A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm with my fiancee two years and for the first time ever I feel like he prefers his phone more than me. 2 months ago he told me that he would set up a betting account and make very small bets to make money for a savings account. He said his limit would be 60 a month. I thought this would be great as before he would do bets of 100 too 200 euro and lose them and 60 euro wasnt too much. However he has not kept to his promise. Instead he is making nine bets before 12 in the day and I feel he interested in nothing but this betting account checking if he won that extra five or six euro. Yesterday I checked his account and seen how he placed 80 euro into his account . He tells me it is not affecting me and it is his money yet if i buy a dress he spends days complaining. I am not sure what to do when I mentioned making money from my baking he laughed and said we need to make serious money ie his stupid 5 and six euro wins from bets which hurted me as i felt he put me down. He has become incredibly nasty since and at dinner or at home or even at 3am he is on that fone placing bets. I feel i am losing interest in him because I wonder why would i want to be with a man who gambles money constantly. He told me at the start he would be placing just 2 euro bets which now lead to 20 to 25 euro a go. He is always tired for sex but never this betting and its making me become bored of him. What do I do to make him see this is ruining not only my trust but my interest im him? He says this is all for our savings but i havent seen a penny. I need desperate advice.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 October 2014):
 If he's actually justifying gambling by saying "this is all for our savings", then both of you are in serious trouble.
Why would he complain if YOU buy a dress?? Do NOT combine money with him, and if you have, GET IT ALL OUT NOW! Get your own accounts. If you have joint credit cards, CLOSE them! Separate every single penny of your money out of his. No joint finances whatsoever no matter what he says! Seriously. I have seen this stuff escalate to where the gambling addict can't pay his bills, starts stealing from you (it IS an addiction!), maxes credit cards with cash advances, takes out loans, "borrows" from friends and parents, and it bankrupts him and everyone around him, especially you, his fiance.
You've already talked to him about it. He used to do 100 to 200 euros at a time, and is now "better" at 60-80? No. I think you're actually beyond the ultimatum stage. I think you need to call it quits and end things, because frankly, your financial future is in danger as long as you're with him.
You need to run credit report checks on yourself to make sure he hasn't secretly been tapping your identity to get credit cards or loans, which is extremely common with gambling addictions.
I like to go to the casino myself once every several months because I love blackjack, but I plan to and expect to LOSE the money I bring, which is my spending limit, just as if we were paying for a concert or a sports game or a Broadway play. If I win, it's unexpected and nice...but people are designed to lose at gambling, or there wouldn't be any venues for doing it.
Your fiance has lost all touch with reality. It's time to cut your losses (yes, I meant that in more ways than one!) and leave him, monitoring your cash and identity for years after you do. He is an addict, and he sees nothing wrong with it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 October 2014):
 Time to end it. I agree that if you two live together, NOW is the time to ask him to leave or you leave (who ever had the place first) and break up the engagement.
HE is like SVC mentioned addicted to gambling and he won't stop. If you two start to SHARE finances he will start to gamble with YOUR income too and you CAN end up "homeless" because there is no money for rent/mortgage, food and so on.
You can tell him this is enough, If you don't stop this gambling scheme, we are OVER. He might then choose gambling over you. He is already choosing it over intimacy with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2014): Are you living with him? If so now is your time to get out of there. Im sorry, but he is addicted to gambling and from what you are saying his addiction is worsening quickly. It is none of his business if you treat yourself to a dress or whatever, it is your own money firstly, and secondly how much more is he wasting on gambling?! If you stay living with him, he will have no money left for the rent and his share of the bills. In short, he needs professional help. I know you dont want to leave him, but you will end up penniless as gamblers have been known to steal from close friends and family in order to fund their addiction.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 October 2014):
 your fiance is addicted to gambling. he has a disease and he won't stop till he admits and accepts he has a problem and gets help. Even if he manages to stop, he will always battle this demon.
you can't make him stop gambling.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/compulsive-gambling/basics/definition/con-20023242
Addiction is a hard thing. Folks with addictive personalities battle it every day. Until they hit rock bottom they don't get better... and even then it's a problem.
until he admits he has a problem he is not going to change at all. Even once he admits to himself he has a problem, he probably will not be ready to fix it.
admitting the addiction is the first step... and that can come years before he's willing or ready to get help and control his addiction.
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