A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:A married woman dates a man who is not her husband and for Christmas gives him a gift of a Playstation and two games while accepting an expensive watch in return. She never had sex with this man, but has embraced him and seen him behind her husbands back. On that same Christmas she gave her husband a few minor gifts worth less than 80 dollars. Is this cheating?The reason I ask this question is because it pertains to my situation. I found out that my wife did these things by reading her diary. This was last year, and we are now separated. Yet to this day she denies cheating on me. SO I am asking for objective opinions. Is it cheating when a wife exchanges expensive gifts and dates another man, even if they never had sex? Don’t ask about the diary…I will address that in another in another juicy question…
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female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (5 December 2007):
 Whether she did have sex with him or not...and personally, I think she did, but that would be me..she did this because she "cares" about him. Now whether she loves him or not is a different story. She may be in love with him and she may be in fantasy land because what ever was missing in your relationship..she found with him. It could have been lack of communication or lack of love...I don't know. But...to answer your question...she ONLY from what you stated has had "some" kind of emotional and/or physical affair with this guy...and yes, that is cheating. PERIOD!
I know what you went through just down right sucked...and totally hurt you in everyway a person can imagine. NO ONE should be done this way..and when people do do this, the hardest thing to do is try to make it work. Everything come's back to you and haunts you. I'm not saying a person could never forgive and let the past be by gone's...but you know, it takes a really, really strong person to do that. The fact is, many can't...because it haunts them all the time..wondering what if...or what is he or she doing right this minute...why is he or she late, etc... You truly have to NOT think like that ever...however, it is possible with help. We all can forgive, and that is what helps us move on faster in our lives...but, even with forgivness, you still should recognize why it happened if possible so it doesn't happen again in any future relationship.
I will write you back via email with some other questions that I would like to ask you...and I hope this has helped you in trying to seek "some" kind of answer...but, no one will ever know the truth know that but her.
Life will be better...keep the faith...he knows.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): Marriage is about intimacy.
This means, being intimate with other men is off limits.
She cheated, period.
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A
female
reader, jansis  +, writes (19 November 2007):
Yes i believe she was cheating. You dont keep anything from some one you love. But that's only my opinion.I hope you find the love you deserve in the not too distant future and my thoughts are with you. Deceit hurts but you can mend it. X take care my friend
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (18 November 2007):
 Yes, it is to be unfaithful and to cheat when seeing someone else behind your back like that, doesn’t matter if she later broke up and separated, you were still married while she did this. She did wrong to you by acting in this way. Since she will not give you any answers as it seems, it is good you have the diary, it can give you a closure. But after reading it, put it aside and move on. She has already stolen money and your financial credibility, don’t let her continue stealing your precious time as well. Easier said than done, but you didn’t do anything wrong and the sooner you stop thinking of her, the sooner you will find a woman that will treat you as you deserve.
Best wishes!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): YES!! It is cheating! And what makes you think she never slept with him, maybe you just didn't get a chance to read that diary entry.And if she hadn't then, she has by now, that ship has sailed, move on.
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (18 November 2007):
 You have yourself a cheat a thief and a liar. what makes you think she hadnt slept with him anyway? just because it waasnt written in her diary, doesnt mean it didnt happen. My ex ran up over £25000 debts in my name, I didnt know till I walked out and redirected my post. I lost my house and my kids. Im still fighting to get them back as they live with him on paper but with me in reality, looong story. anyway, he slept around though to this day he denies it, even though I had solid evidence, he ran up bills in my name, a lot was gifts for other women or restaurants ill and so on. so no, she is no good for you, she was cheating and she is a thief. walk away and learn from the situation. You have my sympathy and my ear whenever you need it.
ttfn xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): She was cheating and stealing from you. I think that you had every right to read her diary in that situation. Some may think that this is private, but when someone is acting as she did then she does not deserve that privacy. If she had wanted to date this other man and did not want you anymore then she should have had the courage to just leave you. She should have also been decent enough to not steel from you and leave you in a bad financial situation. Just be happy that you are rid of her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for you replies. They have been a help and well thought out. But I will add a few more facts into the question. The first fact is SHE broke up and separated with me first, and it was after that event I was compelled to read her diary to find answers she wasn't giving me. She had met this guy as early as July. They dated several times...they embraced and they kissed. She also stated she still loved me, but that he would be better for her than me.
And there's another huge fact. A little before she met this guy she had taken out a credit card in my name (forged my ID) and spent up to 8 thousand dollars on it. She bought his playstation with that card too. (One of the games she bought him I saw her use this very card) I found out about this card much later when I was getting harassing phone calls. This card contributed to my filing for bankruptcy.
S0 was she still cheating?
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (18 November 2007):
I would define that as cheating. Obviously, no matter how you define what she did, the fact is she did hurt your feelings and it played a role in the ending of your relationship...so she probably feels guilty more then liekly..and like many people, they can't admit when they are wrong.
What maybe you could argue to her is that, whether she defines it as cheating or not, it was inappropiate and it made you feel really bad. Also the fact that she was having secret dates goes to show that she knows what she did was wrong.
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A
female
reader, MonDoc +, writes (18 November 2007):
There is such thing as an emotional affair, which is sexless but the attraction and emotional side of it is present.
It's a tough one though, as it's a very thin line. It may be that they are really good friends, that have just clicked and, if he weren't a man, it would be exactly the same but you would see it entirely differently. By this I mean, imagine this friend was a woman & they just clicked & became best mates -- would you have a problem with what she did?
What it really comes down to is how you feel about it.
I think the real issue is that you feel that you were less important to her, and this is your tangible evidence -- a material display of affection that she has bestowed on this other person. So it doesn't matter that she liked him as a friend, or had feelings for him that you consider inappropriate, it's that you don't feel you, as her husband, were being treated as well. And, obviously, as is most of the time when a relationship doesn't work, these issues fester for so long that often you can't put your finger on it until there is something that stands out vividly as a great example of that. Generally, not feeling important to the other is the most basic problem in all break-ups (i.e. this is what it ultimately comes down to)- the acts that go with this (like your wife giving gifts to another) is a symptom that you can use to exemplify that problem.
Short answer to your question is yes & no, but it doesn't matter - it's only a visible, tangible symptom of a bigger problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): Is she still seeing him? was there 'intention'? I would want to know about the diary before answering further. That's invasion of privacy.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 November 2007):
 Perhaps we should use the word "cheating" only in its narrow sense of sexual intercourse with someone else, and to use "being unfaithful" in a more general sense, which would include the physical and the non-physical aspects. Some people might say your wife was cheating; some others will say she wasn't, but, no one will say she was not unfaithful. And this she shouldn't have been. Unfaithfulness is not right.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 November 2007):
 Sex or no sex, cheating can be physical or emotional. Dating and seeing a guy behind the back of her husband, would be considered cheating. She's pulling her emotions and desires from the one she's married to and sharing them with another who she is not.
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