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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 20 October 2012: You are welcome xx
Remember that unless he is showing up at your door, asks you to be his girlfriend, shows you evidence that he can make a commitment, then he cannot come back into your life (because you want commitment, love and to be treated ... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 19 October 2012: Sorry I realised it was POF and not facebook....Isn't POF hook up site?...If he's on a hook up site doesn't that mean he's looking for no strings sex...
Guys a nightmare!!!!!... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 19 October 2012: Read your previous post about the girl he cheated on you with, the one he told lies about you..do you seriously want to go back to that?
Come on...facebook message fr YOU to call HIM??? It's a shabby lazy attempt to get some attentio... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 7 October 2012: Just another test to keep you dangling on the hook.
Just another test to pass.
If he really loved you, he'd be breaking your door down to hug you and he'd have your money (every penny) in his pocket to pay you.
Think about it...you know what h... (read in full...)
Why does my married ex give me his schedule and tells me to call him?
Q. My ex who now is married, talks to me often. My question is why does he not call me but says it's alright to call him??? He gives me his schedule so i know when to call. Why doesn't he just call me?? i have a bf and it's just nice to talk to an old ...
A. 1 October 2012: Despite you trying to convince us all here that you want to stay in touch with this guy as just a friend...we here all know that 'the lady dost protest too much'
It's obvious you want more from him...a married man (which you are kinda seeing a... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 29 September 2012: Returning to work will give you a massive boost...and nobody better than kids for making you laugh and putting your life in perspective.
I have been where you are and I know how you are feeling but you have begun the journey to healing and the ... (read in full...)
I have concerns about returning to my FWB. What should I do though? He wants to resume, but his past actions concern me
Q. Hi I realise there is a lot of questions asked about this thank you for any answers in advance I just need some opinions on this situation I have been in a FWB for 18 months now he asked me if it could just be me and him sleeping together and not ...
A. 29 September 2012: Ok here's the deal:
A RELATIONSHIP- An arrangement where two people agree to be exclusive to eachother, allow love and trust to grow and potentially get married/live together/ have children/remain faithful/care for eachother...mostly until on... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 29 September 2012: Tell us some of the good things that you are experiencing since you no longer have to deal with this nightmare of a man in your life?... (read in full...)
I am going crazy obsessing over the thought of watching my wife with another woman.
Q. My wife and I have been together for over six years and have a wonderful family and life together. We are deeply in love and I would like to think be together forever. We have a great and fulfilling sex. One of the issues early in our relationship ...
A. 28 September 2012: I think your wife is winding you up, telling you about her thoughts and dreams and stirring you up.
There are thousands of hook up sites all over the internet and finding another woman to have a threesome cannot be that hard...it seems that it ... (read in full...)
The wedding is planned, I have even ordered my dress but I'm becoming more and more insecure in my relationship because of my boyfriend's actions
Q. Hi everyone, I really need some advice. I am 30 and engaged. We are supposed to be getting married mid next year. My fiancée and I have been together for nine years. However for the past year I have been feeling less and less secure in the relation...
A. 27 September 2012: I agree with everything the other aunts have said...
You have to ask yourself why you are forging ahead with a wedding to a man you clearly do not trust.
His excuses are lame and quite frankly if he is treating you like an idiot if he thin... (read in full...)
I feel like he ought to have gone more out of his way for me
Q. Hey, I would like others point of view. My boyfriend lives about 90 mikes away and I see him most weekends. The other day I stayed over his and live about a 20 minute drive from his I currently don't have a car. It was really heavily raining an...
A. 27 September 2012: Are you over reacting?...yes a bit
Should he have taken you home?...yep but maybe he didn't think, Did you ASK him to drive you all the way? Men tend to need direct instructions as some things don't occur to them.
I am always amused at how some ... (read in full...)
I'm confused about our current status
Q. I've known a guy for about two years. He recently got divorced, the marriage was a very hostile and difficult one. He was married for 4 years. We were seeing each other for about 5 months, when he became distance, saying he needs to get his divor...
A. 27 September 2012: I agree. I think he is giving you completely clear information as to what he wants right now...and that is space and freedom.
As OLDBAG said, it's normal for people to want this when they are just out of divorce. It's also normal for people t... (read in full...)
Is it odd that I can only contact my BF via facebook?
Q. Is it strange that the only way i can contact/speak to my boyfriend in the evenings is via facebook? We've been together for 4 years. I dont think he is cheating but i dont understand it. When he gets home from work, he puts his phone away and d...
A. 26 September 2012: Just curious...does he have his relationship status on FB as 'in a relationship with you'? and have you met any of his friends or family?... (read in full...)
Contacted the wife of the Ex-Boyfriend she reconnected with on Facebook
Q. A follow up qustion from a few months ago. My wife's High School Crush and first sex partner from 18 years ago contacted her on Facebook. I posted about this a while back and my question is not about the contact itself between them. But a q...
A. 25 September 2012: I don't believe for a moment that this guy has been pining for your wife for 18 years. He is more of an opportunist, has hooked up with her on FB (and we all know it's a hotbed for cheating and deception)and the guy has jumped on it, dug up the past ... (read in full...)
How to handle my disrespectful daughter?
Q. Hi all I need some advice on my daughter and I we stay in to it as a child growing up I had no problems out of her soon as she got her period at 14 she started to hate me .Now she is nineteen going out with this young punk he's twenty no job stays ...
A. 25 September 2012: My youngest daughter was behaving similarly from the age of 16. She began having sex with her boyfriend and disrespecting me. Up to that point I was providing for her, shelter, food, clothing...anything she needed.
When the disrespectful behaviou... (read in full...)
She climaxed several times yet she says there is no chemistry between us
Q. I recently started going out with a woman who's quite a bit younger than me (I'm 52, she's 38). The first time we made love was in a hotel room (difficult for us to have time together at either of our houses because of our children). She orgasmed ...
A. 24 September 2012: I agree...I think she may have been talking about romantic chemistry because women generally value this more than sexual chemistry.
The fact that she came half a dozen times has nothing to do with chemistry at all.
She also may have a assumed t... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 23 September 2012: :-) :-):-)
Hoooray!!!
You go girl!!!
Now the sun can shine on your life, because you had the courage to step out of the shadow!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxx... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 23 September 2012: Well done my lovely!!!
Stay strong, stay focussed...things will get better with each day that passes!!!
xxxxxxx... (read in full...)
Should I date someone who is always with his friends?
Q. hello i just wanted a bit of advice. i just been talking to a man i like online and he said he likes me as well. we going on a date soon and have met once at his works already which went well. we talk online and will go out soon but thing is he ...
A. 22 September 2012: Honestly, if him having so many friends is an issue for you before you have even been on a proper date or spent any quality time with him, I'd say the relationship is doomed.
It's not reasonable to meet someone and then immediately try to change t... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's behavior has changed, I need some advice.
Q. Hi Everyone, Hope you can help, Ive been seeing my girlfriend for about 18 months - we will live an hour from each other - plus for a long part of this I used to work away so seeing each other was not easy. But at the weekend I would try ...
A. 22 September 2012: I agree with Honey, I think she's perhaps looking for someone else. She's happy to keep you on board for now but overall, lack of sexual contact and attention, the blase attitude towards seeing you and the whole 'dating site' thing suggests she is ... (read in full...)
What should I do? My Boyfriend is SO Jealous. Made a scene at my work. Calls me a slag almost daily
Q. I feel really bad about what I did to my boyfriend. We have been arguing so much throughout our entire relationship, he always thinks I'm cheating. He calls me a slag almost daily when he has no reason to think it. He came to my work shouting at ...
A. 22 September 2012: You are the same age as my oldest daughter. If I knew that my daughters boyfriend called her a slag on a daily basis and manipulated her and controlled her and mistrusted her so horribly I think I'd be inclined to grab my daughter and get her the ... (read in full...)
Why wont my 59 year old boyfriend make love to me?
Q. why wont my boyfriend make love to me? im 56 and he is 59, we have been together now for a year. i care about him deeply and hope that we can spend the rest of our lives together. we get along great other then this one thing. he wants other sexu...
A. 22 September 2012: He may have some kind of erection dysfunction disorder that he is afraid or embarrassed to tell you about. Some men with EDD can still get an erection but may have trouble maintaining it during intercourse and this can cause embarrassment. Some men ... (read in full...)
Am I causing her trauma? I am a disabled man. How does a Prostitute feel when she has paid sex with a disabled man?
Q. I am a disabled person and I started visiting prostitute for paid sex. I am very nice to her and I always give her some extra money. She is also very kind to me, she helps me undress my self and later putting clothes back. She alway seems to be gl...
A. 22 September 2012: Sex workers are business people. I am pretty sure the woman you visit would not offer her service to you if she didn't think it was finacially viable.
As to what she thinks in her head, there is only one person who can answer that question... (read in full...)
Why does my married ex give me his schedule and tells me to call him?
Q. My ex who now is married, talks to me often. My question is why does he not call me but says it's alright to call him??? He gives me his schedule so i know when to call. Why doesn't he just call me?? i have a bf and it's just nice to talk to an old ...
A. 22 September 2012: Maybe he wants you to do all the work and pay for the calls. The fact that he has given you his schedule suggests he doesn't want his wife to find out...does such a sneaky person who just happens to be your ex make a good friend?
I wonder.... (read in full...)
Trying to find the root of my fat fetish and get rid of it.
Q. Ive been having this fat fetish since I was 11. I fantasize people getting fatter or myself getting morbidly obese,Having a feeder or me being my own feeder,letting myself go,fat humilation. Id be afraid to do it in real life because of medical ...
A. 22 September 2012: Turn to a psychiatrist, because you have a serious problem and I doubt anyone here can offer you appropriate help with such an issue.... (read in full...)
I've been caught stealing and my employers know about it, they have given me 2 options, so what do I do now?
Q. I have been working for my company as a new business rep for 4 and a half years and always been good. I normally get my lunch from a supermarket down the road from my office but about a month ago, i had some fraud done on my bank and while it got...
A. 21 September 2012: I don't think you have a choice other than to take the resignation and you are real lucky to have been given that. Its obvious that they do not want you to stay and are offering you a pain free way out.
If you allow the police to become involved... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 21 September 2012: ...Oh, none of my business but if you do have sex with him and he goes cold again...believe me you are going to feel like a piece of hammerd sh*t...so go easy.... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 21 September 2012: I think you are going to see him despite any advice given here. I still think he has you on a back burner and is just making sure you stay put whilst he does whatever it is he is doing. Nothing inherently wrong with this if you just want to be his ... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 21 September 2012: I am going to get my butt kicked over this one but really I don't mind because I have to say it...
We see a lot of questions on DC about women who take bad behaviour from men (sometimes women badly treating men)over and over and over again...... (read in full...)
Why will my boyfriend give his friend money but won't help me?
Q. my boyfriend supports a woman who is just a friend he hardly ever sees her but gives her $$ all the time. my water is shut off but he wont help me how can i get him to help? he is with me most all the time....
A. 20 September 2012: I agree with SoVery...
His money so his choice what he spends it on.
Is there a reason you cannot pay it yourself?... (read in full...)
Am I over reacting to the constant texts and calls
Q. Boyfriend constantly texting and calling another woman.... Please help, i have been with my partner for 4years and to be honest it hasnt been easy, after the 1st year he dumped me as he had feelings for a female friend. we got back together a...
A. 20 September 2012: 'I'm just hurting and he says all the right things when I get upset over the situation'
(This is manipulating. I bet when you ask him to NOT see her he doesn't say the right things)
'He says that his feelings for her are the past (they never... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a bit too friendly with his ex wife whom he cheated on before we met
Q. i have been dating a wonderful man for 6 and a half months. when i met him he was still living his ex wife in the basement of their home because he was waiting for it to sell. they had a very rocky 17 year relationship that he was never happy in...
A. 20 September 2012: Yep absolutely :-)
Be strong and supportive but stay out of the war!!
If you are a smart girl, this will be your new motto!!!
Good Luck x... (read in full...)
Am I over reacting to the constant texts and calls
Q. Boyfriend constantly texting and calling another woman.... Please help, i have been with my partner for 4years and to be honest it hasnt been easy, after the 1st year he dumped me as he had feelings for a female friend. we got back together a...
A. 19 September 2012: If he believes that what he is doing, by maintaining his 'friendship' with this woman, IS NOT damaging to you...then he is a complete jerk and it speaks volumns about his personality.
Don't let him tell you it isn't a big deal...it's on par with... (read in full...)
Situation with my dad and his neighbour is getting out of hand, what can we do to help the situation?
Q. I am writing this on behalf of my Dad, as none of us are too sure what to do any more. About a year ago, a man in his mid twenties moved in next door to my Mum and Dad. Due to his age, my Dad instantly started worrying that this man was going to...
A. 19 September 2012: You need to contact the local council environmental health department.
In years gone by there wasn't a lot you could do about noisy neighbours but now there are laws to protect people and everyone has a right to live in their home in peace.
... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 19 September 2012: He is playing at absolving himself of grief...nothing more.
Is he running back asking you to be his GF again???...nope
He just doesn't want to feel like a schmuck.
Ignore him.... (read in full...)
How can I fix this? My husband speaks badly about me and flirts with other women.
Q. My husband talks bad about me with other people about me. At first, he would let his friends make disrespectful comments about me. Then it went to him telling his relatives bad stuff about me whenever we differed, and some of his relatives would also...
A. 19 September 2012: How can you fix him?...YOU CANNOT!!
You can only fix yourself and the only way to do that is to leave.
If you stay he will do this to you forever and your life will become hell.
It's your choice, but if you foolishly think you can change som... (read in full...)
My 48 year old husband left me for a 24 year old woman and I'm in need of more advice
Q. i will ask my question and leave it at that you all know me. im the one who was left for a 24 year old my husband 48. i want to know why he insists on hurting me with his words. i have to pick up my temporary spousal support from him. and everytim...
A. 19 September 2012: I think it's you and I think it's time to let go, lay it down and move on.
You are entitled to support payments because he abandoned you...get legal, fight for what's yours and STOP letting him treat you like a fool.
There is no other solutio... (read in full...)
Why say you want someone then avoid seeing them?
Q. About 20 days ago i started to chat to a male i met on a dating website. We exchanged numbers and spoke spoke for a couple od days. He told me not to go back onto the website till we met and both agreed to take our photos off the site. We ...
A. 18 September 2012: I agree with all the other aunts.
I tried a dating site once and encountered several men who behaved like this.
He is a time waster and not worth pursuing.
Don't bother working him out, get your profile back up and find someone else who is ... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 18 September 2012: ABSOLUTELY DO NOT FALL FOR THE 'LET'S BE FRIENDS LINE'
He is just trying to dispel some of his guilt over ending things with you, becoming his friend will open the door just wide enough for him to salve his conscience and just narrow enough f... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps files on all his previous girlfriends
Q. My boyfriend keeps files on all his ex-girlfriends. Is this normal? He was on a dating site before he met me and he had files, manila folders, with print-outs of the women he dated and their correspondence back and forth through the computer. ...
A. 18 September 2012:
By all means ask him to give up the data collection bank, but as it seems so rigid organised and specific, I think it says more about the guy and his personality and behaviour.
I'd actually love to know what his excuse is for keeping such... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a bit too friendly with his ex wife whom he cheated on before we met
Q. i have been dating a wonderful man for 6 and a half months. when i met him he was still living his ex wife in the basement of their home because he was waiting for it to sell. they had a very rocky 17 year relationship that he was never happy in...
A. 18 September 2012: Despite him moving out, being close with you or any contact he needs over the kids...one thing is very clear to see...he and his ex still have massive issues to discuss and overcome and you have arrived as an observer to the melee that is still ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with the love of my life?
Q. I don't know what to do. My relationship has gone in a downward spiral from the minute it started. We met while I was visiting the East Coast from the West Coast. He moved to the West Coast for a job, and for me. We lived together in a nice little ...
A. 18 September 2012: Wow what a terrible dilemma you are in.
Not sure if anyone can give you a definitive answer as to what is best to do.
I understand you love this man and some very unfortunate and terrible things have happened to wreck the dream of a life you ha... (read in full...)
For the guys: Why does a perfectly nice guy stop talking to you suddenly for no reason?
Q. Hey, this is more one for the guys, as I would love to know why a perfectly (or what seems a perfectly) nice guy can just stop talking to a woman suddenly and that will be it! So the short of the suturation- met a lovely guy, in a bar about 3 we...
A. 17 September 2012: To put a slightly different spin on things...
I think when people meet and it's a bit 'whirlwind' they kinda get sucked in on a good vibe and say and do a lot of stuff without really thinking of the big picture.
You got quite heavy together v... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 17 September 2012: Ok so at least you know it's over.
In your original post you said you guys were arguing a lot, so maybe it's that he can take no more of.
I am so sorry that you didn't get the outcome you wanted but now you have closure and can start the healin... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 17 September 2012: Don't feel bad about e-mailing him. We've all messed up and done things out of a sense of panic, sadness or desperation...it's a natural human reaction when we want to save something.
If you do hear from him then at least you will know.
If you ... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 16 September 2012: Most men will avoid telling a woman that they want a relationship to end because they don't want to be seen as the bad guy. Many will just act weird and remote and 'hot and cold' so the woman will be forced to end things...
I think this is what ... (read in full...)
We spent time together, he seemed keen but since I have heard nothing from him....why?
Q. I met a French guy online (we are both 32) and met him in London which went well. He is not a frequent texter and by the time I met him again 4 weeks later I probably had 4 messages from him. So he doesnt like texting and that I accept. The 2nd ...
A. 15 September 2012: As annoying as it is, it's fair to say that he seems to have forgotten about you already and unless he's been abducted by aliens, there is little preventing him from contacting you to say 'I also enjoyed the date etc etc!!'
There isn't really m... (read in full...)
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