A
female
age
36-40,
*ampababy46
writes:Everything was great with this guy I was dating... Until it wasn't. I'm going to skip all the "it was so awesome" examples here- it was. For two months everything was going extremely well when I started dating and getting to know this guy that I'd worked with a few years prior. He was sweet, VERY attentive, affectionate, said he had feelings for me, etc. Then things got weird. He became really "busy." He is a sports writer and it's the beginning of football season, his sister is having a baby so his mother is coming across country to stay with him, he's got his full-time job too, his best friend of 20 years is moving far away, etc. I mean, yeah, he is busy, but it was WEIRD how quickly he pulled away. He was like, "I am really stressed out, I'm sorry if I'm acting distant." He apologized again and again for being distant, not communicating better or being able to see me. I figure if he really cared and thought I was perfect/amazing like he said then he'd make time, right? But I've also considered maybe he feels bad he can't spend any money on me? I work and take care of myself... I spend a lot of money on myself, but I know some guys sometimes feel they should pay for the girl and he mentioned feeling like a "loser" because he doesn't have money to spend right now. I have been really understanding about everything have told him to take his time, work out what he needs to. He's said just "stick with me, I really liked where this was going." Even though he just apologized again the other day for not communicating better I am hearing from him less and less. What do I think about all this? Move on? Should I be open to dating him if he gets it together? How long do I give him a chance to work it all out?
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female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Im not understanding how people can have any relations without talking texting and physical Im not doing that I tried it's like you not together really but your there waiting don't do it I moved on cause why wait they enjoying there life with or without you
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (17 August 2012):
 I've been through this and it isn't any fun. I agree that people can get busy, but you are never too busy for someone you care about, especially a girlfriend or family member. I know men who are extremely driven and who are perfectionists in their jobs. I dated one. He did the same thing and continued to pull away (saying nothing was wrong, he was just "busy") until I lost any emotion for him and I broke it off. Believe me, I begged, I pleaded, I gave space eventually. I figured if things did work out, and I had to live with this type of behavior as his significant other, that he was better off being by himself...and so was I. For some reason, some men do not "get" the fact that if you want a relationship, it has to be built every single day. Sometimes they realize this later on in life and by then it is too late. The thing with giving someone "space" is that he continues to take advantage of that "space" until you really can't take it anymore. Then he wants to come back to your open arms. Then, when he gets stressed out again, he'll distance himself again and stay away because he needs "more space". You can try giving him some distance, but from my experience, I don't see it working. If he is doing that to you now, that is how he deals with things and it's part of his personality. Sometimes we have to wait things out to see for ourselves what will happen, but don't stick around too long waiting. You lose a lot of your life that way.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (17 August 2012):
 I agree, he's acting weird and flaky and even if you went along with it and tried to stay in his life, you'd probably end up getting pushed out completely.
Take yourself out of the equation for a while. You don't have to make any grand statements like ' I am leaving' or 'I am breaking up with you'...just focus on yourself. If he wants you to 'stick with him' he at least has to realise that by treating you like this, he risks losing you himself.
It is his actions that are putting things under strain and it is up to him to reign it in and make things work, he cannot expect you to just be kept dangling on a thread not knowing if things will ever change.
Retreat to your own life, fix your attentions on having fun, continuing with your personal goals and growing and moving foward, you may even decide that he isn't the one for you afterall, but for now keep the options open and give him time and room to change his ways and redeem himself.
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (17 August 2012):
 I think your boyfriend has wayy too much in his plate right now and you should be a supportive girlfriend ans stick by him rather than being worried about why he doesn't call or text or meet the numerous times we used to earlier..this is a golden opportunity for you to show your boyfriend your with him irrespective,the fact that he is apologising shows he feels bad he hasn't been giving you time,and shows that he cares..Instead of breaking your head about moving on,how about showing some love to your boyfriend..let him focus on what he wants,his best friends moving,his sister is having a baby,his mother is coming down,he has a full time job,you could really be his support system,and help me along this..Send him texts like 'hey I miss you' or 'we will get thru this together I promise' or 'don't worry about me I'm good,I hope your ok and if you need anyone to talk to I'm always here for you' 'don't push urself too hard,I know your a fighter'..so messages like this encouraging him,supporting him,helping him get through..The last thing he would want right now is his girlfriend leaving him,he's already losing his best friend,I think you need to show a little more concern towards your boyfriend..Gluck x
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