A
male
age
51-59,
*irius70
writes:Hi, I am a socially awkward, socially shy, 42-year-old virgin and am wondering how ladies across the spectrum would view such a situation? I can learn but should I be treated like I have the plague?
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male
reader, Sirius70 +, writes (24 January 2013):
Sirius70 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNow a recently 43 year-old virgin.
Happy birthday me.
A
male
reader, Sirius70 +, writes (1 January 2013):
Sirius70 is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Well I hope 2013 is a better year.
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A
male
reader, Richard.S  +, writes (15 August 2012):
As a 44yr old virgin i have continually had to put up with disrespectful remarks about the way i look....and to me the people who do it are losers and lowlife. I don't bother even replying or reacting in any way, not worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2012): I suspect there's more unusual things about you than just your virginism. Take a good look at your personal hobbies and the type of clothes you wear. I see Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory somewhere inside you. Addicted to geeky video games and Spiderman movies and a strong attracton to plaid pants. It may not be the fact that you are a virgin that makes women walk wide and long away from you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 August 2012):
So you haven't had sex with anyone so what? If it's a topic you like to discuss, I might feel a little uncomfortable, specially if I don't know you at all. You sexual status should not be of the out most interest. After all when meeting people there are many other things we look for.
I think you should work on your social skills and worry less about the virginity.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2012): "I can learn but should I be treated like I have the plague?"
OP humans are social animals that feed off of each other socially, it's hard to feel comfortable around someone who is so visibly uncomfortable. It creates a tension.
Aidan makes a good point too that kind of demeanour can be mistaken for boredom, apathy or depression, not things that find it easy to be comfortable around getting to know someone.
I also find a lot with awkward, socially shy people is they try too hard when they talk to you, there's a desperation about them and they seem to try too hard to get validation or befriend you.
"am wondering how ladies across the spectrum would view such a situation?"
I'm not a lady but it's kind of obvious if you know even a small bit about how dating works. In most cases we guys are the ones who have to do the approaching and chasing, if you're too shy to do that or even if you're not afraid to talk to them being awkward makes a girl feel uncomfortable and they're not going to respond usually unless they find that cute, which some do.
If you can learn then you should OP, it's not about you being treated like the plague it's about you acting like you have the plague. What do you expect?
I'm outgoing, friendly, comfortable talking to anyone about anything in any circumstance. I have lots of friends, I can strike up a rapport with people in an instant, so why would I bother my arse trying to get a shy person out of their shell? You really think I should or would stand there doing all the work until you feel comfortable enough to have a decent conversation? No chance, I'd make my small talk and find someone who is more relaxed and open.
Most of all though OP, this doesn't effect our lives negatively not having you in our lives or talking to you, the only person this effects is you, so who do you think has to change that? No skin off our teeth OP, but if you don't like being treated like you have the plague then you may want to stop giving people the impression you have the plague.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 August 2012):
 There are loads of things you can do to be more confident around women. There are self help books, you tube vids, all manner of stuff to give you an idea.
There are all kinds of women in the world and some who might be socially akward like you.
Joining a dating site and being open about the difficulties you have can make it easier for women like yourself to contact you.
Each one of us has some or other hang up about ourselves and not everyone can be attrative or attracted to anyone...you have to find people who are like minded.
Other more superficial things like making your appearance the best it can be (getting a hair cut, clean clothes) and taking care of your body and hygiene will all enhance your chances of impressing someone enough to make them want to date you.
Conversation can be hard, so start offwith general stuff like any travelling you've done, current affairs and hobbies you have but MOST IMPORTANT of all, don't just blabber on about yourself, ask the lady you are with what she likes, what her interests are, does she like her job?...in short...be focussed and interested and LISTEN to what she has to say.
Don't be overly physical too soon, because it puts women off, but be kind, think about what you are saying and make eye contact.
Even the most socially clued up stunners have dating problems so don't assume that your lack of success is just people judging you for being a bit akward...it's hard for everyone.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (11 August 2012):
In what way are you treated like you have the plague? If you’ve not had relationship success, it may be because you are shy and don’t come off as interested, or it may be that you’ve just been unlucky in not meeting some-one by now. That doesn’t mean people are treating you like the plague. However, if people are being disrespectful and rude to you then, frankly, it doesn’t matter what, or who you are: that’s unacceptable and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.
I wish you all the very best.
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