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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Older female falls for young men and gets hurt every time! Do I stop, or alter how I feel about the inevitable end?
Q. i know im in trouble. i even know how i got here. i just dont know how to stop. im a girl who is an artist and i enjoy the company of artistic feeling when it comes to love; sensuality, beauty, emotional feeling and connection, spunk and spirit...
A. 22 June 2012: I can also totally relate to your situation and I also enjoyed reading your story as it was beautifully expressed.
I am 47, I have been divorced for 8 years and since divorce I have dated a few men all apart from one, who have been younger ... (read in full...)
I'm ashamed of how angry I got when I found duplicates of text messages to me sent to other women!
Q. Dear Cupid, I been seeing a man in USA and I am in Canada about 6 months. We were having everyother weekend together. I just spent 3 beautiful days with him. I thought we were falling inlove, While sleeping somehow he hit me with his...
A. 22 June 2012: Why do you feel guilt?
Because you got mad at someone when you discovered they were being dishonest with you?
You are allowed to get angry...it's called defending yourself and not letting people treat you like dirt.
He called out he love... (read in full...)
Is getting pregnant at 15 the right thing to do?
Q. Well, im 15... And me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months, now heres my issue, when we hit a year... My boyfriend wants a BABY..... Okay look, I absoulutly ADORE babies, I LOVE them. And I have no problem with pregnancy at this age.... ...
A. 22 June 2012: What do your parents say about this situation?... (read in full...)
If I leave him alone for a couple of weeks, will he realise he loves me and come back? Or are his feelings truly gone?
Q. So, my boyfriend and I split just over 2 weeks ago after a 7 month relationship. We were very in love but it ended due to a very bad fight. After the split, he and I have had small contact every day leading to today except one. We had a conversation ...
A. 22 June 2012: I think you definitely need to give him space and no contact.
He obviously knows you still care about him so you don't need to keep repeating it to him. Leave him be for a while and try and get on with your daily life.
If he doesn't contact ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's still possible for me to meet someone who will want to be with me?
Q. Well, I'm 20. I live in the US. I'm obese I guess. I weigh 297 and I'm about five and a half feet. I've never felt loved or accepted. I've never had a boyfriend. I've never been kissed or had sex. Guys have tried but seems that the ones who try are ...
A. 22 June 2012: Is it possible that someone will want to be with you...yes of course it's possible, but love and relationships are a dangerous, confusing, terrifying, hopeless, exciting and devestating experience for most people...and if you are unsure of yourself ... (read in full...)
I just feel that someone of my age should have loads more experience and it's making me lose what little confidence I was gaining. Is this weird?
Q. I am 43 and people tell me that I am still really pretty, even beautiful, and look much younger. My problem is that I never had much confidence at all in my looks or in myself - I had an incredibly strict upbringing where 'selflessness' was ...
A. 22 June 2012: We have so much pressure put upon us these days to be this and that, to achieve more, have more, do more...and it becomes suffocating.
You are who you are, and if you feel in your heart that you have not had enough experiences in certain areas th... (read in full...)
I accidentally found out that my daughter in law & family do not like me. What do I do now?
Q. This afternoon I had my 10 year old grandson (my son's son)and I took a wrong turn in the car at a junction. He panicked thinking we were going to his other grannys (his mum's mum). On gently questioning him he told me that it would be a bad idea ...
A. 21 June 2012: My mum had this with my older brothers family. She was rightly upset but knew if she made a big deal that it would affect her seeing her grandchildren so she decided to take the high road for them and stayed pretty neutral with his wifes family (cos ... (read in full...)
How can I find out where this will lead or if I stand a chance with him? ?
Q. My dilemma is this. I have recently met a guy who is everything I could dream of or want in a man, he is caring, compassionate, level headed, hard working, good looking and intelligent. Although we are ony friends he is extremely supportive of me ...
A. 20 June 2012: Don't be tempted to do what billions of other women have done before you and let your ex stop you from following a relationship with the new guy.
If the ex has come back as a friend (and you only want him as a friend)then I don't see a problem ... (read in full...)
Should I just forget about this guy, and move on?
Q. I have been with this guy for 7 years, i bought a house for us to live in which went great for the first 3 years, then his parents bought him a house which he eventually moved into his kids never speak to me , he spends all holidays with his family ...
A. 19 June 2012: You been together for 7 years, first three were fine but last 4 years have not been fine.
He is keeping you at armslength from his family and looking on dating sites...
This tells me he is making plans to get you out of his life, are you go... (read in full...)
Uncertain of ex's intentions!
Q. Uncertain of ex s intentions? I broke up with the father of my 2 kids in jan, we'd had a strained relationship for many yrs, due to the fact that he is immature and a bad boy. Although at 42 he would binge drink with mates at wk ends take drugs ...
A. 19 June 2012: Immature, abusive, binge drinking, drug user bad boy at 42?
You think he's ever going to change?
I have lived a long hard life for my years and one thing I know for sure...people like him NEVER change.
It's your life, your call, if you ... (read in full...)
The love of my life used to be an escort... can I forgive her?
Q. I met the girl of my dreams... or so I thought. A little background... She is a senior in college and I'm a few years older than she is with a solid career. She is beautiful, intelligent, exciting, fun... she was the perfect woman. I never ...
A. 19 June 2012: I think you should leave her be. You arn't able to handle the truth of this girls past and I think it will always be an issue for you.
A more mature guy would be able to sort the past from the person and not bombard her with vile insults when she... (read in full...)
Tired of waiting for love to return
Q. husband left me for a 24 year old with a 3 year old. they are now living together and are engaged. our divorce is not final, and i found out he has not payed my attourney yet. they seem to be getting along pretty good. but everyone tells me it wont ...
A. 18 June 2012: He absolutely should not be telling you he loves you and expects to be hugged!!!
Way to go to mess with a sisters head!!!
It will be impossible for you to move on with your life all the time he comes around and behaves like this,get him to ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong in thinking he's got too many ex's and too much baggage?
Q. I had a first date recently, it went pretty well. He did however have a few ex girlfriends still in his life. One a psycho stalker,his words not mine.Another who visits him for weekends sometimes.Plus one or two others He asked for a 2nd date, ...
A. 17 June 2012: Too many red flags and WAY too much baggage and clingers...
You did the right thing absolutely!!
x... (read in full...)
I disinvited him to my party ...
Q. I was seeing a guy 6 years younger to me. for one year. On the pretext that he said he doesnt want a commitment, I broke it off with him, because i was very involved. I got him a job. when he asked me to held him with one. designed his tattoo, ...
A. 16 June 2012: I agree with Cindy, you knew this guy didn't want a relationship, he told you it was just about the sex, but you insisted to keep it going hoping it would turn into one...it didn't and the guy did what all guys like him do...they go off and find ... (read in full...)
I've told white lies and now my wife doesn't trust me
Q. My wife does not trust me and I do tell white lies sometimes , I have never cheated on her I tell her that I love her and she just says o thanks!! I used to watch some porn and now just get emails for freinds with some pictures of woman, She found ...
A. 16 June 2012: What do you do??
Stop telling lies and doing stupid shit that you know will upset her...
That's what you do!!!!... (read in full...)
Ex wants post-break-up sex, is it right or wrong?
Q. My ex and I broke up 8 months ago, I am 18, whilst she is 16. The UK allows legality of this relationship. So she's decided that she wants 'post break up' sex. She never understood my reasons for leaving, although they were as long as your arm. So I ...
A. 16 June 2012: 'I am worried it will mean a tonne more to her than it does to me'
100% correct...
She is asking because she thinks it will win you back.
Don't do it, just say no!!
If you do, you will end up hurting her in a worst way and make things r... (read in full...)
Why is this younger guy hitting on me? I just want to be friends
Q. I m in my 40 s with really young men hitting on me ALL THE TIME, Yes, I m pretty, in good shape, look younger, but aren't they afraid that if I say yes, they will have to see my naked not very young body and do things to it? I had children, breas...
A. 16 June 2012: Life is too short...go for it, enjoy yourself...
Just practice safe sex and don't give him any large amounts of money if he asks!!
Men do not care about perfect bodies if they like you, they like you...
Have fun and smile :-)
xxxxxxxxxxx... (read in full...)
My mother isn't happy about me dating a woman in Japan 9 years older than me
Q. I think I've fallen in love with a Japanese Lady I've met on the internet, but I'm having problems with my mum accepting it. Back in 2009 I joined a penpal website, I never had any intention to find a GF or someone I loved and just wanted to learn ...
A. 16 June 2012: Mothers and fathers have to get used to all kinds of things they don't agree with with regard to their kids.
I can see your mums point of view, although it's not like you have shacked up with a drug dealer or a mass murderer!!
Your situatio... (read in full...)
I got drunk and acted out of line with our friend. How do I talk to my husband about this?
Q. I (age 26) and my husband are married for last five years. We had a calm peaceful and joyous life. Though there were some disagreements. But recently there are some disturbances popping-up in our way. Our sex life is good. A close friend of my husba...
A. 16 June 2012: One thing is certain, you cannot change what has happened, you can only learn from it.
You made a mistake, not a huge one but your behaviour was inappropriate.
If your husband is a good person he will see this for what it is, you got a little... (read in full...)
I wanted to join him on this work trip. Am I wrong for feeling betrayed by this man?
Q. My boyfriend and sons father was offered an all expense trip, job related to one of my favorite cities in the country. Naturally I wanted to meet him there with our son, for a family vacation (after he was done with his job everyday). Our son and ...
A. 16 June 2012: I think there is no way of knowing to be honest...
You either believe him, or you don't and the only way to know if his not telling the truth is to get a lie detector test done.
I can tell you are pissed off, you always refer to him as the fa... (read in full...)
Boyfriend signed up on dating sites
Q. I just found out that my boyfriend is signed up for a few dating site and signed up recently. I know from our past he's just gonna say it was for point for some game he's playing but am I the only one that thinks is disrespectful and sneaky? This is ...
A. 15 June 2012: You have three kids...I am wondering what your sex life is like, it can be tough to even keep a sex life going when you have young kids around.
We are seeing a trend on DC, Some men think it's ok to start looking for someone else to get attentio... (read in full...)
Is she playing games with this blowing hot and cold?
Q. My partner of nearly a year seems to blow hot and cold...its really difficult to cope with and I don't know what to do. We have been absolutely great for a few weeks, really close, very affectionate and making plans for the future - we're getting ...
A. 14 June 2012: Yep definitely sizing you up and keeping your behaviour in the 'perfect' zone before she marries you...
:-)... (read in full...)
Is she playing games with this blowing hot and cold?
Q. My partner of nearly a year seems to blow hot and cold...its really difficult to cope with and I don't know what to do. We have been absolutely great for a few weeks, really close, very affectionate and making plans for the future - we're getting ...
A. 14 June 2012: Taking a different view, I wonder if she's getting a bit Bridezilla on you. October isn't that far away, you are both making a huge commitment and it's not unheard of for women to go a bit nuts and start getting all diva if everything is not ... (read in full...)
I can't understand why my family has started to treat me with disrespect!
Q. I am a wife and mother of four young adults. Recently I can't help noticing the total disrespect with which my children and even husband speak to me at times. I don't feel im a doormat by any means nor am I a harsh person. I simply can't understa...
A. 14 June 2012: It's no lie that teens and young adults can be a challenge. They suddenly go from being mums little angels to selfish lazy backchatters who roll their eyes at everything you say or suggest and strop off slamming doors and trashing their rooms.
... (read in full...)
How can I stop feeling betrayed when there was no betrayal?
Q. frustrated hyprocrite I have been divorced for 8 years. A year ago we got back together and are living together. During the time we were divorced I had 4 girlfriends and she also had relationships. The other day she told me about so...
A. 14 June 2012: I think you hit the nail on the head. Most women can deal with the pain of hearing about past girlfriends but men can't...I think it must be something psychological, hormonal even??...who knows but I know a lot of guys get het up and simply don't ... (read in full...)
Should I go back to my abusive ex or see what happens with the new guy?
Q. I was with a guy for about two years and it was going well for the first five months until he started to get very controlling and abusive. I thought he'd just come to a strange point in his life and he'd stop because I'm stupid like that so I stayed ...
A. 14 June 2012: I don't think you should go back to your abusive ex.
He has said he is sorry, but that will only last until the next time he is abusive.
If you read about cases of domestic violence and abuse, it's almost a blue print for behaviour of abu... (read in full...)
Boyfriend signed up on dating sites
Q. I just found out that my boyfriend is signed up for a few dating site and signed up recently. I know from our past he's just gonna say it was for point for some game he's playing but am I the only one that thinks is disrespectful and sneaky? This is ...
A. 14 June 2012: If he's on dating sites, he's looking to meet other people.
Not sure how long you have been dating or if your relationship is committed but if he is your boyfriend and you guys are going out, then I'd say what he is doing is sneaky and hurtful.... (read in full...)
I've fallen for him but he's not ready for a relationship, just comes around for sex!
Q. Hi I was just wondering what I can do in this situation I met this man 16 months ago who wasn't really my type but I thought I would give it a go I said yes to a date he came round mine just for a drink as we lived very close we didn't sleep ...
A. 13 June 2012: What would I do??
I'd realise he was using me and dump him out of my life.
You aren't in love with him...you are dependant on him...he knows it and it gives him a 'no strings sex' red carpet to your door.... (read in full...)
What can I do to discourage this woman who's been having meaninless sex with my husband for two years?
Q. Hello, I'm dealing with my husband's infidelity right now.He's the best hubby in the world and I love him to bits.. Only one tiny little problem.He's been having a meaningless sex fling with this floosy for 2yrs.It's a lady I have to see on a regu...
A. 13 June 2012: Well they haven't replied so I guess it must be fake...thought it was a bit ridiculous!!
:-) Well done all for trying though xxxxxxxx... (read in full...)
What can I do to discourage this woman who's been having meaninless sex with my husband for two years?
Q. Hello, I'm dealing with my husband's infidelity right now.He's the best hubby in the world and I love him to bits.. Only one tiny little problem.He's been having a meaningless sex fling with this floosy for 2yrs.It's a lady I have to see on a regu...
A. 13 June 2012: Im actually wondering if this is a fake post...it just doesn't seem to ring true!!!
Anyone else think that?... (read in full...)
Our marriage has hit a rough patch and his way of dealing with it is masturbating to pictures of naked girls. My feelings don't matter. Help?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and for the second time we have hit a rough patch. When this happens he becomes glued to naked pictures of girls online. He even goes so far as to masterbate to them. We have recently talked and are ...
A. 13 June 2012: Im so sorry you are going through this, it must be really frustrating not being able to get through to your husband and I am sure him not wanting to consider your feelings is a slap in the face.
I do think that because pornography has become s... (read in full...)
What can I do to discourage this woman who's been having meaninless sex with my husband for two years?
Q. Hello, I'm dealing with my husband's infidelity right now.He's the best hubby in the world and I love him to bits.. Only one tiny little problem.He's been having a meaningless sex fling with this floosy for 2yrs.It's a lady I have to see on a regu...
A. 13 June 2012: What does your husband say when you ask him why he isn't getting all his sexual needs fulfilled by you?
Is that his fault or is it your fault?
I bet he's a good husband...you are letting him keep a mistress on the side with absolutely no co... (read in full...)
Why am I never good enough?
Q. He left me and I'm feeling so heavy. I really do love him but he doesn't feel the same way and it hurts. The last time a guy left me he left me for my best friend of whom he's engaged to and now this guy left me. It makes me feel like I'm not good ...
A. 12 June 2012: I am so sorry you are feeling so sad. Heartbreak is very painful and going through it twice or more is even worse.
Sometimes loving someone isn't enough, people change and decide they want different things and sadly we have to let them go because ... (read in full...)
I'm totally confused why he won't change his facebook status to 'in a relationship'? He did before with a different girl!
Q. Im dating a guy for a couple of months now, i really love him but i don't know about him. My problem is he doesn't want to change his relationship status on facebook, i don't want to confront him to seem im nagging. i don't know if he's dating ...
A. 12 June 2012: Why does it matter so much? when you are out together do you make him wear a sign around his neck saying he is in a relationship with you?
Trust is probably the most important thing to make a happy relationship, it has nothing to do with a websit... (read in full...)
I'm feeling lost and tired and I don't know what to do now
Q. I am feeling lost and tired. I started the relationship with my sons dad nearly 3 years ago. I was living in Spain at the time my life was pretty boring and sad, but steady. I had a job, a car,my own house... I had an easy life that I did not value. ...
A. 12 June 2012: 'he's got a lot of potential and that's exactly what I want-take his potential out'
What potential does he have? You obviously see something in him.
If you are asking how to change him...the answer is...you can't...nobody can change someone e... (read in full...)
I'm feeling lost and tired and I don't know what to do now
Q. I am feeling lost and tired. I started the relationship with my sons dad nearly 3 years ago. I was living in Spain at the time my life was pretty boring and sad, but steady. I had a job, a car,my own house... I had an easy life that I did not value. ...
A. 12 June 2012: I am curious to know something...
Did you decide he is the man of your life because of what he TOLD you...
or because of what he DID for you?
Actions or words?
Without knowing the answer I'd conclude that he's a charmer, I mean c'mon, he... (read in full...)
Does my online love want me or not?
Q. I was in an online relationship for 2 years. They were truly blissful years. He understood me. Every moment was exciting. He was hilarious.. he got all my jokes and FINALLy there was someone who on my wavelength. After 2 years.. I feel like it has ...
A. 12 June 2012: nobody here is being rude to you. Dear Cupid has many many aunts who have given their precious time and advice over many years based on information supplied by the OP.
Most of us here who are kind enough to take up the challenge of offering... (read in full...)
He's the worship leader at his church and shamed of being gay!
Q. Ok so I posted an ad on Craigslist stating how disappointed I am with the gay community because it seem like most of the gay guys just want sex..so this really nice guy responded to my ad and said that he could relate to me because hes tired of the ...
A. 11 June 2012: I don't think you need any help at all to help him through this, you seem to be doing an excellent job already!!
Of course he is going to be filled with fear and his situation whilst similar to yours, may not be completely the same...e... (read in full...)
She said that she can never love me but kissed me!
Q. She is not in contact with her bf anymore now.. We have kissed when she considers me as her friend..! She said that she can never love me..! And thats because of her x-bf, should wait..? Is there any chance that she will love me as her life ...
A. 11 June 2012: I agree with starlights, it's way too soon to be making a move on her, she is rebounding and trying to fill the space left by her ex and that means she isn't thinking clearly.
You see this as your opportunity to get in but my friend, girls ne... (read in full...)
Does my online love want me or not?
Q. I was in an online relationship for 2 years. They were truly blissful years. He understood me. Every moment was exciting. He was hilarious.. he got all my jokes and FINALLy there was someone who on my wavelength. After 2 years.. I feel like it has ...
A. 11 June 2012: I know you are hurt and probably don't want to read what I am going to write but technically you arn't in a proper relationship with him...at best it was a kind of online friendship where you probably indulged in some sort of sex talk.
I get that... (read in full...)
After seeing her ex, she called me his name during sex and now I'm very upset
Q. Ok... hopefully i can get some good advice on this and not people making fun. I have been seeing the most lovely girl for the past few months. Before she was with me, she was in a 4 year relationship with the most awful guy - he hit her, put her...
A. 11 June 2012: Ok ego wise I can see you have taken a hit...but is it really worth an ongoing argument when the girl has apologised and told you it was because she was drunk and had run into him that day??
Do you think she is lying to you?
Do you want her to ... (read in full...)
I wanted to join him on this work trip. Am I wrong for feeling betrayed by this man?
Q. My boyfriend and sons father was offered an all expense trip, job related to one of my favorite cities in the country. Naturally I wanted to meet him there with our son, for a family vacation (after he was done with his job everyday). Our son and ...
A. 10 June 2012: Are you 100% sure he had an affair with her?...he doesn't seem to think he did?
I can see this has two views.
Either he didn't have an affair, he thinks you would have caused upheaval on what is afterall just a business trip but he has handl... (read in full...)
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