A
female
age
36-40,
*onfused702
writes:Ok here it goes and please no rude comments really looking for a solution not to be bullied.I have known my ex for 11 years. He was my best friend and the guy I always ran to for help. We did date a few years ago but went are seperate ways but still stayed in contact. About 6 months ago we started dating again. We had our issues. He was using meth and it destroyed our relationship. We found out in may that I was pregnant. He seemed excited, he was going to ultrasounds, making plans, getting clean and getting his life together. About a month ago I had enough. He has an issue with trust and was accusing me of cheating and so on to the point we would be verbally abusive to each other. I decided I needed space and told him to leave me alone if all he was going to do is talk shit.About a few days to a week I call him and he has a gf. He not only has a gf but she is talking in the back ground telling me to not call him unless it is baby related. I was shocked because a week before he claimed would do anything to have a family, now has a gf? It's been a month now of arguing and fighting and him telling me how great she is and he's in love and rubbing her in my face. He won't have anything to do with me and has completely disregarded my feelings.I have no doubt he won't be a good dad but I am considering adoption because I already went they this with my daughters father and won't go thru this again, or be a single mom with two kids by two dads. I kept this baby because we had a plan, I have known him for 11 years and trusted him to be there for me and my son. What is he thinking? How could he just abandon someone he's been thru everything with? He was my best friend and could be there when other guys hurt me but now he can't be there when I need him the most?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Confused702 +, writes (9 August 2012):
Confused702 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree! You're right if he can't be there now never will. I won't depend on him because he has shown he can't be depended on. I can't live for 18 years wondering if he will be there, or why he didn't show up to pick him up. He has done something similar 5 years ago when I needed him he ran. I know now after reading this and getting counseling there was nothing I could do. He had his own agenda and didnt involve me, or his son.I left him for good reason and I shouldn't doubt myself because of what he's doing. His actions are further proving that me leaving was the right thing. I can find a guy who will love me and my kids and he will be forgotten. He has proven to be selfish and evil.It started with him getting a crack head looking girl and having her speak to me and come to find out because I know his family and friends that she is trash exactly what he deserves to be with.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (8 August 2012):
Im just wondering did you post this too? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-a-rebound-is-my-boyfriend-just.html
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (7 August 2012):
 Is he totally off drugs?
It's really common for men to move on quickly after a relationship ends, most are looking for a replacement just a few days after parting. If they hook up with a particularly nasty, posessive woman they will pretty much leave it to her to do the wrangling with the ex (you)
I am sorry you are in this situation, obviously you have been through something similar befor with your first child so you are probably feeling pretty shitty at the moment.
If he is still on certain drugs (even if he tells you he isn't) then his behaviour is going to be unreliable and immature. Also if he smokes cannabis, it might make him paranoid which may explain why he was always accusing you of cheating.
I know you want him to be a father to your baby, but in all honesty, he's not a great bet is he?...doing what he does and also moving on so quickly and abandoning you...then letting someone you don't know give you a hard time over it.
If he won't have anything to do with you, why tolerate him telling you how great his new girlfriend is???...it's seriously immature behaviour on his part and I think you had a lucky escape.
In the old days, girls dreampt they would meet a loving hardworking reliable guy who would love and care for them and want to raise children with them...these days girls think they hit the jackpot if they hitch up with a dope smoking, cheating liar who gives them five minutes of attention...
how things have changed...and how men must be absolutely loving the freedom of being able to screw around, chat up multiple women, have sex with whom ever they want, impregnate whoever they want with no fear of ever being involved in a childs life whilst evading child support payments, being able to live off women who have to work whilst they themselves sit on their butts smoking and drinking and playing ex-box...and what makes those girls allow the abuse to continue for years and years??
Oh yep...love. I think it's time love took a long hike and the tables were turned.
Some people here will shout me down...but if I am wrong...how come we see so much of it??? Huh??
If I were you hunny, I'd kiss his a**e goodbye, raise your kids in peace and think much more carefully about who you get involved with in the future...
The world has changed!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2012): He's an idiot. Any guy would love to find a girl and have a son to call his own. Dont give your baby up because he's an idiot.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (7 August 2012):
No he cant be there when you need him most. He is not able. He is selfish. He is an addict that has not been able to resolve his addiction through rehab or otherwise. What makes you think he can possibly care and provide for you and a baby when he cant even help himself. I honestly think this guy has probably been this way all his life, i do not think he is able to be truely in love or be emotionally attached. I think this new girlfriend will eventually get old and i do not think this man would be a good father because in the long run unless he has detoxed and gone to rehab and stays commited to it, drugs will always come before the baby, before diapers, food, clothing and rent. I am saying this from personal experiences with friends and family members. I would not contact him, cut all ties, move on and get your own life on track. He has no say with the baby because the court would deem him an unfit parent due to drug use, unless he has gone through rehab and tests clean. I also reccommend counselling for u
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