My girlfriend breaks up with me, over and over and over again!
Q. okay I'm really confused on this one. I am 47 my girlfriend 45. Will be going out for 6 months and ever since day one she continually breaks up with me.I mean literally she can break up with me more than once in a week and then she comes running ...
A. 7 October 2014: There is no reason her ex-husband of 8 years should still be in her life in any capacity, and her constant breakups are a manipulation tactic used by her to avoid being accountable in your relationship. Any time there is conflict, or you call her ... (read in full...)
They say that opposites attract and you can complete each other, but is that too optimistic?
Q. Hello. I need some help in figuring out if opposites really do attract. I'm 18 and I'm starting to like someone who I probably wouldn't usually befriend, not for any negative reasons, but just because we're very different. For example, I like ...
A. 6 October 2014: One thing I want to stress before getting into the opposites attract issue, and that's the notion that people can complete each other. I know Jerry Maguire popularized the whole "You complete me" saying, but that is really unhealthy. Nobody should ... (read in full...)
Am I being too persnickety? Should I see this man again?
Q. With a track record of attracting and dating emotionally unavailable men, I've been working on trying to be more open and emotionally available myself, and dating more men, basically accepting most dates from men who ask online. I've been on t...
A. 6 October 2014: He hasn't crossed the line to actual dangerous stuff, so if you're inclined, meet him for coffee or dinner and tell you want to slow down, and that his behavior (explain instances) is coming on too strong for you.... (read in full...)
How do I let go? He does not care, yet I want closure
Q. I have been broken up with my boyfriend of 9 months for about 3 months now. For the first 2 months, we went back and forth with whether we could fix our problems and get back together. For example, he got upset with me that I didn't tell a ma...
A. 6 October 2014: Wow! I hardly ever see a response like yours. You knew I wasn't trying to be harsh, and you just made my day here by your response. Thank you for taking my words to heart and doing what is necessary.
I know it's easier said than done. I... (read in full...)
Am I being too persnickety? Should I see this man again?
Q. With a track record of attracting and dating emotionally unavailable men, I've been working on trying to be more open and emotionally available myself, and dating more men, basically accepting most dates from men who ask online. I've been on t...
A. 6 October 2014: YIKES!!! Uhh, no I wouldn't date this guy again.
Those are scary red flags, not "sweet" or "cute". At BEST he's needy and clingy and desperate. I said "AT BEST", because AT WORST, he's dangerous stalker material.
He never tells his mom ab... (read in full...)
How do I let go? He does not care, yet I want closure
Q. I have been broken up with my boyfriend of 9 months for about 3 months now. For the first 2 months, we went back and forth with whether we could fix our problems and get back together. For example, he got upset with me that I didn't tell a ma...
A. 6 October 2014: Ahh geeze. You aren't wanting closure and you know it. You've gotten 100 times the closure many people get when relationships go sour, deconstructing your relationship for 2 months after it ended. Anyone who hasn't gotten closure from that isn't ... (read in full...)
He's a childhood friend. Yet due to his Gf's request he is now snubbing me. How do I handle this?
Q. I know this might seem trivial, but this has been bugging me. A childhood friend of mine has just randomly started ignoring me. We were such good friends in high school, and although we fancied each other for years nothing actually happened beca...
A. 6 October 2014: Actually, this one I don't think you're going to win unless he breaks up with her. Technically, she has good reason to insist on distance between him and you, and that's your past feelings for each other. Had your relationship been truly platonic, ... (read in full...)
Would like to find some genuine age-gap dating sites but don't want any scam sites. How do I attract women 10-15 years younger than myself?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 35 year old male who lives in the UK. I prefer younger women aged between 20 and 30 and would like some suggestions for genuine age gap dating sites. Before anyone asks: no, I am not looking for a notch on my bedpost or '...
A. 6 October 2014: Those guys who are in their 40's-50's who are attracting 20 year-olds typically have one very attracting quality: They are financially very well off. On that note, you typically have to be careful of internet profiles where the women makes it clear ... (read in full...)
Attending college leaves me little time to work out
Q. Hi all! Hope everyone is having a good week. Some of you may remember I posted a question a few months back about losing weight, I bought an exercise bike and managed to lose a stone! However I am now having some problems with it, and would lo...
A. 5 October 2014: Yeah, you're dealing with what puts the "Freshman 15" on many college students, dealing with disgusting greasepot fast food and processed crapola. I always ate really healthy when I was in high school because my mom stocked really good food because ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend more likely to cheat by associating with cheaters?
Q. I have a problem with two of my boyfriend's (boyfriend of 2.5 years) friends. He has three people that he considers his very best of friends: Me, a guy we shall refer to as B and a girl we shall refer to as G. I like both B and G as people. G ...
A. 4 October 2014: Are you worried about your boyfriend and G?? If she knows no boundaries and texts your boyfriend often, I'd be a bit put off by that, to be honest. As for B, his kissing other girls doesn't mean your boyfriend will.
The issue is whether you can ... (read in full...)
Was this office hug inappropriate?
Q. I started a job a couple months ago. I work with a group of Christians. My boss is a woman and her boss, the big boss is one of the owners. He and I had a meeting the other day and after the meeting was over he asked me for a hug. I said okay and ...
A. 4 October 2014: Ahh, the fact that you call it a Christian business tells it all. Married guys giving side hugs are the church-chaste hugs, so I think it's alright. In church, it's usually appropriate for married men or women to side-hug as opposed to full-hug. ... (read in full...)
I want to see a doctor about a reoccuring UTI, but I have some concerns
Q. My age is kinda important in this so, I'm 16. Every time I've ever had sex I've gotten a uti afterwards. I always pee when we're done, but I still get one. I've even tried peeing at different times afterwards. One time I peed right after me a...
A. 4 October 2014: How good is your boyfriend's hygiene? How good is yours?? That makes a huge difference when it comes to UTI's.
Other than that, what do you mean by your mom being "crazy"? And, you should wear condoms. Pregnancy isn't the only danger out ther... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend and don't want to leave, but how can I make him see what a monster he is when he's drunk?
Q. My fiance has a binge drinking problem. When we are on a night out, its as if he just can't get enough and he doesn't know when to stop. He blows all our money on it too! And he gets violent.Last night, he was invited with me to a function and I was ...
A. 4 October 2014: You don't get it, do you?? If you believed that he'd be a different person if he got sober, then his punching you when drunk would have horrified him to the point of never touching a drink again. Hurting the woman he loves would make every drink ... (read in full...)
I thought it was a relationship, but he was just "test driving the car"!
Q. Dear cupid.. Did I over react? I was talking to my bf the other night, and we talked about sex in relationships and I was saying how I prefer to wait until its been a little while in a relationship before sex. So as to get to know the other person. ...
A. 4 October 2014: I hate that saying because of the misogynistic connotations. It disregards a woman's dignity, personality, and intellect. Comparing a woman to a car is degrading, and I would have a hard time with a guy who would make that comparison that having ... (read in full...)
She's a silly 19 year old with a baby and an overbearing mother! How do I withdraw my offer to talk to her?
Q. I have a lodger who is in his early 20's. He has a 19 year old girlfriend who stays over 3 nights a week. This is fine with me. I find her silly, stupid and totally lacking in the brains department but it's none of my business. Recently my lo...
A. 4 October 2014: I got the idea here:
You started out the story saying she stayed at your place 3 nights per week.
Then you said "Recently my lodger asked me if she could start staying over more often. He said he realised that this was more than had previou... (read in full...)
She's a silly 19 year old with a baby and an overbearing mother! How do I withdraw my offer to talk to her?
Q. I have a lodger who is in his early 20's. He has a 19 year old girlfriend who stays over 3 nights a week. This is fine with me. I find her silly, stupid and totally lacking in the brains department but it's none of my business. Recently my lo...
A. 3 October 2014: You need to understand that at the core of this, it's a business arrangement. Your lodger rents from you with agreed-upon terms. When he talked to you about her, you didn't know about the 2-year old child. You understand that with all of her ... (read in full...)
His daily gambling is getting in the way of our relationship!
Q. I'm with my fiancee two years and for the first time ever I feel like he prefers his phone more than me. 2 months ago he told me that he would set up a betting account and make very small bets to make money for a savings account. He said his limit ...
A. 3 October 2014: If he's actually justifying gambling by saying "this is all for our savings", then both of you are in serious trouble.
Why would he complain if YOU buy a dress?? Do NOT combine money with him, and if you have, GET IT ALL OUT NOW! Get your own... (read in full...)
Has he hurt his back in some way, or is his back problem due to deeper psychological issues affecting my Bf?
Q. My boyfriend is 18 years older than me. We both love sex very much and whenever we're together we do it more than once. However, he recently started to complain that his back is hurting very much after sex. He keeps writhing in bed, telling me ...
A. 3 October 2014: Yeah, what can you do if he won't see a doctor?!
There are 99 other ways to have sex with someone. It doesn't have to be missionary, like SVC said. It doesn't even have to be intercourse either. Oral, hands, toys, different techniqu... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend introduce me to his parents?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and we have a great relationship. We get on brilliantly, the only problem is I have yet to meet his parents (he didn't tell them we were going out until 4 months into the relationship, and it was his friend ...
A. 3 October 2014: Yeah, it *is* about time you met them at 6 months, especially if they live locally, and it could mean anything, though his not TELLING them about you is interesting as well. You are his first girlfriend, and he is 24?? What has he told you about ... (read in full...)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. Is that a turn-off?
Q. Hello my question is pretty simple...is being a virgin at an older age weird or a turn-off? The reason why I ask is because I read online that a some men are turned-off because of the awkwardness during intercourse due to not having any experience. ...
A. 3 October 2014: You are not that old, and the only people who would be turned off by your virginity or lack of sexual experience are guys who would be after you for easy sex without commitment.
Honestly, given the level of retroactive jealousy I've seen on here,... (read in full...)
I can't be with both girls! I have a lovely girl here but what about the one who I met in Florida?
Q. Thank you for reading - it's quite funny as I'm normally the one my friends ask for advice, yet here I am asking you all... It's been hard and I haven't been able to sleep much so I really need an outside perspective- thank you. I met a girl about...
A. 3 October 2014: Yeah, forget everything I said in my other post to you. You never mentioned you had a girlfriend already in the UK. So you ran to Florida and cheated on your UK girlfriend like she was nothing to you?? Good lord. And here I was in another thread ... (read in full...)
He broke up with the real me, but not before agreeing to a date with the fake profile I made on a dating site! Should I cancel in advance or just stand him up?
Q. I was seeing a guy from work for about 4 months but nothing was too serious as I had just come out of a long term relationship. One night as we was snuggled on the sofa, his phone went off and it was a notification from a dating website. I didn'...
A. 2 October 2014: Heh, this is a unique one here. I would go the "stand him up" route to be honest and cut off all contact. Why would you cancel in advance?? What would the point be for that?
In truth, I would be tempted to keep the date and call him on the carp... (read in full...)
Do I end a 3 year relationship and take a gamble on someone I think I have stronger feelings for or do I stick with what I have?
Q. I have a bit problem, and subsequent decision to make... two girls fighting for me and my affections. On one side i have my patner who i've been with for 3 years, i'm happy / content with her but id say not madly in love. the other side ...
A. 2 October 2014: Given the way you talk about your girlfriend, you need to break up with her no matter what the outcome is with this new girl, because you staying with her now is just you USING her. You say you're content, but you're not "madly in love". She ... (read in full...)
I want to be with this guy but I don't want to create a situation that would be bad for us or our other flat mates
Q. Hiya Ive just started university and im living in halls. My problem is thr chemistry with one of my room mates. Ive been living here for just over a month but had spoken to this particular room mate a lot before I arrived and we had skyped etc. At ...
A. 2 October 2014: Actually, I think you should have a relationship with this guy. You live together, but why can't you follow the bounds of propriety between you and other flat mates?
Your main issue is school. This is a distraction. If both of you want this, th... (read in full...)
How long does it take to forgive cheating and rebuild trust?
Q. My bf cheated twice and he has slowly made changes since then and im on guard but sometimes I feel like he is quick to jump on me about things I do wrong yet I had so much patiences towards him and his wrong doing. Am I wrong for feeling like im not ...
A. 2 October 2014: Truly? I think you're making a mistake by still being with him. His cheating wasn't a one-time mistake. He is a serial cheater who did it twice. You know the saying "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
He fooled you twic... (read in full...)
I want my stepdad to walk me down the aisle!
Q. Dear aunts and uncles I am getting married next year and I should be getting excited but instead I'm feeling anxious about it all, the bottom line is who should walk me down the aisle My folks split when I was 2 my father was violent to my...
A. 2 October 2014: Sounds like your stepdad did what your father didn't. He was there for you when your father wasn't. He was kind to your mom when your father was cruel. He cared about how you were feeling when your dad only cared about himself and his drink. ... (read in full...)
I haven't told him about the baby for fear of rejection
Q. my baby is two weeks old. in all honesty, i had a lot of doubts and had actually considered adoption because i was so unsure about being a mother. everything changed the moment i met him and I'm happier than I've ever been. he's so perfect. i had ...
A. 2 October 2014: Again, that "I don't want anything from him" thing - you're putting YOURSELF before your child. This isn't about you and your wants. This is about supporting your son. I'm guessing your SON wants food, clothing, and shelter. When your son gets ... (read in full...)
Could the abuse I suffered as a child explain my same-sex attraction?
Q. I'm 24 years old. As a child and teen, I experienced sexual abuse growing up in Saudi Arabia. My mother is full Saudi and my father is an American military man. I was born in the U.S. and am an american citizen, but moved to Saudi when I was one and ...
A. 30 September 2014: I read your post three times, and I felt moved by your story. Normally, when people write on here asking for advice as to their sexuality, my thoughts are to help them discover that answer for themselves. If there's one thing I have learned on ... (read in full...)
What makes a guy lose interest early on?
Q. Another men disappearing question..for the guys. What makes you lose interest in a woman before you have even gotten started?? I spent a little time with someone recently and liked him. He asked me out before and I did turn him down once but...
A. 29 September 2014: Why don't you call him and ask HIM out??
You're not being cautious...you're being apathetic. In this day and age, women can reciprocate the contact. You may be giving off a lazy or entitled vibe as well, meaning you may think that if a guy want... (read in full...)
What makes a guy lose interest early on?
Q. Another men disappearing question..for the guys. What makes you lose interest in a woman before you have even gotten started?? I spent a little time with someone recently and liked him. He asked me out before and I did turn him down once but...
A. 29 September 2014: The guy didn't disappear on you. YOU disappeared on him! You weren't ready to date again due to a break up, had already turned him down and reluctantly half-heartedly agreed to on another.
Then you blew him off over and over again, so I'm gues... (read in full...)
I haven't told him about the baby for fear of rejection
Q. my baby is two weeks old. in all honesty, i had a lot of doubts and had actually considered adoption because i was so unsure about being a mother. everything changed the moment i met him and I'm happier than I've ever been. he's so perfect. i had ...
A. 29 September 2014: You mentioned that you were thinking of putting the baby up for adoption, but when you met your baby and now you're the happiest you have ever been.
Your baby is all that matters now. Not your rejection, not your past with the baby's father, ... (read in full...)
My friends say I can have my pick of girls here but I've fallen for this American
Q. Thanks for reading. It's quite funny as I always get asked for advice and I'm normally good at giving it but this time I need some help. I live in London and vacation in Florida every year. I came back 3 days ago and I'm miserable as hell. I met...
A. 29 September 2014: Sounds like Cupid drew back his bow and shot you right in the heart in Florida. Yes, many of us Americans love English guys! Your accents are kinda dreamy to us, but your sweetheart in Florida likes you for more than your nationality.
Make ... (read in full...)
I can't hold onto friends and don't know how to make new ones
Q. For some reason I can never hold onto friends. I try so hard to fit in and be good to them, but I always seem to be the odd one out, who doesn't get invited places or has to walk behind the group when the path isn't big enough. It makes me feel so ...
A. 29 September 2014: It's tough to know how to help you without knowing more about you. I have a few questions based on what you've written as well as other general ones:
1. What does it mean to have someone "look out for you"? And have you looked out for anyone e... (read in full...)
Do you think this could go anywhere? Should I try holding his hand? Or is he the one who is supposed to make the first move?
Q. We're from the same city, we go to the same university in a different country, I'm a freshman, he's a senior. We started talking back in May, after I got accepted to this university. We live really close to each other back home, so we went out quite ...
A. 29 September 2014: Don't do it IN HIS DORM! No way! I know it was an opportunity, but what message are you trying to portray?
If you're interested in him in terms of you falling for him and you're wanting a possible relationship with him, then making moves in... (read in full...)
My (platonic) date to a wedding had to cancel. Should I invite the girl I've just started dating?
Q. I have a wedding to go to this upcoming weekend with a plus one, and as I've never had to go to a wedding before, so I'm not sure about proper etiquette about these things. I haven't been seeing anyone steadily and I've been in medical grad sch...
A. 29 September 2014: I very much agree with Honeypie on this one - I'd talk it over with the bride/groom and do the options she suggested. That's the best course of action, hands down.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't want to have sex
Q. My boyfriend and I have been officially BF/GF for 4 months but have been dating for 6 months. He is 28 and I am 23. My boyfriend says he isn't like every other guy. He respects the idea of making love and prefers to have sex spontaneously. H...
A. 29 September 2014: I'd be wondering - if he likes spontaneous sex, then why isn't there any happening?? I think that's a smokescreen for "don't ask me".
If he says he's not like every other guy, that means he's asexual, gay, or a porn addict (overuse of porn can... (read in full...)
I'm afraid or ever get in a relationship with a woman again? I suck and don't deserve one.
Q. I'm a shitty person and an asshole. I can't treat a girl right and even though I would want a good, committed relationship, I would just fail and hurt her. When I was 17 and a senior in high school, I met a just newly turned 15 year old sophomo...
A. 29 September 2014: Listen to me very carefully, front2back, and listen good.
There are two types of reality here:
1. The bubble of your high school years, where the most crucial of skills are learned, where things that you will value in high school years are... (read in full...)
My older boyfriend said horrible things so I would call him! Do I end the relationship?
Q. My boyfriend is lovely sometimes. He is so loving, caring and has a good sense of humour, but he says horrible things sometimes and takes things too far. He really took it too far over the last couple of days. He was angry with me because I haven'...
A. 29 September 2014: Yes, I would drop him faster than he could say "I slept with Pippa Middleton"!
Ugh. The guy is a dried-up loser.... (read in full...)
Do I ask him about the condoms in his trash?
Q. I feel like a complete idiot for even asking this, but would you ask your boyfriend why he had a couple of used condoms in his rubbish bin when you have been away for a few days and you don't even use condoms?! I went away for a five day mini br...
A. 28 September 2014: Heh, sorry Cindy! ;)
One other thing - going with my plan - if he pulls the "it was a friend's condom" trick, just get a q-tip and a small sandwich bag and tell him you want a cheek swab of his DNA so the lab can typecast it to the semen inside t... (read in full...)
How can I possibly introduce my husband to a man who tried it on with me?
Q. So I am in a predicament and I don't know what to do. About six months ago, I had a row with my husband and went out to my friends party and got really drunk. My friend's husbands rather ugly best friend was at the party, he was really drunk too and ...
A. 28 September 2014: Nah, just go! You did the hard part - telling your husband about what went on. Now, they'll most likely be civil and minimize their own awkwardness, and you'll need to do the same. Consider it the final lesson in marital conflict resolution.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I'm bad at handling money! How can I change his opinion of me?
Q. My boyfriend thinks I'm bad at handling money and I don't know how to change how to change his mind. He is 22 and I'm 21. I think I'm ok at handling money. Not great but ok. I constantly have not much money because I'm living on a student loan but I ...
A. 28 September 2014: Okay, now that I'm done shouting at you because your post really had me scared for you, and truly, I really care about people like you who are wanting good financial management. Here's what you do:
First of all, I misread your national flag and... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I'm bad at handling money! How can I change his opinion of me?
Q. My boyfriend thinks I'm bad at handling money and I don't know how to change how to change his mind. He is 22 and I'm 21. I think I'm ok at handling money. Not great but ok. I constantly have not much money because I'm living on a student loan but I ...
A. 28 September 2014: NO NO NO NOOOOOOOO DO NOT JOIN ACCOUNTS WITH HIM!!!!!!
I know it's in bad form to shout in all caps and stuff, but SERIOUSLY DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! Do not show him your financial stuff! Do not! You do not prove to him ANYTHING! Your fin... (read in full...)
Do I ask him about the condoms in his trash?
Q. I feel like a complete idiot for even asking this, but would you ask your boyfriend why he had a couple of used condoms in his rubbish bin when you have been away for a few days and you don't even use condoms?! I went away for a five day mini br...
A. 28 September 2014: You say that you've been with him for nearly two years? You'd know by now if he used condoms for masturbation, right? Some people do, you know, and it's typically to avoid a mess. That would be unlikely unless your boyfriend is a complete and ... (read in full...)
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