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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 20 October 2012: You are welcome xx
Remember that unless he is showing up at your door, asks you to be his girlfriend, shows you evidence that he can make a commitment, then he cannot come back into your life (because you want commitment, love and to be treated ... (read in full...)
I am confused by his actions. Can a man concurrently and happily live with his wife, make love to his wife, and care about his children while occasionally having sexual affairs with men?
Q. My husband of 16 years of marriage has admitted to a gay affair and numerous indiscretions with men for the last 6 years. I was devastated and even though 8 weeks have passed I feel a little bit stronger. I have been receiving counselling to come ...
A. 19 October 2012: I really hope you find some peace, you seem such a nice person and I am sure with the right support that you can find a way back to happiness.
We live in a society where homosexuality/lesbianism is still vilified and this does lead people to live ... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 19 October 2012: Sorry I realised it was POF and not facebook....Isn't POF hook up site?...If he's on a hook up site doesn't that mean he's looking for no strings sex...
Guys a nightmare!!!!!... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 19 October 2012: Read your previous post about the girl he cheated on you with, the one he told lies about you..do you seriously want to go back to that?
Come on...facebook message fr YOU to call HIM??? It's a shabby lazy attempt to get some attentio... (read in full...)
Being in love with a married one is hard to do
Q. I'm a 41 year old female that is in love with this married women she has children. she said that her husband is good to her and the children. she tells me that she loves him but she is i love with me. My feels for her is very strong i love her more ...
A. 14 October 2012: Unless she leaves her husband and makes a life with you, there isn't much you can do.
I think it's very unfair and very cruel to tell someone you love them if you have little chance of being with them, especially if you know that person is in lo... (read in full...)
I am confused by his actions. Can a man concurrently and happily live with his wife, make love to his wife, and care about his children while occasionally having sexual affairs with men?
Q. My husband of 16 years of marriage has admitted to a gay affair and numerous indiscretions with men for the last 6 years. I was devastated and even though 8 weeks have passed I feel a little bit stronger. I have been receiving counselling to come ...
A. 13 October 2012: Yes it's called leading a double life.
Is it sustainable?
Yes if you both choose to protect the little bit of love that exists in your marriage and be in denial about everything else that is going on.
Emotionally, it's not sustainable bec... (read in full...)
Is it possible to resign yourself to a life without love?
Q. I just want to say this and get it off my chest really. Comment if you wish. I'm getting on for fifty, and have been married for twenty years, most of them unhappily. My wife suffered from serious post-partum depression after our children were bor...
A. 12 October 2012: Yes it is possible and I have lived without romantic love from another person for the last 20 years. I no longer date so expect I will live for the rest of my life without it. I do have the love of my family and even though it's not the same, it has ... (read in full...)
Need help losing post pregnancy weight
Q. My husband and I were highschool sweethearts and have been married for 9 years. I had twins a year and half ago and have been finding it hard to lose the baby weight, I know that snce our babies were born I have let myself go but it has almost ...
A. 12 October 2012: Strangely enough, it's probably not your weight that has made your husband retreat (unless he has told you directly)
You have had twins!!!!...HELLO!!!....Major life change, very very very hard work and totally draining (although wonderfu... (read in full...)
Should I abandon ship or stay with a man who lately doesn't seem to like me?
Q. Is my boyfriend worth fighting for is it time to quit? We have been together for over 4 years. We live together in his house that he owns. I don't believe we will ever marry because he reminds me all the time that I am not the perfect woman for him. ...
A. 11 October 2012: All good reasons to get him out of your life.... (read in full...)
My guy's mother hates me. How can I get her to accept me and her grandson?
Q. I met my bf three years ago just before he left to go over seas with the army. We didnt "offically" start dating until he came home because he didnt think it was fair to ask me to wait for him, We wrote each other almost daily and I waited for...
A. 11 October 2012: Even if you did prove the paternity of your child to this very unreasonable woman I don't think it would make any difference and she would still find some other excuse to drive a wedge between you and your boyfriend.
This isn't about you, or your ... (read in full...)
We were starting a family and I gave up my job to move. He left for his ex.
Q. My boyfriend and I had known each other through mutual friends and exes for years. We got along the first day we met, both having laid-back personalities. We never got the chance to really get to know one another because we both were with ...
A. 11 October 2012: I agree with Stacey. I read your whole post and your update and it seems this guy does not know one end from the other right now.
You were making all these sacrifces and life changes so you could be with him and he bails?...how very cruel and dumb... (read in full...)
Should I abandon ship or stay with a man who lately doesn't seem to like me?
Q. Is my boyfriend worth fighting for is it time to quit? We have been together for over 4 years. We live together in his house that he owns. I don't believe we will ever marry because he reminds me all the time that I am not the perfect woman for him. ...
A. 10 October 2012: I agree with SoVery, I think you need to make a plan and leave. You are living on your nerves and things will just get worse and more resentful.
There is still time for you to find happiness so don't count yourself out of the game just yet. I t... (read in full...)
Should be try to work it out? He is hopeless with money
Q. Hi I need help as I don’t know what to do. I have been with my partner for 10 years we have four kids together but I can’t trust him. When we first got together he used to stay out all night. This stopped and a couple of years later I found text...
A. 10 October 2012: I also just wanted to add that one of the other aunts said keep your money away from him.
I know that this doesn't always work and when they are still living with you or in your life, they will lie, cajole, sweet talk, nag, beg, threaten and blac... (read in full...)
Should be try to work it out? He is hopeless with money
Q. Hi I need help as I don’t know what to do. I have been with my partner for 10 years we have four kids together but I can’t trust him. When we first got together he used to stay out all night. This stopped and a couple of years later I found text...
A. 10 October 2012: I sympathise 100%. I was married to a gambler for nearly 20 years and we had 2 kids. I know the frustration of never having any money, worrying how you are going to py the bills and feed the kids...god I remember it so well and even today it makes ... (read in full...)
I sometimes break down and cry because my daughter has ASD Autism Spectrum
Q. I know this site is for love, sex, and other questions such as this, but I have another heartache I would like to see if anyone can comment on. I have two daughter's 12 and 5 yrs old. My youngest has ASD Autism Spectrum Disorder. She was diagnosed ...
A. 10 October 2012: I am so sorry for the worry you are going through. I am sure it is all consuming and must be awful.
Any motherworries about her childs future and if that child has additional challenges, it's even harder.
I guess you could look at it two ways. ... (read in full...)
He's going through a difficult time so where do we go from here?
Q. After a party I went home with a good friend of mine. We ended up in bed together, although we didn't have sex, we kissed and were naked. We spent the next day hanging out, but didn't discuss what happened. I care about him and respect him hugely. ...
A. 10 October 2012: I apologise for getting the wrong end of the stick and now you have elaborated, I can see the problem a little clearer.
In the reviewed light I think it would be ok to call him and just say you feel akward about everything that happened... (read in full...)
Video chatted for a few months. Then he claims I got weird? Should I be patient, or is something else going on here?
Q. He found me online this June. We haven't met in real life. For the past 3 months, we video chatted with each other almost everyday.(Just chat.) Most of the time he initiated the conversation. He's divorced for 2 years and is looking for a se...
A. 10 October 2012: Yep, he was just using you as a time filler. I am so sorry that he did that to you.
Long distance internet liasons are best avoided, a few do work out, but for the most part many fail because there are just too many obstacles to overcome... (read in full...)
How do I get over my affair with a married man?
Q. Hello, I really need some help and dont know where else to go. My ex was sent to prison for a while over 5 years ago, we split a few months of him being inside. I found help online to help me understand what he was going through in there, there was ...
A. 9 October 2012: It's a bit rough on you, him saying you were killing him so no wonder you are upset.
There isn't much you can do where he is concerned, he wasn't free in the first place so things were on a rocky path.
If you bombard him with e mails, it will j... (read in full...)
He's going through a difficult time so where do we go from here?
Q. After a party I went home with a good friend of mine. We ended up in bed together, although we didn't have sex, we kissed and were naked. We spent the next day hanging out, but didn't discuss what happened. I care about him and respect him hugely. ...
A. 8 October 2012: I think I would just leave it. There is no need to apologise as he was at fault as much as you.
You could salvage the friendship but not until you have gotten over your feelings, because you do not want to get hurt do you?... (read in full...)
I have a great g/f but I'm bored. Do I keep her or let her go?
Q. Here's the Story. I'v been With this girl for almost 2 years, And she treats me better then gold and It's hard to find a girl that good. but must have gotten bored and my gf isn't big but she has curves I like thin in shape girls. Her sister i...
A. 8 October 2012: Congratulations!
You have learned at a very tender age how to use women, be judgemental and manipulative and also learned how to be a successful cheat and liar.
You got a long life ahead of you my dear and you are going to be destroying a... (read in full...)
I need a man's opinion on the behavior of my boyfriend.
Q. Hi There, I wondered if any guys would help me with this problem. My boy friend if 1 year has issues due to his disability, therefore he has trust issues. He pushes me away sometimes and I stay in the background and let him know that i'm still there ...
A. 8 October 2012: I agree with Jannie. I think he is testing you to see how loyal you will be to him.
He obviously has issues with his disability and is defensive (maybe other women have ignored him or brushed him off because of it).
It's all very well consta... (read in full...)
He's going through a difficult time so where do we go from here?
Q. After a party I went home with a good friend of mine. We ended up in bed together, although we didn't have sex, we kissed and were naked. We spent the next day hanging out, but didn't discuss what happened. I care about him and respect him hugely. ...
A. 8 October 2012: I think you like this man and ould like to have a love relationship with him. Your feelings have grown over the time you have known him and despite all your efforts to be his 'everything' he has not reciprocated.
You have, out of desperat... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 7 October 2012: Just another test to keep you dangling on the hook.
Just another test to pass.
If he really loved you, he'd be breaking your door down to hug you and he'd have your money (every penny) in his pocket to pay you.
Think about it...you know what h... (read in full...)
Video chatted for a few months. Then he claims I got weird? Should I be patient, or is something else going on here?
Q. He found me online this June. We haven't met in real life. For the past 3 months, we video chatted with each other almost everyday.(Just chat.) Most of the time he initiated the conversation. He's divorced for 2 years and is looking for a se...
A. 7 October 2012: Why is he testing and teasing you if you are only online friends?
People don't genrally test friends do they?
I think you are falling for this guy but in the absence of actually being able to see him in real life and take the relationship fow... (read in full...)
Video chatted for a few months. Then he claims I got weird? Should I be patient, or is something else going on here?
Q. He found me online this June. We haven't met in real life. For the past 3 months, we video chatted with each other almost everyday.(Just chat.) Most of the time he initiated the conversation. He's divorced for 2 years and is looking for a se...
A. 6 October 2012: This is such a common story with internet 'relationships'.
It's very easy to get carried away and say whatever you think the other person wants to hear when you only have to log on to get their attention.
It's like trying to get to know some... (read in full...)
Breast feeding with breast implants?
Q. just wondering with women who have had breast implants did any of you have a child afterwards? and did it change your breast implant could you breast feed. i have a daughter already and gotten breast implants i want another child and just wonderin...
A. 5 October 2012: If your implants were inserted via an under breast incision you should be able to breast feed (although the size of the implant can restrict the milk ducts in some women)
If your implants were inserted through the areola (the dark tissue around t... (read in full...)
Squirting issues
Q. Ok, so my wife and I have a really healthy sexual relationship. We love trying new things. She has came to like squirting as much as me. We was watching some porn and a girl started cumming and white stuff was oozing out of her. We are trying to ...
A. 5 October 2012: As Judge Judy say:
If something doesn't sound right, it's usually because it isn't true.
I think this is a fake question.... (read in full...)
My younger girlfriend suddenly left me and I cant get over it. What do I do?
Q. She is 27 and I am 44. We met at work and were together 5 years through good and tough times. Just as it seems everything is finally settling down, as we can finally move on together,she dumps me saying its not working, a week before she moves into ...
A. 3 October 2012: I am not quite sure why people have told you that she has used you for the last 5 years...it seems a very negative statement that has no use but to incite hatred. You were in a loving relationship with her and she, you, so how is that using you?
... (read in full...)
Date Suggestions Please!
Q. I liked this guy in middle school for a year and a half. I got over him as I was too shy to do anything about it but now we are in the last year of high school and I think I like him again but I'm not sure. We are hanging out on Saturday. Where ...
A. 1 October 2012: Bowling, pictures, skate park, normal park (if not raining), Mc Donalds for a burger or pizza hut, swimming?... (read in full...)
Extreme guilt after faking a pregnancy
Q. This is really hard for me to write about. When I was 16 I faked a pregnancy with my boyfriend at the time. I definitely had some sort of issues, I was cutting myself at the time and extremely depressed, manipulative, and obsessive. H...
A. 1 October 2012: As you get older, you realise that whatever wrong you have done in your life...the most important peson to forgive is yourself. It's totally pointless to confess to anyone else unless you are prepared to let go of the hatred you have of ... (read in full...)
Can blood tests detect an eating disorder?
Q. I haven't been eating properly and have been making myself sick for a few years now. I've recently had a blood test done at my doctors and i'm worried the blood test can detect eating disorders. I'd be way too embarrassed to discuss this with my ...
A. 1 October 2012: No he will not be able to detect an eating disorder, but any anomalys that show up in your test...he's going to be asking questions. You should not be embarrassed to speak to a Doctor because that is their job and what they are trained for.... (read in full...)
Could he care about our baby? Or is he just using me when he needs something?
Q. Hello My name is Sexy C, I need some help I have been with this guy for about 17 years off and on. When he goes to jail im there for him when he comes home I might see him but he will go be other places and then when he needs something Im the...
A. 1 October 2012: Yes he is using you and NO he definitely doesn't care about your baby.
Just one question? How come you haven't figured this out by all the sh*tty stuff he has done to you?... (read in full...)
How do I handle this? He only comes around when he wants sex!
Q. I am a heavy set woman that is very attractive and has had no problems finding ppl. But this one guy that I have been with only calls or comes around when he wants sex. How can I know if hes ashamed of me? Ive asked him over and over is he ashamed ...
A. 1 October 2012: I am with SoVery on this one.
You are trying to evoke an emotional response from a man who is just using you for sex. You are hoping he will fall in love with you or start treating you like a girlfriend...that isn't going to happen my dear bec... (read in full...)
Why does my married ex give me his schedule and tells me to call him?
Q. My ex who now is married, talks to me often. My question is why does he not call me but says it's alright to call him??? He gives me his schedule so i know when to call. Why doesn't he just call me?? i have a bf and it's just nice to talk to an old ...
A. 1 October 2012: Despite you trying to convince us all here that you want to stay in touch with this guy as just a friend...we here all know that 'the lady dost protest too much'
It's obvious you want more from him...a married man (which you are kinda seeing a... (read in full...)
Should I send the evidence of his cheating to his wife? I wasted a year of my life with him and want revenge....
Q. I met a guy on a dating site who told me he was seperated, he told me he loved me after 2 weeks, he then told me he was still with the wife and begged me not to finsh it with him, he left her the week after, we had been seeing each other for over a ...
A. 1 October 2012: Yes of course you are entitled to date whilst separated and to fall in love if it happens. Lots of people move on to a new relationship whilst waiting for divorce...it's not the best time to do it but hey! it happens all the time.
I totally ... (read in full...)
A man 40 years younger than me wants to marry me?
Q. I'm a 62 yr old black female who has a 23 year old black military male who wants to get married. I'm very fit and attractive. We are very compatible, get along great. What should I do?...
A. 1 October 2012: If you are happy, love eachother and have the support of family and friends then go for it.
Life is too short to worry about all the pitfalls and you have to grab your happiness whilst you can. If you are committed to eachother (and it isn't ju... (read in full...)
Should I send the evidence of his cheating to his wife? I wasted a year of my life with him and want revenge....
Q. I met a guy on a dating site who told me he was seperated, he told me he loved me after 2 weeks, he then told me he was still with the wife and begged me not to finsh it with him, he left her the week after, we had been seeing each other for over a ...
A. 1 October 2012: Let me just say I sympathise with you completely.
I know the internet is plagued with predatory people, confused people, con artists, cheaters, liars etc etc. I know what is like to be taken advantage of by some of these people and I know what it ... (read in full...)
What do you think she's up to?
Q. So I dated my ex for 5 months, and everything was great except for a few really bad arguments. I wasnt committing to her, because i thought it was too early and wanted us to take our time, and she wound up breaking up with me. I realized i really w...
A. 30 September 2012: Whatever her reason, she has moved on so you should probably do the same.... (read in full...)
Squirting issues
Q. Ok, so my wife and I have a really healthy sexual relationship. We love trying new things. She has came to like squirting as much as me. We was watching some porn and a girl started cumming and white stuff was oozing out of her. We are trying to ...
A. 30 September 2012: I don't know if you realise but a lot of what you see in porn films is simulated and overly exaggerated. What you are watching isn't real and some special effects are used to make it seem that woman can do 'interesting' and 'outlandish' things with ... (read in full...)
What's going on with this guy? He's playing games with me and I cant figure out what the deal is with him
Q. My question: Is he really sick or did he stand me up? Our history: I met this guy online last year. We talked for 2 weeks and then went out for a dinner date. After the date, he kept insisting that I want to have sex with him. I told him that we...
A. 30 September 2012: Emilia's answer hit the nail on the head!!
The guy is just looking for sex.
Why did he come back to you after 9 months?...because after you initially turned him down for first date sex, you totally caved in, changed your mind and started purs... (read in full...)
I get very anxious when my boyfriend is out with his friends
Q. So me n my bf have been together 4 yrs and sometimes we both go out seperately with friends. We r pretty laid back about it but it seems that I get really jelous over him going out and then I text him and feel like I'm ruining his night out ...
A. 30 September 2012: Some people suffer from jealousy more than others and it's usually tied to some event from the past.
On your own, you probably can't control the jealousy so you may need help from a psychotherapist to help you understand where the jealousy... (read in full...)
What do you think she's up to?
Q. So I dated my ex for 5 months, and everything was great except for a few really bad arguments. I wasnt committing to her, because i thought it was too early and wanted us to take our time, and she wound up breaking up with me. I realized i really w...
A. 30 September 2012: I think you were the itch that she just couldn't scratch.
At the start she wanted to be with you but you told her you didn't want to get serious...for many women that is enough to let them know that a guy doesn't think they are good enough a... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 29 September 2012: Returning to work will give you a massive boost...and nobody better than kids for making you laugh and putting your life in perspective.
I have been where you are and I know how you are feeling but you have begun the journey to healing and the ... (read in full...)
LDR - Is he taking me for granted or am I being selfish?
Q. I met this guy online around 6 months ago, we are both mature people so I think we both knew what we were doing when we got into this LDR. I let him know about my health which is a severe neurologic condition from day one. He says he loves and ador...
A. 29 September 2012: The next time he comes to visit you, sit him down and explain that you need a little more of his time and attention and that it will make you feel a little more secure in your relationship with him. It's hard to keep a LDR going when you don't see ... (read in full...)
I have concerns about returning to my FWB. What should I do though? He wants to resume, but his past actions concern me
Q. Hi I realise there is a lot of questions asked about this thank you for any answers in advance I just need some opinions on this situation I have been in a FWB for 18 months now he asked me if it could just be me and him sleeping together and not ...
A. 29 September 2012: Ok here's the deal:
A RELATIONSHIP- An arrangement where two people agree to be exclusive to eachother, allow love and trust to grow and potentially get married/live together/ have children/remain faithful/care for eachother...mostly until on... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 29 September 2012: Tell us some of the good things that you are experiencing since you no longer have to deal with this nightmare of a man in your life?... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 23 September 2012: :-) :-):-)
Hoooray!!!
You go girl!!!
Now the sun can shine on your life, because you had the courage to step out of the shadow!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxxxxxxx... (read in full...)
Why does my married ex give me his schedule and tells me to call him?
Q. My ex who now is married, talks to me often. My question is why does he not call me but says it's alright to call him??? He gives me his schedule so i know when to call. Why doesn't he just call me?? i have a bf and it's just nice to talk to an old ...
A. 22 September 2012: Maybe he wants you to do all the work and pay for the calls. The fact that he has given you his schedule suggests he doesn't want his wife to find out...does such a sneaky person who just happens to be your ex make a good friend?
I wonder.... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 21 September 2012: I am going to get my butt kicked over this one but really I don't mind because I have to say it...
We see a lot of questions on DC about women who take bad behaviour from men (sometimes women badly treating men)over and over and over again...... (read in full...)
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