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... Send *irtball a private message | | | *irtball's profile:Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.
Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.
ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!
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Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.
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I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)
DIRTBALL'S RULES ABOUT PEOPLE AND DATING (in no particular order)
Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.
Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.
Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.
People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.
Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?
People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.
You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.
When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.
When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.
Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.
I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.
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This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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Dirtball Rants:
1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.
2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.
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Abreviations.
I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.
OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.
BF - Boyfriend
GF - Girlfriend
SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.
BTW - By the way
FWIW - For what it's worth
TBH - To be honest
IDC - I Don't Care
IDK - I Don't Know
IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
IMO - In My Opinion
IOW - In Other Words
THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples) |
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The novice!
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Married and infatuated...
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We had never gone more than 3 days without talking to each other but suddenly he completely cut me off! Why did he do this?
Q. My husband of 17 year's, now separated 2yrs. still keeps in close contact with me, just stopped every thing all the sudden. It's been over 3 months now since I have seen or talk to him. And It's killing me. He's girlfriend did move in with him abou...
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Still, what you may have just done is sealed the divorce. Whatever your reasons for sepa... (read in full...)
We had never gone more than 3 days without talking to each other but suddenly he completely cut me off! Why did he do this?
Q. My husband of 17 year's, now separated 2yrs. still keeps in close contact with me, just stopped every thing all the sudden. It's been over 3 months now since I have seen or talk to him. And It's killing me. He's girlfriend did move in with him abou...
A. 23 September 2010: To be honest, I'm not a big fan of what you did. Then again, I'm not a big fan of what he did either. Here's why.
The way I see it, if you two were in such regular contact, why did you ever get divorced in the first place. A divorce should b... (read in full...)
How can I get my friend to see that she is wasting her time on a horrible guy and he is only going to end up hurting her?
Q. Ok, my best friend has been in love with this guy for 7 years but theyve never had a relationship. This is because he would rather use her for a one night stand than have a relationship with her. She knows this but every time he clicks his fingers ...
A. 21 September 2010: One thing you can do is tell her that if she sees your ex you don't want to know about it. That way you can keep yourself from being hurt further.... (read in full...)
How can I get my friend to see that she is wasting her time on a horrible guy and he is only going to end up hurting her?
Q. Ok, my best friend has been in love with this guy for 7 years but theyve never had a relationship. This is because he would rather use her for a one night stand than have a relationship with her. She knows this but every time he clicks his fingers ...
A. 21 September 2010: There is nothing you can do. Sometimes we have to let our friends make their own mistakes. You've told her how you feel. She's seen the evidence and been hurt, but she is making the decision to go back despite the fact that she knows in her heart ... (read in full...)
Mistake and more mistakes....
Q. Hi, I really dont know what is wrong with me..... I cause silly mistakes with my relationship. Just been through a tough time but i really built up the relationship again but i do foolish things to hurt my partner which i did not meant to...
A. 21 September 2010: Holy update Batman!!! LOL.
Ok, her inviting you back to bed is a great start. Don't think you're out of the woods quite yet though. You've got a lot to do to prove to her that your words were more then just meaningless promises. You have to ... (read in full...)
Mistake and more mistakes....
Q. Hi, I really dont know what is wrong with me..... I cause silly mistakes with my relationship. Just been through a tough time but i really built up the relationship again but i do foolish things to hurt my partner which i did not meant to...
A. 21 September 2010: Best of luck, I hope it works out for you.... (read in full...)
The novice!
Q. This question may seem rather strange, but here goes: I'm 31, had no serious girlfriends, one just wanted me for sex, and the other lived at the other end of the country! I've never had sex, or even kissed (peck on the cheek) anyone! When I ...
A. 20 September 2010: Ok, the good and bad news is that she'll probably be able to tell the first time you snog. The key to being a good kisser is to react to what your partner does. People like to kiss in different ways, and you'll be able to tell pretty quickly what ... (read in full...)
Spicing things up for some birthday sex!!!
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been with the same man for 20 years, and I am still horny for this man. I am 44 years old, and he is 52. I want to spice up the relationship because our sex life has gone down. I know that our age difference may play a big roll...
A. 20 September 2010: Foreplay and more foreplay. That's usually quite good for stoking the fires. Does he have any fantasies? Are there any that you could act out? How adventerous have you been in the past? You have tons of options.
Go out for dinner at a nice r... (read in full...)
When I asked her out she said no... but all my friends are saying she really likes me!!!!
Q. Ok, I really like this girl. Everyone has told me that she likes me, but when I ask her out she says no. She says that she doesn't like me "any more" but one of her friends tell me that is a bunch of bull. What can I do and how can I win her back???...
A. 20 September 2010: I say be original. When you ask her out, do something kind of outlandish. Maybe show up at her house and talk to her dad, real old fashioned like. "Hello Sir. I'm interested in going on a date with your daughter and was hoping you would give ... (read in full...)
Sex with another guy...
Q. My girlfriend and I recently broke up, and it's killing me. I just want to know how do people usually deal with the fact that she won't be sleeping with me anymore and will probably have sex with another guy in the future? any techniques or just ...
A. 20 September 2010: Ok, first things first, you need to change your focus. Grieve for the dead relationship. Get a handle on your own emotions. Take the steps you need to get past it. Once you've done that, the other stuff won't matter to you. Sure, it sucks ... (read in full...)
I have small breasts--should I get surgery?
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A. 20 September 2010: "But sexually speaking, if you look, I don't know, at Maxim, Playboy or (I notice you're from the UK) Zoo, Nuts, you will notice a trend."
By the tone of the rest of your post, I'm going to assume this was you OP. I just want to say somethin... (read in full...)
We used a condom, then took it off, 10 minutes later had sex. Could I get pregnant?
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There is always a chance for pregnancy with sex, protected or not. Nothing is 100% other then abstinance. Combining condoms with the pill or some other method is usually your bes... (read in full...)
I have small breasts--should I get surgery?
Q. I have small breasts, and I feel very insecure. Should I get surgery? Men have teased me about it, even an ex said big breasts were better. Even hear on DC I've read guys post that guys do tend to prefer big breasts (even though they don't hate ...
A. 20 September 2010: I always recommend against surgery. I prefer natural and small to big and fake any day of the week! I actually like smaller breasts. Big breasts are ok too, but smaller ones tend to stay perky much longer. They are still fun to play with and ... (read in full...)
Wife's story doesn't make sense
Q. should i belive my wife when she tells me she only had sex with one other partner than me, but let 4 other guys put there penis up to her vagina and just rubb the outside, i am having concerns she is running around now ...
A. 20 September 2010: Were these people in her past? What she is describing is one way that a lot of people justify that they didn't have sex. They were playing the game I like to call, "just the tip."
Why do you have concerns she is running around? How does thi... (read in full...)
When wearing revealing clothes, do women want men to look?
Q. When women wear revealing clothes - like skin tight exercise stuff, or a busty plunging neck line, as two examples - do they want men to notice? Does it make women happy to catch you staring, if you do so discretely? I am a bit confused about ...
A. 20 September 2010: I think what you're looking for is called a compliment. Something simple like; "I just wanted to say that you look really good in that outfit." Then walk away. Just make sure you say that to her face, not her cleavage. ;-) She never has to catch ... (read in full...)
Mistake and more mistakes....
Q. Hi, I really dont know what is wrong with me..... I cause silly mistakes with my relationship. Just been through a tough time but i really built up the relationship again but i do foolish things to hurt my partner which i did not meant to...
A. 20 September 2010: You've done what you can for now. Change your focus. Dwelling on that which is out of your control will only make things worse for you.
You've apologized enough. Now it's time to show her that you meant it. Focus on changing your behavior... (read in full...)
What's a G-Spot and does every woman have one?
Q. Ummm what's a Gspot, and does ery woman have one?? How do I find mine????...
A. 20 September 2010: The g-spot is a place in your vagina that gives intense sexual stimulation. Many women have them, but not every woman is stimulated the same by it. If you are laying on your back, it is in the upper wall of your vagina an inch or two inside ... (read in full...)
How to get my girl to put her nipples out on display?
Q. I love it whe women dress so you can see their nipples. Thin tight material, etc. It seems that women love to show their cleavage. It's on display constantly. Why won't more women they their nipples be visible or just prominent under tight clothes ? ...
A. 20 September 2010: You can't, and you shouldn't force her to. Just because you find nipples super sexy, that doesn't mean that everyone does. A lot of why you don't see nipples through clothing has to do with bras and such. Women also tend to be very self conscious ... (read in full...)
How can I convince my wife that an occasional non emotional sex night is not cheating or a threat to her?
Q. I am happily married. I love my wife very much, and would never contemplate having an affair. No interest. However, I really miss seeing and touching other womens naked bodies. The newness the excitement. It's just more exciting than the same old ...
A. 20 September 2010: It is cheating. I don't care if it happened historically or not. Back in those days women were property, to be used by the owner as they saw fit.
One major reason why it's wrong. You're opening yourself up for a slew of STD's. Also, while yo... (read in full...)
We had never gone more than 3 days without talking to each other but suddenly he completely cut me off! Why did he do this?
Q. My husband of 17 year's, now separated 2yrs. still keeps in close contact with me, just stopped every thing all the sudden. It's been over 3 months now since I have seen or talk to him. And It's killing me. He's girlfriend did move in with him abou...
A. 20 September 2010: My guess would be that the GF found out and didn't like it. She forced him to cut off communication. That's my guess.
The only other thing I can think of is that something happened to him. Have you seen him post anything on Facebook in a while?... (read in full...)
Mistake and more mistakes....
Q. Hi, I really dont know what is wrong with me..... I cause silly mistakes with my relationship. Just been through a tough time but i really built up the relationship again but i do foolish things to hurt my partner which i did not meant to...
A. 20 September 2010: Ok, I think you're dealing with a combination of your insensitivity and her irrational pregnancy hormones. I think that the stuff you were doing is quite minor. I've got lots of friends who I'll text/email/facebook. It doesn't mean I want to bed ... (read in full...)
Fighting all the time, having sex with strangers, no money and 2 kids.......What should I do about this messy situaiton?
Q. I have been with a guy for the past 5 years and I have known him 7. The thing is we are fighting all the time. A few years ago we decided because I love sex a lot he allowed me to go off with other males and that is exactly what I did. There were ...
A. 20 September 2010: Really, you two aren't meant to be together. This whole relationship is out of hand in my opinion. Maybe I'm a prude, but I could never have such an agreement, let alone act on it. I have a really high sex drive too, but I'm not going to be going ... (read in full...)
When wearing revealing clothes, do women want men to look?
Q. When women wear revealing clothes - like skin tight exercise stuff, or a busty plunging neck line, as two examples - do they want men to notice? Does it make women happy to catch you staring, if you do so discretely? I am a bit confused about ...
A. 20 September 2010: It's all part of their evil little game! They will show their goods off, but if you get caught looking you're nailed with a sexual harassment suit!!! Don't look brother, don't look!!!
Honestly, I've wondered this too. I think it's a little o... (read in full...)
I lied to my online love about my age
Q. I am in love with a guy who is 26 and i am 15 years old.... i met him online...he dont know my real age and now i love him alot i want to tell him everything..but i am scared that he will leave me...my intentions was not bad...i was depressed bcause ...
A. 20 September 2010: He's going through the range of emotions right now. He needs time to figure out what he wants. Be prepared for him to not want to be with you though. Him being 19 and you 15 is, like I said before, illegal in many places. I don't know the laws ... (read in full...)
Why is a woman hitting on my mom (who has been married 14 years)???
Q. My mom was married to my dad for 14 years. Just less then 2 months ago there is a woman who is eyeing mom and is trying to make contact with my mom. And the other day when mom was at the beach she noticed mom and was looking at mom for long per...
A. 18 September 2010: Seriously. Either you're a troll, or you have a very unhealthy fascination with thinking about your mother having sex and people wanting to have sex with her. I'm beginning to think that you may have some issues with wanting to have your mother ... (read in full...)
Why is a woman hitting on my mom (who has been married 14 years)???
Q. My mom was married to my dad for 14 years. Just less then 2 months ago there is a woman who is eyeing mom and is trying to make contact with my mom. And the other day when mom was at the beach she noticed mom and was looking at mom for long per...
A. 18 September 2010: A couple of things. Your story doesn't make any sense. Are you now saying that this woman and your mom actually had an affair? Or is this your fantasy that's blown out of proportion, just like your take on my advice. If I had to guess, it's the ... (read in full...)
Ex girlfriend being good friend
Q. I recently broke up with my girlfriend of one year. We decided that due our age difference, with her being older, there wasn't a possible future in this relationship and that we would remain very good friends. We used to talk about everything and ...
A. 17 September 2010: It's hard being friends with an ex. I would suggest that you talk openly like you did when you were together. The only real "taboo" topic is your feelings for eachother.
Something to be very wary of. Any potential new GF will not like the fact... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my almost step-brother.
Q. I have lived with my Mum's boyfriends family for about one year and a half now. Before that they were going out for ages and before that we knew his family just as friends. He has 3 sons and I have twin little brother and sisters. His sons are 17 16 ...
A. 17 September 2010: You have to talk to him. Facebook won't tell you who he is, it's just a glimpse. Think of something fun that you can do without your siblings and do it. Start with something simple and then ask questions to keep the conversation flowing.
... (read in full...)
My girlfriends super jealous of my best friend who is a girl!
Q. ive been with my girlfriend for 7 months, and everything for the most part has been great (we have our wedding colors picked out lol) but i just started my senior year of college 3 weeks ago and a problem has surfaced. last year, i realized that all...
A. 17 September 2010: I really agree with maverick494 here:
"Look, the truth is that the bff thing with someone from the other sex doesn't work in 99% of the cases unless you're gay. One of the two usually has feelings for the other that go beyond friendship, relation... (read in full...)
Can you be in love even though you have not met?
Q. hi am 18 years old and i met a man for several months we do chatting and we fell in-love with each other I do not know but i am in-love or not? i break up with my bf and told my suitors i have found him, i did not meet him yet in person i feel ...
A. 17 September 2010: Personally, I don't believe you can truely love someone who you've never met in person. It's like that song by Cher; "If you want to know, if he loves you so, it's in his kiss."
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think that online romances often ge... (read in full...)
Gym teacher and "gazes"
Q. So it's about my gym trainer. We don't talk or anything,not really and some may go ''well why are u asking this question '' but....he gives me gazes. I consider myself a pretty girl and the odd thing is he doesn't talk to me at all ( he talks to ...
A. 17 September 2010: He may like you, but he's keeping it professional. Do you want him to like you? It sounds like that to me. If you do, then ask him out. There's no harm in it. ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when women press their boobs into you?
Q. What does it mean when girls push their breasts against you, or brush their breasts against you, when in conversation or whatever? Over the years I have met many women who do this. It is not the majority, but certainly not a small minority e...
A. 17 September 2010: I don't think it means anything. Especially when it's incidental. I've been told that sometimes women will do this to flirt, but most of the time that isn't the case. When it's flirty, there will be plenty of other signs.
I've noticed this too... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 17 September 2010: All very understandable. You've got a good head on your shoulders. I'm sure you'll do the right thing.... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't shower or brush his teeth as often as he should, what should I do?
Q. I love my husband very much but lately, there are some things I just can oversee. I mean is there a nice way to tell the man you love that he always has very bad breath... he could forget to brush his teeth for a couple of days, and showers ...
A. 17 September 2010: Maybe you can use what your daughter said to help motivate him. He has given up and gotten really lazy. There is no excuse for that. He needs to set a good example for your children. If you're getting a backlash from your daughter, he needs to ... (read in full...)
I lied to my online love about my age
Q. I am in love with a guy who is 26 and i am 15 years old.... i met him online...he dont know my real age and now i love him alot i want to tell him everything..but i am scared that he will leave me...my intentions was not bad...i was depressed bcause ...
A. 17 September 2010: Good job! I know it was very difficult for you to do. Even if you never hear from him again, know that you did the right thing.
It will likely take him some time to digest what you've sent to him. Let him contact you. If you don't hear fro... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 17 September 2010: I'd say that's probably for the best. How'd it make you feel?... (read in full...)
"Good dance moves" and good night kisses, does my cousin like me?
Q. i'm not sure if my cousin fancies me or not. we were at a family party recently, and i asked him to dance with me. while we were dancing he said " do you have a man in your life ? " and i said " no " , then he said " no ?! " and sounded surprised ...
A. 17 September 2010: It is hard to say about the body language having not been there. I would send a private message like I detailed below. Test the waters before you go professing any attractions. Be wary of what it could do to your family as well.... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't shower or brush his teeth as often as he should, what should I do?
Q. I love my husband very much but lately, there are some things I just can oversee. I mean is there a nice way to tell the man you love that he always has very bad breath... he could forget to brush his teeth for a couple of days, and showers ...
A. 16 September 2010: Just another person who thinks that the direct approach is the best. You need to tell him that his lack of hygene is ruining your relationship. He needs to make sure he's taking care of himself for you, your son, and for himself. What you ... (read in full...)
"Good dance moves" and good night kisses, does my cousin like me?
Q. i'm not sure if my cousin fancies me or not. we were at a family party recently, and i asked him to dance with me. while we were dancing he said " do you have a man in your life ? " and i said " no " , then he said " no ?! " and sounded surprised ...
A. 16 September 2010: First cousins is often pretty taboo. I think it is well within the realm of possibility that he found you attractive. I think his shocked reaction to your answer about being in a relationship is evidence of that.
Honestly, if you don't know eac... (read in full...)
I'm always told that I look like a guy?
Q. hey. i could do with some advice on how to either boost my confidence or how to ignore everyones snide comments. i regularly get comments about how i look like a guy. i don't think i do, i'm a size 12, with definate breasts and i have a fairly sl...
A. 16 September 2010: One of the biggest lessons in life is to not care what other people think. It's very hard to do, but if you can, it will give you a confidence that is hard to deny.
You're still young. I think that as you get older, the "looking like a boy" wil... (read in full...)
"Good dance moves" and good night kisses, does my cousin like me?
Q. i'm not sure if my cousin fancies me or not. we were at a family party recently, and i asked him to dance with me. while we were dancing he said " do you have a man in your life ? " and i said " no " , then he said " no ?! " and sounded surprised ...
A. 16 September 2010: Maybe. How close of cousins are you? Often family won't be viewing you in a sexual way, but I've been on this site long enough to know that it works the way you're thinking pretty often too.
Do you want him to like you? Who knows, he may have... (read in full...)
My husband promised not to watch porn, but ...
Q. Hi Everyone.Im glad i found this site.Im really depressed and angry that my husband watches porn every chance he gets behind my back.we have been maried for 6 years.we used to atch porn together but suddenly he told me he does not feel comfortable ...
A. 16 September 2010: First we have to figure out what it is about the porn that bothers you. From where I sit, it looks more like the lies then the porn. On one hand that's easier, on the other, it's a bit more serious (from my perspective).
Just how ok are you with... (read in full...)
Many of my girlfriend's friends were or are sex workers, should I be concerned?
Q. I'm generally a solitary person, my girlfriend isn't. I've got no problems with that, and neither does she... but what does concern me is that a big percentage of her friends are or were sex workers. Is this a red flag even if she isn't one herself? ...
A. 16 September 2010: By sex workers what do you mean? Strippers, porn actors/actresses, or prostitutes?
It isn't necessarily a red flag, but it is something that could be an indicator of past associations. I'd venture she probably worked with these people in the p... (read in full...)
I lied to my online love about my age
Q. I am in love with a guy who is 26 and i am 15 years old.... i met him online...he dont know my real age and now i love him alot i want to tell him everything..but i am scared that he will leave me...my intentions was not bad...i was depressed bcause ...
A. 16 September 2010: Age is less important than honesty. His love is built around the lies you've told him. He doesn't love the real you, he loves the person you've led him to believe you are.
You are still very young. In most countries it is illegal for someone ... (read in full...)
Why is a woman hitting on my mom (who has been married 14 years)???
Q. My mom was married to my dad for 14 years. Just less then 2 months ago there is a woman who is eyeing mom and is trying to make contact with my mom. And the other day when mom was at the beach she noticed mom and was looking at mom for long per...
A. 15 September 2010: I'm saying she found your mom attractive, that's why she was checking her out. Then again, she may be a nurse and noticed a mole on your mom's back that she was trying to figure out if she should say something about.
You don't know her intentio... (read in full...)
Why is a woman hitting on my mom (who has been married 14 years)???
Q. My mom was married to my dad for 14 years. Just less then 2 months ago there is a woman who is eyeing mom and is trying to make contact with my mom. And the other day when mom was at the beach she noticed mom and was looking at mom for long per...
A. 15 September 2010: Hey hey hey, back up the truck. Being gay doesn't lower someone. If I misinterpreted what you wrote, I'm sorry, but that's how it sounded to me.
Now, on to your question. She probably found your mom attractive. Just because someone finds yo... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 15 September 2010: Interesting. I was picturing something like what you described, but I wanted to make sure. I think your decision is the right one. Take your time. Analyze your body language, and see if he's initiating or reciprocating these signals.
Still... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 15 September 2010: Yeah, it's a great feeling at first. When it turns into unrequited love, it can actually start to stuck pretty bad. Especially if it lasts for years. :(
You keep meeting him once a fortnight... Do you arrange these meetings or are they ran... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 14 September 2010: And why not?!? I'm single, and frankly, I don't care if they are. I'm not talking about locking gazes here, just a friendly smile. What you're talking about is different. When you lock eyes, and give a big smile, that's a different story. It is ... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 14 September 2010: Guys smile at pretty girls. It's just something we do. Sometimes, if I see someone who looks down, I'll shoot them a smile in hopes that the little gesture will brighten their day. It's also something that is hard not to do back if someone smiles ... (read in full...)
Married and infatuated...
Q. I wish I could say I was not infatuated. But I am really crazy and having a tough time controlling myself. I am, beautiful, educated and in my twenties, married, without kids leading a very monotonous life. I am happily married, so to say, but I...
A. 14 September 2010: You find him attractive and are creating things in your head. Sure, the flirty smiles are real, but how much do you actually talk to this guy? You're sexually frustrated, and that's coming out in this behavior.
I would suggest sitting your hus... (read in full...)
I lied to my online love about my age
Q. I am in love with a guy who is 26 and i am 15 years old.... i met him online...he dont know my real age and now i love him alot i want to tell him everything..but i am scared that he will leave me...my intentions was not bad...i was depressed bcause ...
A. 14 September 2010: Tell him the truth. Lies can never be the foundation to a healthy relationship. The fact that you feel like you love him is all the more reason why you should be honest with him.... (read in full...)
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