A
male
age
30-35,
*Nick
writes:I have a wedding to go to this upcoming weekend with a plus one, and as I've never had to go to a wedding before, so I'm not sure about proper etiquette about these things. I haven't been seeing anyone steadily and I've been in medical grad school since may and haven't had a ton of time to devote to thinking about permanency in relationships, so when August rolled around, I made plans to go with my (female) best friend.She's also in med grad school, but a different program and it gets kind of hectic. Recently they found out that they'll have class this Saturday, ergo, I don't have a date. I was planning on just going alone.Then, last night a coincidental meeting of a girl I had been messaging for 2 or so weeks (but hadn’t actually spent time together), we decided to go out and hit it off really well. We met up for brunch this morning, made future plans, etc. etc.Definitely want to get to know more about her, although I'm still in the I'm in the in grad school and don't have time for a relationship phase, and she's in the fresh out of a relationship phase, so I'm more than willing to take this slow and give everything time to develop. Is it A) acceptable to tell her my date had to cancel and I would like to take her to the wedding, and/or B) is it even a good idea? I don’t want to rush things right now.Thanks in advance,Nick.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 September 2014):
 Yeah, but... having someone to fall back on is not free, it costs money to your hosts. It could even be a pretty penny. Which, I am sure they don't mind ( they didn't ) if that's your partner or somebody you really care having beside you , but...if you ask them you can bring along a whatsoever replacement , you are asking them, basically, to pay for your personal entertainment. So that you don't have to have any dull moment.
I feel that it would be rather indelicate asking them, - you would be putting them on the spot, what else could they say to not look like the bad guys but " yes sure, bring your guest ". While most probably they'd rather save the money ( if they haven't paid for all the catering yet ) - or call another person of THEIR choice ( if they have paid already ).
A
male
reader, .Nick +, writes (29 September 2014):
.Nick is verified as being by the original poster of the question In response to my relation to the bride/groom, they are my closest friends from home. Home is 100 miles away and I don't go home often (less than 4 times a year), but when I do, I always make time to see them. I was the first one who knew about the wedding outside of the wedding party, I've had this date cleared off my calendar for a year and a half now, I don't really see not going as an option.
If I remember correctly, the guest list was somewhere between 100 and 150 people, excluding plus ones (which there were a limited number of).
But I will take the advice to talk to them tomorrow after I get out of class, I sincerely appreciate all of the experience and insight.
...
As a side note, because I don't go home often, I won't really know anyone outside of the bride and groom. Obviously I won't be able to spend all of my time with them. I guess that was my one main concern about flying solo. No concerns about having a good time, or even getting to know people. I'm a people person, and that comes naturally to me. But it would be nice to have someone to fall back on.
Thanks again,
Nick.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 September 2014):
 I very much agree with Honeypie on this one - I'd talk it over with the bride/groom and do the options she suggested. That's the best course of action, hands down.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 September 2014):
 As you have never been to a wedding before, and your friend can't be with you, I would decline the invitation. Unless it is a close family or personal friend?
And I think I think taking your messaging friend as date to an intensely personal and family and friend oriented event would be a really bad idea.
The couple who has invited you and 'plus one' has to pay for both of you to attend. They may also have seating charts to work out. If you get all discombobulated at the last minute and they have to work around your personal dating tribulations, well, you become an inconvenience.
Are you super close to the bride or groom?
If I were you, I would be super polite to the bride and groom, and respond that you will be attending alone, so that they don't have to pay for a date who may not show up and who is not close to the family or your friends.
How many guests is this couple expecting at their wedding? 60 or 550? That will make a big difference in the response stage.
Oh, and you have to get this done by tomorrow or Tuesday. The caterers will charge them whether or not your casual friend shows up if you decide to take her.
Based on this question, I would say that I have no guest and I would go to a wedding for the first time and learn some etiquette.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 September 2014):
 Bringing a new - and not-quite-sure-about-her - date to a wedding is a minefield... and probably ought to be avoided. After all... WHY does a single guy go to a wedding???? It's to see if he can get one of the bridesmaids to go home with him, afterwards, No????
This one is up to you.....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): It's polite to let the bride and groom know - but just remember this is their once in a lifetime day, is it really respectful to bring a girl you barely know that will be in their photos forever more? She could be a night are after a few drinks - I'm just thinking worse case scenario! It was only a couple of years ago I was a bride myself and I wouldn't have been happy to extend my invitations to people I didn't remotely know. It's a very personal and beautiful day to be shared with friends and family. I guess you will know other people there? Just because you get a plus one you don't have to accept. Just go and have a great time :-)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 September 2014):
 I would honestly ask the bride/groom if they rather you come solo or bring another date. Now why would I ask that? It's etiquette. Because catering can be expensive, if you go solo without letting them know, they STILL have to PAY for the food your date would have consumed. So be respectful of the groom and bride.
You can call the girl you have just started to see (if the groom/bride says sure bring someone else) and let her know. Tell her if it makes her feel more comfortable to just go as friends. Yes, It's acceptable to let her know that the FRIEND who were supposed to go with you, had to cancel.
However IF you don't really want to rush things I would avoid bringing her to a wedding or bigger family friend's gatherings.
Personally, I would call the bride/groom and let them know you date cancelled, that way IF they have someone they wanted to add but didn't have room for can join (if food is already ordered). And I would go solo. But that might just be me.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 September 2014):
 Coud be akward, why not ask her and find out?
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