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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I wanted to join him on this work trip. Am I wrong for feeling betrayed by this man?
Q. My boyfriend and sons father was offered an all expense trip, job related to one of my favorite cities in the country. Naturally I wanted to meet him there with our son, for a family vacation (after he was done with his job everyday). Our son and ...
A. 16 June 2012: I think there is no way of knowing to be honest...
You either believe him, or you don't and the only way to know if his not telling the truth is to get a lie detector test done.
I can tell you are pissed off, you always refer to him as the fa... (read in full...)
After seeing her ex, she called me his name during sex and now I'm very upset
Q. Ok... hopefully i can get some good advice on this and not people making fun. I have been seeing the most lovely girl for the past few months. Before she was with me, she was in a 4 year relationship with the most awful guy - he hit her, put her...
A. 11 June 2012: Ok ego wise I can see you have taken a hit...but is it really worth an ongoing argument when the girl has apologised and told you it was because she was drunk and had run into him that day??
Do you think she is lying to you?
Do you want her to ... (read in full...)
My husband is still emotionally attached to his ex-girlfriend!
Q. Here is some background. My husband and I have been together for 17 years and married for 12 of those years. He is still emotionally attached to his first girlfriend. When they dated 22 years ago, he was 16 and she was 14. I am so hurt that he...
A. 11 June 2012: In what way is he still attached?
Are they in touch?
Do they see eachother?
Does he talk about her all the time?
Need a little background before I can answer.
xx... (read in full...)
I'm feeling pretty hurt right now ---
Q. My boyfriend said something worrying to me tonight and I'm not sure how to get it out of my head. My boyfriend has really mild aspergers and that usually means he's brutally bluntly honest no matter what. So when he says things that are mean, it's ...
A. 11 June 2012: I do sympathise with you, it's not nice when someone says something thoughtless to you and makes you feel bad but if you date someone with a condition where this is going to be a frequent occurance, then it's probably best you don't date that kind ... (read in full...)
I'm truly smitten but he wants to keep it a casual relationship. What do I do?
Q. Hi, I'm 41 and just came out of a 20+ year marriage. Met a guy online, met in real life, 'clicked' physically and (for me at least) emotionally. But he hasn't. THe sex is incredible - first person I have orgasmed with ever - and I am utterly smit...
A. 10 June 2012: Went through exactly the same thing a few years ago (after coming out of a long marriage)met someone who I fell head over heels for, great sex lived with him but always knew he wasn't emotionally invested. It didn't end well.
Two things I live by ... (read in full...)
I wanted to join him on this work trip. Am I wrong for feeling betrayed by this man?
Q. My boyfriend and sons father was offered an all expense trip, job related to one of my favorite cities in the country. Naturally I wanted to meet him there with our son, for a family vacation (after he was done with his job everyday). Our son and ...
A. 10 June 2012: Are you 100% sure he had an affair with her?...he doesn't seem to think he did?
I can see this has two views.
Either he didn't have an affair, he thinks you would have caused upheaval on what is afterall just a business trip but he has handl... (read in full...)
Do I put up or shut up?
Q. Hi, guys. i will try keep this short but i really would like some advice. I have been living with my partner for 3 years been together for 4. He has 2 children from a previous marraige that spend a lot of time with us. We take them on holidays. Buy ...
A. 10 June 2012:
You are in a precarious position, a guest in your own home, as you have no say about how others (his kids)behave in your home.
Speak to him again, tell him you want to find a solution and ask for his input. If he tells you nothing will change ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling pretty hurt right now ---
Q. My boyfriend said something worrying to me tonight and I'm not sure how to get it out of my head. My boyfriend has really mild aspergers and that usually means he's brutally bluntly honest no matter what. So when he says things that are mean, it's ...
A. 10 June 2012: To be honest, aspergers or no aspergers, if he's going to cheat on you, there is very little you can do to stop him.
At least, in your case, it's all out there in the open, so you have all the facts before you to make a choice whether a relation... (read in full...)
I was trying to leave my BF, and now he seems to be behaving, but I don;t trust it is genuine? What to do?
Q. Hi all. Thanks for stopping by!! your opinions would be most welcome. I have been with my BF for 16 months, It has been a very hardwork relastionship, as he is moody and has alot on his plate, but I always loved him no matter what, and tried ...
A. 10 June 2012: I re read your original post and my darling you have a LOT to be concerned about.
If I look at this as a big picture, it does appear he is controlling, angry and manipulating you and I can almost sense fear in your words.
I understand you a... (read in full...)
I'm married but involved with a 25 year Russian girl. How do I know if my feelings for her are true? How do I know if I still love my wife? Should I try having a baby with my wife to improve our marriage?
Q. How to start...I am 44 years old and have fallen in love with a 25 year old Russian girl who I met in Moscow while working there for 2 years. I am married (for 18 years) and my wife has never been able to have children. We have recently started...
A. 9 June 2012: What is it that you want out of life?
If it is to have a normal monogamous loving relationship with trust and mutual respect, well I don't think that will ever happen unless you change how you treat women.
Nothing else is to blame, it's you ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant from my FWB relationship and he has a girlfriend!
Q. Ok, where to start... I met this guy a few months back, we have mutual friends. We started talking quite a lot each time we went out, he'd tell me the problems he has with his girlfriend and stuff like that, you know as friends do. Anyhow beginni...
A. 8 June 2012: It is not you that has to handle his girlfriend, thats his mess to clean up as he created the situation.
You had no knowledge that he was still with his girlfriend, he had asked you out on dates and you were on the pill...you did nothing wrong, s... (read in full...)
His auntie and family were asking questions that made me wonder if I'm coming or going with him!
Q. i have been with my Muslim now for nearly 3 years i love so dearly however i feel confused lately i went to a wedding with his family in Cardiff where i stayed over with them but my partner was working so he could not come it was nice that they ...
A. 8 June 2012: You need to ask him and get him to explain to you what is likely to happen. If you convert to the faith and agree to get married in his country, then it's likely that you stand a chance to marry him but nothing is guaranteed and his family might ... (read in full...)
21 and want pay a prostitute to take my virginity. Is this illegal?
Q. I'm 21 and I want to lose my virginity soon, I don't want to drift into my mid-late 20's early 30's and still be a virgin. I am aware of the protection needed and please don't try and sell me any of the disneyland wait for the right girl and l...
A. 8 June 2012: Prostitution in the UK isn't illegal but soliciting in a public place or advertising is illegal. As a potential client of a prostitute you expose yourself to possible prosecution and fines.
It isn't my business to tell you how to go about this, bu... (read in full...)
Should I just be lending the money as a loving girlfriend and not expecting it back?
Q. Hi guys, can anyone help with this..........I've been with my partner for 2 and half years now and around 3 months ago I asked him to move in with me. It's my house, he was living with his parents. There is quite a pay disparity between us, I earn ...
A. 8 June 2012: A tricky situation but not one you went into with your eyes shut.
You initially accepted the deal but now, it appears he is leaning on you a bit more than you want him to.
The TV thing with his parents you should leave alone. It was part of t... (read in full...)
My husband is being unreasonable with money. What should I do?
Q. The problem: My husband and I share different beliefs on money. He likes to purchase expensive things where I like expensive things also, but rather buy something reasonable. He lives "in the moment" whereas I like to think of the future. I do...
A. 8 June 2012: I know what it's like to live with someone who loves to blow cash, in fact we almost lost our home over it and I am no longer married to him and now have my own home.
I sympathise with you greatly and don't think you are being unreason... (read in full...)
Guy with girlfriend keeps trying to string me along!!! I am nobody's puppet!!
Q. HELP!!!! This guy friend has a girlfriend. BUT he keeps trying to string me along!!! I told him I have feelings for him. He told me he has a girlfriend. So that should be the end of it, right? NO!!!! He just keeps giving me hope and then he...
A. 8 June 2012: Sometimes I think women are their own worst enemy!!
You are allowing this to happen to yourself.
You know he has a girlfriend, you know he is playing with you. You know you are enjoying the scraps of attention he gives you.
You could make ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I get naked for this European guy online?
Q. I have been chatting with this guy in Europe for about six months now. I am VERY attracted to him and I think he feels the same way. We always have great chats and make each other laugh. He constantly tells me how beautiful and perfect I am and that ...
A. 8 June 2012: Hmmm yep sure it's up to you to do whatever you want but do not delude yourself.
You do not know he's a nice guy in REAL life because you never met him in real life.
You do not know that he isn't recording you. There are programs and com... (read in full...)
Could he have forgotten me already?
Q. I was single for 6 years after being cheated on, then I met someone and was in a relationship for 8-9 weeks and started to have strong feelings for him, we got on really well, always with each other apart from when we was at work, but we text alot ...
A. 7 June 2012: I am so sorry you are hurting and even more sorry that this man has cast you aside.
It seems he was not all he seemed and it would appear that his ex was still very much in the loop as he has completely side stepped you and gone back to her.
... (read in full...)
I am feeling really neglected by my boyfriend and I'm not sure whether I should cut my losses now, or whether there is anything I can do to change this situation because I do love him.
Q. Basically I am feeling really neglected by my boyfriend and I'm not sure whether I should cut my losses now, or whether there is anything I can do to change this situation because I do love him. I am 26 (he is 24 so maybe it's because he's younger?) ...
A. 7 June 2012: He is young...maybe not ready or not mature enough to be in a committed relationship and I think this is why he is behaving in this way.
It's fine that he's affectionate and loving when he's with you but that could be because he wants to get his ... (read in full...)
He has ignored me for five days, what do I do if he comes back?
Q. Help please . After a row my man has ignored me for five days so i've assumed we're done. He hasnt done this for a while but in past has come back . I'm not texting him any more but i dont get it as even after the row he said didn want to end but ...
A. 7 June 2012: He is in his man cave sulking and trying to work things out. Leave him be, he will be back and the quickest way to heal things is to both say sorry and discuss the grievances calmly without casting blame.
He has said he doesn't want to end thin... (read in full...)
In the six months since we have been dating he has never held my hand, let alone kissed me!
Q. Hi I really need advice. I have been dating a guy for 6 months and we haven't held hands or kissed or anything romantic yet. I am beginning to have doubts. He is 42 and I am a little bit younger. When I try to ask him about his previous jobs, ...
A. 7 June 2012: 6 months in you should have covered all the basics and gotten to know eachother better. Sharing the past, jobs, education etc is normal...if he isn't telling you, then something sounds a bit dodgy!!
You would imagine the romantic intimate side of ... (read in full...)
B/f has asked me to leave him alone because he has thinking to do!
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months has asked me to leave him alone as he has some thinking to do? I'm not really sure what is going on with him at all. He has gone quite funny since we had a bust up a few weeks ago and I am wondering if he is trying to break...
A. 6 June 2012: Crikey o'reilly!!! What a knob he is!!!
I am surprised you arn't banging your head on the table in utter confusion!!!
(but good that you arn't)
He's messing, confused, cheating (and you know he is) he is being armslengthy and evasive ... (read in full...)
B/f has asked me to leave him alone because he has thinking to do!
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months has asked me to leave him alone as he has some thinking to do? I'm not really sure what is going on with him at all. He has gone quite funny since we had a bust up a few weeks ago and I am wondering if he is trying to break...
A. 6 June 2012: Whats going on??
He is cheating on you and has told you he doesn't want to continue a relationship with you...That's what's going on but for some reason, you cannot see it and are looking for another motive??
He is breaking away and has tol... (read in full...)
I was trying to leave my BF, and now he seems to be behaving, but I don;t trust it is genuine? What to do?
Q. Hi all. Thanks for stopping by!! your opinions would be most welcome. I have been with my BF for 16 months, It has been a very hardwork relastionship, as he is moody and has alot on his plate, but I always loved him no matter what, and tried ...
A. 6 June 2012: Any anger, any spitefulness any bad behaviour at all is WRONG!!
If you have a way to escape, you should take it...he sounds like a dangerous desperate person and you could end up hurt...or worse.
You were getting away from him...keep going... (read in full...)
My ex will be there at my sister's wedding because my brother-in-law is vaguely related to him but I don't want to speak to him, or even breathe the same air as him
Q. Hi! I just wanted other people's viewpoint on this problem. I have been split from my ex for four years now. He treated me badly, used me for money and cheated on me. It took me a very long time to pick myself back up again after everything he put ...
A. 1 June 2012: If the rest of the family feel the same way as you, I doubt your ex will show his face. Afterall why would someone go somewhere that he knew everyone despised him?
If he does show, you treat him as if you don't know him (I am sure you won't be... (read in full...)
I don't want a FWB relationship with the father of my 2 children. How do I make him understand?
Q. Is it worth trying again. I split up with the father of my 2 children several months ago. He left as I asked him to. There were commitment issues. He didn't.want to be tied down by us. Our relationship had become.stale and we were rarely intimate. ...
A. 31 May 2012: The post you wrote...you need to copy it out in one inch letters and put it on your wall...you need to read it every day like a mantra because it sums up exactly what you need to remind yourself of every day to avoid making a very huge mistake.
... (read in full...)
I was trying to leave my BF, and now he seems to be behaving, but I don;t trust it is genuine? What to do?
Q. Hi all. Thanks for stopping by!! your opinions would be most welcome. I have been with my BF for 16 months, It has been a very hardwork relastionship, as he is moody and has alot on his plate, but I always loved him no matter what, and tried ...
A. 31 May 2012: Good Lord!!!
I actually want to come up there and shake you!!!
Firstly, it does not matter how much you try, how perfect you are, how much you love someone and show it...if they are a controlling dirtbag...they will be that way FOREVER!!!
Th... (read in full...)
Red flags all around but girlfriend insists that nothing is wrong
Q. Hello, I have a big issue and need alot of help. I would like to say thank you for reading this ahead of time as it will quite long but required in order to understand the issue. So, thank you. I have been seeing my gf for 5yrs or so, granted within ...
A. 31 May 2012: Yes I'd like to know the reason why you are still with her too?
It's like she can do absolutely anything to you, cheat, lie, refuse you intimacy and manipulate you...but the minute you try to leave, she shakes a little 'but I love you' bell and... (read in full...)
B/f has asked me to leave him alone because he has thinking to do!
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months has asked me to leave him alone as he has some thinking to do? I'm not really sure what is going on with him at all. He has gone quite funny since we had a bust up a few weeks ago and I am wondering if he is trying to break...
A. 31 May 2012: It looks like it's a bad deal and you are working it out for yourself.
We've all been there darling...wasted time on the wrong person and as you get older, you get less emotional about it and you stop falling for the shit!!
It's really h... (read in full...)
Is he in love with me or not?
Q. I need some advice badly. My boyfriend was very sexualy active with me when we got together, we held hand, hugged all the time, kissed all the time. all the things that lovers do, in the begining, but There a side to this, when we got together I was ...
A. 31 May 2012: Wow don't that just take the biscuit right there!!
My dear you have done what so many women do. You have chased a dream on a whim and it has backfired and subsequently destroyed your life. You have burned your bridges with your family for the self... (read in full...)
Ex is coming in and out of my life. How do I deal with it?
Q. Ok so im needing some advice my ex of four months came back into the picture saying how much he missed me. We hung out for a few weeks and things were going great i didn't bring up the past just went with the flow. Now he.isn't taking my calls and i ...
A. 31 May 2012: If you sift through Dear Cupid and read some of the posts about ex's you will see a pattern in a lot of them similar to your own.
Ex keeps coming back giving the illusion that they want to get back together, you play the game and then without ... (read in full...)
Does this online man like me or is it about sex?
Q. I am chatting to this man on a dating website we seem to get on quite well he says he is attracted to me because of my looks and my personality, he says he wants to get to know me more and more. He says he would like to kiss and cuddle me and he ...
A. 31 May 2012: To be blunt, I think it's about sex.
You do not know anything about him, because you have not seen him in real life and you haven't been to his home or met his family.
A lot of men are chancers, the internet is the perfect playground for t... (read in full...)
When do I tell my new boyfriend I am a bankrupt?
Q. Hello, i was married in 2007 divorced in 2009 my husband fleeced me, tricked me into putting everything in my name - including his business which i hadnt realised was failing, a business load for 25 grand etc and the mortgage - as soon as i split up ...
A. 31 May 2012: I agree with the other aunts...and think you should be admired for working through a very difficult and distressing situation.
Lots of people are bankrupt and for many of them (like you) it isn't really their fault and they are left to sort out... (read in full...)
I'm married but involved with a 25 year Russian girl. How do I know if my feelings for her are true? How do I know if I still love my wife? Should I try having a baby with my wife to improve our marriage?
Q. How to start...I am 44 years old and have fallen in love with a 25 year old Russian girl who I met in Moscow while working there for 2 years. I am married (for 18 years) and my wife has never been able to have children. We have recently started...
A. 31 May 2012: I think the first area you should explore with the counsellor is why you are so selfish, so blind to the situation you are in and so unable to see how much you are playing with other people's lives.
I do not think you should bring a child into the... (read in full...)
B/f has asked me to leave him alone because he has thinking to do!
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months has asked me to leave him alone as he has some thinking to do? I'm not really sure what is going on with him at all. He has gone quite funny since we had a bust up a few weeks ago and I am wondering if he is trying to break...
A. 30 May 2012: Yep looks like the back burner doesn't it? I can see why your minds doing overtime on this one.
If someone did this to me in this way (not giving a reasonable explaination) I would assume the relationship was over and done with and cut the cord... (read in full...)
Do guys my age automatically expect sex?
Q. Hey there! So, I'm 18 and I'm getting ready to head off to college soon. Like most kids (I guess some would consider me a "young adult"?) my age, I've been pondering the possibilities of what the future might bring. This includes relationships and ...
A. 30 May 2012: We should change the ethos from
'Guys expect sex'
to
'Girls expect NOT to have sex until they are completely ready'
It should be the norm not to expect sex until the girl says yes.... (read in full...)
You'd think that after over 7 years together he would know! And the cheating thing still bothers me!
Q. Hello, I wondered if you could share any thoughts on my situation please? My boyfreind cheating on me about three years ago (I know he did as I heard something I shouldnt have) I cannot confirm it with him as he point blank denies it but whilst I ...
A. 29 May 2012: Its an old saying.
Look at what a man DOES rather than what he SAYS...words are cheap, easily said and soon forgotten...ACTIONS are a direct result of what that person is really thinking and what they really want!!
You know what you heard!!... (read in full...)
Am I right to be jealous of my wife's new 'guy friend'? It goes so far that she even does his laundry!
Q. So, my wife and I have been married 12 yrs, and have always been admired for our relationship. About 6 months ago she started sharing her office with a single man, who quickly turned into her "guy friend". Since then, she's spent a lot of time ...
A. 29 May 2012: You are absolutely justified to feel anxious over this... your wife is acting like a single woman and also a fool!!
It's one thing to make friends at the office...it's a totally different thing to hang out at their place and do their laundry!... (read in full...)
Is this relationship just about the sex? Why is he distancing himself from me?
Q. A few weeks ago me and my boyfriend of 5 months broke up, this was the 2nd time and both times I have ended the relationship. The times I ended it was because I felt he was being far too selfish and also trying to push my buttons to evoke an ...
A. 28 May 2012: If the relationship means so much to him, you'd think he'd want to talk about it right now wouldn't you??
Be strong...let me know how things go...Im in your corner xx... (read in full...)
Is this relationship just about the sex? Why is he distancing himself from me?
Q. A few weeks ago me and my boyfriend of 5 months broke up, this was the 2nd time and both times I have ended the relationship. The times I ended it was because I felt he was being far too selfish and also trying to push my buttons to evoke an ...
A. 28 May 2012: Oh well let him say what he likes...he can blow smoke up his own arse for the rest of his life, but you, my lovely will be off scott free without a care in the world.
If you can have a happy life alone, then you need to protect it and only giv... (read in full...)
He is 'liking' other girls statuses on Facebook, is he looking to trade me in for someone else?
Q. Both me and my partner are on Facebook and before we got together he would always like my statuses and some of my pictures and he also did this to a previous girl he dated. We have been going through a bit of a bad patch and I have noticed he does ...
A. 28 May 2012: Well maybe it is the final death knell for the relationship...you seem to be stacking up the 'crimes' and that is a sign that in your head, you are justifying the end...and it's healthy to do that.
At least you knew what you were getting into whe... (read in full...)
Is this relationship just about the sex? Why is he distancing himself from me?
Q. A few weeks ago me and my boyfriend of 5 months broke up, this was the 2nd time and both times I have ended the relationship. The times I ended it was because I felt he was being far too selfish and also trying to push my buttons to evoke an ...
A. 28 May 2012: Yup yup and we all know words are cheap!!
Do you seriously want to stay engaged to this bloke?? You know he isn't capable of changing...if he could change, he would have done so already!!
What are you hoping to happen in the near future??? D... (read in full...)
Is this relationship just about the sex? Why is he distancing himself from me?
Q. A few weeks ago me and my boyfriend of 5 months broke up, this was the 2nd time and both times I have ended the relationship. The times I ended it was because I felt he was being far too selfish and also trying to push my buttons to evoke an ...
A. 28 May 2012: Five months and two break ups, a proportion spent as a footy widow. He doesn't respect the fact that you need time on your own and he starts arguments just so he can go out with his mates?...
You didn't mention any of the good bits!!!
I think... (read in full...)
He is 'liking' other girls statuses on Facebook, is he looking to trade me in for someone else?
Q. Both me and my partner are on Facebook and before we got together he would always like my statuses and some of my pictures and he also did this to a previous girl he dated. We have been going through a bit of a bad patch and I have noticed he does ...
A. 28 May 2012: How is your relationship in the real world doing?...if alls well then I'd say the FB thing needs ignoring.... (read in full...)
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