A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ive been married for 3 months now i have three children and 1 on the way i got married recently but i have cheated on my wife and now the girl i have cheated with is saying she is pregnant after my wife found out and i told her it was over i loive my wife so much and i feel really crap that i have hurt her so much i met this other girl on my stag due it continued for a liitle while well 5 weeks i dont know what to do ive hurt my wife so much will she ever trust me again
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): Im in the same situation now. My wife is an amazing women. She was my highschool sweetheart and the love of my life. One night i decided to cheat on her and have a relationship with htis person for 8 months. Me and my wife hd only been married a year an a half. She found an email i sent to the other girl and i told her what had been going on. Iwas truthful to her and i told her everything She kicked me out for a week and i came back home. By me tell ing her everything and that i was stupid and not thinging she let me come back we are working it out and our relationship is better then ever. Ijust had alot of growing up to do as a man. Be truthful to the one u love they will do it to you. Always meet them half way and always talk. Give it time u might be suprised what love can do in the end.IT sounds so cheesey but it was true for me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): What a mess you've got yourself into. You are an adult male who made a crappy choice to cheat. Cheap thrills kill marriages and devastate lives of the innocent. You undertook marriage ending actions and now you want to undertake marriage saving actions. Go figure..I just don't understand it. I suggest you and your wife get some serious counseling if you are determined to save this marriage and keep your family intact and whole. People who engage in risky behavior means getting caught and now you've put this problem in someone else’s hands, namely your wife's. And all this stress and pain is something she could do with out while mothering three children and making a good, decent home for you.
So will she ever trust you? We don't know...but I can imagine she is wondering when this will happen again, with whom, and she's probably wondering if she should end this marriage or not. Believe me..she's thinking on that. She doesn’t know how to understand what has happened and my heart goes out to her. You have to work hard to prove to your wife now, that you don't have a fidelity problem that will continue to permeate your marriage, over and over again. This is going to take time, a long time, hard efforts on your part. You behaviors have hurt your wife and the lives of three children. Counseling is needed-because if you don't try to understand why you would forgo all your conscience and character and cause pain to the very people you claim to love.. you will remain at risk to do this again when the next temptation walks into your life. As for the other woman...you had better be a man and step up to the plate if she is indeed, pregnant with your child. It will take strength and a lot of soul searching on your part to think about how your behaviors...have hurt so many lives, that didn't deserve this BS. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (1 November 2007):
 Hi. Finding out if your wife will ever trust you again is one of many issues you have on your plate. Seems like you have 3 children plus 2 on their way. A wife that may opt for divorce, and division of assets , child custody and maintenance payments. A girlfriend that may be seeking financial support from you.
I suppose you have got to sorting it out somewhere, but it seems to me you should start re-building the relationship with your wife first. Is she willing to have you?? She might not trust you for another 5-10 years. You have already shown her that you can take marriage vows and then break them quite deliberately immediately afterwards. You have got to immediately attend to your family responsibilities, demonstrate your commitment, do as much for your wife as you can to show that you are genuinely sorry. Meanwhile , you also have to (you have no choice anyway if it's yours) accept your responsibility for this other child and deal with the fall-out that follows. You need to keep your wife fully informed as to what is happening with the other girl/baby and keep the whole thing transparent. Whatever pain you think you have inflicted on your wife I guarantee you are under-estimating it. So don't under-estimate on the amount of effort needed on your part to show her how sorry you are.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (1 November 2007):
 So if you love your wife so much, Why did you do it? If your wife is giving you another chance, which she's not required too, first I'd be praising her every single day for that opportunity. Will she trust you again???? Who knows. That's up to her, and if she is able to completely forgive your for what you did.
First about the other one being pregnant. If she didn't tell you before it was over, I'd wait and see. There are so many people who play pregnant, who are not. They use that as a form of trying to trap you with them. Also if she is, I'd wait as well for the DNA results. If she's willing to cheat with you, she may have had another lined up at the same time. If it is yours, take responsibility. You're the one who chose to violate the marriage. That doesn't at all relieve you of responsibility for your actions. If you had a child with this other women, this child would be part of you. Don't discount him/her. They didn't ask to be here, they got here because of what daddy did. Since the same actions took place for this child that assisted your other children's arrival, this child you'd need to love as you do your others and give it the same respect as you do your others.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): I wonder why she should want to stay with you.
I would say if it was a one off drunken night, maybe there would be room for another chance, But you had an affair. I would say that will take alot and she may stay for the sake of the children.
She pretty much will always feel hurt and will always think at the back of her head that you are capable of doing this to her. So in truth. No she never will trust you again. She may forget about it and maybe be ok now and then but deep down the answer is no.
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