
I cannot tell you to have an a... (read in full...)
Why won't she look me in the eye?
Q. What is under the surface? There is a girl that crossed my path a few months ago. She randomly got my number and started texting me. After awhile I found out she has a girl friend. We've never crossed any lines. No flirting which is odd for...
A. 11 July 2012: I forgot to add...
Maybe she's just enjoying the attention she gets from you (because you are so prolific in your approach) but she fears making eye contact with you will draw her in further to your predatory game...
and it IS predatory becaus... (read in full...)
Why won't she look me in the eye?
Q. What is under the surface? There is a girl that crossed my path a few months ago. She randomly got my number and started texting me. After awhile I found out she has a girl friend. We've never crossed any lines. No flirting which is odd for...
A. 11 July 2012: I think you are both doing what a lot of people do when they are attracted to eachother but one or both are in a relationship with other people...you flirt hoping deep down that something happens but kidding yourselves that nothing will because you ... (read in full...)
My cousin and I made out but didn't have sex but now I want to!
Q. Im 17 and my cousin is 21 . The other night we made out and rubbed up eachother but , no sex i didnt want to at the time because i dont want to go to hell . Now its all i can think abouut how should i ask him ? I no of course its wrong but i ...
A. 11 July 2012: I would just like to add that I did consider this persons culture but seeing as they said they thought they would go to hell, I figured they were not in a culture where marrying cousins is accepted.
This person has not posed a question, they hav... (read in full...)
Should I date this man? I'm afraid he'll compare me to his ex
Q. Hi everyone, thank you in advance for anyone taking the time to read my problem and giving me advice. I went on internet dating, I asked for men 40-50 but the sites sent email from me to everyone. A guy of 56 contacted me. I talked to him, ...
A. 10 July 2012: I think you are over reacting a little in assuming all kinds of things that you think this man will say/do and think...you haven't even met him. If you feel that threatened then just don't go and meet him...nobody is forcing you if it doesn't seem ... (read in full...)
My cousin and I made out but didn't have sex but now I want to!
Q. Im 17 and my cousin is 21 . The other night we made out and rubbed up eachother but , no sex i didnt want to at the time because i dont want to go to hell . Now its all i can think abouut how should i ask him ? I no of course its wrong but i ...
A. 10 July 2012: I don't really know why you are asking this here. This is a forum for people who have genuine problems that they need help with, not a place to declare that even though you know something is wrong, you're gonna do it anyway.
I could tell you to N... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 10 July 2012: I think I'd be inclined to ask him outright,
'Are we in a relationship or not?'
He can worry all he likes, give you hugs and puppy dog eyes and all the smoke he can blow from his arse but it's still not telling you if you are with him or you ... (read in full...)
How do I get this new man in my life to open up to me?
Q. My question is how do I get my bf to open his life to me? We have been dating almost 2 months and we have mutually agreed to only date eachother, we are sexually active and he pretty much drives to see me 6 out 7 days of the week. He lives an hour ...
A. 10 July 2012: In england we can search the electoral register, for names and addresses, I suppose it's going to be harder if he has a common name, but you could try.... (read in full...)
How do I get this new man in my life to open up to me?
Q. My question is how do I get my bf to open his life to me? We have been dating almost 2 months and we have mutually agreed to only date eachother, we are sexually active and he pretty much drives to see me 6 out 7 days of the week. He lives an hour ...
A. 10 July 2012: I could have written this myself as exactly the same thing happened to me a few month ago and I was conversing with another aunt from this site over it who helped me greatly.
I dated a guy for two months and he told me where he lived but never in... (read in full...)
If things are going great in a relationship, what is a reasonable amount of time to expect a marriage proposal?
Q. If things are going great in a relationship, what is a reasonable amount of time to expect a marriage proposal? We are both in mid thirties, been together going on 2 years. When is it time to walk away in search of finding someone who will wanna get ...
A. 10 July 2012: Is getting married more important to you than just being with him?
You could always just ask him and see what he says, you are going to leave him if he says no anyways, so I think you should just ask him.... (read in full...)
I'm on my own, sulking in depression and loneliness
Q. How do I deal with being alone? I've been alone all my life and I fear I'll always will be. I'm a closeted gay 17 year old boy who's never been in a relationship, never had a first kiss. I feel like I'm so far behind everyone else. I have so much ...
A. 9 July 2012: Ok so you are stuck in a bind for now and having parents who are not accepting of your sexuality doesn't help, but you arn't the first and you won't be the last that this happens to.
I have two daughters who are both bisexual, It took me time to ... (read in full...)
Why does everyone think that its a great thing that my ex got married?
Q. Why is everyone acting like my ex's recent marriage is such a great thing to have happened? First off, my ex is a full-fledged alcoholic who's main goal in life other that working is to drink and party. He also, smokes pot. He left me 2 yrs. ago ...
A. 8 July 2012: I don't think you are wrong for feeling sad about it, but maybe your continued interest in his life after you two split up hasn't helped the situation. It probably would have been a better idea to hang up on his new GF (and how did she get your ... (read in full...)
How do I keep my boyfriend interested when I'm gone on holiday without him?
Q. I'm going on holiday in a couple of weeks. My relatively new boyfriend isn't going with me. It's for two weeks and I'm a little worried that he'll lose interest when I'm not around. We haven't actually been too sexual with one another yet and I'm ...
A. 8 July 2012: As a society we really need to educate girls that having sex with a boy IS NOT the best way to keep him interested, neither is it a guarantee that he won't lose interest and change his mind, but for some reason a whole generation has grown up ... (read in full...)
My boss stopped flirting and started masturbating!
Q. I have a problem with my boss. He is nearly 60 good looking, and very friendly. I got divorced 2 years ago and he was incredibly supportive allowing me time off when I needed it etc... In fact I always found him a brilliant and very caring man. He ...
A. 8 July 2012: You flirted and mentioned this to a work colleague so sexual harrassment isn't going to stick.
Whatever issues your boss has, he's made it clear he won't go further with you and has turned away. Maybe you are missing the attention?
If you ... (read in full...)
How could he leave and not say goodbye?
Q. I am so hurt and brokenhearted! A very special friend of mines moved out of state, I knew he was moving, but he told me he would take me to dinner before he left! Ok, he ended up leaving a day early. We didnt get a chance to go to dinner, I can ...
A. 8 July 2012: Have you got romantic feelings for him? It seems excessive to be crying over such a thing unless really you are harbouring unrequieted feelings for him.
Men can be a bit blunt on the romantic front and maybe the move was all consuming and he just ... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 8 July 2012: You are doing well and doing the best thing. He's hardly rushing back to confess his undying love is he...probably just checking to see if you are still on the hook to give him a boost.
Show him, through your absence that those days are well and... (read in full...)
He's in to role play and I have no idea
Q. Several months ago, my bf had mentioned that he can get bored sexually after a while and that he liked to role play. I was a little surprised (i've never done anything like his) and he said that he was talking something like after a year in the ...
A. 8 July 2012: Some people find when they dress up in the bedroom it can be very liberating and unleash passions they didn't know they had. Treat yourself to some sexy underwear and surprise him...I am sure it will release fireworks.... (read in full...)
He wants to move in after 3.5 months of dating!
Q. I would like some advice on my situation. Thanks your first for reading this. I am a 35 years old lady and divorced once. Now I am really looking for the right guy and have a happy relationship and family. I met a nice guy 2 and half months befo...
A. 8 July 2012: Personally I wouldn't do this...you don't really know him well enough and you could be bringing a load of trouble onto your head.
I think Aunty Susie is right and he's just rushing it because his lease is ending.
Do you know why his lease is... (read in full...)
I'm on my own, sulking in depression and loneliness
Q. How do I deal with being alone? I've been alone all my life and I fear I'll always will be. I'm a closeted gay 17 year old boy who's never been in a relationship, never had a first kiss. I feel like I'm so far behind everyone else. I have so much ...
A. 8 July 2012: The good thing about being a kid in an unhappy childhood is that eventually you are going to grow up and move away from your parents.
As you mature you will have more freedoms to come out and although I understand it can be hard to reveal your sex... (read in full...)
How do I break out of this cycle of complete and utter despair?
Q. Hi I am separated (15 months) and about to get the final papers through for the divorce. Problem is I don't have any (and I mean ANY) social life and am so incredibly lonely. My ex definitely doesn't want to get back together (I really have...
A. 7 July 2012: I don't have any magic solutions but I do sympathise with you immensely as I went through exactly the same. Divorced after 20 years, tried dating and found the same, guys just wanting sex or just wanting to move in without contributing anything...I ... (read in full...)
Any ideas on working from home?
Q. Hi I have been looking for a legit work for home site that doesn't cost anything to start up do you or anybody else have any ideas I have tried everything from Avon to trying to make my own things and selling them and nothing is working I have so ...
A. 7 July 2012: Another idea you could try is a pet sitting service. People pay a lot of money to put their cats and dogs in kennels when they go on vacation and it can be traumatic for the pet. Animals do better if they are in their own home and you could provide ... (read in full...)
Any ideas on working from home?
Q. Hi I have been looking for a legit work for home site that doesn't cost anything to start up do you or anybody else have any ideas I have tried everything from Avon to trying to make my own things and selling them and nothing is working I have so ...
A. 7 July 2012: I was also going to suggest the ironing.
When my kids were little I used to collect peoples ironing on a Tuesday and drop it back Thursday or Friday. I got a set of fishing scales whick cost about £8 and weighed what I was given and charged ... (read in full...)
Would a trial separation simply extend the toxic situation?
Q. I am in a place where I am afraid to take what is likely the next step. Not sure what to do. Have been married for 10 years, no children (we can't have children and Husband is against adoption). My husband was raised in a verbally abusive ...
A. 7 July 2012: I agree with Bondgirl. I don't think you really have any choice other than separation at this point if you want to move things along.
It seems you are making the effort but for some reason he is being very resistant. When things become immoveab... (read in full...)
Is rimming weird or fairly common?
Q. Hello fellow Cupid-ers, I have very much enjoyed reading your site, and contributing in my own small way. You all seem like wonderful open-minded people. So to ask a taboo question to as sympathetic an audience as I'm ever likely to get: ever ...
A. 7 July 2012: I dont think anyone could say whether it's more common because nobody knows everybody and that kind of behaviour is usually kept secret. I agree the porn industry has glorified it and some people have made it the norm.
What concerns me more is ... (read in full...)
He left me out of his birthday celebrations ...
Q. Today is my boyfriend of 3 years birthday. We have spent my birthdays and his with friends and family and even had our own little celebrations. I had told him last week that I found a babysitter and that we could hang out. Birthdays are special and ...
A. 7 July 2012: Did he allow you to be involved at all?, did you buy him a gift or go out for a meal, maybe on a different day around his birthday?
It is unusual, but maybe he just wanted a change?...ask him.... (read in full...)
What do you do if you feel you are not in love with your wife anymore?
Q. What do you do if you feel you are not in love with your wife anymore? We have 3 children together. They are not toddlers. We have debt. Physically not that attracted to her anymore and seem to just be going through the motions. I don't want to ...
A. 6 July 2012: Do you really want to repair things with your wife or are you just looking for justification for your cheating.
If it's the former, then you need to get some serious lines of communication open.
A lot of people think that they can get away wit... (read in full...)
I'm in love with him, I want us to be exclusive but he has a partner
Q. I'm at my wits end. I've been having an affair for 3 years. I am separated from my husband. It started out as just sex with this man. However, It has developed considerably, especially in the last year. We have talked about being together. He sai...
A. 5 July 2012: Ok so no finacial ties? Her son is not his son? It's his house?...and he is scared to leave her?...
BALONEY!!!!
Exactly why is he scared of her?
Does he think she will beat up on him, or kill him? Does he think she will take half of his es... (read in full...)
I'm in love with him, I want us to be exclusive but he has a partner
Q. I'm at my wits end. I've been having an affair for 3 years. I am separated from my husband. It started out as just sex with this man. However, It has developed considerably, especially in the last year. We have talked about being together. He sai...
A. 5 July 2012: Despite everything he has ever told you:
He regrets moving his partner into his house
He feels guilty
He is scared of her
He needs time to sort out the situation (it's already been over a 3 years)
He is weak.
He promises to end his relation... (read in full...)
What is going on with my FWB?
Q. Hi sorry if this will be long I am totally in love with my former fwb we met 18 months ago and the first few weeks were amazing he made plans where we going to go for meals and mentioned going on holiday n things like that my daughter met him as he ...
A. 5 July 2012: You haven't heard from him for 5 weeks? Do you think he may be dating someone else? This might explain why he hasn't given you a straight foward answer or tried to get in touch.... (read in full...)
Why am I still in love with him?
Q. This man and I dated for almost 6 yrs.We lived together for 5yrs.9 months ago we bought a house together.He helped raise my 2 kids.Everyone thought we were perfect together.We talked about marriage. 2 months ago he told me he wasnt in love with me ...
A. 5 July 2012: No you are most certainly NOT a fool, just a person in love with another who has been a major part of your life and whom has now decided to drop the ball and run in another direction.
It's cruel and devestating and it happens a million times a ... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 25 June 2012: Good girl, just focus on yourself and stop wondering what he's doing or how he will react...act like he never existed and enjoy your time away.
x... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 24 June 2012: Addicted...hmmm maybe addicted to the hope that he will be your boyfriend again.
You got to let go my dear, chasing him will push him further away and make you look vulnerable and annoying.
How would you feel if you went to his tomorrow, he beg... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 23 June 2012: Maybe he is offering friendship because he thinks it will be better for you both rather than making a clean break.
It can be hell to get over someone you still love especially when you know their feelings have changed so you have to make a choice... (read in full...)
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