A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hiya Ive just started university and im living in halls. My problem is thr chemistry with one of my room mates. Ive been living here for just over a month but had spoken to this particular room mate a lot before I arrived and we had skyped etc. At first I just though we had loads in common and got on really well but after a while it started to become apparant there were more feelings between us than just friends. I think we both knew how the othrr felt but didnt want to jump the gun or anything. However eventually after having a chat we admitted that we both liked each other and kissed. This happened on a few more occasions but we have kept it pretty hush due to thr fact we do live together. At first I thought I was just lust talking but after this time I really feel he is someone who I trust and care about. I didn't really even acknowledge my feelings until a female friend of his starting flirting with him and I admittedly felt a kind of jealousy and almost possessiveness. We have understanding conversations and in all honesty if we were not living together I would have started something more serious with him. We have recently been talking about where we want to go and he has said openly he wants a relationship and is willing to wait but he wont wait forever. I am feeling really torn apart about this because I really don't want to let what we have go and don't think I could bare to see him with someone else but at the same time he is my flat mate and I know people will always think that first. I don't know what to do because I feel I want to be with this guy but I don't want to create a situation that would be bad for us or our other flat mates. I know a lot of people here are gonna say I should not pursue something like this but like I have said the only reason nothing has happened is because we live together.
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flatmate, flirt, jealous, roommate, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2014): I dont see what the problem is here, so what you both live together and you have other room mates? Your both two adults, not little children, why sneak around about it . Im sure your not the first two students to become boyfriend and girlfriend and live with other roomates. Come on sort it out, its really not a big problem.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (2 October 2014):
 Actually, I think you should have a relationship with this guy. You live together, but why can't you follow the bounds of propriety between you and other flat mates?
Your main issue is school. This is a distraction. If both of you want this, then go for it with boundaries. You live together, but that doesn't mean you have to go all super-PDA and gross out everyone else in your flat. You can still go out to dinner, take walks, etc. Just don't make it a 24/7 sex-fest from the start, though I know that that accessibility makes that a temptation. Start by studying together. A lot of times, feelings will grow by doing projects together.
There is a reason why many people who get married met in college. Just make sure college is your top priority. You could move as well, but I think you'd be even more distracted.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2014): Just go for it, as he said he won't wait!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 October 2014):
 I am prett sure you can get the to reassign yo to a new room if you letthem know of the problem.
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