A
female
age
30-35,
*leana
writes:This isnt a question really, Just an email for all of you. There are many people out there askign questions about relationships, where you are 60 miles apart and only see each other on weekends.Why are you all so sceptical about this working?My boyfriend and I lived on opposite sides of the world we had been together one year when he left and he came back four months later. Only time we got to see eahc other was on webcam and if we could phone. 13 hour time difference!SO please have faith in long distance relationships. They DO work.Its hard and upsetting but if you have found your soulmate. It works out perfectly.Comments on this please, add advice or anything. ThanksIlleanaxxxxx
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long distance, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Seratuki  +, writes (1 November 2007):
 IIeana....I totally agree...actually my BF is from New Zealand originally as well. :0) and I'm in the states...
It can work, but it takes alot of trust and compromise. We have our problems when I need him here to help me feel better about something, or I get aggrivated because he has to leave for work and all I want to do is talk to him longer...
but I would rather spend 2 hours on the phone every day with him than be with someone else every day of the week because they're closer....
It's hard, but it DOES work...send me a PM if you want to chat... :0)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): I totally agree with that. My girlfriend lives 1000 miles away and we only see each other whenever one of us has enough money for a plane ticket. It sucks sleeping alone (duh), but when we DO see each other it's that much better. LD relationships can TOTALLY work if you have the amount of patience and trust and love that is required to fully commit.
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A
female
reader, Ileana +, writes (1 November 2007):
Ileana is verified as being by the original poster of the question Im not thanking you lot. Just saying thanks for your opinions in a none thanking way.
My boyfriend went back to New Zealand a few weeks ago,
and now i am doubting myself,
But i know i can do this.
Its about how strong you are not whether your so desparate for sex.
You went on averagley 16 years wihtout sex. A few more weeks, months, years couldnt hurt.
Trust is easy. If you knwo your in the right relationship,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): Well it is so hard because if you want that person to be with you, they can't be there. If you want to hold them, kiss them, sleep with them, ect. you can't. You have to schedule time to see them. You wonder what they are doing right now. You start to think that you aren't getting what you need out of the relationship and your eye starts to wander (or theirs does) because you are damn lonely! All I can say is that for most people it does not work out. Kudos to you if you think LD relationships are the bee's knees, but most people are right when they say that LD relationships are much harder to sustain. Don't criticize us rational thinkers because you *might* be an acception.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): Well where all only skeptical from personal experience I think,
I'm really happy for you that things are working well in your relationship,
However its not usually that way when people post there long distance relationship problems its 75% of the time,
Going to be about a problem about the person it concerns not feeling loved or valued enough and lets face facts here Hun it’s a lot harder to work things out when your partners so far away,
and then of course when couples are that far away and there having problems then of course will follow is one chasing the other which never work’s out so it’s a lot less painful for the person to meet someone closer eventually and as I always say better to be alone then to have a half arsed relationship,
But of course none of this is about you because you must have the balance right and it works for you so love and happiness to you both just don’t expect all couples to be like you two your unique,
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 November 2007):
 I believe on occasion they can work. I really depends on the type of relationship, the faith they have in making it work, and the faith they have in each other.
Some people who have fairly big issues, I could see it being difficult. People with attachment disorders, major trust issues. People who feel strongly infatuation and not true love.
I think many people who try them and they fail, it's because their not really prepared for this type of relationship.
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A
male
reader, Asexy +, writes (1 November 2007):
 I'm skeptical because I've been in one. 7 years apart followed by 2 years together. It didn't work. She was a lovely person, but we weren't compatible."Absence makes the heart grow fonder." This is because the other person is not around to piss you off. Every time you get together it's a holiday. You take time away from your real life to go play. OF COURSE it's fun to be with them. And because you don't talk to them often, you cherish the few talks you get. Then you go BACK to your real life and remember them fondly.But when you're together, you may still get annoyed because it was her turn to do the dishes. Or that they've done some normal thing that just bugs you for whatever reason. And now you add the stresses of who forgot to balance the checkbook, do our friends/family like each other, etc., and it makes it harder.Not impossible, just harder. More real.A LD relationship can work. But it's not a good judge of the relationship until you get into the same location. And whether you're "soulmates" doesn't matter. Love, committed love, takes hard work. Always. Anyone not willing to work at it will end up in divorce, LD or close. And the LD relationship is artificial until you're together, so you can't KNOW.I'm not saying give it up. I still believe it's possible. But I don't think every LD relationship ends happily ever after. Sorry hon.
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