A
female
age
41-50,
*onfusedlikecrazy
writes:Hello all.I have a good guy friend. He has a girlfriend. But this has not stopped him from flirting with me and leading me on. He has treated me like a girlfriend. I continued to hold on because I thought, probably foolishly, that one day he would choose me or decide it was really me his heart was with.I tried to sell myself in every way to him. I am beautiful, funny, outgoing, strong...everything a man could want. But it seems it is never enough for this friend. I can never seem to do enough for him to want to be with me. It isn't as if he is madly in love with her. They've been together only six months. He never mentions her or talks about her. If I mention her or ask a question, he answers with one word and then goes to another subject.He is always complimenting me, touching me, touching my hair, listening to all my problems, being supportive and texting me. He is always helpful and notices when I am wearing something new or if my hair is done differently.We get along so well. We have so much in common. We laugh together and it just feels so right.I know that everyone will say it is my fault for letting him lead me on. But he is to blame too because he is encouraging me.The problem is that lately he has been trying to back away from me. The other day when we saw each other, he was quiet and distant. I don't know why all of a sudden he is not even a friend anymore. First he says how much I mean to him, how much he misses me when I am away and now he is behaving a lot cooler towards me. Why does he do this? Does he not realize that his inconsistent behaviour is really hurting me?I don't understand why he keeps changing his behaviour...acting one minute like he wants to be with me more than friends and the next minute he backs off totally, almost as if the friendship does not even exist.Why would he even start something if he isn't willing to follow it through?Don't you all agree that it should be one way or the other. There is no middle ground.One day I am elated when I spend time with him because everything goes great, we get along and flirt and laugh together, he compliments me and makes me feel special. Then on another day he pulls away completely and has no regard for my feelings.I have walked away from this "friendship" already a few times but have returned because I guess I keep hoping that a light will go off in his head and he will want to be with me.I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried all tactics and nothing works.Do I need to walk away for good this time?Should I talk to him first?I am really hurting over this but I think I am at that point where I realize I cannot take anymore and am worth more than his tidbits of attention.Thank you all for helping.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tommy Crue +, writes (1 October 2012):
You know that old saying.....more fish in the sea.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (31 August 2012):
 EVERY GUY wants to have a "spare" girlfriend... It's like having a spare tire in your car.... After all, what does one DO when the original goes flat?????
YOU, lucky girl, have put yourself in to the position of "spare" G/F.... AND have done a commendable job of justifying yourself, in this submittal....
NOW, it's time to re-read your submittal and see just HOW futile will be your future pursuing this guy....
IF you really want a good, true-blue boyfriend, then you have to find one who doesn't have some OTHER girlfriend who comes before you in his hierarchy of attentions... Anything else will result in your despair and frustration.
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (31 August 2012):
How has he treated you like a girlfriend?
How long have you known one another?
Where do you interact like at the office or school?
Are you going out of your way to see him, or is he doing the same to see you?
Does he seem to have other friends?
How does he treat his other female friends?
Are you more attractive than average?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): I'm the OP. No, I am not having sex with him. I have never crossed that line because I am afraid I would be even more hurt if I allowed myself to go there.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (31 August 2012):
 Are you having sex with this guy? or is it just a 'friendship'?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): I really don't understanding y u r so confused if u know he has a girlfriend. If u know this guy has girlfriend y r u even wasting ur time? This may come across as little harsh, but if the age u listed is correct then u r playing a game urself b/c u should know better. I honestly believe that u enjoy flirting, playing, and possibly taking someone else's man. If u r as u described y this guy? U know he's taken regardless of how long they've been together. They're plenty of guys that r SINGLE that will treat u better b/c they r not attached 2 anyone. Y r u limiting urself 2 only tidbits of attention? Don't u think u deserve better than a sometime guy anyway? Leave him alone and find a singke guy that will shower u with all that attention. Y settle 4 that? Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 August 2012):
 You have to separate your emotions and think logically. What you are chasing is not him, but the chemicals he supplies once in a while. He on the other hand is holding onto the flattery, the attention you give him. He is in no way a good guy for you if he is flirting behind his girlfriend. You also have to stop thinking it's something you are lacking therefore he does not reciprocate. He is in no position to determine who's good enough for him when he is shit himself. I don't even think he is a good friend from the start. He cannot speak his mind truthfully, and he dangles you like a carrot. Love is very easy. When nothing is working, it is because he is not the right guy for you. It is easy to get along well with someone, but it is never an indicator of something more. If I were you I would just stop answering his phone calls and look elsewhere.
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