A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have not been happily married for about 10 years, but no one would ever know. Through the years, we have had UPS and DOWNS. I have been to marriage counceling ALONE several times to save our marriage. He will not go. My husband is not affectionate but never has been. He has not told me he loves me for over 10 years and when this became an issue, he told me he was not capable but if I HAD to have it said, he would, just for me! He never compliments me or gives me any kind of attention. In fact, he does the opposite and never likes my hair, etc. We pretty much stopped having sex (I love sex and have a nice shape) and have always initiated it. He has turned me down WAY too many times. He is a freak about money and is very controlling about it. I make 50% of the income and am not "ALLOWED" to ever buy ANYTHING without his permission. He does not spend any time with our kids. He rarely goes anywhere with the family and complains when he does. I have taken our kids on several vacations, ALONE! I have kept this family together and have put up such a front, NO ONE would ever believe I am in this relationship. BUT NOW I FEEL IT IS MY TURN!!! I get alot of attention from other men but do not want to disgrace him with an affair. Am I entitled to divorce him or should I stay for the kids? I am still young and want to find a best friend that adores me. HELP!!
View related questions:
affair, best friend, divorce, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): I really feel sorry for you. Your husband treats you like a German Shepard not his wife. My question is why do you stay? Intellectually you must know what he is doing is really called "abuse". He takes you for granted and since you have put up with it this long he knows you will continue to do so. It gives him control. Take your control and voice back and turn the tables on him honey! Get your own account in secret and start stashing money for the day you plan to get out! Best of luck to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): I think the other aunts have pretty much covered it. However I do have one thing to say about you 'staying with him for the children'.
Really, how do you think your children will benefit from being around a man like that, watching him treat their mother the way he treats you? It's not ok to teach them thats how a man should treat a woman. They're taking it on board and you're not setting them up greatly for their later lives.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): god , i dont know how you put up with it, my husband started off like that when we had our first child , then got worse. he is money obsessed but like i say you only need enough each week to keep you sorted. i was sat watching telly one night and all my problems with him that had built up, i just blurted out to him, explained i was unhappy that theres guys out there who would adore a wife like me and told him if it carries on i want a divorce and im off. ive got to admit he didnt change overnight but it was a shock to him, and hes got better and more affectionate over time, we now have had another baby and do more family stuff together BONUS if i was you i would just have it out with him : )
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): I am married to same type of man, he is a religious hypocrite who told me he only married me because of our daughter and that he did not even love me on our wedding day.When our daughter got even engaged he did not even tell me for 2 days, he won't let me have things done to our home (I work full time to help pay the bills aswelL).He is a cruel son on a bitch.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): I am married to same type of man, he is a religious hypocrite who told me he only married me because of our daughter and that he did not even love me on our wedding day.
When our daughter got even engaged he did not even tell me for 2 days, he won't let me have things done to our home (I work full time to help pay the bills aswelL).
He is a cruel son on a bitch.
...............................
A
female
reader, Cupid-oOx  +, writes (21 November 2007):
Hunny bun.
Ino your staying for the kids and everything but
you have a major problem.
you need to get out and take the kids with you no
girl should or deserves too be treated like a piece of dirt. And in your case thats obviously the problem.
Why did you even marry him in the first place if he isnt affectionate. You should have waited for the one.
And you probably made the mistake of falling for him and then it went downhill from there.
your kids may be better off with a new man in your life as he may make you happier wich will make you happier towards the kids and everything else going on in your life.
So get out and leave right now cause its the end of you to and i cant belive you have lasted 10 years.
Hope everything works out for you, and you find a new man.
Yours...
Cupid-oOx
33
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): Hi Hunny,
If as you say you have tryed counselling and he wont go and he shows no affection towards you in anyway and this has been going on for ten years why are you still there, You have brought up the children you have your own income but no loving partner, sounds like my first marriage.
I argued with myself for about 10yrs as to leave or to try for our children, But like you say my husband held the money strings and he didnt have much to do with the children and I just got very down and in the end left after talking with my eldest son who was only to happy to get out as he started to pack before Id finished speaking.
He never said I love you and treated me as if I where stupid so my confidence was quite low at the time as yours must be, He still doesnt make an effort to see the boys and they have really no time for him which is sad but I did try and tell him this would happen, We still talk if we have to and the strangest thing is he told one of our boys he still loved me only last week when my son was out, 13yrs to late. You have a right to be happy sweetheart everyone needs to love and to feel loved, I hope you work this out and you find your happiness very soon TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): It is clear your husband has many many issues and it has really ground you down. I think you have been really loyal to have hung on in there for 10 years. The question is really.... do you want to carry on trying to fix it / fix him or is it time to claim your life back. It is hard to believe but you really do have a right to affection, feel like a whole woman again etc. Do not make your children the reason to serve a life sentence of misery or at best a numb 'half life'. It is time to move from duty to courage and I think deep down you know what you really want to do. Harness that energy.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 November 2007):
 It all depends on if you're talking religion or legal. Legal you have grounds. I'm not going to give religious advise. Legally it's called "loss of consortion". That's the failure to give love and affection.
I think, other than the kids, you would have done just as well marrying a rock.
...............................
|
