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female
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anonymous
writes: My ex sent me a Christmas gift after I told him not to contact me. He has called about twenty times asking if I've gotten it and then texted me saying how he wants me to go see him on Christmas and try to make our relationship work. I hadn't answered, until just now because he had texted me that I was being extremely rude for not telling him if I got his package and that he spent time and money on it. So, I responded "yes, thanks" and he asked something about if the food was good. Anyway, how was I being rude when I asked him not to contact me? I know he was being manipulative, and that's one of the reasons I broke up with him. Was I totally dumb to respond to him? Now, if I try to get a restraining order if I ever need one it will look stupid that I texted him back. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007): Hi Sweetie,
I would definitely ignore him and eventually he will go away.
He is tryign to get a response from you, and you have already Thanked him for his (unwanted) gift and you are quite right to ignore him.
Delete any texts that come and don't answer if calls, he will give up eventually. You can always report him to the authorities if he persists.
Try not to let him spoil your Christmas, and also confide in your family and friends about it so they can support you.
xx
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (24 December 2007):
 But as a Christian you will need to forgive him for his poor behavior. Without doing so is where we hold hatred and grudges for others. It's not a good way to live. You don't have to text him or anything, but in your heart find forgiveness.
Your right there is no place in the bible that says you have to stay in an abusive situation. Being (a male) who was in an abusive situation (she had a violent mental disability) I saw the positive. It was a learning experience. Some of the situations that took place when we were together prompted me to go to college. I can't say if I would have if I didn't have that experience.
I have a real strong belief that all though some of the situations seem negative at the time, the overall plan for our lives greatly outweigh some of the negative situations.
No you don't have to take his abusive behavior. It seems as if he's trying to hold on to or initiate an element of control all though you are broken up. This is something that a stop needs to take place, even if it involves a protection order. One problem with those is many times their about as good as the paper they're drawn up on.
Take care and have a happy holiday season.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007): I was in this situ. What I did was completely cut all communication off. If he texted me, I didn't write back. I changed my number, I moved, I did whatever I could to avoid him, I told all my friends & family that he has been harassing me so that if he tried getting in contact with any of them (which he did) they didn't respond to him. He was also manipulative as hell. And abusive to boot. If you can't move & all the things I did, just don't answer his calls or his texts or emails. Block him from your Myspace (if you have one) and if he comes to your house you can get a restraining order. But I don't think you really can get one unless he threatens you or if he comes to see you against your will repeatedly. Just keep all communication he sends you, because if you try getting a restraining order you are going to have to proove your case to a judge. If you think he is a threat, call the cops if he comes to your house & don't answer your door.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh, and do I really need to explain myself to him anymore about why we are broken up? I have told him so many times it was because he was emotionally abusive and disrespectful to name a few.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice. I haven't contacted him since, but he contacted me last night a few times and this morning. He asked why I'm ignoring him and that all he is doing is showing me love and respect since I left him-yeah right! To show me respect would be to leave me alone after I asked him not to contact me! He also said "I thought you were a Christain." No where in the Bible does it say you have to stay with someone who is emotionally abusive or even remain on talking terms when you are broken up. He's not even a Christian and he's holding that over me! I know he is being manipulative, and I think I will have to change my number because he calls from an unknown number so I can't trace his calls back to him if I ever have to get a restraining order. The only time his number shows up is when he texts me. How annoying! I can't help but feel a little bad for him, though, but then again I would have probably stayed with him if he hadn't been so disrespectful and manipulative, so I guess I can't blame it on myself.
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A
female
reader, brooke5426  +, writes (23 December 2007):
 i felt sorry for the ex right up until you said he has a history of being manipulative towards you. i did think that it was a classic case of being heart broken and desperately wanting some sort of contact with the other person but if he's done this sort of thing before and theres something more sinister to it, you are right to ignore him. he has a point, he did spend time and money and it was right of you to send the "yes, thanks" text but thats all you need to do. dont contact him again or if you feel it would be better you could send him it back so he doesnt have any reason to contact you ie to ask if you liked the package or to hold it against you as something you owe him. i dont think you can get a restraining order unless he is actually threatening you or being aggressive but keep track of the times and dates he calls just incase and dont respond to anything otherwise you could be seen to be encouraging it. but dont worry about that one text you sent him, it wasnt chatty or giving him any impression you wanted to talk to him so you havent done any damage to your case.
brooke
x
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