A
male
age
36-40,
*onystarkben
writes:Thank you for reading - it's quite funny as I'm normally the one my friends ask for advice, yet here I am asking you all... It's been hard and I haven't been able to sleep much so I really need an outside perspective- thank you.I met a girl about 4 months ago - she lives quite near me and is from a very good family. She is 20, I am 26 and I chased her for a while - it was hard work but we went on dates and grew closer. I really liked her and then she wanted me to be her bf and she is also very pretty so I was happy. Then I went away for 2 weeks to Florida and came back last week.We spoke each day on FaceTime and I was so excited to see her.Then 4 days before I was due to fly back to London, I met a girl in the good good store. We stated talking and to cut a long story short we went out that night - my male friend was busy so I figured it would be something to do. Now me and this girl just hit it off so much and I ended up spending the last 3 days of my holiday living with her at her house on the beach, day and night, taking her dog for walks and just spending time together.Now I am back and we speak a few times a day on FaceTime and we have gotten pretty close. She was asked me back for thanksgiving and Christmas to meet her family in Kentucky and I want to go. She's a part time student and works also. She said I am the best guy she's ever met and if it works out she wants to have me move out there and marry me - like she has a life plan.But I don't know what path to take - I can't be with both of them and my friends think I am nuts as I have a lovely girl here why would I bother with Florida? I know this sounds silly though but the time I spent with her and when we speak just fills me with excitement. I know it's hard for advice and I wish I could see what path would lead me where but I was just after some advice as I know people may have been in similar situations... Thank you
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 October 2014):
 And the follow up to this question is now here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ldr-told-me-to-get-lost-then-told.html
Looks like you lied to her about having a girlfriend from the get-go. She was absolutely right, as it turns out.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 October 2014):
 Yeah, forget everything I said in my other post to you. You never mentioned you had a girlfriend already in the UK. So you ran to Florida and cheated on your UK girlfriend like she was nothing to you?? Good lord. And here I was in another thread that another girl had started who was upset because her boyfriend went to Florida and started making out with strippers the moment he was no longer in her sight.
This isn't Cupid. This is cheating. Not cool. I agree with Honeypie. You shouldn't be with either...you're so ready to jettison a girlfriend for a 2-week fling with someone in Florida who's already got you moving in with her. Ever hear the term "Fantasy"?? You're living in it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 October 2014):
 I agree with SVC
Neither.
YOU wouldn't have "fallen" for the Florida girl, if your UK girl was the one for you. And you wouldn't have gotten sidetracked from your RELATIONSHIP (with the girl from UK) just by talking to a chick in the store, if you DEEPLY cared for the UK girl.
You basically CHEATED on her, to have a holiday fling. Sorry, I don't think you have a DEEP connection to the Florida girl either. It was a nice little fantasy.
For her to talk marriage after 72 hours and some "facetime" it's (so sorry) ridiculous.
So does the Florida girl know about the UK girl? And vice versa? Because if they don't, yo uare two timing them both and that is seriously uncool.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2014): One very valuable life lesson. The grass is never greener on the other side.This Florida girl appears exciting and new. She's offering you a whole new life path, in a totally different country. You have fallen for a fantasy and not her. How could you fall for a person you new for 4 days? You don't even know her. You have fallen for this perfect idea of her that you have thought up in your head. The likeliness of things happening how your imagining is slim. However, the fact that you have fallen for this other girl and are even here asking this question shows that you cannot be happy with your girl at home. Something must be missing or not quite right. You haven't been together long and normally people are still in that 'honeymoon' period. It sounds like your not ready to settle down and are more interested in the chase of the women, once you have them you may not want them. I would avoid this whole american fantasy and focus on your life at home. Whether your other girl should be in that is something you need to think hard about.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 October 2014):
 Well I'm going to vote for neither.
1. you only know the florida girl a few days on vacation and she's already got you meeting her family and moving to be with her when you barely know each other. RED FLAG IMO
2. LDRS are way harder than you think... and trans-atlantic LDRS are even harder.
as for local girl... after 4 months she trusted you to you go away for 2 weeks ands while there you essentially cheated on her since you had agreed to be her BF and then spent over 72 hours full time with another woman who thinks you are going to move to the USA and marry you. when she finds out... how will she ever trust you again?
if you were willing to spend that intimate amount of time with this florida girl and talk of meeting her family and moving and marriage without any concern for your gf back home, I doubt you truly love the local girl either and should end it with her too.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 October 2014):
 Wait... so you are already in a relationship with the London-girl, or not? You said she wanted you to be her bf and you were HAPPY about that, so I believe that means yes?
You do know that one very common deal breaker for most people in a relationship is.. -drumroll- cheating? You, the relationship-expert among your friends, ought to know this. It's pretty much the only solid rule we all play by when it comes to relationships.
Yet, there you go cheating. Funny? Not so much. You might think you've got the choice between two women, but reality is you lost the first one when cheating, and you never had the second one because do you THINK she would have wanted you if she knew you were a cheater?
Anyway, since you can't commit, I hardly think either girl is for you, and relationships aren't your thing. You're either in or out when it comes to relationships. You can't sit on the fence and pretend to be in a relationship while also pretending to be single. It's very basic. And if you can't grasp that concept, then relationships aren't for you.
But if I am mistaken, and you aren't a cheater... well then, sounds like your heart isn't in it with either, so why should you commit when clearly, you are still scouting the field for something better to come along? If you actually wanted something, you'd KNOW what you wanted. Right now you don't know, which suggests you don't actually want either.
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A
female
reader, moon river +, writes (2 October 2014):
 Like I said to another similar question... your gf deserves respect and dedication. Not to be with someone deeply infatuated with others. So maybe it's time to move on for her sake too. So she can find real happiness
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 October 2014):
 Yor friends are right.
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