A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, anyone able to help with crazy fears about my boyfriend meeting somebody hotter than me. Basically anytime I go out with my boyfriend if we come in contact with a very attractive hot girl I get totally uncomfortable and feel so upset( I dont show him this) but I watch everything he does to see if I notice him flirting or making a connection with her. This usually happens when we go to a bar as the bartenders are usually hot but I find myself wondering all the way home if he is going to go there back there without me to see if he can get her phone number. I will be crushed if that ever happened. Women always find him really funny and are attracted to him so this makes it worse. We have been together for a while now and I know this all sounds very pathetic but my boyfriend is the kind of guy who really appriciates hot girls( as most men do!) and he would always kinda think more of a guy if he has a very hot girl. This is why I think he would try to get a phone number of a hot chick to impress himself or other people. He is a good guy and we love each other but I cant get past this worry and its even making me want to just stay home all the time and avoid places where we will be meeting a smokin hot chick with big boobs!. Sorry if this all sounds ridiculous but I cant help it. any advise?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): What makes a 'hot chick' is it green eyed monsters and insecurity? No. Its confidence. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful, you say he appriciates hot girls - hes with you so thats what you must be.
Speak with him about the way you feel when he is around particuarly attractive girls, tell him that his actions need toning down because you feel like you are being disrespected. Get the reassurance you need and then be happy!
If he is a cheat, he will cheat reguardless of how pretty you or she is so its just not worth worrying about.
A
female
reader, tulipdame +, writes (2 November 2007):
It could be one of two things or both. It could be you, it could be him, or it could be both of you. You could be really insecure. You don't have to be the hottest chick in the world to feel relatively secure in yourself - and I say self and not looks, feeling worthwhile as a person. You say your man always admires men who date "hot" women, so maybe he is too shallow in that regard. Maybe to him a woman is nothing more than a status symbol. The thing about biggest fears is - they have to be faced. You can avoid the bars all you want, but is that really a good long term solution - tying your guy down and keeping him indoors? You say you'd be crashed if your fears were validated, but you really have to take that chance and observe him little by little in these situations. That way you can build trust, and a relationship is based on trust, not just on staying together. Also get to know him. The more you guys have in common and the more good times you share, the stronger your bond will be with him, and the more you will be able to feel secure about him being around other women.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 November 2007):
 Smoking hot chicks with big boobs....
Did you ever think that he's with you because he wants you? I've dated a couple of them in the past. If they don't have a good personality, and communications skills, I do just as well buying a blow up doll.
I've known girls over the years of all shapes, sizes, hot and not. Many hot women, really don't see themselves as being hot. It's this type of thinking why many hot women are lonely on the weekends. Guys assume their taken, or they're not good enough for them so they don't approach them to ask them out.
You are mental master-baiting. This is where you take something that may not be true and run it over and over and over again in your mind so you start to fear something he hasn't given you a justifiable reason to fear.
As I said, he's with you because your the one he wants to be with. As I said above, many hot girls don't see themselves as being that way. What if you're really over reacting, If you're actually one of the real hot girls. If guys are jealous of him being with you.
If I told you, at the bar, maybe these women are not flirting with him, but with you, would you then keep yourself locked up all the time thinking you're were being attacked by a clan of lesbians?
Something that could be just as interesting as your question, I think your way of presenting this issue is cute. Guys do too, as long as it's not taken overboard. We view getting hit in the arm, being told to pick our tongue off the ground, or put our eyes back in our head as a sign of affection.
Take care. I hope this helps.
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