A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I need some help in figuring out if opposites really do attract. I'm 18 and I'm starting to like someone who I probably wouldn't usually befriend, not for any negative reasons, but just because we're very different. For example, I like academic and deep conversations every now and then and feel I need the sometimes, and I don't think he is very academic at all. I often hate confrontation and so sometimes fail to stand up for myself, whereas he has no trouble and will speak before he thinks sometimes, which is opposite to me. Also, apart from the hobby we both love, the same club we know each other from, I don't think we have much else in common. He has a bit of an attitude and I'm probably a bit too soft.I like him because he is brilliant as himself, I envy and admire some of his qualities but currently, as we don't know each other well and may be too different, there are some walls and limits to our conversations etc. We have a laugh, feel comfortable around each other and care about each other and our common interest bonds us. But, without that common interest, I wonder if there's anything left to go on. I do feel a chemistry with him.Do you think this could work? They say that opposites attract and you can complete each other, but is that too optimistic? Can I have your opinions on this please. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 October 2014):
 sometimes yes, sometimes no... dating is a process... a means to an end... a way to STOP dating.
i suggest you give it a shot.
A
female
reader, Izzy2  +, writes (7 October 2014):
It depends how different you are. From what you have said it doesn't sound like you would be too incompatible. Sometimes people with different personalities can compliment each other. If just depends on how different you really are. I don't think it is really important to have hobbies and interests in common, but what is important is that you have the same values and same thing out of life.
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (6 October 2014):
 forget the tick list, just give it a whirl and find out if it works
good luck xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2014): Not to burst your bubble, but I don't think it would work. If you're too passive, a stronger personality will control you and push you around. Everything you described about him are the reasons "nice girls" are attracted to "bad boys."
It's more exciting to spend time with our opposites, to tell the truth. I know what you mean, I've done it myself. It's nice to take a walk on the wild-side, before the thrill wears off. Our opposites sometimes teach us more about ourselves, by helping us to define what we stand for.
Our opposites offer us a challenge. By forcing us to assess and prove the stance we take behind our own personal values. They let us know if our viewpoints have credibility; or if they're formed out of ignorance and prejudice. You can't form opinions of people you know nothing about. That doesn't mean you should rush to date them. You may discover you're playing with fire.
If you're not careless and not the kind of girl to quickly fall for guys. Exploring your opposite can help you to be more flexible and open-minded, by seeing a totally different point of view. It will help you to recognize red-flags and establish your deal-breakers. Then you'll know for use what you're looking for and the kind of guy that is best for you.
There is a caveat!
You've got to learn about male personality-types, and how to handle them; which is done through trial-dating.
The danger is, becoming very emotionally-attached; by the time his worst traits start to show. When you think you're in-love; it becomes very difficult to make the decision to get out of the relationship when it turns sour. He will not make it easy for you; especially knowing you are "too soft."
"Opposites" may also mean, incompatible.
I grant you, nobody wants to date a clone of themselves. I admit, sometimes being with people too much like ourselves; we often windup in the "friend-zone." Bored to death!
If you're just exploring personality-types; do it with caution. Guard your feelings, but no need to be paranoid.
Take it slow and easy; but learn to speak-up and standup for yourself; because that is important when you're dating. It is also essential when you want to form compatible relationships you're expecting to last for awhile. You should establish your equality and independence as woman in every relationship. Let no man boss you around. Being unnecessarily aggressive, has nothing to do with masculinity. Some guys try to make women believe that.
Never ever take-on personalities you can't handle. When you've got more experience, then you can test your skills dealing with various Type-A personalities. I matched up with a Type-A, being a Type-B myself. Whoa! The stuff I had to learn! It lasted 28 years. It was the best. He passed away. We learned things from each other; but I was never "soft!" We were not incompatible, or polar opposites.
If I didn't have natural leadership qualities, I would never have been able to handle it. My mate would have walked all over me! Believe me, he tried!!! Love isn't a shield against men who might bully you, or be too aggressive!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 October 2014):
 One thing I want to stress before getting into the opposites attract issue, and that's the notion that people can complete each other. I know Jerry Maguire popularized the whole "You complete me" saying, but that is really unhealthy. Nobody should complete anyone else, and that is something people aren't designed to do, as it puts way too much of a burden on any relationship. To enter a healthy relationship, both people must be fully completed, fully realized individuals, or it's going to get really toxic really fast.
Now, as to the opposites attract issue, it's true that opposites can attract, but I can see possible issues here between you and him. You being a "softie" and his having an attitude could be a tough one if he is one of those bully types who are controlling. You will need to work on that confrontation skills yourself independent of him.
You say you are intellectual and he is not? What is his intelligence level do you think? Because academic/educated and intelligent are not synonymous. It could be a really good thing if he sees things from a different facet, but then again, he may be intractable in his opinions, in which case you'll find the feeling of banging your head against the wall to be more pleasant than conversation with him.
Nothing you've said is a true red flag, and if you're interested in him, go for it! However, don't consider his strengths as "completing" you. Always strive to improve yourself, and keep one eye open.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (6 October 2014):
I think the fact that you question the situation would mean that you yourself have doubts.One thing that you have going for you is that you can be very OBJECTIVE over the situation.The ONLY way this would work is if you both ACCEPTED each other as equals and respected each other at all levels.While chemistry has to be there.everything else has to fall in place.I would think strong and indept about this.Best Luck NORA B.
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