A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a married woman and I have two kids. For the first several years of my relationship with my husband, our sex life was amazing. We always wanted eachother and we always experimented with different situations, positions and scenerios. I got pregnant early on in our relationship, but this never caused any problems. After having 2 children I lost all of the weight I had gained and our sex life was still great (so I'm not blaming having chilren for my current self esteem issues). Within the past year 2 years I have slowly began gaining weight again. I am about 30lbs overweight and VERY uncomfortable in my own skin. I plan on eating better and working out, but by the time I get off work, cook dinner, clean up, bathe the kids and put them to bed, I'm either too exhaused or there is no time left in the day. Due to my self esteem issues with my weight, I am embarrassed to be naked in front of my husband and my sex drive has decreased considerably. He is usually tired from work so he doesn't make much effort either. I never turn him down when he wants sex, but it's become more of a quick chore than exciting and pleasurable. He has asked me to try and be more seductive like I used to be, but I feel too awkward now. Is this all normal? I don't want to become another statistic. I want to have a happy healthy sex life. But until I lose the weight, I'm not sure how to get over this self esteem issue. Can anyone offer any advise? Thanks in advance!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007): Hi Hunny,
Your husband sees you everyday, He isnt worried about your look he is wanting you, Its not all about looking like a model hunny.
While you have got so much on your plate with work children and the house, You need and everyone does.. A time for you, so you can do the things that make you feel good about yourself, Is there a relative or friend who could take care of the children for a short period in the week so you can ..Forget the housework for a day... and make a plan to get this fitness time in for you..Not for your husband as he seems perfectly happy as if he wasnt he wouldnt be asking for the very thing you want...And if you can get someone to look after the kids for awhile then I would do it and grab your husband and give him a time he wont forget in a hurry as thats the best exsercise in the whole world, Your sex appeal will be all he needs, I do understand how you feel but that will come in time love..Grab him now and watch those pounds drop off seriously I drink build up shakes to keep my weight on..YOU TAKE CARE LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): Could you try working out in the morning before work?? That will give you alot of energy during the day and it is the best time to workout. You don't have to make it a long workout just as long as it is a good workout.
Can your husband help out too with the cooking and cleaning and with the kids during the week so that you can have some time to workout in the evenings??
I mean you are working full time AND you have to do ALL the house chores?? I mean tell your hubby to give you hand! He can cook and clean a few nights a week so that you can work out.
Another thing, start taking your own lo-cal, low fat lunches to work. Cause eating out can be very fattening.
Another thing is that you can spread your workout throughout the day and don't have to do it all at once. Like you can do situps early in the morning when you wake up. And then do leg exercises at night. Go for a 20 minute jog a few times a week while your husband cooks dinner. And try to get in good full body workouts on the weekend.
And when you think of food, limit yourself to certain types of foods until you achieve your fitness goal. Like say you are ONLY going to eat fruits, vegetables, fat free dairy, lean protein and whole grains. So for the next month (or however long it takes you) ONLY eat foods that fall into those categories. So you can eat salads, fat free yogurt, brown rice, fish, lean chicken, whatever as long as it falls into those categories.
And lastly, what I see is very important here is that you have got to tell your husband about your goals and ask him to cooperate with you and help out so that you can make the time to workout.
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A
male
reader, leonard j, Douglas  +, writes (22 December 2007):
Sex isn't, or shouldn't be, about one's physical appearance,but about loving each other no matter what. As a man, I could careless if my wife looked as big as a barn,as long as we both stayed in love each other, but that takes work on the part of husbands and Wives,and many think that the grass is greener on the other side of the marital fence, until they get there.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 December 2007):
 you're focusing too much on the physical side of sex, not the emotional. The emotional side of sex really has no weight boundaries. Loosing 30 pounds is the way to make you feel better about yourself, it's a goal, but it doesn't mean you're any less of a person having that extra bit of weight. You say there is not enough time in the day to exercise. Sure there is... it's been proven time and time again that good sex burns off more calories than most standard exercises, and is a great method of improving cardiovascular functions.
It sounds like he loves you for who you are and wants you even with the additional weight. Have lots of sex with your husband, then you'll accomplish what he's looking for and get a bit of the exercise you're looking for. Take care.
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