A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony Aunt,do you think that age matters? i mean in our world which we live in, these days, you hear stories about 60 year olds having babies and 8 yer old's smoking, so is it such a bad thing for 15 year old and a twenty six year old to fall in love? i am nearly 16 so is ten years such a big age gap? we have known eachother for two years and ever since we first met something seemed to click. yes i a have had boyfriends in the past, so therefore i know this is different. the only trouble is i can't tell my parents because they wouldn't understand, but i forsee us taking our relationship, sometime in the near future, to the next level.Should i consult my parents??????????????????????????? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (1 December 2010):
Age and maturity are subjects everyone has a different opinion of. Ironically enough, lots of those differences have to do with the age of that person voicing the opinion.
Is a 26 y/o fancying a 15 y/o a pedophile? I think not, but the line is sketchy at best. What if she were 13 and he would be 24? Then it suddenly gets a tad creepy, doesn't it?
A 15 y/o is not a kid anymore. But she is not an adult yet either. I can understand the attraction. 15 year old girls can be really pretty and their appearance can vary from looking like 14 to being able to get into clubs you need to be 18 for.
However, I think the match just isn't good. Immature or not, a 26 y/o has much more life experience and is at a different point in his life. He's completed college/university and has a job, while you're still figuring out what you want to become.
For him, that time is ages ago. The difference between who the 26 y/o is now and who they were at 15 is very big and you still have that road in front of you. The attraction (from his side) most of the time is purely physical, not love. And more often than not, people his age hooking up with people your age have less than honorable intentions. The only problem is that people usually find out about that after they get burned.
You're totally smitten with him, so I doubt you'll break it off just because someone on the internet advises you to. So instead, I'm asking you to keep your eyes open. Everyone in love is stupid, it's part of the condition. And he has an advantage, no matter how you look at it.
And YES, do tell your parents. Secrecy is never a good thing. And if they get angry, ask them if they would prefer it if you'd kept quiet. Tell them you told them because you thought they should know, and because you want them to support you when you need them to. Parents get angry when they feel they have no control over a situation/don't know enough about it. This way you are showing them you can be trusted and that they can watch over you.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): @ PharmStudentMom
Listen i've met plenty of adults who arent mature. Maturity has nothing to do with age. Reasons that a 26 year old guy may be attracted to a 15 year old is because by 15 a lot of girls have biologically developed. There mind may still be of the adolescence(not always) but some look like women. Im 16 and have a big bust and womenly curves. I have the body of a women and I'm a hell of a lot more mature then some of the adults ive seen. I've seen my boss at my job and my dad lie to another adult. Is that mature? No. And it doesn't stop there. My point is that age is just a number and if you go back a century this would not be considered pedophilia. it is now because someone decided it was wrong. I'm not saying that all relationships with older men are glamorous but its not fair to dismiss them as pedophilia cases. Nowadays girls wear too much make-up which also makes them look older. They dress older to so you cant blame a guy for being attracted to young girls who are sometimes physically already women.
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female
reader, PharmStudentMom +, writes (16 November 2010):
The gap is not the issue. Also you should not take advice from other girls your age. Take it from me, I dated a much older guy when I was your age. At the time I thought it was awesome, he loved me and yadda yadda. I was 16 and he was 30. That is a problem. The truth of it is, there should be no reason a 26 yr old MAN should be interested, in any way, in a 15 yr old GIRL. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Age is only a number, yes, but really the maturity level is what matters here. Just because you "feel" mature doesn't mean you are.
People here should not be saying "wait til your 16 to have sex" the law varies from state to state and country to country. While it may be legal in their state to have sex, there are many limitations to that. People 16-19 can have sex with each other but if one person is older than 19, it is still illegal.
So, if you are going to pursue it anyways, make sure you know the laws in your state/country. I still believe and know it is wrong for a grown MAN to be interested sexually in a 15/16/17 yr old girl. Which is exactly why all the parents of these girls called their bf's a pedophile. Because a pedophile is an ADULT who gets sexually aroused and involved with a CHILD. Yes, you are a CHILD. Until you reach the legal age of "adulthood" you are a child. In my opinion, one should not be considered an adult until you are mature enough to not blame others for your own actions and until you can admit that your parents did what they did because they care about you, not because they want to "annoy" you or make you miserable.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): dont worry if other people say its wrong if it feels right to you then it is right.... i am with a 28 yr old and every one judges me but it doesn't matter its my life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): I understand a little of how u feel I'm in love with this guy and he's 21 and I'm 16 but I turn 17 b4 he turns 22 and let me tell u I really love him and he tells me he loves me we talk about our life together in the future my real dad knows about us and he understands how we feel 4 each other but my mom freaked when she found out I was talking to a 20 year old man we have been Together 4 a year but I told her we were just friends an she brings it up slot but wateva I could go live wit my daddy...but I guess it depends on how ur parents r cause Im not tellin my mom till i'm 18 or till she's not a bitch...good luck
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female
reader, LauzzC +, writes (12 January 2009):
Hello im 16 now but when i met my boyfriend i was 15 and he was 28, 2monthes after we started being together i fell pregnant with his baby, 4 monthes into our relationship my sister told my mum and dad that i was pregnant and he was 28. My dad went mad at me he was so upset, he then phoned the police but didnt press charges, he then went upstairs and started crying because his little girl was pregnant with a 28 year olds baby, but he loves me so much that he said i could still see him. He was calling him a pervert and a peado then me and my boyfriend started arguing we then split up for 2monthes. We are now back together but my mum and dad dont know. So wait till ur 16 till u have sex with him and if he loves u he will understand. I hope this helps x x x
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male
reader, apathyslastkiss  +, writes (14 December 2008):
 You seem to be under then impression that just because other people do something, that it makes what they do alright, and excuses you from any responsibility of your own. You think because 8 year old's smoke that it's ok? You think that gives you a justifiable reason for dating someone this old? You don't have a good sense of logic, or right and wrong for that matter. Do you actually love this guy? Ask yourself that question, and keep asking it, and keep thinking about it. Also, if you two have sex, it's a rime, and he can go to jail, and you can get into a lot of shit too. Also, it's morally wrong. Reconsider the way you think, and your actions - before you get hurt
sincerely,
Graham
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): honestly, when i started dating my boyfriend i was 15 and he was 18. i was afraid to tell my parents so i didnt. whenver i went out with him id say that im going out with my friend...and i had him tell my parents (when they met) that he was 17. however, i didnt have sex with him untill i was 16 . if he loves you, he'll wait.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): Well, Im 26 and I cant tell the difference between some 15 year olds and some 18 year olds. Plus the leagl age is 14-15 in Italy,Spain,France,Poland, I could go on. Not that I chase after 15 year olds mind. Having said that,theyre probably more experienced than me..
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): The gap is not the issue here, but the fact that you are only 15! You are way too young to have sex. So dont break the law. I can understand you not wanting to tell your parents because i have a son aged 15 and i wouldnt be too chuffed if a woman was hanging around him, with a 10 years age gap, same thing.
take care
xx
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female
reader, gold digga +, writes (31 October 2007):
 i personally dont think age matters i know people who has 15-20 years age gap and there happy and they met when the girl was only 15, i think you should wait untill your 16 to have sex with him at least then no one can accuse him of taking advantage i think you should tell your parents but when you feel you are ready to do so, if you feel you should tell them now then tell them but if you would prefere to wait till your 16 then tell them then as once you are 16 you are legally aloud to be with or sleep with who ever you wish to. x x x
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female
reader, Kemi +, writes (31 October 2007):
hey chick , im 15 too and my boyfriend is 21 i consult my dad and he made me end it with him and was calling my boyfriend a pedo and said if he saw us together he would break his legs .. i would personally not say anything until you turn 16 because you are then at the age where you have consent and your parents might not agree but cant stop you ,, fathers are protective your his little girl .. but im not you. you may have layed back parents. Just be careful what and how you say it .. You may regret telling them afterwards i did .. im still with my boyfriend but its so hard to contact him and see him but were fighting for it because we love each other .. Age doesent matter but in other peoples eyes because your 15 it does . Im grounded i hardly see him when i can go out i have to go out of town its a nightmare .. be carefully chick hope iv'e helped kemi x x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): I believe you should consult your parents. I once had a relationship with someone much older than the person you're describing. I was younger than you at the time. I never told my parents - the relationship lasted for two years. Now that I'm aware of how much I've been abused I wish I could tell them. I wish I had told them and got their advice.
It may not happen to you but still... You should always trust your parents in relationships. They can annoy you for no reason, that's true, but they can also protect you and guide you when your feelings don't allow you to see things the way they are.
People grow at different rates, just like the previous commenter said. Eleven years is a lifetime when you're a teenager.
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male
reader, Einheri +, writes (31 October 2007):
Moral dilemnas aside, I'd recommend that neither of you do anything intimate before you are 16, legally speaking a 26 year old would be commiting statutory rape by having sex with a 15 year old. So unless you want him to have a criminal record, be on the sex offenders register, and labelled a paedophile, then I'd keep your pants on for a while.
Also, are you sure that your love is requited? I can't imagine many 26-year-olds having an interest in 15-year olds.
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (31 October 2007):
 Personally i don't think age matters, at the end of the day age is only a number, its more about how the couple feel about each other than how many number are between them. Having said that i don't think age matters as long as it falls within the legal age of consent. At the moment you are still only 15, so i would not persue anything with this guy till you are at least 16/17, even 18. The age gap 15 & 26 sounds huge at the moment because you are so young, but in five years when you are 20 and he is 31 it will not seem too bad. Sometimes it pays to wait, and if he is a decent guy he will wait till you are older before persuing anything.
Take care & good luck x
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (31 October 2007):
 Yes it matters. The reason it does matters is your growing at a different rate than he is. A 26 year old man has entered adulthood, and his behaviors and who he is has mostly settled in. You haven't yet. Theres a possibility as you grow, and he stays put, your growth may take a different direction.
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