A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've only recently registered with facebook and I've managed to trace the father of my first child.I have 2 children now (1 by the person on facebook and a 2nd by my current partner, who has accepted my 1st child as his own). I know deep down my morals know that I should let the father of my 1st child know that he does have a child. My 1st child was the result of a drunken one night stand after a works night out (both the pill and condoms failed!, so please no preaching) and he did ask if he was the father and I said no ((I was in a relationship at the time which ended during the pregnancy and DNA tests confirmed that my ex wasn't the father), but in all honesty I should have told him that as I'd slept with him there was always a chance it could be his).Question is really should I tell him (I'm not looking for anything from him financially or otherwise), forget all about him and move on,or discuss it with my partner? I don't want to go rocking the boat esp. at this time of year but it's something that's really been on a back burner in my mind for a long time.Thanks for reading
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (14 November 2007):
 I'm going to disagree with the last poster. It is in the best interest of the child to let the biological father know. He may want to take care of his end and build a relationship, or he may decide it's too much for him, and sign his rights over so the father of your other child may legally adopt the first child.
I also disagree with the first post because when dealing with children, it is the child's LEGAL right to have the opportunity to access both biological parents.
Lets also look in the future. You're child finds out this guy your with now is not their father, you give information to the biological father. If they find out there would have been a chance of building a relationship and they know you hid this information, you have gone from being loving mother, to a mother who is going to spend years making up the decision to your child. I have seen too many times where these things happen and the child ends up resenting their parent for taking the opportunity away from them.
To help you in your decision, talk to someone who works in law or the court. They can tell you when this comes out later, if you fail to tell him, what charges you would face for doing so.
A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (14 November 2007):
 I would talk it over with my partner. Eventually, you may have to tell the child that he has a biological father out there somewhere. It is best to be honest for all the parties involved. What if this child needed an organ, or blood and you were not a match? Things do not go away if you sweep them up under a rug. You should talk with your partner, the real father may not want to be apart of this childs life. But you did your part and you will be able to rest at night knowing that you did the right thing. At least get your partners input and see what he suggest. I disagree that not telling him is fair for everyone. Your main concern should be what is in the best interest of your child.
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