A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this might seem trivial, but this has been bugging me. A childhood friend of mine has just randomly started ignoring me. We were such good friends in high school, and although we fancied each other for years nothing actually happened because we didn't want to jeopoardise our friendship. Years down the line, we are in long term relationships and lost contact. I know his girlfriend and I thought she liked me. But recently, he snubbed me when he saw me! I was so shocked at his rudeness. I found out that she told him she didn't want him speaking to me. But, when I saw her in the car the other day, she smiled and waved like she had no problem with me! And my brother knows this guy very well and he says when he bumped into him last week he chatted away and was fine with him. So what's the problem with me, his friend of ten years? How can I clear the air and get on good terms with them again? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 October 2014):
 How did you find out that she didn't want him speaking to you?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 October 2014):
 I can sort of see the Gf's point.
That's not just your " childhood friend " ,this is your old crush. You mutually fancied each other for years, -just did not choose to make it physical for whatever reason , but the attraction was there, so your hanging out and spending time together, whatever you want to tell yourself, wasn't based on pure ,platonic friendship- au contraire ! Now, let's call this Gf just prudent, or let's call her jealous, possessive, etc... anyway, it's not like she has not got anything to worry about- or to deem this " friendship " inappropriate for.
Then again, don't blame it all on the girl. He might have gotten along with her wishes for the sake of keeping the peace - but , unless he wins the title of Mr. Pussywhipped 2014 , he would have NOT done that, if it had been something inportant to him, in actuality or in principle. In other words- she may not be keen of having him talking to you, true... but he is not keen either, he does not feel that your EX frendship ( didn't you say you LOST contact ? ) is something relevant enough to argue about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 October 2014):
 He is following GF orders. Some women are NOt keen on their BF having female friend that they had feelings for or slept with in the past. Some don't care. HIS GF does care.
Let it go.
And I have to say if these two break up I will bet he will come crawling back pretending it's ALL the ex's fault he was rude/couldn't talk. I would NOt become friends again with him.
HE could have handled this as a GROWN man and told you, instead he pulls this stunt.
One thing though, it's really not uncommon when a guy/girl starts to date someone seriously they "forget" their friends for a while and becomes absorbed in the friendship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 October 2014):
 My guess is, you dont know the full truth. There is more to this, but you will probably never find out. Let it go. Hes the one who gave you up, and you cant force people to be friends with you when they dont want to talk to you.
Dont even think about blaming the gf, your friend is an adult, he makes his own choices.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 October 2014):
 Actually, this one I don't think you're going to win unless he breaks up with her. Technically, she has good reason to insist on distance between him and you, and that's your past feelings for each other. Had your relationship been truly platonic, that would be a different story, but the true definition of platonic is both of you never having had romantic feelings for each other, similar to a brother-sister dynamic.
The fact that you both, in your words, "fancied each other for years", means that your relationship was NOT platonic, but it was romantic, yet celibate. You both had feelings for each other, which makes your friendship with him inappropriate when his girlfriend raises the objection.
In your case, if you know for a fact that she is asking him this, you can appeal to her directly. If you are skilled enough to convince her that you are no threat, that you respect their relationship and your boundaries now and forever, she may change her mind. But, that is a long shot given your past history of feelings for him (and his for you). I'm guessing she asked him directly about past feelings, and he was honest with her.
I don't believe in a woman controlling a guy's friendships, and if you both had never fancied each other, I think he should confront her on that fact. However, I also don't condone past romantic attachments lingering into a relationship, and that is what you both have - past feelings for each other.
You also have to ask yourself - do you still have lingering feelings for the guy? Could you tell the absolute truth to her that you are not and never would be a threat to their relationship, and even if this guy made a move on you, you'd rebuff it because you do not have any sort of feelings for him whatsoever now??
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