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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Its all a bit of a mess really and I don't know what to do
Q. I've been with my current girlfriend now, for, we both reckon, at least 2 years now. We never really both recall the exact date our relationship began, but it doesn't overly matter to us. At first, it was nice. I like how we started out (wit...
A. 17 July 2012: She isn't calling you?, I'd say she's pretty much gone!
If you want to talk to her one more time to see if it can be saved then you probably need to make contact and arrange to meet up...if she makes excuses then you need to ask her if you and ... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 16 July 2012: So does this mean you are now in a relationship and happy?... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 10 July 2012: I think I'd be inclined to ask him outright,
'Are we in a relationship or not?'
He can worry all he likes, give you hugs and puppy dog eyes and all the smoke he can blow from his arse but it's still not telling you if you are with him or you ... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 8 July 2012: You are doing well and doing the best thing. He's hardly rushing back to confess his undying love is he...probably just checking to see if you are still on the hook to give him a boost.
Show him, through your absence that those days are well and... (read in full...)
Why am I still in love with him?
Q. This man and I dated for almost 6 yrs.We lived together for 5yrs.9 months ago we bought a house together.He helped raise my 2 kids.Everyone thought we were perfect together.We talked about marriage. 2 months ago he told me he wasnt in love with me ...
A. 5 July 2012: No you are most certainly NOT a fool, just a person in love with another who has been a major part of your life and whom has now decided to drop the ball and run in another direction.
It's cruel and devestating and it happens a million times a ... (read in full...)
My partner wont let me touch my own baby girl! How do I get him to stop this?
Q. me and my man just had a baby girl about 3 months ago. he will not let me touch her,i have held her only 2 times since she was born and fed her once and that was at the hospital. last night i thought he was asleep so i went to her crib and picked ...
A. 4 July 2012: By any standard this is NOT normal behaviour. He is either completely controlling and neurotic or he does not trust you at all.
You are correct, your child needs you and it is your right to care for her. What do your family think? Are they sup... (read in full...)
From FWB to relationship back to FWB?
Q. Friends with benefits to relationship then back to FWB? I met a single guy 6 years ago,we chatted started seeing one another once a week,he used to come to my house,i wouldnt allow anymore than once a week as i had my son living with me and thats ...
A. 4 July 2012: Yep seems you got him right. He has a child with someone and still cannot commit...clear example of someone who is phobic about commitment...strangely these types can be the most charming Lol!!!
Cheer up, just praise yourself for having seen the... (read in full...)
Is he going off me already?
Q. hi there, I met a guy at a friends country house wkd away and we just clicked and hit it off and were inseparable for most of the wkd. We did not exchange numbers as we both left at different times, but as soon as I returned from the wkd he ha...
A. 4 July 2012: I think it's too early to say if he's going off you. Things seem to be going very well but you both have stuff going on, holidays and you moving and during these times of high activity communication can take a bit of a battering!!
As to why he d... (read in full...)
From FWB to relationship back to FWB?
Q. Friends with benefits to relationship then back to FWB? I met a single guy 6 years ago,we chatted started seeing one another once a week,he used to come to my house,i wouldnt allow anymore than once a week as i had my son living with me and thats ...
A. 4 July 2012: I agree with Aiden, you are suffering over this because you are invested emotionally. He is there for the sex and nothing else, but you are there for a loving relationship.
He stated that he did not want a relationship or to be settled with you... (read in full...)
How to get past an affair?
Q. If anyone has advice on how to get past an affair, please let me know. It has been 8 years since my wife cheated, and it still feels extremely painful. I can't seem to fully trust her no matter how hard I try....
A. 29 June 2012: You have my sympathy.
So hard to recover from the pain of being betrayed and trust seems almost impossible to get back. I assume your wife is back on board? Would she be willing to go to counselling with you because sometimes just talking it out c... (read in full...)
Why haven't I met his friends yet?
Q. I've been with my bf for almost a year now in somewhat of a long distance relationship. We live an hour from each other and only see each other on weekends when he comes and spends the whole weekend with me. In the whole time I've known him, I've ...
A. 29 June 2012: hey you've met his family and his best friend...I think that's pretty good!!
If his other friends are jerks, it's not unusual for a guy to protect his girl from them. Maybe he tolerates them but thinks if you meet them, you might think he is a jer... (read in full...)
I'm losing jobs because of the boss's jealous wife!
Q. I am 31 years old, its been my second time loosing my job cause the wife of my ex bosses get insecure of me, I didn't do anything but just loyal to my job. Now its been a month having no work and scared to apply a job that might have this situation ...
A. 29 June 2012: I guess pick a job where your boss's wife doesn't also work for the company. Or pick a job with a female boss, Or start your own business and be your own boss.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend accuses me of cheating every day!
Q. My boyfriend accusses me of cheating everday,ive never and wld never cheat but really he is ruining what we have. I love him but im tired of defending myself it is making me physically sick! What do i do?...
A. 29 June 2012: Does he smoke weed? I just would like to know before I answer.... (read in full...)
She goes weeks without touching me but promises me we'll have plenty of sex once married
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for a 1.5 years and we are compatible in almost every way. Both of us are in our early 30's. My sex drive is still very high and I always want some no matter how tired or overworked I am. I am agnostic and she...
A. 29 June 2012: 'I really love this girl and she is one of the rare few that does not know how to lie'
What do you think she's doing when you ask for her to touch you and she says she's tired or not feeling well???
I can understand you being frustrated sexua... (read in full...)
My husband had an affair while he was working in a different country. Should I stay or leave?
Q. we've been married for 17 years with 2 kids, we are happy family, but one day i just found out that my husbandhad an affair to the other while he was working in a different country. He lied to me he said he never had anothet girl while he was away ...
A. 29 June 2012: I agree 100% with pinktopaz, this was a relationship, not a one night passionate error of judgement.
The seed has been sewn and is going to take a massive amount of work and trust building to get back on track...not impossible, but unlikely... (read in full...)
Shattered that it could happen to me twice.
Q. I'm new here. I'm 51 and divorced. This is really for the more mature crowd. I would really like to figure out how this could have happened to me, twice now. My background is I married at 36 and my husband left me, for another woman after 16 y...
A. 29 June 2012: 'I guess I am hurting because I don't 'take leftovers' from men'
Yep right and also true. Nobody should accept someone else's poor behaviour just so they don't have to be alone. Of course there is compromise and tolerance but lying, gambling... (read in full...)
I just want sex from him, so he cut me off. What can I do?
Q. Hello. I'm in a really tough situation. I have been in a committed relationship for 4 years, but there has been no sexual chemistry for a year due to health problems. I finally got tired of not being satisfied so 2 months ago things got pretty ...
A. 29 June 2012: Contrary to popular myth, men are actually repulsed by women who throw themselves at them.
If a guy thinks your hot he may have sex with you, but if the guy has decided he isn't 'into' you, flinging yourself before him is going to make him run.... (read in full...)
Shattered that it could happen to me twice.
Q. I'm new here. I'm 51 and divorced. This is really for the more mature crowd. I would really like to figure out how this could have happened to me, twice now. My background is I married at 36 and my husband left me, for another woman after 16 y...
A. 28 June 2012: Not exactly the same but similar and equally damaged and dissapointed by what I have been through. I also went through heart surgery last year and although I do have family, they all live hundreds of miles away so I had to cope more or less alone.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is below average, so - does size really matter?
Q. Here's the deal. My boyfriend (whom I love very much and plan on spending my life with) is on the small size. And by small size...I mean a good deal below average (both in length and girth). And I realize that this probably shouldn't bother me, but ...
A. 28 June 2012: His size might matter to you, but probably won't be a problem for another girl.... (read in full...)
How do I get over my crush over a dead actor?
Q. I know this going to sound weird but, I'm obssed with a dead guy. I watched stand by me when 3. I was 12 we got the actual dvd. I've watched that movie over 200000000000000 times, i know every word. I even know the day the location and the exact ...
A. 28 June 2012: Is it River Phoenix? Lol...just guessing!!
You will get over it when something better comes along. Get away from the TV and go out and play.... (read in full...)
A question for any woman who has caught her husband cheating
Q. after a long day of sketchy and questionable behavior from my husband he *finally* came home *late*. ive been having this uneasy feeling lately that theres foul play going on but aside from all the red flags, this is what i came here to ask. SO, my ...
A. 28 June 2012: Makeup on his clothes and semen in his pants?...that there is some pretty damning evidence of cheating...whether it's from a lap dancer or someone else.
Question is what are you going to do now?... (read in full...)
My separated husband is ill, do I still proceed with divorce proceedings?
Q. I've been physically separated from H for 8 months now,10 months in total including in-house separation. Been married for 14 years, I'm currently living with my 2 sons.The separation resulted from H's emotional infidelity, 4 emotional affairs I know ...
A. 28 June 2012: Id be vary wary of a man who has threatened suicide in the past to make you stay.
Now he has developed a possible life threatening illness?
Did you speak to the doctor personally? Have you seen medical reports? or do you just have your husban... (read in full...)
I discovered my boyfriend cheating on me!
Q. Hi everyone... I want to know your opinion about my situation. I've had a boyfriend for 4 years. He has always been loving and sensitive, but since last year he has had a strange behaviour, he is more emotionally detached and I've began to think he ...
A. 28 June 2012: Boils down to whether you interpret 'talking' as cheating.
Talking can lead to phone convos and texting, then onto meeting (with the assumption that nothing will happen) then onto having no strings sex or even falling in love and moving on.
Y... (read in full...)
Is it ok to only want sex?
Q. Is it ok to only want sex? I mean I see that women are often irritated because the new guy they just met only seems to be interested in sex. What's wrong with that? ...
A. 27 June 2012: Women want ramonce and love not just to be a penis 'parking space'.... (read in full...)
The way he asked for money made me feel like an outsider, like an cash machine
Q. Hi everyone. I hope you can help me get some perspective. My boyfriend of 2 years asked me to lend him some money,just to get him through the week til payday. I helped him out, and he told me afterwards it was because he had to pay an unexpected ...
A. 27 June 2012: Don't lend him anymore money, period!!
Keep an eye on things, if the whole asking for money becomes a pattern then it's a pretty sure thing that he's a freeloader...sadly too many of them (both male and female) exist.... (read in full...)
I can't handle seeing the way women are portrayed in the media!
Q. I cant handle the way I am so consumed with worrying about other women and the way they look. Worrying what my boyfriend thinks when he sees them, or worrying if he will notice them. This goes for women on the street, in stores, anywhere we go. I ...
A. 26 June 2012: Could be way off but seems you have massively low self esteem and you are living in fear.
Sometimes this sort of reaction can be kicked off by an unkind comment or difficult circumstance and that sets the person on a path which is all consumin... (read in full...)
Should he stop communicating with a girl he almost went on a date with during our brief breakup?
Q. Please MEN (and ladies) help answer this: My BF broke up with me in Nov said he was "talking" to a girl havent met up yet or anything...2 ks later begs to come back to the relationship w me exclusively says the breakup was NEVER related to another ...
A. 25 June 2012: Facebook strikes again!!!!
Did you ask him to take her off? He knows her presence upset you before, don't think it's unreasonable to ask him.
x... (read in full...)
He's still on the dating site we met on, should I let it go for now or bring it up?
Q. I met a man on a dating site and we've been talking and seeing each other for about a month now. He told me that he cancelled his membership but I've been told by others that his profile is still up and that he still signs on. He tells me that he's ...
A. 25 June 2012: Even when you cancel a membership most websites allow the person to log in until the next payment is due.
It's just been a month, most people keep their options open until they are really sure they want to keep seeing someone. I think it would be... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has pictures of his ex's on his laptop and wont get rid of them!
Q. My bf keeps pics on his laptop of his exes. I could understand them being put away in a box or on a hard drive. It makes me feel like they are there to gain easy access to them and makes me feel second best. I have spoke to him and tried to explain. ...
A. 25 June 2012: How is he with you in the relationship?
Are you happy and does he seem happy with you?
I understand why you feel annoyed about the pictures but he's made it clear he isn't going to put them away. I think he may do it in his own time and you know... (read in full...)
It seems like my FWB was actually married or in a relationship and I never knew, how do I get past the guilt of what I did to this other woman?
Q. I had a fwb type thing going on for a year or so. The guy never promised anything more and when I started to get feelings i stopped the arrangement, told him to delete my number blah de blah. That was 3 months ago, he has txt here n there but i ...
A. 25 June 2012: You don't know that he is/was married, just seeing him with another woman isn't proof of that, it could have been his sister or his cousin or a friend.
You have nothing to be guilty for, and I suspect you are torturing yourself because you may ... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 25 June 2012: Good girl, just focus on yourself and stop wondering what he's doing or how he will react...act like he never existed and enjoy your time away.
x... (read in full...)
My fiance's ex wife got to sit with his family at the funeral, and wore her wedding ring that day! Am I right to be hurt by this?
Q. I don't know what to think of this and would like opinions. My fiance's father died in Jan. Both his ex-wife and I attended the funeral and we were both civil. I was a little hurt by the fact that his ex deposited herself squarely in the front row ...
A. 25 June 2012: Yes bad choice by him and crappy behaviour by her...but he probably did it so she wouldn't kick up!!
It was his dads funeral and coping with the ex the way she is, is probably a bit like coping with a naughty child...the more resistance, the more... (read in full...)
Its all a bit of a mess really and I don't know what to do
Q. I've been with my current girlfriend now, for, we both reckon, at least 2 years now. We never really both recall the exact date our relationship began, but it doesn't overly matter to us. At first, it was nice. I like how we started out (wit...
A. 25 June 2012: Thanks x Mines a bacardi and coke Lol x
Let me know how it goes x... (read in full...)
How do I let go of a sex only relationship of 4 years?
Q. hi I have been involved with this man for four years with no committment and he sees other women.There is no respet and the relationship is not going anywhere, just sex. How do I let go of the relationship without constantly going back....
A. 24 June 2012: No contact and stay busy...it will get better xx... (read in full...)
Its all a bit of a mess really and I don't know what to do
Q. I've been with my current girlfriend now, for, we both reckon, at least 2 years now. We never really both recall the exact date our relationship began, but it doesn't overly matter to us. At first, it was nice. I like how we started out (wit...
A. 24 June 2012: ''Who knows, perhaps my unluckiness in love means I'll sort of settle for anything at least reasonable to keep me happy''
My friend you are not unlucky in love...just unlucky with her because she is making things difficult.
When you look at ... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 24 June 2012: Addicted...hmmm maybe addicted to the hope that he will be your boyfriend again.
You got to let go my dear, chasing him will push him further away and make you look vulnerable and annoying.
How would you feel if you went to his tomorrow, he beg... (read in full...)
He smokes weed, is jobless and homeless but there's no denying the sexual tension! What next?
Q. I kept seeing this guy who I thought was cute but he had sketchy lookin friends and im sure he is usually high. Today we some how started talking and i gave him my number, then he walked me to the train station. He told me that he smokes weed and i ...
A. 24 June 2012: I think it's because he showed you some affection and that can be a powerful thing especially if you haven't really had much affection before.
The trouble is that we women take the tiniest bit of affection that we get and weave a whole dream ar... (read in full...)
Why is he paying attention to me when he has a g/f?
Q. my work colleague has been paying me extreme compliments lately. hes always worried aout me and calls and texts loads. he says he loves working with me and really likes my company. he has a girlfriend of 5 years and says he thinks i look nice and ...
A. 23 June 2012: Maybe he's working his way up to make you his bit on the side...seems to be making moves in that direction by his actions.
He will think he can control it and not let it go further but if you develop feelings for him, what will you do if he turns... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my friend's drinking and sleeping around
Q. I'm really to starting to worry about my friend as I think she is losing control. She has started to be in an open relationship with her boyfriend where she can go to bed with anyone but he's not allowed which he is ok with as he gets off from ...
A. 23 June 2012: For whatever reason she's behaving like this, she isn't ready to hear any well meaning advice.
That kind of lifestyle isn't sustainable and eventually she's going to come unstuck.
Telling her to her face obviously makes her angry, so maybe ... (read in full...)
Why is he texting me?
Q. Hi all. Your opinions would be welcome. I recently split with my bf of over a year due to many problems,and trust issues. He told me i deserve more,and that he isn.t good enough for me. We had an argument,and he said he was going through the ...
A. 23 June 2012: Maybe he is offering friendship because he thinks it will be better for you both rather than making a clean break.
It can be hell to get over someone you still love especially when you know their feelings have changed so you have to make a choice... (read in full...)
Should I ditch her completely?
Q. I've been seeing a girl who has split from a guy who had been beating her, this has happened 4 times now, with increasing severity. We meet every now and again, but she blows hot and cold and never wants to meet when i suggest it, we only meet when ...
A. 23 June 2012: It's a good thing she has moved away from her ex. She will probably need quite a bit of time to deal with what has happened to her and to build her self confidence.
You sound like a good bloke and obvious you like her so give it time and see what... (read in full...)
Its all a bit of a mess really and I don't know what to do
Q. I've been with my current girlfriend now, for, we both reckon, at least 2 years now. We never really both recall the exact date our relationship began, but it doesn't overly matter to us. At first, it was nice. I like how we started out (wit...
A. 23 June 2012: I had to read this a couple of times to make some sense of it.
The jist I got is that you are both twentysomethings in a relationship that he family would not approve of.
You sleep together but don't have sex and you can't kiss or show affectio... (read in full...)
He smokes weed, is jobless and homeless but there's no denying the sexual tension! What next?
Q. I kept seeing this guy who I thought was cute but he had sketchy lookin friends and im sure he is usually high. Today we some how started talking and i gave him my number, then he walked me to the train station. He told me that he smokes weed and i ...
A. 23 June 2012: I think it's sad that he's homeless.
Could be classed as a BAD boy but it seems he's more like UNFORTUNATE boy who's drifted into a dead end life, probably because of bad circumstances.
As sad as it is, I don't think it's a good idea to get in to... (read in full...)
Should I ditch her completely?
Q. I've been seeing a girl who has split from a guy who had been beating her, this has happened 4 times now, with increasing severity. We meet every now and again, but she blows hot and cold and never wants to meet when i suggest it, we only meet when ...
A. 23 June 2012: Is he still beating up on her?
If he is, you need to report this to the police because it's a criminal offence. Whether you are seeing/dating/befriending her or not, you still need to report if he does this to her again.
As for ditching her, see... (read in full...)
Older female falls for young men and gets hurt every time! Do I stop, or alter how I feel about the inevitable end?
Q. i know im in trouble. i even know how i got here. i just dont know how to stop. im a girl who is an artist and i enjoy the company of artistic feeling when it comes to love; sensuality, beauty, emotional feeling and connection, spunk and spirit...
A. 22 June 2012: I can also totally relate to your situation and I also enjoyed reading your story as it was beautifully expressed.
I am 47, I have been divorced for 8 years and since divorce I have dated a few men all apart from one, who have been younger ... (read in full...)
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