A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem in my relationship.Me and my girl friend has been living together for little over a year now and i lost my job about three weeks ago and had no luck so far but i am sure something will come up.We were over at her grandmas and she offerd to help with money to pay bills.My gf doesn't like accepting help from her family and didn't answer her grandma so i just shook my head no.so the next day grandma asked me to help her get a new door so i did and she wrote two checks out for two bills cable and elect.My gf works as a waitress and not making enough money. i know we were not going to be alright with all of our bills for the month so i accepted her grandmas money and paid the two bills.now my gf had made enough for the two bills but not knowing her grandma paid them for us she got money orders for the bills i cashed them and got one money order and sent it out for my child support.Two days ago she talked to her grandma and found out she paid for the bills and it made my gf upset.She came and asked me i said yes she did and i took the money you had and used it for child support.Now she said i hurt her really deep and i lied to her.She lost my trust and left for the night to get away from me.She came back the next day halloween and i tried to honestly apologize and admit what i did was wrong but i'm not the only one your grandma went behind your back to.she didn't want to hear it. she seems to want to break up but she dosn't.I really don't know what to say or do to fix what i did and make it up to her.said she loved me tiwce after halloween before we went to bed but she dosn't want to say it now.Im afraid she wants to break up but she knows she can't make it on her own.what do i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): I'm definitely with Waterloo on this one.
I think you should go and see her grandma and offer your sincere apologies. And pay her back as soon as you can, even if it means a trip to the pawnbrokers. This wasn't what she gave you the money for and if I was her I'd be advising her granddaughter to get rid of you because you're a lying thieving *****.
No wonder she's upset. I would be absolutely incandescent with rage if I were in her shoes, and I couldn't blame her one little bit if she wanted to end it with you.
Do the right thing and give her gran the money back by any means within your grasp, and as quickly as possible.
Phil
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Sorry, but i think this was wrong what you did. You took the money and didnt say anything to her and it is her family. I think you must get out there, get more work and pay her back. It isnt your relative and not your cash. You are a thief. So pay back the money. I would of left you just for the lying and deceit.
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A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (2 November 2007):
 You should have been upfront with your girl from the get go.
Although I think since you did an odd job for her gram it wasn't bad that you accepted the money, you should (1) told your girl immediately so she didn't get the cashier's checks, and (2) NEVER have used that money for something else. It's like you stole from her (which was not what you meant, I know).
So here's where you do. You tell her you understand how she's feeling, and that she has a right to it. You know you were in the wrong. You give her the opportunity to tell you exactly how what you did made her feel. You tell her that you know you should have been honest with her, and that it will never happen again.
Then you take your lumps. Gracefully. If you can keep your promise not to do it again and you don't get mad at her for being mad, you it's possible you can keep her.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 November 2007):
 What you did wrong was not telling her what was going on. You accepted the assistance for the benefit of the household. It's not like you were borrowing for play money. You had valid reason.
It sounds like your girlfriend looks at situations from a one sided point of view. I'd ask her if she'd be willing to just sit down and talk. You let her know why you did it, and she lets you know how that made her feel. That way you can get this out on the table for discussion and not argument.
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