A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello. Sorry this is going to be long but i have nobody to talk to and feeling really down.I have posted here before with my relationship problems and it's helped me a lot. I have been with my partner 4 years, living together for 3. I moved to the other side of the country and left all my friends and family to be with him. After living with him for a few months, he accepted a job where he has to travel and only brings him home on the weekend. it was meant to be a 3 month contract so i agreed even though i didn't know anybody here. it's 3 years down the line and he is still in the same job. The pay is very good and he has saved a substantial amount of money.(he is very money orientated)seems money is all he cares about. He has 2 children from a previous marriage that spend a lot of time with us so we rarely spend time together. He loves his kids and they get everything they want. i will admit there have been problems as there is in every blended family and we have had lots of arguments. The weekends when we don't have the kids, he is doing diy jobs around the house or going to help his dad with things around his house and he never takes me out or even treats me. Don't get me wrong i work full time and pay half to bills and other things although he earns 5 times what i earn. for 4 years we have taken the kids on countless holidays and everything has been about the kids( i agree kids should come first) i have felt neglected. I asked if we could have a holiday without the children so we could spend time together but he refused as he wants the kids with us all the time. my kids are adults and i brought them up on my own so i just feel i want a little us time. I don't think i was asking too much for a week on our own. We have had so many arguments about him not compromising it has got the point where he wants me to leave. I am not innocent in the breakup. I have caused a lot of our arguments and threatened to leave many times. this has made him insecure about me which i can understand. We had a huge argument a few months ago and things got bad, each blaming the other and the usual but we have not got past it, we are in seperate bedrooms and it is so hard especially when the kids are here. i'm heart broken. they do things without me now and it hurts. i have tried to talk to him but we just end up arguing again. i have said that we both need to make changes and work on our relationship but i think it is too late, At first, he kept saying he didn't know what he wanted and that he thinks he wants to be on his own so i said i would respect that and leave. i put in for a transfer at work to move back to my home town and he then said that i had done it in haste but there is a friend who works for the same company as me that is moving here and it was an opportunity to swap with her so i had to make a decision. i might have to wait another year or so if i didn't go ahead. we did sleep together a few weeks ago but i initiated that so it was my fault but it was a bad idea as he feels no different. It has got to the point where we are arguing about who is having what when i leave and i can't take it anymore. have to wait till october to transfer in my job but i just wish i could get out now as it is making me ill. i am the verge of seeing a solicitor as a lot of things in the house are mine but he won't let me have them back. he gave me one of his cars and that is all i am getting but i had a nice car when i moved here and part exed it for a lush car he is driving now so it doesn;t compensate in my eyes. If he just wants me to leave, why is he fighting with me for the few things i want to take with me. it's not like he cannot afford to replace them. i'm at the end of my tether. sorry it was so long but i don't know what to do. deep down i don't want to go but i can't force him to try again x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): thankyou for your reply. i know i need to move on. it's just hard after 4 years together with him and also the children. but guess he doesn't feel the same so i have to think about myself now x
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 August 2012):
 You need to contact citizens advice about what stuff you wish to take with you.
There is no 'common law wife' rule in england anymore and unless you made an itemized list of what you contributed to the household, you are on unsteady ground with regard to your possesions.
The car...well lets be honest, he stitched you up over that one and there is no court in england who will want to sort it out. You could try small claims court but you will need evidence (reciepts, bank statements) that you paid for stuff.
I have read some of your other posts (as i remember)it's clear to see that your relationship is over and you have the unenviable task of relocating back, changing jobs etc...this is what happens when you give it all up for the wrong guy. It's well documented here that I am a staunch supporter of never giving it all up and maintaining independence and in a situation like your, it's clear to see the devestating effects it can have on a persons life...but I can see why you did it.
He is being an arse, not allowing you to take your stuff, it's the least he could do but obviously he isn't much of a man and intends to make you suffer.
If you can grab the opportunity to job swap so you can return to your home town, this will be a good thing. I am sure you have family and friends there to support you and help you rebuild your life.
I would not put any more effort in trying to rebuild your relationship with him...it comes down to business at the end of the day and remaining friends will only be more damaging to you in the long run.
You have a task ahead of you, but it is positive action, whereas if you choose to stay (which really isn't an option) then life will get worse and he will get even more resentful. You really cannot stay where you are not wanted so it's time to start making plans to get your own life back on track and move on.
Good luck xxx
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