A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok here's the deal-I've been w/my boyfriend for almost a year now. I love him more than anything and I want to trust him, but sometimes I get that feeling in my gut that something's off. Like he'll be sitting there just texting away on his phone and he'll get really secretive about it, like he won't even leave his phone in the same room w/me even when he goes to the bathroom or something. and he'll get calls and messages late at night from different girls, including his exes. So one night after he fell asleep, his phone started going off and i went to silence it and noticed it was his ex girlfriend. I looked through his texts and found all these messages to her saying things like "i saw so-and-so tonight and it made me think of you, my girlfriends with her friends tonight so that just means i get to see you..." and things like that. I was so mad I couldn't even sleep. But I didn't want him to know I went through his phone so I didn't say anything. It's happened a few times since then, w/different girls, and even last night he was acting the same way and when I looked through it, it was some chick from his work and he was like "i'm not just doin it because you're the boss's daughter ;)" (talking about working on her car) and she's like "why then?" and he said "that's for me to know"then after that he's like "damn why did you leave?" and just all these flirty, suggestive messages. So I don't know what to do.He still has no idea that i've looked through his phone, and i'm terrified to tell him because i don't want him to get mad at me for not trusting him. he keeps saying "if we don't have trust we don't have anything." well he's making it pretty damn hard.OH and another one- he sent this chick a text once asking her to send him a picture of her boobs. WTF is that about?i need help! advice!
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boobs, ex girlfriend, flirt, his ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): ok yes, you were sort of in the wrong for going through his things, but we're all human. and you should always trust your gut, because it's usually right.
bottom line- it is WRONG for him to be acting in such flirtatious and suggestive ways towards other girls if he's already in a committed relationship with you. by the sound of it it seems like he's not really mature enough to handle a real relationship. my advice would be to definitely be on the lookout. if it turns out like Richard said, that maybe he's just a flirtatious person and that's just how he is, then fine.
but just remember- HE WOULDN'T BE SO SECRETIVE IF HE DIDN'T HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE.
good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Sorry to hear that you are having such a rubbish time. If i was you i would tell him to buggar off! You deserve better because life is much too short and we all should be happy. He is clearly up to no good. Get rid of him now and dont even think about taking him back in the future.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Strippa  +, writes (1 November 2007):
 Richard is obviously much nicer than me.......dump him, the guys is playing games with you and you don't need it - be secretive with your phone & text your friends more.. why not? i know you love him but he's just biding his time till the next victim comes along...
don't sell yourself short x
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A
female
reader, peaches83 +, writes (1 November 2007):
 Ok yeah you were wrong to go through his phone but in a way you had reason. If he is giving you the type of feeling where you cant trust him and usually a gut feeling is the right feeling, then in my eyes confront him. You will be able to find everything out you need to know to either get on with your relationship or to say good bye.
You didnt say in your question whether any o the txts said anything about meeting with girls or doing anything with any of them so he may just be a flirtasious person and gets his kicks out of flirting.
I could say you could play him at his own game, but that may make matters worse.
Confront him and then you shall know.
Good luck
Peaches
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): you have to talk to him about this stuff and tell him the truth and figure stuff out
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (1 November 2007):
 Sounds to me like he is not ready to be in a relationship. he is still carrying on like a single person. I wouldn't invest anymore time or energy into him or the relationship.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (1 November 2007):
 Hi. It's difficult to tell what is going on at the moment. It could just be flirty behaviour - but nothing more than that, including the ex-gf text and the boobs text. If you are both of similar age then you are both still maturing and learning about relationships. It would be a shame to end this relationship based on what you have descibed if everything else is OK. I suggest you carry on but just be alert to any any further signs or indications. You were right not to raise it with him at that point in time.
On a wider issue - where do you want this relationship to go and what are your boyfriends views? Maybe you are at a stage where the two of you wish to discuss the future. Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): girl i dont know y ur bothering just sling him theres plenty more fish and if he was tht worried about trust he wouldn't be flirting with them other tarts for all you know he could be spoiling their relationships between other guys who happen to be their partner
SLING HIM GIRL HE'S A PHONIE
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 November 2007):
 He's a DOG. That's all I can say about this. You don't need it, you don't deserve it, time to leave and find someone who will treat you right. Leave him to lapping up and catching whatever he's bound to if this behavior continues.
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